by Latham, D
"I have never knowingly put you in danger, well, ok, I knew about Dascha, but I had no idea the board would behave as they did."
"I'm talking about your behaviour on Saturday, being angry with me, being so cold towards me. I pulled in a big favour to get you out of there without it costing all that money."
"But you won't tell me who or why?"
"No, I can't, I gave my word." We sat glaring at each other for a moment. I decided it was pointless sitting and arguing. I stood to leave. "If you have no tasks for me, I'd better be getting back to work. I have a lot to do. Email me when I'm expected at the next meeting please, but be aware I go away on the 14th for a fortnight." I strode away before he could reply. I heard him curse behind me.
I went back up to my office, and began some contract work that was waiting for me. I didn't hear from Ivan anymore that day.
Wednesday saw Steve's company float on the AIM market. Matt had done a great job of getting institutional investors interested, and we sat in the meeting room with Steve, watching the market data on a screen. That afternoon, we began to get the figures in from Deloitte, and they confirmed that the offering had raised almost thirty million in cash. Steve was delighted, as expected. He approved of the board of directors Matt had helped him put in place, and all in all, had achieved every single one of his aims. We toasted his success with champagne, and he left us an extremely happy man.
In contrast, Thursday was a bit meh. The factory completion was so slow and troublesome, it felt like we were pulling teeth, the vendor’s lawyers being so obstructive that morning, it prompted a furious exchange of emails from me, telling them to get their finger out. They then went out for a long, slow lunch (probably just to wind me up), and we finally completed at half three in the afternoon. I wanted to leave at five to go to Waitrose and do a big shop to fill up the fridge before James got home.
I wrapped up my work, and was trotting through reception, when I came face to face with Ivan. "I just came to see you."
"I'm just on my way out, is there a problem I'm needed for?"
"Out? Where?"
"Oh, only the supermarket. My flatmates back tomorrow, and I need to fill up the fridge, and the cupboards. I ate his soup collection."
"Can I join you? Then I can talk to you on the way round."
"You want to do supermarket shopping with me?" I was incredulous, "with your guards trailing along too?" He had the grace to look a bit sheepish.
"They can help pack and carry it. Come on." He fell into step beside me, and we headed down in the lift.
It was strange seeing Ivan pushing a trolley down the aisles. He seemed perfectly comfortable pootling along with me, and I had to admit, it was a lot easier than doing it on my own. I tried to pick out the type of things that James normally bought, plus the ingredients for the roast that he'd been craving. "Did you remember to take all that stuff out of the oven on Saturday?"
"Yeah, the girls and I polished it off. Thanks for thinking of making that for me."
"James said he'd make one for me. I can't wait. I've not had a roast since before he went away." I saw Ivan cringe slightly.
"I'm really sorry about that. I'm really sorry about all of it to be honest."
"No, you're just sorry that I'm not coming back to you, yet again." I picked up a bunch of flowers to decorate the flat, and put them in the trolley. Half an hour later, I was all done, and, after waving Ivan's credit card away at the checkout, all paid. Ivan pushed the trolley to the car, where the guards loaded it in. I slid into the back seat next to him. "You haven't done much talking."
"I'm not really sure what to say. I seem to always get it wrong with you, even when I'm trying not to." He looked anxious.
"Look, this is for the best. I'm doing you a favour, you can find a nice, dozy supermodel who won't be bright enough to realise how much danger she's in, and won't need you to change your board of directors. You won't miss me for long."
"Is that what you really think?"
"Pretty much."
"Will you just tell me the truth of how you feel, and we can drop all this bullshit."
"Ok, I feel that you would prefer me if I was deaf and mute, a bit weak, and a bit dozy. Then you can be master of the universe, and I can just gaze at you adoringly. Sadly, I don't fit into that description, and I hate this 'brutal Russian' crap. Right now, if I was forced to choose, I'd choose to be on my own for a while, without a boyfriend."
