by Claire Adams
"Have you heard from him?" I asked.
"Yeah, earlier today. He texted." Did he ask about me?
"How is he?"
"Fine. He said everything's going well. He sounded confident about his performance."
"That's good. Right?"
"He's there to impress scouts, so that's very good."
"He really wants this. I hope it works out," I said.
"He's lucky he has you supporting him."
"How can I not? I wish what I felt with him was simple. I want him to be happy, and that means this. Going away for the combine and then probably again to play for whoever signs him. I just feel the closer we get, the worse it'll be when we have to separate again."
"You have to trust him, Vee. Talk to him. He loves you, and he isn't going to do anything that's going to fuck things up between you."
"You're right," I said, admitting it to myself at the same time. I could panic and keep trying to deny that it was true, or I could accept it. It shouldn't have been this difficult opening up to someone who I had trusted and had a history with already. I could only say it was because of what he had done to me for so long. Part of it was just me, not giving as much as I was getting from him.
"He's really serious, Vee. I know I'm biased because you're my best friend and he's my brother, but you guys are good together," she said shrugging.
"I know," I agreed, sighing.
"Oh, and if you were wondering, yeah. He did ask about you. He asked me to tell him how you were. I told him to ask you himself. He's going to call."
"Don't tell me that. I'm gonna expect it now," I said.
"Well, you won't have to wait too long."
Eventually, Tiff had to leave for work. I ended up leaving to go to the grocery store. What did I feel like having tonight, I thought, filling the shelves of my fridge with produce. I had made the frittata the day before to clean the veggie box out and since Roman had joined me for breakfast, I didn’t have any leftover. That was the one drawback of living on your own and cooking for yourself: leftovers. They were good when you needed something fast and convenient, but if you overshot how much rice you needed to make risotto by accident, you were eating it for the next three days.
The mushrooms looked good. I thought through what I would need to cook them into a sauce that I could put over pasta. Roasting them with some sprouts, carrots, and peppers sounded good, too. I had never tried making mushroom soup at home before, I could do that. I could freeze soup and making it would justify the bread I had gotten... But it was summer, I couldn't eat soup. I decided to throw them in the oven with the peppers and sprouts. The leftovers could go in a salad, sandwich, or quiche.
Midway through prep, a call came through on my phone, hiding the recipe screen. The name stopped me for a second: it was Sean. I almost laughed. Sean? When had we last talked? Two weeks ago? Why was he calling me now? If memory served, the last thing he had said to me was an ultimatum. I give him one good reason to keep going out with me or he wouldn't anymore, like I was up for elimination on America's Next Top Model or something.
I let it keep ringing, I didn't even feel bad when he called back and I did it again. In my defense, I was busy, I didn't want to pick my phone up while I was cooking, but more than that...fuck that guy.
Was he still waiting on that reason to date him, instead of the new woman he met? I didn't have one, there was his answer. I had Roman. Putting it so black and white made my spine tingle. I had him. Why the hell would I waste time with someone who needed me to convince him to date me?
Why the hell would I waste time with Sean anymore anyway? He was awful. I'd never get any of the time we spent together back. He couldn't communicate; he was terse and emotionally unintelligent. His relationship practices and mine didn't mesh. I had Roman and whatever little interest I had had in Sean was gone.
I ate dinner in front of the television before heading to bed. I heard my phone vibrate again. Please don't be Sean again, I thought. Roman's name flashed on my screen instead. My excitement ticked up slightly. He had said he would call me, I thought. The fact that I had halfway been expecting it didn't mean I wasn't excited that he had actually done what he said.
"Hello?" I said, picking up.
"Hey, babe," he said over the phone. I smiled, rolling onto my side and tucking the phone between my ear and the pillow. The word Tiffany had used flashed through my mind again. Taken.
"Hi. How did it go today?"
"Alright. How was your day?"
"Just alright?"
"It was a bunch of sweaty guys trying to impress the men in suits," he said lightly. "Think of watching a practice session, but this one's in a huge stadium and not that interesting unless you know what's supposed to be happening."
"It doesn't sound very fun."
"It's not," he said. "It's work."
"But you're having a good time?"
"Good enough, I guess. It's good to hear you." I smiled.
"It's good to hear from you, too. I was a little scared you wouldn't be able to get in touch."
"I said that I would," he said simply. I couldn't imagine what he was describing very well, but I knew it was a big deal. It made me feel special that he wanted to keep in contact with me when he was so busy.
"What about the city? Is it nice?"
"Oh, you'd love Houston," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. If you weren't in class I would have asked you to come with me." I took a deep breath.
"Maybe next time?" I said hopefully.
"Yeah...maybe next time." I smiled at that. It wasn't a promise or anything, but it was the way we always talked in the past about the places we wanted to see together. "I can't wait to get back. I fly in Friday. What are you doing then?"
"I don't have anything planned. Why? Do you need a ride from the airport?"
"No," he laughed, "I want to take you out."
"The night you get back? Won't you be tired?"
