Georgiana shuddered. “I never want to sketch or paint anything again.”
“You cannot mean that,” said Clarissa. “You cannot give up painting just because of a silly picnic.”
“I suppose not,” said Georgiana. She had taken that sketch out more than once and looked at it carefully. It was really quite ironic that no one had ever thought to claim it after all.
“Move up,” said Clarissa. She sat next to her on the bench. The two of them observed the unfamiliar brazen sunset, each preoccupied with her own thoughts.
“I—I have heard bad news,” said Clarissa.
Georgiana sat up in alarm. “What news? Is it about anyone I know?”
“You need not be alarmed. It is bad news for me. Just today I received a letter from my mother—”
“Everyone is well, I hope?” interrupted Georgian, filled with dread.
“Yes, yes. It is nothing to do with my family. It is news of Mr Parker.”
“Mr Parker?”
Clarissa smiled bitterly. “Yes, the man who was to follow me here and to marry me. Mama writes that Mr Parker has announced his engagement to a young lady from Peabody, the daughter of a very rich sea merchant there. They are to be married in October.”
Georgiana put her arm around her cousin’s shoulder. “Oh, Clarissa! What terrible news! And all this time you have been waiting for him.”
Clarissa drew away and stood up. “I suppose I felt deep inside me that he would not come, for I am not at all surprised. But I did wait and hope, and now it is all over.”
Her voice was quiet. She stood very still, the sunset painting her face a garish orange.
Georgiana too stood still. She knew what it all meant. Pride, dreams, affections—all cut down, all betrayed, all at an end.
“I am sorry,” she whispered, and she did not know if she was talking to herself or to her cousin.
***
“I have placed myself in an awkward situation,” said Darcy at breakfast the next day, holding up a letter that had just arrived. “I have committed us to go to Ansdell Manor, the home of the Gatleys in Hunsford.”
Georgiana’s throat constricted as she heard the name, and the toast she had brought to her mouth toppled back onto her plate. She tried to cover her reaction with a cough, hoping no one would notice.
“Something wrong, Georgie?” said Darcy. “It looks like the toast went the wrong way.”
“Nothing at all. I simply swallowed too quickly.”
“Drink some tea. It will wash it down,” said Elizabeth.
“I am perfectly well,” said Georgiana, vexed by receiving so much attention when she had tried not to draw attention.
“In that case, I can explain my problem,” said Darcy. “Since Mr Collins came to visit, I have felt troubled about my aunt’s situation, even though I cannot credit Mr Collins with common sense when it comes to his patroness. Still, if he says my aunt is suffering, there must be some modicum of truth in it, however apt to exaggeration he may be. Since we are on the verge of going north to Pemberley, and will be there for several months, I thought it better to take the opportunity of going to see Lady Catherine before we travel.
“I cannot stay at my aunt’s house—for obvious reasons—so I wrote to Gatley to see if I could put up in his house—Ansdell Hall—for a few days. It seemed to me the best solution. Imagine my consternation when I received a letter this morning from Mrs Gatley.”
He held up the letter.
“She says that her son is not at Ansdell—he has gone to take care of some property in the north and then has some business in London afterwards—but that, if we can spare the time before going back to Pemberley, she would love to have company herself. I could avail myself of the plentiful hunting opportunities in the area, and I would not be alone, since Channing has just arranged a hunting party. We are consequently all invited to Kent to stay for as long as we would like to.”
A bitter conflict immediately seized Georgiana’s mind.
She wanted to go badly. The idea of being in his house—of being in the very same edifice where he lived—both repelled her and thrilled her. To haunt his garden, to breathe the very air of the rooms he inhabited, to know even where his bedchamber was situated—the very suggestion filled her with longing.
But what would be the point? It could bring nothing but torment to her. What purpose could be served by going there, whether he was present or not? She wanted to run in the opposite direction, to go as far from there as could possibly be.
No. She should not go, no matter how much she would like to. She had to stand firm. She needed to put this whole episode behind her and to recover her equilibrium again. She had recovered from her interest in Mr Channing. Clarissa was slowly recovering from her interest in Mr Parker. There was every indication that she too would recover from her strange obsession with Mr Gatley as well. But this would not happen if she went to his house, where everything around her would evoke him. She needed to forget, not to remember.
“It is very kind of Mrs Gatley to invite us,” said Georgiana. “But surely we do not all have to go there. Lady Catherine would most likely see only you, Fitzwilliam, if she agreed to see anyone at all. She would certainly not wish to see me. Have you forgotten that, according to her, I am one of the perpetrators? I would by far prefer to set out for Pemberley.”
Pemberley was her refuge. It was her source of comfort. The quiet of Pemberley, with its familiar hallways, the pictures of her ancestors, her childhood memories—it was the haven she had always returned to. When her father had died, after that incident with Wickham, even after Wickham’s death, its green parks, its rolling hills, its serene lake—these had enabled her to find the peace and acceptance she needed. She was sure it would do the same now.
Darcy and Elizabeth exchanged glances. Something unspoken passed between them. Georgiana watched and waited.
