“How do you know? Where does she live?”
“On the north side, in a trailer park.” Might as well tell him everything.
Cole shakes his head. “Let her go. This smells like trouble, and you don’t need that. Remember what Christie did.”
“Right, but she’s so different from Christie. She wants to be friends, take things slow. Her daughter is awesome.”
“Fuck, Jason. You met the girl?”
“She was at the diner one night and came out while some douche was harassing Cassidy Rae. I went up to defend her, and the man said some insulting things. Her daughter came out. I’m not sure what she heard, but that’s the night I confirmed Cassidy Rae was a single mom.”
“Cassidy Rae? You have a thing for Cs?” Cole tries to joke.
“Apparently.” I chuckle and chug the rest of my beer, motioning for another round to the waiter a few feet away.
“So she’s a single mom, who works at a diner and lives in a trailer. Does she have family?”
I tell Cole everything I know about her. I tell him about dinner, her insecurities, and my feelings. Three beers in, I’m more honest than I intended to be.
“I want to advise you to stay away, but I can tell that won’t happen. I don’t even know what to tell you. A kid is a whole different ball game. By the sound of it, the girl likes you a lot, but that’s different. How do you know she’s not going to try to lasso you in for money?”
“She won’t. I know it. Don’t ask me how, but I know those aren’t her intentions. My worry is that she realizes she wants nothing to do with me and leaves me. She’s so insecure in her role. I’d miss Cassidy Rae. I’d miss Rae. I want to give her a better life.”
“Dude, you just met her.”
“Right? I’m insane. I have no idea what’s taken over me.”
“I wish I had some inspiring words to share with you, but right now all I can do is sit here with you and drink some beers.”
“Fuck, I’m down for that.”
Cole waves down our waiter and orders a pitcher of beer and food. At the rate we’re going, we’re going to need to Uber our asses home.
By the time we finish eating, we’re sober enough to drive, but I have no real grasp on the situation with Cassidy Rae.
“We’re playing at Riot this weekend.”
“Don’t remind me,” I respond, walking out of Tap. I told Cash I could keep things professional, and I can, but I have no desire to see Christie ever again.
Since I spoke to Cole a couple days ago, I’ve resisted showing up at the diner or Cassidy Rae’s house. I want to give her time to rest and spend with Rae. I know she works a lot, and I don’t want to disrupt the routine she has. That’s not to say I haven’t considered saying fuck it and showing up at her place.
I have to be patient. I promised her that much. Tomorrow, I’ll stop by in the morning for some OJ and pancakes and hope that she’s working the early shift. With Rae on summer break, I’d assume she’d work the morning as much as possible to enjoy the afternoon with her daughter. My plan is to ask her out to dinner. Not some dinner plans on a whim, as I take her home from work. I want to pick her up and take her out. I know her neighbor watches Rae while she works. Maybe she’ll be willing to keep an eye on her at night, too. Or Rae can come.
“Well, if it isn’t our big bro.” I turn around as I walk out of the store I was shopping in.
I smile at my two sisters approaching me. “What are you guys doing here?”
“We were shopping,” Reese, the older of the two, holds up shopping bags.
“Good to see you’re using your hard-earned money on things you like.”
“What’s up?” Taylor, my youngest sister, asks.
“Was getting ready to head home. I was checking out a few things at Threads.” I hold up my own bag.
“Wanna grab dinner?” Taylor asks.
“Sure.”
We walk into a small restaurant a few doors down from Threads and are seated immediately.
“What’s going on in your life? We’ve only seen you once since you came back from tour. Are you too cool for us now? Because we have baby pics we can blast,” Reese laughs.
“Never too cool for you two. I’ve been busy. We came back and went straight to work. I’ve been meaning to call.”
“Yeah, yeah. Yadda, yadda, yadda,” Reese teases as she rolls her eyes.
“Have you seen Christie again?” Taylor leans on her elbows and whispers. She’s the more sensitive one.
“Nope. That’s done with.”
