Adam walked in carrying a tray.
“Here you are,” he said.
“Thanks.”
She sipped the tea. He sat beside her and watched the news. This was almost normal, she thought. Like hundreds of nights that they’d spent together—although those nights she’d usually made the tea. He must be going to say something else, though. He couldn’t pretend that the last conversation they’d had wasn’t her accusing him of having an affair and him walking out on her. He couldn’t go on behaving as though nothing had happened.
“About this Annika thing,” she said eventually as she put her cup on the coffee table in front of her.
He looked at her.
“I just need to be sure,” she said.
“I’ve told you everything,” said Adam. “I don’t know what information you’ve got but it’s wrong. I kissed her, yes. But it was only a kiss. She’s not important to me, Nessa, other than as a client. She’s a damned important client.”
“Jill said that we never go out together.” Nessa picked up her cup and then put it back on the coffee table again. “And I thought about it. She’s right.”
“When do we have time?” demanded Adam.
“Maybe we should make time,” said Nessa.
“But it’s being at home with you that I like so much,” Adam said. “All the comforts. Able to relax.”
“We should socialize a bit more, though. We’re in a rut.”
Adam shrugged. “I do so much already,” he said. “All this corporate stuff. I like coming home to my family. I like chilling out with you and Jill.”
“But I don’t do much,” said Nessa. “I don’t have any corporate things.”
“You used to come to some of them,” Adam pointed out. “You said they were boring.”
“They were,” admitted Nessa. “But perhaps I should make more of an effort.”
“You’re very welcome to come to any of the functions,” said Adam. “Just let me know.”
“OK,” she said.
“So we don’t need to talk about this again,” said Adam.
Nessa shook her head. “I guess not.”
She got up and brought her cup into the kitchen. She rinsed it under the tap and put it on the drainer. Then she walked back into the living room.
“Do you love me?” she asked.
He looked up at her. “That’s a stupid question.”
“Why?”
“If I didn’t love you d’you seriously think I’d be here right now? When half the women in Ireland are obviously trying to get me into bed with them?”
She smiled wanly at him.
“Do you?” she asked again.
“Nessa—”
“Am I too fat or too old or too unattractive for you?”
“Now you’re being really silly,” said Adam. “You’re the loveliest woman I know, Nessa. And you’re just perfect.”
Their lovemaking was fierce that night. He pulled her to him the moment she got into bed beside him and he held her so tightly that she could hardly breathe. As she lay beneath him, the pent-up emotions of the day surged through her and she raked his back with her fingernails until he gasped that she was really, really hurting him—and then he grinned at her and told her that it was rather good. He flipped her over until she was on top of him and he told her to work at it. She slid along him, touching him, flexing her muscles, being more energetic and inventive than ever before. Then he shuddered and pulled her to him again and she told herself that he must love her because he’d said so, over and over again. And, she realized, it had been a long time since he’d said it like that. It had been a long time since they’d made love like that.
He always fell asleep quickly afterward. She put her arm around him. He sighed contentedly in his sleep. She closed her eyes. She wished she could fall asleep too. But sleep eluded her. Every time she felt herself drifting into unconsciousness she’d suddenly wake up again. She’d think about what he’d told her and what Bree had told her and she wished that she’d never suggested to Bree that she follow him. It had been a stupid thing to do. She wondered whether both of them were telling the truth, just seeing things from a different perspective. Bree had been looking for guilt and she thought she’d found it. Adam had kissed a woman but he thought it was perfectly reasonable in the business context. So he didn’t feel guilty at all. Both of them could be right from their point of view.
But she was the one who couldn’t sleep.
She was relieved when the alarm went off and it was time to get up. She got out of the bed, woke Adam and Jill, then went downstairs to start breakfast. Adam was in surprisingly good form for the morning and Jill managed to get through breakfast without spilling anything on her school uniform. They left the house on time and she arrived at Dr. Hogan’s with five minutes to spare.
Everything will be all right, she told herself as she opened the appointments book and looked at the list of patients. We made love last night and it was bloody brilliant. Everything will be just fine from now on.
Cate had morning sickness. Bree heard her rush out of the bed and into the bathroom. She burrowed down beneath the covers to muffle the sounds of her sister’s discomfort. She felt bad about wishing that Cate had somewhere else to go but the idea of this happening every morning for the next few weeks was horrifying. She fell asleep again thinking about how horrifying it was.
The sound of the door closing woke her. She pushed the sheet from her face and sat up. It was only seven o’clock. She couldn’t believe that Cate was still going in to work at the crack of dawn. Cate had told her that the staff had flexible working hours. Bree didn’t think that seven in the morning until nearly seven at night was very flexible. But Cate had said that it was all about getting the work done and being there and, above all, being seen to be there. She especially wanted to impress her hardworking nature on their minds now, Cate told Bree, because she’d need some goodwill when she went on maternity leave. And she flushed when she said maternity leave as though embarrassed by the whole idea.
Bree threw back the duvet and looked at her legs. The bruises were fading and the pain in her foot had almost gone. She ached in the evenings but was fine during the day. She yawned and walked slowly to the bedroom window.