“We shall all go to Pemberley soon enough,” said Darcy finally. “I suppose you are worried that there is nothing for you but boredom at Hunsford, after the excitement of London. Have no fear. We will ask Clarissa to come with us, as well, instead of travelling north with Robert and Caroline next week. With Clarissa in Hunsford and Mr Channing and the Moffets and a number of young gentlemen who are there for the hunting party, I am sure we can contrive to amuse you for one or two weeks.”
“And Mrs Gatley is a very pleasant lady,” added Elizabeth. “I was under the impression you liked her.”
“Of course I do,” said Georgiana.
She could not argue against it, for she had no real excuse not to go. She knew her brother would enjoy tramping through the countryside in search of game. She would have to argue against herself as well.
It was all too much effort. She resigned herself.
But she had never gone anywhere so unwillingly.
***
Georgiana did not know why, but as soon as she set eyes on Mrs Gatley’s kindly face, a strong sensation of emptiness came over her. She felt as though life no longer meant anything at all. It was all grimness and doom.
As if she could sense her reaction, Mrs Gatley slipped her arm into Georgiana’s and walked with her into the drawing room.
“You look tired, child. Has the Season been too much for you?”
It had, but not in the way Mrs Gatley meant.
“In some ways,” replied Georgiana with a wan smile.
“I remember so well the Season I came out. Your mother Lady Anne was my good friend, as you know, and we were so excited, we could hardly wait. But after a while you discover that beyond the dances and the beaux and the dreams we weave, the first Season is about survival. Next year, when you return, you will have fewer expectations, and you will know better what you are looking for. Then you may find what is right for you.”
But what if you find what you think is right, and it turns out to be wrong?
She looked into Mrs Gatley’s benevolent face and wondered if she could ask such a question.
As if she had in fact asked it, Mrs Gatley took her hand between two of her own.
“You young people are always impatient. Do not ask yourself too many questions just now. You will know what is right for you when the time is ripe. Things need time. You must let them develop at their own pace.”
Georgiana shook her head. “I wish I could believe that. At the moment I do not believe that I will ever find the answers.”
“If you ask too many questions, you will find no answers, only more questions. But time has a way of resolving things.” Mrs Gatley’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “I suppose you think I am speaking in riddles, and you are quite right. It is a habit one develops, as one grows older. I must not keep you however. I am sure you will want to go to your room and change.”
Georgiana had the feeling that Mrs Gatley was telling her something very important. But, no matter how much she pondered, the meaning of those words remained just out of her reach.
She would have to wait and see.
Chapter 28
Mrs Gatley was out doing her rounds of the estate, distributing food and essentials to some of her less fortunate tenants, accompanied by Clarissa. Georgiana, who was under the weather, begged Mrs Gatley’s indulgence and said she would join her next time.
It was pleasant to be able to sit in the parlour with no one but Elizabeth as a companion. Though as an hour went by, Georgiana began to feel less satisfied. She did not quite know what to do with herself. She tried to play the piano, but the pieces she played were so melancholic that she was in danger of falling into the doldrums. It was impossible to read, and she had no patience for sewing. And Elizabeth was not much of a companion, for she was busy rereading Sense and Sensibility and said nothing to her at all.
Georgiana was just beginning to grow very restless, and to wish that she had gone with Mrs Gatley, when their quiet was interrupted. The door opened and Channing, who had been playing billiards with Darcy, hovered in the doorway.
“May I beg your indulgence, Mrs Darcy, and ask to be allowed to speak to Miss Darcy in private?” said Channing, smiling at Elizabeth charmingly. “I have already spoken to Darcy.”
The two ladies exchanged glances. Georgiana gave a small shake of her head. Elizabeth bit her upper lip uncertainly, then rose.
“Certainly, Mr Channing.”
Georgiana tried to signal to her to stay, but Elizabeth ignored her. She quit the room, and the door shut behind her.
Georgiana, angry at being placed in such a situation, sat still in her chair, trying her best to put on the appearance of polite interest.
“Miss Darcy,” said Channing, flashing her a boyish grin, “you have known me for some time now, and you can guess what I have to say to you.”
“Pray, Mr Channing, you need say nothing further,” she cut in.
He looked astonished.
“I do not understand, Miss Darcy. You have given me no opportunity to say anything at all.”
“I can guess your intent, Mr Channing. I wish only to spare you the effort.” She was surprised at herself. She did not know that she could be so firm. Even a few months ago, she would have held back and made herself listen to every word he had to say.
She recalled the day Channing had called her dull and insipid. How long ago it seemed! She tried to recapture her feelings on that occasion but nothing surfaced. If she had cared at that time for his opinion, she certainly did not now.
Yet, oddly enough, she felt grateful to him. In a way, he had spurred her to change, and she was glad of that. Perhaps she owed it to him to at least listen. One could call it a favour returned.