“Good,” she leans back. “Don’t give her a second chance.”
“Whore bag,” Reese mumbles.
I can’t help but laugh at them. Despite being the older brother, those two are mighty protective of me. Our age difference means nothing when it comes to us.
“How are things with you?” I ask both of them.
“I got a promotion at work last week, hence the shopping spree,” Reese informs me. She works in advertising for a big firm in downtown. “She’s still dating Mike,” she tilts her head to Taylor.
I cross my arms on the table and lean forward. “Are you two serious?”
“I guess.” Taylor shrugs indifferently, but I know better.
“He seems like a cool dude. Why don’t you guys come to Riot on Saturday to watch us play?”
“You’re still playing there?” They both exchange a look.
“Yeah. I told Cash it’d be okay. Business is business.”
“Good for you. Show her who the bigger person is,” Reese nods in approval.
Our conversation follows a similar flow throughout dinner. Once we’re done, my sisters promise to go to Riot, for moral support and all that, and I hug them goodbye. Cash and Cole have brothers and Ryder is an only child, so they don’t always get the bond I have with my sisters, but they treat Reese and Taylor as if they’re their own blood.
The chime goes off when I walk into Joyce’s Diner and I curse that damn thing. Immediately, Cassidy Rae’s eyes land on me and widen. I sit at the counter and wait for her to come over.
“Hey,” I grin when she finally makes her way to me.
“Hi,” she bites her lip. “What can I get ya?”
“For starters, a dinner date,” I smile. “We can discuss my breakfast after.”
Cassidy Rae rolls her eyes. “Jason,” she warns.
Joking aside, I whisper, “I’ve been wanting to come by and see you, but didn’t want to get in the way of your job or routine with Rae. I also want to respect the pace you want to lead.”
She doodles on her notepad as she thinks. When she looks up at me, her eyes are small. “So far, you’ve proven to be a nice guy. My daughter is crazy about you. But truth is, we don’t know you and I can’t fathom why she’s already so attached to you. It scares me, because she’s a little girl and vulnerable. In her eyes, you’re a hero.”
“What about you? I want to hear what you feel. Right now, I want to talk about Jason and Cassidy Rae.”
A light blush covers her cheeks before she speaks. “I don’t know. Confusion? I don’t have much to offer, and Rae is my number one priority. Then, my mom’s health. I’m not sure I’ll have time to date anyone, let alone someone with such a hectic career.”
“I’m home for a while as we work on music. Maybe a few trips here and there, but it will give us time to get to know each other.” I grasp on to anything that will convince her to give me a chance.
“Why are you so persistent? I’m not about the chasing game.” She crosses her arms.
“This has nothing to do with that. I can’t quite tell you why, except that I feel it. All I ask is for dinner. Hell, if you want to bring Rae, we’ll get a table for three.”
She looks me over closely, searching my face. “Can I let you know about Rae? I don’t want her getting used to late nights.”
“Does that mean you’re saying yes?”
Cassidy Rae nods.
“Tonight? Tomorrow? When are you
free?” I know I sound desperate, but my self-respect walked out the door the minute that chime rang.
“How’s tomorrow?”
“Perfect.” I grin and squeeze her fingers. It’s paying off, showing up here. Happy, I order my usual and watch Cassidy Rae work.
We talk a bit in between customers when she’s behind the counter and confesses she’s also been thinking about me. I ask her how Rae is doing, and make sure she tells her I say hi. I don’t want Rae thinking I’ve just up and disappeared on them.
My phone buzzes with a message from Cash asking where I am. Shit. I got caught up staring at Cassidy Rae. I type out a quick, ‘on my way,’ and ask for the check.
“I’m late for work, but any chance you’ll give me your number?”
Cassidy Rae scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to me. I stare that the number and the way her name is written out in cursive.
“Don’t forget to tell Rae I said hi. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven. Does that work?”
“Yeah,” she smiles.
As I walk out of the diner I hear, “That boy’s taken by you.” I chuckle all the way to my car. Hell yeah, I’m taken by her.
