by Lucy Monroe
“That I want to have sex with her?” He always thought Zephyr was more discerning than that.
“No, that you are calling her friend already.”
“She’s special.”
“I see.” All amusement was gone now.
Finally, the other man was taking this seriously. “Good, because I do not. Tell me to keep my hands to myself.”
“When have you ever listened to me?”
“Damn it, Zee…”
“You really are in a quandary, aren’t you?”
“I like being her friend. I don’t want to ruin that.”
“And having sex with her would do that?”
“Of course. Wouldn’t it?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On what her expectations are going into the sex. When both people are on the same playing field, sex between friends can be more mind blowing than anything you’ll experience with a mere hookup.”
He wasn’t sure he and Cassandra couldbe on level playing ground. “She’s a virgin,” he told his friend with simple honesty. “Totally innocent.”
“At her age?”
“Yes, and another reason not to take her to my bed.”
“Unless she’s tired of being inexperienced. Are you sure her state is by choice?” he asked in a tone that implied Zephyr knew something about this sort of situation from his own experience.
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it. Cass has lived her whole life for her ailing mother and her music. I doubt her father let her date when she was younger and now she’s got this agoraphobia thing going on. When is she going to meet a man she might enjoy making love to?”
“That’s not the point.”
“It’s not?”
“No. I can’t be that man.” That was the point.
“Why not?”
“Because she’ll end up hurt. She’s not like my—”
“Other hookups? Maybe it’s time you graduated beyond the one-night stand.”
“I am not looking for a relationship. I don’t have the time.”
“Everyone has time for friends, Neo.”
“No, they do not.”
“Let me rephrase that. Everyone should make time for friends. What’s the point of being at the top of your pyramid if there isn’t anyone up there with you to enjoy it?”
“I have you.”
“Your business partner and only friend. Hell, Neo, half the time you and I are in different countries dealing with our business.”
“So?”
“So, you can’t spend all your time working.”
“This record is getting old, Zee.”
“Is it? Or is it finally starting to sink in?”
“You know you are a hypocrite, don’t you?”
“We aren’t talking about me right now.”
“Good thing for your sake.”
“Right. Listen, does Cass want you?”
“I think so, yes.” Hell, if he was wrong then somebody shoot him now, he’d lost his ability to read people.
“So, let her know the score and allow her to make her own choice.”
“She might not make the one best for her.”
“She’s an adult, Neo. It is her call.”
“You make it sound so damn simple.”
“And you are letting it get way more complicated than it needs to be.”
Neo didn’t need Zephyr to tell him sex with Cassandra would be better than any hookup. His body had been yelling that very message at him since she’d opened her door to him the first time. In fact, he realized he didn’t need Zee to tell him anything at all.
He already knew what he wanted and he damn well knew what he was going to do about it.
Maybe she wasn’t his usual type, but she wasn’t the Plain Jane he had first considered her. Cassandra was no supermodel.
Damn it, she was better.
She might love her bright designer fashions, but there wasn’t a vain bone in her body. Her innocent sensuality was a thousand times more provocative than another woman’s practiced seduction and he had the erection from hell to prove it.
Neo had never practiced self-denial when it came to sex. He met a woman he wanted, she wanted him, too, and they danced the horizontal mamba a few bars. Well, he wanted Cassandra, and he was damn sure she wanted him, too, but for the first time, that wasn’t the only consideration at hand.
The blow dryer cut off. Neo’s hands fisted at his sides as he fought through an internal quagmire of conflicting thoughts. One thing shone through the rest—Cassandra Baker had spent twenty-nine years being denied aspects to life most people took for granted. First by the circumstances of her childhood and then by the limitations of the anxiety that plagued her.
He could give her a taste of passion—more than a taste, a whole buffet. Maybe friendship didn’t have to preclude sex. Not if both people wanted it.
And Neo wanted it. So did Cassandra.
Cass walked into the kitchen expecting to find Neo making tea, which was such a domestic thing to do, it really endeared him to her.
What she did not expect was the feral gleam in his green eyes and the clear tension thrumming through his body.
“Are you all right, Neo?” she asked, wondering if she should have put her suit jacket back on and not sure why that particular thought was flitting through her brain.
Except for the way he was looking at her. Like her white silk blouse was transparent and the lacy bra she wore beneath it not much better.
“You left it down.”
She looked to the right and then to the left, but neither the pristine counter nor the small bistro table set with goodies and tea things gave her a clue what he was going on about. “Um, okay. Did you want me to pour the tea?”
He didn’t answer, his hands clenched as if he was trying to stop himself touching something.
“Uh, Neo? You’re starting to worry me.”
“Is it desire or lack of opportunity?” he demanded in a guttural voice.
“I don’t think I know what you are talking about.” In fact, she was sure of it. “Your virginity?”
