by Claire Adams
"You're right," I sighed.
He told me to wait for him as he grabbed his stuff. We were going out. A drink sounded good and really, what did I have to lose? It wasn't like I had to meet Ron tonight – or any night for that matter. Women were replaceable for Don; he had never been in a position like this. I knew that he wouldn't help with that part, but he had a point.
This was good. I had wanted this. If I hadn't had to worry about Ron... I would have taken the deal in a heartbeat. Maybe we did have something to celebrate. In about ten minutes, we were out the door.
I'll regret this in the morning, I thought as we entered the bar. It was Saturday, so the place was pretty full. I could smell beer, wings, and perfume clashing into a thick cloud of sickly sweet stink.
I would definitely regret this in the morning...right now, though? I was dying to cut loose. We found a spot, and I went to grab the first round. Beer and some shots, we were supposed to be celebrating, right?
"To you," Don said, grandly, raising his shot glass. "At least one of us gets to go pro." I drank the shot. It burned all the way down. I frowned and took a swig of my beer.
"Thanks," I said.
"Make this count, man," he said.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, when you get to Miami, leave no stone unturned." I grimaced as he laughed. He should have been the one getting this deal. He would have had a ball with a new pool of women to corrupt. With league money and all that free time? That was probably his idea of paradise.
"I'm going to play ball. Not all that shit."
"The two go together. I'm just saying. You're a free man now, so you can indulge if you want to."
"I don't want to."
"Just wait till you get there. You might meet someone who changes your mind," he said, leering at a girl who walked by our booth. It didn't matter that she was walking holding hands with a guy, most likely her boyfriend. It was like Don didn't even register anyone who wasn't a girl he would like to fuck.
"Let's wait till I actually land."
"So, this is actually it, huh?"
"Yeah, it's finally real. They told me today that I had to be there in two weeks."
"You're moving and everything. How does it feel?" he asked. I shrugged.
"I don't know. It hasn't sunk in yet. I'm still here. Maybe when I'm actually on the plane, or in the training facility or whatever, it will feel real."
"You ready to forget all of us?" he asked, smirking.
"The minute I hop on that plane, this place drops off the map," I shot back, grinning. He laughed.
"Roll out your futon once in a while for me," he said.
"Fuck that. You come to visit, you can get a hotel."
For a minute, I was glad that I let him talk me into this. I wasn't drunk, but the beer was definitely doing its job. I was actually feeling relaxed, for maybe the first time since talking to Ron. I didn't take what he was saying about meeting other women seriously. He was an expert on the subject, but even if I was looking for someone, I didn't think a one-night stand was it. I stood and walked to the bar to get our next round.
It shouldn't have surprised me when I walked back to our booth and found Don with his arm around a brunette in tight shorts. We had just fucking walked in and he already had himself a girl. I halfway wanted to admire him for it, but picking up girls was light work for him. He could do it in his sleep. I'd be surprised if he even knew this one's name.
"Oh, here he is now," Don said, as I got closer. "Rome, I was just telling Sasha here what we're celebrating tonight."
"Are you really going pro?" Her lips were glossy, her hair was long and straight, and her top was just as tight as those shorts over her tits.
"Yup. Miami Hurricanes," I said. "You watch football?"
"I love football," she said smiling. "What position?"
"QB."
"How long have you been playing?"
"My whole life, give or take," I said, looking between her and Don. I sat and she scooted closer to me.
"I'm sorry about what happened with your ex," she said. I glared at Don. He just sat there, smirking. What the hell was he thinking? What had he told this chick?
"Uh, thanks," I said.
"Don told me all about it. She sounds like a real bitch. Were you really going to turn down a shot at the league for her?"
I wasn't a violent person, but Don was testing me. I hadn’t sworn him to secrecy before saying that stuff to him, but he was baiting this chick with a sob story to get her to sleep with me. Worst part? It was working.
"That's why I brought him out tonight," he said.
"It's a good thing you got rid of her. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't support your dreams," she said with a concerned face that I wanted to say was good acting, but I wasn't sure. Don was grinning, sitting over there like he was proud of himself.
"What better way to turn over a new leaf as a free man?" he quipped. She giggled and slid closer to me.
"I'd say. Don told me you’re leaving," she said.
"In a couple weeks."
"Well," she said, sliding even closer. Her knee touched my thigh. "Guess it's lucky we both ended up here tonight." She was flirting with me. I had been off the market long enough to notice that. Tonight, we were celebrating. Tonight, I wasn’t off the market. The girl was cute and she was willing. Where was the harm in flirting back?"
"How about I buy your next drink," I said. She smiled and said she'd love that. She slid even closer, resting her hand on my thigh. It felt weird doing this. I had never had to pick a girl up before, it hadn’t happened like that with Veronica and she had been my last serious relationship. That wasn't even what I was trying to do, was it? Don stood suddenly, telling us he'd be right back.
"Are you going to make me look bad this time?" he whispered as he passed me.