“That boy’s taken by you,” Joyce says, the corners of her eyes crinkling.
“Come on, Joyce,” I wave her off.
“Take it from someone older and wiser, who’s been around the block a couple times,” she winks, and I laugh. “That boy there,” she hooks her thumb over her shoulder, “is smitten with you and that daughter of yours. No man would come to a rinky dinky diner like this if he can afford to eat anywhere else.”
“He wants to take me to dinner tomorrow.”
“I thought you told him yes.”
I raise my eyebrows and smile. Joyce knows everything that goes on in her diner. “I did, but—”
“Don’t you dare make up excuses. I’ve known you for seven years, since that baby girl was still in here,” she pats my stomach. “You’ve never had a moment for yourself. You live for that girl, and that’s okay, but it’s time you start having some fun again. You’re still young, and one day that daughter of yours is going to go away and live her life. You don’t want to be left alone, do ya?”
“God, Joyce. No need for dramatics.” She has a point, though.
“Well, I need something that will shake the dust off ya and have some fun. If a boy like him were making rounds on me, I’d already have surrendered to him.”
“I’m worried I’m not enough.”
“Nonsense. That’s all up here.” She taps my temple. “A woman like you has a lot to offer. You’re smart, beautiful, and selfless. Hell, I’d date you if I were a man, or swung that way,” she winks.
I burst out laughing. “Thanks.” I hug her and get back to work, my mind swimming with Jason’s smile.
I unlock the door to my home and find Abigail and Rae on the couch reading. I stop and listen to Rae sound out words from her book until she sees me.
“Mom,” she jumps up and hugs me. Her excitement to see me every day is something I live for. I pray she’s always this way with me.
“How was your day?”
“Great. Abigail and I went to the park for a really long time. Then we came home, ate lunch, and practiced my reading.”
“Sounds like a fun day.” I smile at Abigail. “Thank you.”
“You know you don’t gotta thank me every day.”
“I know, but I will anyway.”
“Did Jason go by the diner?” Rae stands in front of me, brown eyes framed by a mess of blonde waves.
“She’s been talking about him,” Abigail murmurs.
“He did, actually. He wanted to make sure I tell you that he said hi. He’s been busy with work, but I’m sure we’ll see him soon.”
Rae’s eyes light up. “Yippee!” She jumps with her hands clenched tightly in the air.
Abigail looks at me. “Why don’t you go take a bath, baby girl,” I tell Rae.
While Rae is in the shower, I turn to Abigail. “He came by today and asked me to dinner. He said I could take Rae if I want, but…” How do I say this without sounding like a terrible mother? I’m already worried Rae is going to get upset she won’t go to dinner.
“Say no more. I’ll watch her.”
“Should I take her? He did offer.”
“It’s important you have adult time. If this man is serious about getting to know you, then spend time with him as a woman. When Rae’s around, you’re a mother. You know I love that little girl, but I love you, too and want to see you have fun.”
“Thanks, Abigail.” I hug her. “Not sure how I’m gonna break the news to her.”
“Blake and I will take her to have ice cream. That should make it a little bit better.”
“I’ll talk to her today, too and explain as much as I can.”
“She’ll understand. I can come over tomorrow and take her next door to our house.”
“I appreciate it, Abby.”
“I’d do anything for you two.” She smiles and kisses me on the cheek before going home. I’m blessed to have people around me that care as much as they do. Not just for me, but for Rae, too.
While Rae finishes up in the shower, I call my dad to see how he and my mom are doing while I start cooking the ground beef for our taco dinner. I try to keep our meals fun, so she eats everything I serve her. Since she likes to cook, it helps to keep her excited for our meals.
Rae tumbles into the kitchen and sniffs. “What are you making?”
“Tacos,” I reply.
“Yummy. Can I help?”
“Sure can. Just spoke to Grandpa. He says hi and he misses you. I’ll see if we can make a trip there soon. Maybe one morning on a day I work the night shift.” I try to visit them during the day, because there is no way I’m taking the bus back at night with Rae alone.