“My vir…” she squeaked, choking the word off midway. “What are you talking about?” And why were they talking about it? Being untouched at age twenty-nine was not exactly her favorite topic for contemplation.
He crossed the distance between them with two long strides. “Your innocence. Is it a condition you are pleased about?”
“Pleased?” Right. Because every woman wanted to stare thirty down without ever having had a boyfriend, much less a serious relationship. “Neo, you aren’t making any sense!”
“It is a simple question, pethi mou.”
“I’m sure it is, only I don’t know what the question is.” She was getting an inkling, though, and her face was flaming because of it.
“Zee said you might not be a virgin by choice, but rather by necessity.”
“Necessity?”
“For lack of opportunity,” he clarified.
“You talked to Zephyr about my sex life?” she asked in outrage as her brain finally caught up.
He ignored her. “Lack of sex life. If you had a sex life, my own would be so much easier.”
“I don’t see how.”
He slid his hand under her hair to cup her nape, the gentle touch at odds with the feral gleam in his green gaze. “Don’t you?”
The heat from his hand froze her vocal chords. No, that didn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t heat unfreeze them? But they felt frozen, unable to move. All she really knew was that she couldn’t speak. She wasn’t even sure why she was having the silent dialogue in her head, except that it was easier to think about that then what Neo was trying to discuss.
“I do not wish to take advantage of you.” His thumb brushed her neck, up and down…up and down, sending tingles through her with each light sweep.
Her vocal chords finally unstuck. “Neo, you cannot go around discussing my private life
with Zephyr.” Really, really.
“I did not go anywhere. I called him from right here.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I know I want you.”
“You do?” Okay, that bit of information was certainly enough to sidetrack her.
“Definitely.”
“But what about the no kissing friends rule?”
“I am rethinking my stance on that one.”
“Oh.” Well, it was probably a good idea, considering the fact he kept breaking it.
“Hence the call to Zephyr.” Where they talked about her virginity.
Oh, man. Her whole body flushed with embarrassment. “And he said…”
“That I should let you make your own choices. That you are an adult.”
“He’s right. I’ve been all grown up for years and as much as it seems to happen—or used to—I detest having others make important decisions for me. Only the problem here is that I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be choosing between.”
“Sex with me.”
Oh, heavens. Okay, she really got it now. “As opposed to friendship without sex?” she asked, just to be sure. “Precisely.”
“And after the sex?”
“The friendship remains.”
Friendship never remained for her, sex, or no sex, but now probably wasn’t the time to mention that salient little fact to him. “Friends with benefits.”
“I guess.” A sound of dark amusement came out of him. “Some benefit. As I told you, I have never had a female friend before.”
“But you do now. And you want to make love, er, have sex with her.”
A brilliant smile broke over his features. “Exactly.”
“But you don’t want anything else. Beyond friendship?”
The troubled expression returned. “It is not fair to you.”
“Why? If it’s fair to you and I do assume you think it is? Why wouldn’t it be fair to me?” What made her so special?
“You are far less cynical than I. And I’m worried you will mistake our intimacy for…”
“Love?” she asked, clueing in to the fact that even in the abstract he wasn’t comfortable saying the word. Never mind the obvious reality that he thought she wasn’t just lacking in cynicism but was encumbered with a big dose of emotional naiveté.
“Right.”
“It goes without saying you won’t make the same mistake.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I have never fallen for any of the women I’ve taken to my bed.”
“If you had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” And even the thought had the power to hurt her. Maybe she was more at risk here than she realized.
“The truth is, I don’t think I’m a guy who does the softer emotions.”
“Ah, you don’t think you are capable of love?”
“I have never loved anyone, never been loved by anyone.”
She knew that wasn’t true. The affection he and Zephyr shared was love if she’d ever seen it. They loved like brothers. Like family. She hadn’t experienced it but she knew what it looked like. Family love. Neo was clearly uncomfortable acknowledging the feeling but he’d been lucky to experience it.
The discussion was moot in regard to her anyway. She hadn’t engendered unconditional love in her own parents, no way was it going to spring forth from Neo’s manly chest in relation to her. She had never expected to be loved—longed for it, but never expected it. And it had been years since she allowed herself to even daydream about such a thing. She didn’t feel as lonely when she didn’t dwell on what she could not have.
And she wasn’t going to let it stop her from having what she could.
“I’m not expecting love from you,” she told him honestly.
CHAPTER NINE
“WHAT do you expect?”
“Nothing. I learned a long time ago that expectations lead to disappointment.”
“What are you looking for, then?”
“I’m not sure I’m looking for anything. Your advent into my life was like a comet dropping from the sky, totally unanticipated and a little earthshaking, if you want the truth. Your friendship is a remarkable gift.”
He took a deep breath and stepped back. “That’s it then.”
“But sex would be wonderful, too.” Not that she thought wonderful even began to describe what she would feel sharing her body with this man.