We arrived at the flat before Ivan could reply. His guards carried my shopping up, and left it on the island. I switched the coffee maker on, and started unpacking. He waited until his guards were done, before asking them to stay outside. He watched me put the shopping away, and waited until I was finished, and had made the coffees before he spoke. "It was your incredible intellect that attracted me to you. I told you that before. I like that you can keep up with me. I just don't like they way you make me feel...helpless, I'm used to being the strong, capable one, not the idiot who needs looking after."
"I don't think you're an idiot, and you certainly don't need me to look after you. I think you have that the wrong way round. I'm the one who's crying all the bloody time, and you're the one who never notices. Your answer is to try and bully me, which, incidentally, won't work."
"I've never bullied you."
I raised an eyebrow. "Breach of contract? You threaten a lawyer who owns no property with that, which, if I lost, would bankrupt me, and end my entire career. You don't think that's bullying? Sending me into Conde Nast as an insurance policy for a psychopath, telling me if I didn't, I'd be killed by the Russian mafia, that wasn't bullying? I've spent half the time I've been with you, terrified for my life. You have me watched, tracked, and guarded, yet you never bloody notice when I'm upset about it." My voice was getting louder and more indignant. "Look, I don't want to keep dissecting why we couldn't make this work, I just want you to accept that it's over, and let me move on." I stared into my coffee, not wanting to look at his beautiful face. "Tell me what happened in Russia?"
"We were walking out onto the Tarmac, ready to get on my plane, and were ambushed. We were completely surrounded. They herded us onto a truck, and drove us to a remote house, locked us in a room, and we sat and waited. One of them taunted us when the negotiator told him that the money was ready, said he'd draw it out, then shoot us anyway. We could hear them all laughing about it in another room." He sipped his coffee, and shifted on the stool. "The next thing that happened was a bit of a blur, these men just burst in wearing all black, and told me in English to go with them. We could hear gunshots in another part of the house. He led us out to a truck, and we were driven out of there and back to the plane. Only one of the rescuers accompanied us back to Moscow, to brief us as to what we should tell the press, the rest sort of melted away. I knew it had to be either you or Oscar behind it, and I doubted that Oscar would particularly want me back alive."
"Oscar was a better friend to you than any of your colleagues. He offered to put up your ransom money if the board wouldn't." Ivan looked shocked.
"Really? You surprise me there. It was probably just a ploy to make himself look good though."
"No idea. He offered straightaway. Didn't hesitate at all." I paused. "Were you scared?"
He shook his head. "Not really. They were only asking for fifty mill, so I knew we could pay them off. If they'd have killed me, then Putin would have razed their villages to the ground like he did the Chechens. I felt pretty safe, but annoyed that I was delayed, and missed the funeral. How did it go by the way?"
"It went."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you."
"That wasn't your fault. It was probably better that you weren't there. I had to step back into my old self, and I don't like anyone seeing that."
"You know I wouldn't have minded."
"I minded though. That part of my life is finished now, over."
He looked sympathetic. "So, changing the subject, what are we having for dinner?"
"I
was just gonna have a sandwich. I assumed you'd need to get back to the girls. I didn't get anything for tonight."
"Shall we eat out then? You can't just have a sandwich. Let me take you somewhere nice."
"No thanks, I want to make sure the flat's ready for James, and besides, we're over."
"You still see Oscar, despite splitting up with him, so why can't you let me take you out and feed you?"
I thought about it for a moment, "Oscar isn't predatory, he's always a gentleman, whatever his feelings. His good manners are very deeply ingrained I suppose. Plus he cares about me," I added, which made Ivan scowl.
"Have I got bad manners now as well? Anything else wrong with me?" He barked out the words, clearly annoyed.
