The hotel restaurant was almost full which surprised her. But a waiter found her a table on her own and she ordered Caesar salad and pasta. She was, suddenly, very hungry. She wondered whether or not Caesar salad and pasta was nutritious baby-feeding material. She groaned. She didn’t want to become a person who thought of her own diet solely in terms of what was good for her baby. So she ordered a half bottle of Pinot Grigio to go with her meal. And I don’t care if it gives you a hangover, she muttered in the direction of her stomach, if you’re going to live with me you’ll have to get used to the idea of hangovers.
“Cate Driscoll!”
She looked up from the magazine she’d been reading while waiting for her food and inhaled sharply. The man in front of her was beaming. She clenched and unclenched her fists under the table.
“Tiernan.” She extended her hand to one of Finn’s oldest friends who was also in the media. “Nice to see you.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Where’s Finn?”
“I’m on my way to London,” she told him. “Business thing, you know. Finn’s working.”
“You’ll miss the last flight,” said Tiernan.
“Mine is a later one than usual,” she lied. “Delayed from earlier.”
“And you left the terminal and came here for something to eat? Very brave.”
“So tell me about you,” she said, desperately trying to deflect him away from the unlikelihood of her getting a flight to London this late in the day. “What have you been doing?”
“I was in the U.K. myself,” he told her. “Just come back in fact and I’m meeting some people about a radio series. Nothing fancy. Finn’s too expensive for us now, I’m afraid.”
Cate laughed. “He’s busy.”
“New show on Friday,” said Tiernan. “Bet you can hardly wait.”
“We’re both very excited,” she told him.
“I’ll have to call him and wish him well,” Tiernan said.
Cate moistened her lips. “I’m sure he’d be delighted to hear from you.”
“We must get together for a drink sometime,” said Tiernan. “It’s ages since we all got together. Moira actually mentioned you the other day.”
“How’s Moira?” Cate knew that Tiernan had been going out with the makeup artist for at least two years.
“Great,” he said. “She’s working on that new film they’re making in Wexford. You know, the blood and guts one that everyone’s so keen on.”
“Lots to keep her going there,” said Cate.
Tiernan laughed. “A showcase for her, definitely.”
Cate glanced at her watch.
“Are you sure you’ve time for the food?” asked Tiernan as the waiter put her pasta in front of her.
“Just about,” said Cate.
“Well, I’d better leave you to it. Have a good trip.”
“Yes,” she said. “Thanks, Tiernan.”
“And we’ll get together soon.”
“Of course.”
She watched him as he left the restaurant. Shit, she thought, as she gulped down some Pinot Grigio. I hope to God he doesn’t phone Finn after all.
22
Aquarius January 21st–February 18th
Sensitive one, passionate but wants
the head to rule the heart.
Nessa phoned Bree on Sunday morning.
“How’re you doing now?” she asked.
“Much better,” replied Bree. “My feet are still a little sore but I’ve got much more movement in them. My minor abrasions must be getting better too ’cos they’re itching like mad.”
“What are you going to do about work?” asked Nessa.
“I called Christy again. I’m staying out tomorrow and Tuesday and going in on Wednesday to see how I get on.” She sighed. “I’m taking out the bike today just to see how I’m doing.”
“Be careful on that bike!”
Nessa sounded like their mother, thought Bree. Miriam had been on the phone every day issuing warnings about safe driving and looking after herself.
“Of course I’ll be careful. But I can’t wait to get out and about again. I’m going out of my mind here, even with people dropping in to amuse me.”
“Besides me and Cate?” asked Nessa.
“Listen, if it was just you and Cate I’d be gone demented,” Bree told her. “The pair of you would drive even a fit person up the wall.”
“Cate’s a fool,” said Nessa coldly. “And I’m sorry that my company drives you up the wall.”
“Oh, you know what I mean!” cried Bree. “I’m walking on eggshells with you both.”
“Not on my account,” said Nessa. “But I can understand it with her. She’s hardly likely to want to talk about it, is she?”
“It’s her decision to make,” said Bree. “Even if you think it’s a mistake.”
“You can’t call what she’s doing a mistake,” said Nessa vehemently. “It’s much more than that.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” said Bree. “I really don’t.”
“OK.” Nessa sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you anyway when she’s the bitch.”
“Nessa!”
“All right, all right. Look,” she lowered her voice, “Adam’s out at the moment and I wanted to ask you—will you do what you said?”
“What?”
“Do what you said. Spy on him for me.”
“You really want me to?”
“Yes,” said Nessa. “I really want you to.”
“OK.” Bree moved her ankle experimentally. “I’ll start tomorrow if you like. It’ll give me something to do. Are you expecting him to do anything odd tomorrow?”