“So it is a matter of opportunity.”
“Not exactly.” She hadn’t dated. She’d never kissed, but she’d met men who wanted to bed her. Groupies that might be rich and snobby, but were groupies nonetheless and frankly, they’d scared her silly.
Almost as badly as getting on stage to play a concert. Talk about performance anxiety. What would someone who almost deified her because of something she couldn’t control—her talent—expect from her in bed?
“But you do want me now?”
“Right now?” she asked with an embarrassing hitch in her voice.
“Yes, right now.”
“I always want you,” she admitted quietly. “From the very beginning I’ve wanted you, even when I didn’t recognize what that feeling was.”
“But you recognize it now?”
“Yes.” And how. It was a screaming ache inside her. And he was offering to assuage it. She could have cried with relief.
“And you are ready to act on those feelings?”
“Here? Now?” Her voice had gone high with nerves, though to be honest—yes, and yes.
“Do you have other plans?”
“Tea?”
He smiled, almost indulgently, though his demeanor was anything but. He looked like an ancient warrior contemplating his next conquering. “I think tea can wait.”
She could do nothing but nod. Tea could wait. He could not. Her virginity would not. She maintained a fa7#231;ade of semicalm on the outside, but inside, she was shaking.
He must have sensed it because he bent down and picked her up, one arm under her legs and another behind her back. Just like always, she felt safe with him, even when faced with the unknown. He turned and headed down the hall that led to the bedrooms.
“I don’t want to get naked in a bed tons of other women have gotten sweaty in.” Not only did her heart—which wasn’t supposed to be engaged in this—rebel, but so did her ick factor.
The last must be the only thing that registered with him because instead of getting all worried that she was getting emotionally carried away, he laughed. “I change the sheets or rather, my housekeeper does.”
“I don’t care. We can use a guest bed.”
“Actually, we cannot.”
She frowned up at him.
“When I bring them back to my penthouse, I don’t take women to my bedroom, we go into the guest room.”
“Okay, it’s the master bedroom then.”
“You do not mind my sweat?”
“We are friends.”
“Ah.” But he was still clearly laughing at her.
She didn’t care. He could be as amused as he liked, but while she might not ever have his heart, she would demand every concession his friendship afforded.
Neo could not believe that he was carrying Cassandra into his bedroom with serious intent. The intent to share his bed and his body. His hold on her tightened as he inhaled her scent and reveled in the knowledge of what was to come.
His body rejoiced while his brain tried to wrap around the change in his circumstances. She wanted him and she understood the limitations of their relationship. Not only understood, but accepted.
Friends with benefits. He would have to discuss this concept with her. The idea she might decide to have benefits with another friend down the road did not sit well with him. Their case was a special one and she would need to understand that. Another man might not treat her generosity with the respect and appreciation it deserved.
But right now, Neo was going to give her exactly what he had promised. He was going to blow her mind with pleasure.
They entered the bedroom and he turned on the light with his elbow. The California king-size bed was in the center of the room and he headed directly for it. He leaned down to pull back the top sheet and duvet, then he laid her on his black Egyptian cotton sheet-covered mattress. Her beautiful brown hair fanned out on the pillows just as he had known it would.
Reaching out, he smoothed his fingers through it. “It’s like silk.”
“It flies everywhere when I don’t keep it put up.”
“And yet you left it down for me.”
She looked at him with confusion for a second, but then she smiled and nodded. “Yes, I think I did.”
“You knew I craved to see and feel it.”
“I did notice you looking at my braid rather intently by the pool.”
“I was looking at all of you intently.”
“I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t imagining that.”
“You were not.”
“I’m glad.” Her smile was sweet and, for all her innocence, full of womanly mystery. “As am I.”
“I wanted to feel our bodies pressed close together in just our swimwear.”
“I will give you better than that. There will be nothing between us.”
She shuddered, her eyelids going half-mast. “I might not survive it.”
“You are good for my ego.” And Zee had been so right. Even the bantering with her was different…he was himself, he wanted to talk.
“Does it need stroking?”
“No,” he admitted with a smile. “But it feels good nonetheless.”
“I get that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I know I have uncommon talent with the piano, but it still feels really nice when others express their appreciation.”
“You do get it.” She got him like no one else. Not even Zephyr. The warm approval in her pretty amber eyes went straight to his groin. “Yep.”
“Get this,” he said as his hungry mouth pressed down over hers.
Her lips gave way under his almost immediately and he took instant advantage, sliding his tongue inside to taste sweetness that was rapidly becoming addictive. Her response was complete and unhesitating. She flicked her tongue against his while her sweet lips moved with unconscious sensuality.
His body knew what to do and without even thinking about it, he started stripping his clothing away as he kept her occupied with one devouring kiss after another. He wore only his briefs when he started on the buttons of her blouse.