"What?" I tried to ask him, but he was already gone. He was walking straight for the bar, right to a girl sitting a tight dress and tall heels. He put his hand on her back getting her attention.
"Did you drive here?" the girl asked, catching my attention again. Sasha. I thought I remembered Don calling her Sasha.
"Yeah, why?" I asked. And right then, I got the answer to my own question. Don had picked her up for me and she wanted to get out of here.
"I didn't. I could use a ride home," she said flirtatiously.
"You still want that second drink?"
"Nope," she said. She was excited. I could tell by the way she was leaning forward into me. I glanced at the bar and saw Don with his arms around the girl he had been talking to. She was laughing, and he was kissing her neck or whispering in her ear. One look at them and it was obvious where it was going. One of them wasn't getting home tonight. I looked back over at Sasha.
"Let's go," I said. I downed the rest of my beer and held my hand out to take hers. She grinned, coming out of the booth and following me out of the bar. Her hand felt weird. It was a little bigger than Ron's and she was wearing rings. Ron never wore rings.
Stop it, I thought. You really want to think about that now?
I led her to my car and opened the passenger side for her. She grabbed my hand as I turned to get to the driver's side. I turned to ask her what was up, but I didn't get it out. She slammed into me, kissing me. I was stunned for a second before I kissed her back. I put my hands on her hips and pressed her into me. She parted her lips, and I felt her tongue against mine.
That was what did it. I pulled away.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Everything was. Her touch, her kiss, her everything. She wasn't Ron. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't right. I didn't want to touch her. It should have been Ron I was spending the night with tonight. Not this girl.
"I can't do this," I admitted.
"Did I do something?"
"No. This was a bad idea. I'm sorry. Can you tell me where you live? I'll drop you off." Her arms dropped to her sides when she realized I was serious.
"Is it because of your ex?"
/>
"Yeah," I admitted heavily. Why lie about it now? I had already turned her down. She crossed her arms like she was cold suddenly.
"Well, I hope you two can work it out," she said shrugging. I apologized again and helped her into the car. I dropped her off and drove back to my place. I sat in the car for about ten minutes before going inside. It was empty when I did, and that sucked. I could have had her tonight. Sasha. I could have fucked her right against the door. Right then, nothing else would have mattered.
I shook my head, taking my shirt off, getting ready for bed. It wasn't going to happen like that. It would take more than some shots and beer to forget Veronica. I didn't know what would have been worse – Screwing that girl and smelling Ron on my sheets the whole time, or being alone and smelling her anyway.
Both sucked either way. Did it matter which was worse?
Chapter 32
Veronica
I remembered what I felt the first time I saw it. I hadn't been expecting it. We'd been outside, having a picnic then he just told me to shut my eyes and gave me this gift box. It was bittersweet, thinking about it now. A week after he had given it to me, we had broken up and he had left. I had come so close to getting rid of it, but I never had. It was like I had known somehow that this day was coming.
I rubbed the pink stone between my fingers and played with the gold chain. After he had dumped me, I had felt like the necklace was an insult. I hadn't really worn it at all since he had left the first time. It just brought so much back up.
It would always be associated with him, not just because he'd given it to me, but because of when he gave it to me. It sort of signified the second part of our relationship, when our feelings just stewed over thousands of miles. The time when we had both tried to get on with our lives, but hadn't managed to leave each other behind.
The sun might have been setting outside, I wasn't sure. My blinds had been closed since I had gotten home. I wasn't looking forward to the weekend. I had been waiting for today to come and now that it was almost over, I wondered where he was. Was he still close enough for me to get to? His house, or the airport. Maybe he had been gone for hours already.
It didn't feel good to admit, but this time was easier. The past two weeks had passed robotically. I had gone to class, studied, hung out with Tiff once or twice, even gone to see my parents. I had been in control of the separation this time, but he had made it easy for me. He hadn't called. He hadn't tried to text me or come see me. Nothing.
This was the way I wanted it to be. This was why I told him I didn't want to be together anymore. So he could have the future he always wanted. The one he deserved.
I put the necklace down on the nightstand and rolled onto my face. I had been spending a lot of time in bed, a pathetic attempt to self-soothe. I was doing the right thing by him. He didn't owe me this. I could never ask him for it, I had no right. With the way I had been feeling lately, convincing myself that this wasn't a mistake had been getting a little difficult. Hopefully, once I knew he was gone, a switch would flip and I wouldn't feel like this anymore.
My phone broke me out of my thoughts. It was Tiffany. She had offered to come over tonight with food, and I hadn't had a good enough reason to tell her not to. I didn't figure I'd be very good company, but I had to do something. If she was worried, she wasn't showing it. She wasn't showing it if she was onto me, either. I had made a point to not ask about Roman so I didn't know what if anything they had said to each other.
Her message said she'd be here in ten. I had put my pajamas on when I got home and wasn't going to bother changing. God, I was getting tired of myself. I didn't know how she stayed my friend. I texted her back, asking her to bring wine. Why not? If I was doing this, I might as well commit.