“No.” Nessa sounded dispirited all of a sudden. “But I’m never expecting him to do anything odd. He doesn’t usually go out on Monday nights, though. But he does on Tuesdays. You could follow him then. Or tomorrow during the day. He’s always out at meetings. There might be something in that although I doubt it.” She sighed. “Tomorrow and Tuesday. That’ll do, Bree. If he hasn’t done anything suspicious by then I’ll admit that Portia made a mistake and forget about the whole thing.”
“Two days isn’t a lot to find out anything,” Bree told her. “I was thinking more of two weeks.”
“Two days is all I’m giving it,” said Nessa. “I want to know but if you don’t find out in the time then I’ll be able to put it behind me.”
“But, Nessa—”
“Two days,” said Nessa firmly. “Otherwise forget it.”
After she put down the phone she looked at her horoscope in the Sunday supplement.
“For some time now changes have been in the air,” it said. “You have been reluctant to make decisions but now know that you must bring some things to their conclusion. Changes are happening in a positive environment. Whatever occurs can lead to superb opportunities in the future.”
It had been the horoscope that had decided it for her. She had been afraid to make decisions but now she’d made one. Bree’s findings would bring things to a conclusion one way or another. OK, so two days was a short time frame but that was all she was giving it. And, no matter what Bree found out, she would be ready to make any changes that were necessary so that she would have “superb opportunities in the future.” She felt good that she’d given Bree the green light. It felt good to be in control.
Cate phoned Finn from the arrivals area of the airport so that he could hear the bustling sounds in the background.
“I’m home,” she told him. “I got an earlier flight.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. Things finished up last night so there was no need for me to hang around.” She hated lying to him like this. But, she told herself, she’d had practice at keeping things from him these last few weeks. What was another lie among so many?
“And you want me to pick you up?”
“If you like,” she told him. “I can get a taxi.”
“Would you mind getting the cab?” asked
Finn. “I’m a bit tied up here at the moment. I wasn’t expecting you yet.”
“Oh. Sure.” She’d half expected him to say something like this but she’d hoped he’d come to get her. “See you later.”
“Yes,” said Finn.
She snapped her mobile closed and picked up her bag. The queue at the taxi rank was short and she didn’t have to wait long for a cab. She read the Sunday Business Post as they drove to the apartment. She wasn’t going to think of talking to Finn about the baby yet. That was for next week, for after his show. This week was going to be an ordinary week. A dull week. Where he came first. How Nessa-like, she thought wryly. Maybe being pregnant has turned me into a Nessa clone. She paid the driver and overtipped him because she was feeling suddenly light-hearted again. She was still terrified, of course she was. She still wasn’t sure that she’d done the right thing by not getting on the plane to London. And she still had to sit down and talk to Finn about it all. But she didn’t feel as burdened as she had before.
She let herself into the apartment and nearly fell over the suitcase. Her suitcase. The bright red Delsey one that she’d used when she first moved into the apartment with Finn.
“Hello?” she called tentatively. “Finn?”
She’d never seen him looking so angry. His face was set into a grim parody of itself, his eyebrows straight, his lips taut.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“You bitch!”
She stared at him.
“You lying, cheating bitch!”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Don’t insult me,” said Finn. “Christ, Cate, I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. How dense. I always thought this kind of thing happened to the woman, which shows how far along the scale of PC I am! I never thought it would happen to me.”
“Finn, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I really don’t.”
“How can you lie to me like that?” he demanded. “How?”
She clenched her teeth to stop her jaw from trembling. She didn’t know how much he knew. She didn’t know exactly what he knew. But he obviously knew something and whatever it was, it wasn’t good.
“Tell me how I’ve lied to you,” she said.
“That’s pretty easy.” He snorted. “I got a phone call from you on Friday. Sometime after six. You told me that everything in London was fine.”
She swallowed.
“So how come I get a phone call at eleven o’clock at night frommy old friend Tiernan Brennan to tell me that he met you in the airport hotel and that you were on your way to London? When you were already supposed to be there? When you’d told me that you were there?”
“I can explain that.” My God, she thought, people actually say “I can explain.” I always thought it was just dialogue in the movies.
“No you can’t,” said Finn flatly.
“I can,” said Cate.
“Cate, I might be the most awful fool in the world but I’m not foolish enough to listen to some cock-and-bull story about missing flights or late flights or some other nonsense,” said Finn. “You can’t come up with any explanation that’ll mean anything other than you were doing something that you shouldn’t have been doing. That you were cheating on me.” He made a face. “In the goddamned airport hotel! I mean, Cate, you could’ve cheated on me in more stylish surroundings.”
“I wasn’t cheating on you.” Cate’s heart was beating rapidly. She was going to have to tell him. But she wasn’t ready to tell him. She hadn’t worked out how to tell him.
“Look, it doesn’t matter,” Finn told her. “You lied to me. You said you were in London when you were in Dublin. Whether or not you were fucking some guy doesn’t really matter. You lied.”
“I know,” she said. “But I had my reasons.”