"Are you blowing me off, Ron?" I could hear the smile in his voice.
"No. I'm excited to have you back. I'm sort of mad I let you go."
"Four more days. You can last that long, can't you?"
"Just because I can doesn't mean I want to," I said. "I got spoiled having you back in town again."
"I'll make it up to you, starting with dinner when I get back." I'm going to need more than just dinner, I thought. I hadn't expected to miss him so much. I had just had breakfast with him yesterday morning and here I was, wishing I wasn't falling asleep alone tonight.
"I'm looking forward to it," I told him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but it scared me. I wasn't sure that I should have been ,and I didn't know whether I was allowed to feel safe being that vulnerable. Years together before we split said that I could, but I just wasn't ready yet. If I said I loved him, it meant I was letting him back in, all the way.
"I'm going to miss you," I said quietly, giving him that since I couldn't say the other thing.
"I'm going to miss you, too. I'll call you tomorrow."
"I'd like that," I said, smiling. We said goodnight, and I ended the call. When would it end? Would I stop feeling like this was new and exciting again? I loved the routines and comfort we used to have, but part of me didn't want this dating and discovery phase to end. I put my phone away and got ready to fall asleep. The phone call had been just what I needed.
.
Chapter 25
Roman
I sat staring at the wall in front of me. The book I had gotten to read while I waited was this murder mystery thriller title and almost fifty pages in wasn't really doing it for me. I felt like I had to commit to it now, though, since I was already invested. Plus, it was too late to go try to buy another.
I felt like airports were like hospitals, everyone in there was suffering a little bit somehow. I didn't dislike traveling, but it was a hassle sometimes. Today, I was just wishing I had managed to get myself an earlier flight than the one I had.
I thought ab
out talking to Veronica, but I had been texting her all week. I wanted to see her already. We had a date tonight, was the light at the end of the tunnel as the week had dragged on. I didn't like the distance between us, even though it was necessary. Now that this was over, I was looking forward to some time with her. If I ended up hearing back from anyone, it would probably only be in a couple weeks or something.
Leaning back in my seat, I tried to get into the book. A man walking by came up and asked whether the seat I was using for my duffel was taken. I told him it wasn't and moved it to the floor so he could sit. He was in a suit and sat up straight in his seat. He was talking on his phone with one of those earpiece things that made people look crazy, walking around talking out loud on their own.
"Are you here from the regional combine?" I heard him say, then repeat because it turned out he wasn't talking on his phone anymore. I turned to look at him. He looked about late thirties or early forties, trim, normal-looking with short hair.
"Yeah, actually. I am," I said, a little surprised. Either that had been a good guess because so many guys were flying back home after the event so this place was rotten with us, or he recognized me somehow. If he did, that only made one of us.
"I'm Andrew. Andrew Richardson," he said, introducing himself.
"Roman Blake," I said, shaking the man's hand.
"I remember you," he said.
"Yeah?"
"I saw you at the combine. You had the bench press record. 42 reps, right? That was impressive."
"Thanks," I said, not sure why he felt like telling me all this. I knew he wasn't a player. He wasn't really built like one, and he looked like he had probably aged out maybe seven years ago. No offense meant.
"Yeah. I scout for a couple teams around here. How long have you played QB?" he asked. Shit, he really had been paying attention.
"Most of high school. For college, I started for two years."
"Just two?"
"Two years was as long as I was in school. I just got back from Afghanistan." He sat forward a little, impressed.
"So this isn't even you at one hundred percent?"
"I made sure I kept my conditioning up, but I haven't really played, not for about a year."
"I thought you were good, kid, but that changes everything," he said. "Listen, I'm not supposed to tell you this, not this early, but my people have their eye on you."
"They're interested in signing me?"
"You're a real QB. If that's how you look after a year off, what the hell are you gonna pull out after training? I'm not supposed to tell you this, either, but give it a week or so, someone will be calling you and they might be making you an offer," he said grinning.
"That sounds great. What team?"
"That gonna be something that makes you say no?"
"No, I'm just curious," I said quickly.
"Relax. I'm just messing with you. Where are you from?"
"Aberdeen. South Dakota."
"Aberdeen, huh? Well, how does Miami sound?"
Miami? Far. It sounded far. I didn't say that, though. I said it sounded good and that I had never been. He gave me his card, and when I thanked him and said I would call, he insisted on taking my number himself. He ended up boarding before me for another flight, so I was alone again. I tried to get into the book, but it didn't work. I read the same three sentences over and over till I gave up.
Miami?
All those times Ron and I used to talk about going to see the ocean together swelled up in my memory. Miami was right on the water. It was also thousands of miles away. I knew that I would have to deal with some distance, but how far was too far? Miami felt too far, and if that was how I felt, how would Ron feel.
Was I going to tell her? I had to, didn't I? I didn't want to hide things from her, the last time I had, it had been a disaster. How the hell would I break it to her, though? We're finally doing good and then this happens? I have to go to Miami? The boarding call for my flight interrupted my thoughts.