I began to get angry. "This! This is what's wrong with you! Ivan, you are handsome, sexy, and I fell in love with you. I cried bloody buckets when you went missing, yet the moment I try and tell you how I feel, you bite my head off, and ignore all the things I've actually done to prove how I feel about you. Now I know full well I could go back to Oscar, and you know what? I didn't. Now that may not be enough for you, but to me, actions speak louder than words. You can say the words 'I love you', but your behaviour tells me otherwise. You didn't see me for nearly a week, yet you dismissed me like a servant on Saturday. THAT'S WHY IM LEAVING YOU." I was losing my rag. Ivan stared at me for a moment, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. I began to cry, my anger, frustration and sadness getting the better of me. Big, fat tears ran over my cheeks. I swiped them away quickly. I hated people seeing me cry, and I expected Ivan would get angry at my weakness.
"Poor girl, come, let me hold you." He pulled me into his arms, and held me tight. "I'm sorry I'm such a useless boyfriend, I don't mean to do these things to you, I'm just used to being a bit self centred." He kissed my cheek softly.
"A lot self centred," I said between sobs, "I told you I was terrified at Retinski, but you didn't listen, and tried to bully me into going back there. Sometimes, just sometimes, it's not all about you, it's about me, and how I feel."
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you cry, and I'm sorry for being a self absorbed idiot. I just want to make you happy, and keep you safe." I pulled away from him, and stared at his beautiful, anxious face, trying to gauge whether he was telling the truth or not. He wiped his thumbs under my eyes, probably to remove the panda effect that must have formed. "I think we need some quiet time together, just having fun, without the worries of business, or boardrooms. Tell you what, why don't I rustle you up something to eat, and we can watch a film this evening?" Oh you're good at getting round me, I'll give you that.
I sniffed loudly. "I bought some cooked chicken, we can have that." I sat on the stool watching as he peeled and sliced some potatoes, before frying them. He looked very comfortable in my kitchen, almost as comfortable as James. We ended up having sautéed potatoes, cold chicken and sweetcorn. It was actually really nice, and I began to relax a little.
I scrolled through Netflix, and we chose a rom com. I stretched out on the sofa, and Ivan sat by my feet, rhythmically stroking my legs. "Don't you have to get back for the girls?"
"Not really, they have their team with them, and I've seen them quite a bit today. They'll be fine for an evening."
"They got really excited when they saw you on telly. They both sat and watched with their ears pricked up. They knew it was you."
"So Mrs Ballard said. I gave them quite a lot of roast beef, so I'm completely forgiven for going away."
"Bet you wish I was so easily pleased."
"Yep, although you do seem a little happier now you've eaten." He smiled hopefully, and reached up to rub my tummy.
"I don't bother to cook when I'm on my own, too much hassle and mess."
"It looks very clean and tidy in here. Do you have a cleaner?" I shook my head.
"Did it Sunday, and been keeping it neat all week. I didn't want James to walk into a pigsty. He's very clean and tidy, we both are really. I suppose that's why we get along so well. My mum's old flat was horrendous when I went over there on the day of the funeral. I had to send Roger down the shop for milk and tea, and also cleaning stuff. There wasn't a useable cup in the whole flat." I shuddered at the memory of the mould. Ivan pulled a face.
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me. He struck me as somewhat disorganised. Did many people go?"
"Yeah, it was packed. I got upset that the only flowers were the ones I'd organised, and Ray had a hangover, and hadn't bought a black tie, so went in a grubby shirt, and creased trousers. I had to shout and swear at him to get him to shower and shave, he wasn't going to bother." Ivan gave my ankle a little squeeze.
"At least you never have to go back there again."
"I have to go over soon and collect her ashes from the crematorium. I think I'll sprinkle them there though, in the garden of remembrance. It's nice there, and I haven't got anywhere else to put them. It's over in Eltham."
"I'll come with you for that instead then, support you on that day."
"I thought I'd do it after my holiday. The first Saturday after I get back."
"I'll keep that day free."
"Ok." I stretched, and yawned. "I'm gonna have to send you home, I'm shattered."
"Oh.....I thought I was staying the night. I want to cuddle you, make you feel cherished."
"Smooth, very smooth."
He looked a little affronted. "I mean it, I want to hold you, cuddle you, feel your skin next to mine. I've missed you horribly you know. I know you think I'm a big brute, but I'm not a cold or unfeeling person."