She was knocking at the door a little while later. All my school stuff was on the table, so we just sat on the couch. If everything else had suffered these past couple weeks, my academics had flourished. Diving into schoolwork is a great way to try get over heartbreak. Does wonders for your GPA. Meanwhile, I had been late on rent and had been picking at the same leftover pizza in the fridge for the last three days.
Dinner was lo mein and soup dumplings. Tiff sat across the couch from me, watching me pick at the noodles with my chopsticks.
"I'm worried about you," she said.
"Don't be."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"It's scary how similar the two of you are," she said. She didn't say the two of who – she didn't have to. I knew already.
"Must get annoying after a while," I said uselessly.
"I think he would have liked you to be there, despite everything."
"Been there?"
"At the airport. He left a few hours ago." I sat silently, looking into my plate of half-eaten food. Fuck it, he was gone now, I could say it.
"Did he say anything? About me? Tell you to..." I trailed off, shaking my head.
"Tell me to what?" she asked me gently. I felt my eyes fill and looked down, hating that I felt this way even more, because it was my fault this time.
"I wish I could have been there," I said quietly, dabbing my eyes.
"Why didn't you contact him?"
"Because you don't ask someone to stay after telling them never to talk to you again."
"What?" she asked, shocked.
"He never told me about the team wanting to sign him. When I found out, after you told me, I couldn't let it happen. He was ready to potentially give up his whole life for me. I couldn't let him do that, Tiff. I couldn't be the reason he passed this up."
"Veronica," she started, "you asked him not to talk to you? I know he would have at least wanted to hear from you before he left."
"I felt like if I left that door open, he would give himself a reason to stay, somehow," I admitted. “I didn't want him to have any hope that it could go differently."
"Vee. Do you realize what happened here?"
"What?" I sniffed.
"You just did the same thing that he did. You broke up with him so he had a chance to do something that makes him happy. Last year, he left you because he wanted to give you a chance at the same thing."
"He should have talked to me about it. I would have waited. Why did he think that I wouldn't? Both times he had a big decision to make and he never talked to me."
"You didn't talk to him, either, Vee. You decided that he'd go when you could have asked to talk about it instead," she said.
"He didn't even tell me that he'd been talking to anyone."
"You were doing the same thing, protecting each other, when I think maybe you should have taken the risks."
I was crying now. Tiff didn't try to stop me or comfort me. She let me get it out. Was his really the same thing? Was I punishing myself so he wouldn't have to? Just like he was doing for me? It had made sense in my head...so it must have for him to when he did it. Everything I went through last year, I was putting him through now. I felt wretched, like there had been a better way both times and both times, we hadn't made the choice to take it.
"How did we end up like this?" I sighed.
"You're protective of each other. You went with your instincts instead of slowing down and waiting for another option."
"I feel so stupid," I said, drying my face.
"You aren't stupid, neither of you. You both had good intentions; it just wasn't the right thing to do."
"He still deserves it. To play. I hope he's happy."
"I know what would make this better, for both of you," she said.
"I can't tell him all this now, he just left. He would come back, try to get out of his contract, something risky like that."
"He should still hear it. Don't let him live there thousands of miles away alone with that being the last memory of the two of you together."
"I can't do it yet. I made this decision getting ready to lose him. It hurts, but I made my bed."
"Vee, you're doing it again. You're punishing both of you by not ta
lking to him."
But it's better this way, I thought. I'd pushed him into this and it was where he had to stay now. I couldn't swoop back in and tell him I changed my mind.
"Maybe this is how it was meant to be," I said. "If it isn't, then maybe we'll be brought together again somehow. I don't think right now is our time." Tiffany looked like she was holding back. I knew that she'd respect what I wanted, but it probably irked her more than anything.
"I can't say I get it, but... I don't think it's for me to get."
"Would you trust me on it?"
"I sort of have to," she said, shooting me a crooked smile.
"I'm sorry for dating your brother."
"You were the best thing about him, what does he have going for himself now?" she joked. I laughed at that. It was still a little hollow, but felt good.
I was back in bed fifteen minutes after she left. My hand found its way to the nightstand, picking up my necklace. I put it on, tucking it safely under the neck of my top. He had given it to me before he left the last time. Now, I'd wear it, the way he would have wanted. The barely there weight against my neck was nothing close weight of his body in bed close to me, but it was something. It was all I could get and I was taking it.
Chapter 33
Roman
"Roman!"
I stopped and looked behind me. Coach Hayes was walking up the hallway behind me. Coaches never looked like they were supposed to coach the sports that they did. Coach Hayes was tall, really tall, taller than I was, but looked like if he had ever played anything, it was basketball, not football. He caught up to me.
"Yeah, Coach?"
"You're here every day, Roman. You're more dedicated than the guys we've had on our roster the past five years," he said. I shrugged.
"I'm here to do a job. I wanna make sure I can when the time comes."
"It's going to be your first training camp, isn't it," he said, I thought more to himself than to me. He was right. It was going to be my first training camp. I had trained for football for most of my life at this point, but training camp? Professional training camp was not a fucking joke.