This was about to be a long flight.
"I'm gonna have to start charging you for these rides," Tiffany said as I walked up to her. "Normal people get cabs."
"Good to see you, too, Tiff," I said, smirking.
"How'd it go?" she asked. I threw my bag in the back and got in the passenger side.
"You know. Fine," I said shrugging. She started the car and pulled out of the parking spot.
"Just fine?" she asked. I shrugged again.
"It was football, I've been playing for almost as long as I've been able to catch a ball."
"You know what I mean, Roman."
"It was good."
"Hm." She made the sound the way our mother used to. I think it was a woman thing, being able to tell someone they were ticking you off without even opening your mouth.
"What?"
"It's fine if it didn't work out, Roman. What matters is you did it, and you're going after what you want." I looked at her, frowning.
"What are you talking about, Tiff?"
"I mean, it doesn't matter what happened this week."
"What do you think happened? I said it was good."
"I remember you telling me that you could join a minor league team and work your way up-"
"Tiff," I cut her off, "none of that happened. It was good."
"So, you're joining a team?"
"Not exactly. It's not as simple as just showing up. A scout told me that his team is interested in maybe signing me, but I have to wait a while before they get back to me."
"That's great," she said. "That's what you wanted."
"It was. It's just this team... It's not really close by."
"Yeah? How far are we talking?"
"Miami. How far is that?"
"It'll be a trip, but worth it. I mean, this is your way in. You wanted to get in the league, and if this works out, you will."
"I know. I keep telling myself that. It's just timing, you know?"
"I think I might, but I want you to say it," she said. I looked out the window.
"I'm finally getting somewhere with Ron."
"Don't, Roman."
"Don't what? I wanted two things when I came back from Afghanistan: to play again and to get Ron back."
"You didn't see this coming?"
"I did. I just didn't see Miami coming. I wanted to think I could find a spot somewhere closer where the distance wouldn't be that much of a strain."
"Roman, what are the chances that that's going to happen? If you have this opportunity now, you need to take it."
"I don't want to leave Ron behind."
"You can talk to Ron and figure stuff out with her. You can't do that with this team. They don't care that you and her are trying to work things out. You can't say no to this."
"I impressed one team – it could happen again."
"You don't know that. You can't bank on something like this happening again."
"I'll think about it," I said.
"I'm just saying," she said. Of course she was, it was easy for her. This wasn't her problem. She was quiet till we got to my place. I felt better when I got inside, but not that much better. It was good to be back home, even though I hadn't been living here long and likely wouldn't be for much longer.
I didn't know what I was expecting Tiffany to tell me. What the hell would she have said? What had I wanted to hear? That her best friend, Ron was the person I needed to focus on right now so fuck Miami, and fuck getting in the league. I knew this was going to be hard,but I wasn't looking forward to making these decisions.
Obviously, I wasn't losing Ron again. People did the long distance thing all the time – maybe we could become one of those couples. Maybe we wouldn't have to because the team wouldn't end up taking me after all, there was that. I wasn't in yet, not really. It sucked because I wanted to be, but thinking about Ron took some of that sting away.
Why was this happening to me again? What the fuck was it that didn't want me and Ron to be together? First the army, now this.
Were we being tested? This was bullshit.
And, I had to see her tonight. I would have been excited – and I was – but I was not looking forward to talking about this with her, even though I knew I couldn't hide it. I couldn't do that to her again, leave her hanging when she thought everything between us was good.
But wait, I didn't have to tell her anything right now, did I? All I knew was that the team was interested and that they were located in Miami. They hadn't set a contract in front of me or anything, I didn't technically have any decisions to make about them; it was a waiting game. That meant Ron didn't have to hear any of it. It wasn't something she had to worry about, why would I make her worry behind something that might not even happen?
We could just have a good time out and spend the night together. When it became a problem, she'd know about it. I'd give her that. This? This didn't matter.
I texted her that I was back and kept myself busy as I waited to go pick her up. It was 7:32 when I pulled up at her building. I was always excited to see her when we'd been apart for a while, but I was taking the stairs two at a time. We had talked the whole week that I had been gone – texts, Facetime, all of that. Would that be what it was like when we were long distance?
I shook my head, getting rid of the thought. We weren’t long distance now, so it didn't matter. If we ever had to cross that bridge, we'd do it then. What I had to do was get to her fucking door so I could kiss her again.
I'd made it a whole year without touching her, but I was feeling this past five days without contact more and more with each step I took towards her door. I hadn't made reservations anywhere, but I was sure we'd luck out somewhere if we left early enough. With the way I was feeling, though, I was doubting how early we'd be able to make it out.
It was a short wait between my knock and her answer. The door swung open and her arms were around me in a second flat. I hugged her close, lifting her into me. The smell of her hair hit me first, sweet like vanilla. I squeezed her kissing her neck and shoulder. Oh yeah, I had missed her. I let her go when she unwrapped her arms from my shoulders. And then, she kissed me.