“But, Miss Darcy, you cannot be serious. I have come with all the best of intentions. I have called upon you to make you my wife.” He came up to her and kneeled. “Nothing—nothing at all—would give me as much pleasure as hearing you say yes. I have come to respect and admire you as I have never respected and admired any woman before. From the start, you captivated me with your beauty. But now, as I have come to understand you better, I feel I would wish no one else to be the partner of my life.”
He gazed soulfully into her eyes. She knew that soulful look. Clarissa had made her practise it in the mirror. She marvelled that she had at one time thought him attractive. There was too much self-assurance on his face, too much certainty of being admired. His vanity rendered his handsome features unappealing.
“I am honoured by your sentiment, if I could but believe it, but I am afraid I will have to say no.”
His expression changed so quickly she almost laughed. “What do you mean, if you could just believe it?” he said, rising awkwardly from the kneeling position and dusting off his buff trousers. “Do you doubt my sincerity?”
“I do,” she said. “I have watched you for several months fluttering like a moth, flying from one young lady to another. Really, Mr Channing, you cannot expect me to believe that you have suddenly settled on me.”
“Whyever not?” said Channing ardently. “Is it the first time a young gentleman discovers the high value of one specific lady after admiring a number of others?”
“No. But you do not admire me, and you are not attached to me at all. I am afraid you cannot say anything that will convince me otherwise, Mr Channing, so you may as well give up.”
“You mean it? You will not relent?” he said, still in that ardent tone.
“I will not relent.”
“Very well,” he said in a normal tone, without a trace of ardour. A sullen expression crossed his face. Then he grinned at her. “You are probably right. We would not suit. Our characters are too different.” He sighed. “Mama wished me to propose to you. She did not want the opportunity to slip through my hands. You know how these things are.”
She really ought to be angry at him, but his smile was so boyish she found herself laughing instead.
“Though it is true I have come to admire you, over time. You really are quite pretty, you know,” he added.
Georgiana smiled. “Thank you. I will accept your sincerity in this, at least.”
She rose and put out her hand. “Let us be friends at least,” she said.
He took it, bowed deeply over it, and pressed a feather light kiss onto her fingertips.
“Of course we shall be friends. In fact, I would not be surprised if we will not soon be cousins.”
He laughed at her bafflement and, with a quick determined step, left the room.
***
Georgiana waited until the door had shut behind him, then rushed to the hallway to waylay Elizabeth, who was skulking around suspiciously.
“You have been listening at the door,” said Georgiana.
“I would never do such a thing,” said Elizabeth.
“Even my brother is convinced you listen at doors,” said Georgiana. “In any case, I did not appreciate being abandoned like that, Elizabeth,” she said.
“I have started finally to appreciate my mother’s finesse at such matters,” said Elizabeth, laughing. “I am sorry, but I could not think what else to do. He would have proposed to you sooner or later. It seemed more sensible to have done with it earlier.”
Georgiana acknowledged the truth of her statement.
“You did not accept him, did you? He looked very pleased with himself, but as he did not ask for congratulations, I did not know what to think.”
Georgiana considered teasing Elizabeth by saying that yes, she had accepted him, but then decided against it.
“No, of course not. You could not think me so addle-headed, surely?”
Elizabeth looked relieved. “I had my doubts, at least when I saw him come out. I hoped you would have more sense than that.” Elizabeth regarded her with a frown. “Though these days I cannot tell at all what you are about. You have grown much older sud
denly.”
“Is that a bad thing?” said Georgiana.
Elizabeth smiled. “Not at all. I am glad of it.”
Darcy emerged from the billiard room and came to discover what had happened.
“Have you rid us of your suitor?” he said to his sister.
“Yes, Brother.”
“Well, I am glad of it,” he said, “though it did cross my mind that you might still harbour a fondness for him. I would not have cherished him as a brother.”
“Certainly not!” replied Georgiana indignantly.
The doorbell sounded again, and the butler announced Mr Moffet, who wished to speak to Mr Darcy on a matter of particular importance.
Darcy raised his brow.
“I warn you, this is the last suitor of yours I will entertain today. If any more suitors come, I will have to turn them away.”
Georgiana groaned.
***
She was more polite to Mr Moffet. He was at least more sincere than Channing, though she did not think his affections ran very deep.
“Miss Darcy,” he said, “I know what I have to say will come as a surprise, and I have every hope that it will be a pleasant one. I am sure you cannot guess why I am here.”
Georgiana considered telling him she knew exactly why he was there but refrained.
“I—” she began, but was interrupted immediately.
“You need not feel obliged to answer, Miss Darcy. I have certain things to say, and I mean to say them all. You deserve no less. If you will listen without interruption, you will soon discover what I am about.”
Georgiana clasped her hands together, sat up straight in her chair, and prepared to listen. She hoped that whatever he had to say would not take a very long time.
“I know you do not expect flowery language—for you are not romantically inclined like your cousin. Not that I am condemning the Romantic, by any means, for my mother is quite fond of things Romantic. We have a garden set up in the Romantic way, you know, with a ruin—”
She really had to interrupt. At this rate, he would still be here in the evening. “You were kind enough to inform me about the garden some time ago,” she said.
The Darcy Cousins Page 31