“I don’t want to hear them,” said Finn. “I want you to leave. I’ve packed your stuff. The other case is in the bedroom. I’ll get it for you.”
“Finn, please!” She caught his arm. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“It’s important, Finn.”
“You lied,” he repeated. “I’ve never lied to you. Ever. I don’t want to know you anymore, Cate.”
“I’m pregnant,” she told him.
There is such a thing as the sound of silence, she realized. She could hear the silence around them, feel it. She wasn’t going to be the one to break it.
“Say that again.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“By whom?”
She gasped. In all of her imaginings, all of her playing out of different scenarios, she’d never for one minute considered that Finn wouldn’t believe the child was his.
“You’re the father,” she said jerkily. “Who else?”
“How would I know?” he asked. “You’re the one who spends weekends in hotels without me.”
“Oh, Finn!” Sooner or later she’d known she’d cry but she wished she could have held out a little longer. “I didn’t spend the weekend in a hotel without you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, yes, I did but—” The tears poured down her face and she couldn’t stop them. They plopped onto the side of the red suitcase and onto the floor beneath. She willed Finn to take her in his arms and comfort her but instead he walked away. She followed him into the living area.
“The baby is due in March,” she said. “I found out a couple of weeks ago.”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“Finn, I couldn’t tell you!” she cried. “How could I? You had so much on your plate. The TV show, the new radio stuff—everything. You were far too caught up in it. I knew you’d freak out if you thought I was pregnant.”
“You should have told me before now,” he said coldly. “Although that still depends on whether or not I’m the father.”
“Of course you are,” she said fiercely. “But I was frightened. I didn’t want this baby. I knew you didn’t want it either. We talked about it before. So I…” her voice faltered, “so I decided to have an abortion.”
“What!”
She’d never seen him look so totally shocked before.
“I thought it would be for the best,” she said. “After all, I’m so busy in work myself and we have all that stuff with the new HiSpeed shoe going on. Plus you’re so caught up in your career—when would we have time for a baby, Finn? When? And I didn’t want to bother you with everything so I decided I’d go to London myself.”
His expression was still one of shock. “You had an abortion? Of my baby? Without telling me?”
“Well, no, I couldn’t go through with it,” she said. “But I wasn’t going to tell you that I was pregnant until after you’d done the first show because I thought it would distract you.”
“You’re pregnant and you didn’t tell me. You were going to have an abortion without telling me. You pretended to go to London when you were in Dublin. Forgive me, Cate, but I’m not entirely sure what my role in all this is other than an uninformed bystander.”
“Look, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was upset.”
“You were upset!” Finn stared at her. “You were upset. What about me?”
“I know I should’ve told you before now but I just couldn’t.”
“So you thought it was OK to make this decision by yourself. You lived with me while you knew that you were pregnant with my child and you thought that it was fine for you to decide whether or not it should be born.”
“Finn, you sound like Nessa now. She said—”
“Nessa! You told Nessa and you didn’t tell me.”
“She’s my sister. I wanted her advice.”
“Oh, come on, Cate. You knew what her advice would be. Have the baby. You didn’t want advice. You wanted to share it with someone. But not with me.” He shook his head. “So maybe I was right the first time. Maybe it’s because it’s not mine.”
“Finn, it’s your baby,” she said. �
�Of course it’s your baby.”
“How can I be sure of that?” he demanded. “How can I know that every time you said you were in London on business you weren’t somewhere else?”
“Because I’ve never lied to you. I’ve never been unfaithful to you.”
He laughed shortly. “Let’s back up on that, shall we? You never lied??”
“This was different,” she wailed. “I was in shock, Finn. You can’t know what it’s like.”
“I know what it was like to have a pal ring me up and say he’s just seen my girlfriend eating in the restaurant of the airport hotel while I think she’s in London,” said Finn furiously.
“I’ve explained,” cried Cate. “Surely you understand?”
“No, I don’t,” said Finn. “I don’t understand why you thought it was OK to keep this to yourself. I don’t understand why you thought it was OK to make a life and death decision on your own. And I don’t understand why you didn’t come home when you’d changed your mind about it all.”
“I needed some time to think,” she said.
“Seems to me that’s all you’ve been doing,” he said. “Of course I’ve had some time to think too, since Tiernan’s phone call. And what I’m thinking is that a girl like you can’t be trusted. And that once trust has gone from our relationship there’s nothing left.”
“I know you’re mad at me,” she told him. “I don’t blame you. But I was really confused, Finn. And scared.”
“Yes,” he said. “I know. I see that. But you didn’t come to me.”
She pushed her hands through her hair. This was all happening wrong. She’d expected to have to argue about having a baby but that wasn’t what he was aruging about at all. He was arguing about trust and confidence in each other and all sorts of things that she hadn’t even considered.
“I don’t want to marry you, Cate,” said Finn.
“But—”
He's Got to Go Page 26