“Yay!”
While I finish the beef, Rae puts some cheese in a dish and washes lettuce. I’m grateful food stamps helps cover most of our groceries, so I can buy some healthier options and vegetables. Some weeks are a mac and cheese kind of week, but other times we can get creative and have fun.
“Did Jason really say hi?” Rae asks.
“Of course he did. He came by the diner for breakfast and asked about you.”
“I really like him, Mommy.”
“I know, sweetie. I do, too. Actually,” I pause. This is the perfect time to bring up tomorrow’s date. “He asked me to go to dinner with him tomorrow night.”
Rae’s head whips toward me. “He did?” Her eyes widen.
“Yeah.”
“Are you gonna go?”
“I am. I wasn’t sure at first, but he seems like a nice person.”
“He does,” she sighs.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Is this just for adults? Like a date?”
I laugh, surprised she knows that term. “How do you know what a date is?”
“We’ve talked about it at school. Jessy’s mom went on a date and we talked about it.”
“You and her mom?” I furrow my eyebrows.
“No, silly. Jessy and me. She wondered if he would be her new dad, and since her and I don’t really have dads, we talk about that.”
“You’re only six.”
“Six and a half,” she smiles with pride.
“So you’re okay with me going to dinner with Jason? I want to make sure you’re okay with this.”
“I am. Maybe you’ll get married one day and he’ll be my daddy.”
My breath catches in my throat. I close my eyes for a brief moment. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“Why not? If you like him and he likes you, and you both like me, why can’t he be my dad?”
I lower the heat on the stove and look at Rae, standing on the small step I have for her to cook on. “First, we need to make sure we like each other and want to spend a lot of time together. People need to fall in love before they get married because that’s a big step. If that were to happen,
he’d be your stepdad, not your real dad.”
“I know he isn’t my real dad, but he would act like it. If you got married he’d always be around, eat dinner with us, play with me. Maybe teach me to play the guitar. I want a daddy.”
My heart breaks for my little girl, because it’s my fault she doesn’t have one. Had she been born in different circumstances, or I would’ve tried to find her father, maybe she’d have what she so badly desires. However, I couldn’t give her up when I went to my first sonogram. Adoption was an option, but she became my whole world the moment I heard her heartbeat for the first time.
“How about I go to dinner with him tomorrow and then we go from there?” She’s so wise. I always knew she was an old soul, and each day she proves it more and more to me.
“Okay. Maybe another day he can come over and I can see him?”
“Sounds good. Would you like to be here when he picks me up, so you can say hi, and I’ll walk you over to Abigail’s house?”
“Yes!” Her face lights up.
Everything is going to be okay. As long as Rae and I can talk things out, my life is on track.
I look at myself in the mirror and blow out air. I’m nervous about tonight. I’ve been home for an hour, showered and hair done. Rae is picking out my outfit, and I’ve resorted to digging out older clothes from my pre-Rae era. I have no idea where we’re going, or what to wear.
“How come you never wear this?” Rae is holding up a blue dress.
I shrug. “I don’t have anywhere to wear that to. Jeans are more comfortable.”
“I think you should wear it.”
“I don’t know.” Rae waves the loose-fitting dress with thin straps and a V-cut neckline both in the front and back. It’s been years since I’ve worn anything like that.
“Try it on.” Rae hands me the dress and sits on the bed, waiting to judge the look for herself. As I put on the dress, I’m reminded of the stretch marks I was analyzing in the shower. I’m nowhere near being sexy. I’m thin, because of my situation in life, but I’m not fit or toned.
I’m not like these super stars who have children and are a size zero the next day. I mean, that’s not real life. Except, that is Jason’s real life. He’s surrounded by people like this. Women like this. It began to stress me out in the shower at the thought of the possibility of ever sleeping with Jason and him seeing my flawed skin.
All of You (A Rebel Desire Novel Book 3) Page 6