The road outside was the same as always. A row of redbrick houses opposite. Three blue cars parked in one of the graveled gardens. Her bike parked outside her own door. The bin from the house next door on its side again. A selection of people hurrying down the road on their way to work. As early as Cate, poor things. It was getting monotonous, Bree thought. Stifling even. Maybe it was time for her to consider moving on again. If she moved, Cate could stay in the flat, although she conceded that Cate would probably have hysterics at the idea. Because it wasn’t Cate’s sort of flat, cool and modern and uncluttered like the apartment in Clontarf. Nor was it really suitable for a mother and child. Bree suddenly wondered what Miriam would say when she found out that her middle daughter was pregnant. She’d be delighted, Bree supposed, until she learned about Finn.
She made herself a cup of strong, sweet tea. Definitely time to move on, she thought. Let Nessa and Cate work out their own problems. She’d never got involved with them before and she was beginning to wish she hadn’t got involved this time either. She could go to California where the sun always shone and the sky was always blue and where she’d easily get some work. And where she could meet some tanned and healthy man (definitely not a weirdo, though that might be difficult in California) with whom she could have a carefree relationship and put the messiness of the Michael Morrissey episode behind her.
She sighed deeply. He’d always been too good to be true and, of course, they’d never even got around to a decent kiss! But she’d miss him. She’d miss being part of a couple again. Of course she’d miss Declan Morrissey too, she thought, as she reached into the biscuit barrel and realized it was empty. He was a nice man who was easy to talk to. It was a pity that Michael hadn’t been as easy to talk to as Declan
. Or, somehow, as understanding.
She had a shower, got dressed and debated whether or not to ring Nessa. The original plan had been for her to tail Adam today but, having spotted him with his so-called client the day before, there didn’t seem much point. Perhaps she’d hang around outside his office all the same. After all, if he met the same woman for a second day in a row even Nessa would have to think seriously about the truth of what he was telling her. She was so bloody gullible, thought Bree. Or maybe it was just that she wanted to believe him.
It was a hazy day, not warm but not exactly cold either. Less amenable to sitting in the park, she thought, as she secured her bike. Yesterday there’d been a number of people strolling through it or sitting on the benches reading newspapers or books. Today she was on her own. She’d decided against struggling with another crossword and had brought one of her car mechanics books instead. She was engrossed in the chapter about pistons when her mobile phone rang.
“It’s me,” said Nessa.
“How are you?” asked Bree. “I wanted to ring earlier and then I thought I should leave you alone.”
“I’m fine,” said Nessa. “So is Adam.”
“What’s new?”
“He went for a drink last night after we’d had our row but he was home before me. He’d paid the babysitter and checked on Jill. He made me a cup of tea.”
Big deal, thought Bree. “Did you talk to him?”
“Of course,” said Nessa. “What d’you take me for? He explained it all again and we agreed that it was in the past.”
“Nessa—”
“I thought about it all night,” said Nessa. “I love him. He loves me. He loves Jill. He has no reason to jeopardize all that for the sake of one little kiss.”
“Are you sure you’re not…” Bree fumbled for the words.
“Fooling myself?” supplied Nessa. “I don’t think so.”
“Did you sleep with him last night?” asked Bree.
“What?!”
“Did he make love to you?”
“That’s none of your business, Bree,” said Nessa. “Absolutely none of your business!”
“I had a boyfriend who made love to me every time I asked him about other women,” said Bree. “It shut me up for a while. Then I realized it was only an excuse.”
“You might not believe his explanation, Bree, but I do,” said Nessa coolly. “And whether or not my husband and I made love last night has nothing to do with it.”
“Why don’t you wait until tomorrow before you decide to hang up your mallet for good,” suggested Bree. “Let me follow him for you today.”
“There’s absolutely no need for that,” said Nessa sharply. “I don’t want you to follow him.”
“But—”
“You’re not following him now, are you?” she demanded.
“It’s mid-morning,” said Bree disingenuously. “I’m sure he’s in his office.”
“Don’t follow him,” said Nessa again.
“OK, OK,” Bree sighed. “Have it your way.”
“It’s up to Adam and me to work things out,” said Nessa. “I don’t need you messing it up any more.”
“Thanks,” said Bree.
“Sorry.” Nessa sounded abashed. “I didn’t mean—”
“It doesn’t matter,” Bree told her. “This surveillance business is a pain in the neck anyway.”
“Maybe we can get together at the weekend,” suggested Nessa. “Yourself, myself and Cate. Go out for a meal again, something like that.”
“Maybe,” said Bree unenthusiastically.
“I have to go,” Nessa said. “Surgery is busy. I’ll talk to you again.”
“Right,” said Bree. She slipped her mobile back into the pocket of her jacket. She thought Nessa was being foolish but it was her right to be as foolish as she liked. And maybe it was just as well to leave things as they were. People might look for perfection in relationships but perfection didn’t happen, as she knew only too well. So if Nessa and Adam were happy, if Nessa could live with the idea that he might be engaging in a little bit of offside, what was the point in rocking the boat?