Some unknown emotion flashed over his eyes. I thought about it for a moment, I wanted him to stay, I'd missed him like crazy, but on the other hand we hadn't really resolved anything. "On one condition."
"Name it."
"We talk at the weekend, and you listen without getting cross."
"It's a deal." He helped me to my feet, and wrapped his arms round me, before kissing my lips ever-so-softly. I pulled away, and locked the front door, before he followed me into my bedroom. He stripped off quickly, and slid into bed, holding his arms open for me.
Laying naked next to him again felt wonderful, as if it was where I belonged. His strong hands caressed my back, while he pressed tiny kisses over my face and neck. I stroked his warm skin, feeling the firm muscles of his sculpted arms. His kisses moved to my lips, soft and chaste at first, changing to deeper, and needier. His tongue flicked across mine, igniting my libido. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. What woman would waste that?
I encouraged him to move on top of me, pulling him into position. He seemed a little reluctant at first, until I tugged him slightly, giving my permission. My legs had fallen open shamelessly, and I was wet and ready, turned on by his lush kisses and heady close proximity. He gently fed his cock into me, and paused, closing his eyes, as if he was trying to savour the sensation of being inside me.
After a heartbeat, he began to move slowly, continuing to kiss me, as he slid in and out at a leisurely pace. Tonight was about making love, rebuilding our connection. Keeping his rhythm, he moved his attention to my breasts, lapping and sucking at each nipple in turn, making me arch off the bed. As I called out at my climax, he kissed me, swallowing my cries of pleasure.
As my orgasm subsided, he pressed deep into me and let go. I felt him twitching, as he remained in place, kissing me, and sucking on my bottom lip. "You, my darling girl, are exquisite. I missed you so much."
"I missed you too," I said, "I was so scared I'd never see you again." He pulled out of me, and lay beside me, nuzzling my neck.
"This is nice, I like cuddling you. You always smell so lovely."
"Spose I dipped out on the duty free perfume this trip?"
He chuckled, "sadly you did. I'll make it up to you though." He wrapped his arm around me, and soon enough, his breathing became deeper and slower. I lay awake for a while, revelling in the feeling of his arms round me, and his body pressed against mine.
> Chapter 4
I decided to skip the gym next morning. It didn't seem fair to boot Ivan out of bed at half five, throw a slice of toast at him, and send him on his way before six. I wasn't entirely sure what the correct etiquettes were when it came to boyfriends staying over, but I was certain he wouldn't be too impressed at me racing out the door at ten to six. I padded out to the kitchen, and made us both drinks, taking them back to the bedroom. I set his down on the bedside table beside him, and waited for the aroma to wake him up.
He looked the picture of male beauty while he was asleep. He had one hand tucked under his face, which looked relaxed and serene. His hair was tousled and messy, his dark curls flopping over his forehead. The total effect was slightly spoilt by a bit of drool at the corner of his full, sensual mouth, so I prodded him awake. I didn't want him dribbling on my pillow.
"Morning baby, there's some coffee for you there. Sleep well?"
"Good thanks, you get up early don't you? It's only quarter to six. Do I have to get out of your way?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not going to the gym. Thought it'd be a bit rude to wake you up and boot you out. Would you like some toast?"
"No, it's too early to eat. I'll get something a bit later. I'm meeting Lassiter in Smollenskis for breakfast." Ivan sat up, and took a sip of his coffee. "Gives me time to make love to you again," he said, taking my hand, and guiding it under the covers to feel his erection.
An hour later, I made us fresh coffees, after the first ones were left to get stone cold. Ivan sat at the island to drink his, while I made myself some toast. "Paul's doing some executive search for me. I wish you'd change your mind about the non exec positions, at the very least, the Conde Nast one."
I thought about it. "I'd still sit on the Conde Nast board. I don't know why you don't approach some of their board to sit on Retinski, or even merge the two into one, it would kill two birds with one stone. They're well versed in heading up a vast multinational, plus you'd get to integrate the two companies far more effectively than having two boards."