She glanced at her watch. It was nearly lunchtime. She’d wait for just a little longer to see whether or not he was being picked up outside the office again. It was highly unlikely, she felt, that he’d be seeing his touchy-feely client two days in a row. So if she turned up again Bree would know that he was a liar and a cheat and she’d make Nessa take her head out of the sand and face up to it. And she didn’t care whether or not Nessa lost her cool at her for disobyeing her.
By one o’clock, to her secret relief, there was no sign of Adam. But as she revved up her bike the Alfa drove past. She recognized it immediately as Adam’s just as she recognized his profile in the driver’s seat. He hadn’t seen her. The car stopped at the traffic lights and she came up behind it. She wasn’t going to follow him. He was in his own car, he hadn’t been picked up by anyone. But he was going in her direction, toward Donnybrook, so she didn’t have any choice but to tuck in behind him.
She didn’t turn onto Marlborough Road. She meant to but she didn’t. She wanted to see where he was going. She didn’t have to tell Nessa but she needed to know.
He drove past the turn for Michael’s house and out toward Stillorgan. Then he turned left toward the coast.
Perhaps he was going to Gleeson’s by a different route, thought Bree, as she kept a safe distance behind him. But he suddenly indicated to the right and turned into a small development of town houses and apartments. Bree cut the engine and stopped opposite. She could see him parking, brushing the car against an escallonia bush in the process. He got out and walked toward the entrance to the apartments. He rang the bell, the door to the lobby opened and he went inside.
It was midday. Bree sat indecisively astride her bike and wondered what to do next. She really wasn’t sure what Adam actually did for a living so it was entirely possible, she supposed, that calling to people’s homes was part of it. It could be that whoever he was calling on worked from home. Lots of people did nowadays. But she couldn’t help thinking that she was making excuses for him. Just as Nessa did.
She felt conspicuous on her bike in the middle of a residential area. She took off her helmet and shook her hair. There was a small corner shop at the end of the road. She walked to it and bought a roll and a Fanta. Then she sat on the small wall outside the shop, took out her book and waited. She wasn’t sure how long she should wait. She wanted to see Adam coming out of the apartment again. As if, she thought wryly, she’d be able to tell what he’d been doing by his demeanor as he left. But it might give her some clue. She’d completely forgotten that she wasn’t meant to be following him. She felt that it was important to be here.
Half an hour later she went back to the bike. She hadn’t seen his car leave the complex so she knew he was still there. And to be fair to him, she thought guiltily, he probably was there on business. It was just her nasty, suspicious mind making her think differently. She put on her helmet, uncertain as to what she should do next.
Then she saw him. On the balcony of the top floor apartment. He was leaning over the rail and looking into the flowered garden beneath. She stepped behind a sycamore tree so that she could see and not be seen. As she watched him, a woman came and stood on the balcony beside him.
It wasn’t the woman from the car park. This woman was dark-haired. She was wearing a bright red T-shirt and loose black jeans. She leaned toward Adam and he turned to her. He kissed her.
Bree was quite, quite certain about that. The woman hadn’t kissed Adam. He’d kissed her. And he was kissing her now. Bree realized that she was holding her breath as she watched him kiss her. She was still holding it when the woman wrapped her arms around Adam’s neck. She didn’t breathe while they continued kissing as they stumbled back into the apartment.
She was shaking. She stared up at the empty balcony where her brother-in-law had been kissing a woman who wasn’t his wife. The second woman
who wasn’t his wife that she’d seen him kiss in as many days.
Her breathing was ragged and uneven as she started up the bike and made her way back home.
28
Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Libra
Charismatic, successful, but believes that dreams
don’t come true.
“You have to tell her.”
Cate and Bree were sitting in the flat later that evening surrounded by the debris of the Indian takeaway that Cate had brought home. The air was heavy with the aroma of cumin and coriander.
“I can’t,” said Bree. “I told her that I wouldn’t follow him.”
“But you can’t keep it from her,” Cate protested. “I’d want to know if my husband was banging some other woman. The lying shit!”
Bree squirmed uncomfortably. “The second other woman,” she said. “I can’t believe it, Catey, I just can’t! He always seemed so nice.”
“That’s where they all get us.” Cate’s voice was brittle. “They pretend to be nice but they’re not really.”
“He probably could’ve explained away the first one, it was just a kiss even though it was a damn sight more than a peck on the cheek. But this…” Bree shuddered. “Oh, Cate, why is he messing around like this? Why?”
“Who knows?” she said tautly. “Most of them don’t bloody need an excuse, do they?”
“I thought he was into the whole home and family thing just like Nessa,” said Bree. “The barbecues in the back garden. DIY in the house. All that sort of stuff.”
“She must have guessed before now,” Cate said. “She can’t be as blind as all that! How many women do you think there are?”
Bree looked horrified. “More than two?”
“Why not?” Cate shrugged. “You’ve followed him for two days and seen two different women. Why shouldn’t he have one for every day of the week?”
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