Me.
Oh God.
Did I owe him somehow? Or wasn’t it like that? He’d trusted me because he knew I wouldn’t tell anyone, he knew I wouldn’t judge him.
It occurred to me sitting beside him—feeling pain for him—that I knew he would never tell anyone anything I shared with him. He would never judge me. I heaved a sigh and dropped my hand, my stomach twisting as I fought with myself. “Dru,” her name just fell out of my lips before I could even think about it.
Braden’s body tensed with alertness. “Dru?”
I nodded, my eyes on his stomach rather than his face. Blood rushed in my ears and I clutched the sheets to stop my fingers from trembling. “She was my best friend. We grew up together and when my family died, she was all I had left. There was no one else.” I swallowed hard on the memories. “I was a mess after… wild. I dragged Dru to parties we were too young to be at, did things we were too young to do. It was a little over a year after… and there was this kegger down at the river. I was on this path of picking guys off, some to just make-out with or if I was drunk enough, then other stuff, and Dru was trying to get up the confidence to ask Kyle Ramsey out.” I huffed humorlessly. “Kyle used to drive me crazy. He was always bugging me, but after… well, other than Dru he was the only person I sat down and talked to about everything. He was really a good kid. And I liked him,” I confessed softly. “I really liked him. But Dru had had a crush on him forever, and I was no longer the girl he used to have a crush on. She didn’t want to go that night. But I convinced her that Kyle would be there and I forced her to come along.
It was about halfway through the party and I thought Dru was off talking to Kyle while I was flirting with the captain of the football team, but Kyle was suddenly there with me, asking to speak with me. We walked off for some privacy and he started to say all these things. How I was better than what I was doing with all those guys. How my parents would be so upset if they could see me like that.” I took a shuddering breath on that confession. “And he told me that he cared about me. That he thought he could really love me. I didn’t think. I just let him kiss me, and before I knew it we were getting pretty hot and heavy. He stopped before it went too far and told me I didn’t have to sleep with him to keep his interest. That he wanted me to be his girlfriend. And I told him that I couldn’t be, that Dru was crazy about him, and I couldn’t do that to her. We talked in circles for a little while until I decided I needed to get drunk or something to get away from all the teen drama, but when I went out into the main party one of Dru’s friends told me I was a backstabbing slut. And I realized that Dru had found out about my make-out with Kyle.”
I closed my eyes, seeing the image of her standing by the rope swing, the hatred in her eyes so intense. “I found her further down the river, drunk off her ass. She was trying to get onto this old rope swing that swung you out into the water, but it was frayed and unused and the current that night was bad. I begged her to come back to the party and talk to me, but she just kept shouting that I was a traitor and a whore. ” I looked up at Braden now to find his sad eyes on me. “She swung out on the rope before I could stop her and it snapped. She screamed for my help as the current took her and I didn’t think—I just shot into the water after her. But Kyle had been behind us and he came in after me and was a far stronger swimmer. Rather than let me get to her, he tugged me back to the rocks. Dru’s body washed up down the river. She was gone. And I never spoke to Kyle again.”
“Baby,” Braden murmured, reaching for me but I held my hand up to warn him off, shaking my head, my eyes furious.
“I killed her, Braden. I don’t deserve sympathy.”
He looked shocked now. “Jocelyn, you did not kill her. It was a tragic accident.”
“It was a series of events caused by my actions. I’m to blame.” He opened his mouth to talk and I placed a gentle hand over his lips. “I know it’s not rational. I do know that. But I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point where I don’t blame myself. However, I’m trying to live with it. Telling you is huge. Believe me.”
Braden hauled me across the bed and into his arms, his hand at the nape of my neck. “Thank you for trusting me.”
I cupped his cheek in my hand and sighed wearily. “I think we need to have sex now.”
His brows drew together. “Why?”
“To remind us of what we’re doing here,” I replied, my tone meaningful.
Braden’s eyes narrowed. “No,” he told me gruffly, squeezing my nape. “I’d have sex with you for anything else but that.”
Surprised, I found for once I had no reply, and Braden didn’t wait on one. He pressed a hard kiss to my mouth and then slid down the bed, pulling me with him. He tucked me into his side and leaned over to switch off the light. “Go to sleep, babe.”
Shell-shocked at the night’s events, I lay there listening to him breathe before exhaustion finally claimed me.
***
“How do you feel now that you’ve told Braden about Dru?”
My gaze slid from the post-graduate degree framed on Dr. Pritchard’s wall to her face. “I feel scared, but relieved at the same time.”
“Scared because you told someone other than me?”
“Yes.”
“And relieved…?”
I shifted in my seat. “I’m perfectly aware that I keep things from people and I know that it isn’t brave, but it’s how I handle things. When I told Braden, the world didn’t end. I felt brave for once. And that was kind of a relief.”
~18~
I would be sticking my head in the sand if I didn’t say things changed between me and Braden after that night. We grew closer. Sharing looks and understanding what they meant kind of closer. And we spent a lot more time together. I decided not to think about the future. Right then I was having amazing sex with a great guy who also happened to be a friend. I didn’t want tomorrow. I knew what was waiting for me in tomorrow, and what was waiting was an inevitable mess. Everything was a lot nicer in the present.
Saturday rolled around before I knew it, and it was Braden’s guest DJ night at Fire to kick off the first week of university starting up. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to crowds of freshman, but neither was Braden and he had to be there in show of respect to this famous DJ I had never heard of, so Ellie, Adam and I were doing him a favor. I made the mistake of going shopping with Ellie and Hannah that afternoon for a dress, and allowed myself to be talked into buying a mini-dress. I had never owned a mini-dress. It was simple, turquoise blue, had a high neck, was backless to just below my waist, and the hem sat a good few inches above my knees—definitely shorter than I’d ever worn in public before.
Okay, so there were those green and white striped shorts, but a short dress was definitely more risqué.
I piled my hair up on top of my head, wore my make-up a little heavier since I let Ellie do it, and put on a pair of ankle-strap, suede wedges the same color as the dress. Ellie was, as per usual, stunning in a gold shift dress and spaghetti strap sandals.
We were meeting Braden at the club, which was probably a good thing since he took one look at me upon my arrival and scowled. The four of us were standing in his office, the music from the club pounding all around us. My hands flew to my hips at his expression. “What?” I snapped.
His eyes travelled the length of me and returned with a glitter of danger in them. “What the hell are you wearing?”
I narrowed my eyes. “What the hell is your problem?”
Ellie cleared her throat. “I think she looks nice.”
Braden cut her a warning look.
Hurt by his response to what I thought was a pretty hot dress, I shrugged like I didn’t care. “Let’s get a drink.” I spun on my heel and took satisfaction in the sound of Braden inhaling sharply. He’d caught a look at the back of the dress.
I heard footsteps following me out as I wound my way through the fairly quiet club. We were early and people were just starting to show. Fire’s main floor space was huge and s
plit on two levels. Four long curving steps separated the bar and a small dance floor, with sofas and tables around it, from a huge floor space. Black walls with twinkle lights surrounded the upper level and down on the main space, the edges of the room were broken up with paper flames that were lit up from the back. A huge modern chandelier molded into flickering flames hung from the ceiling and added drama to what was otherwise an understated club. Customers came into the club from the level below where one staircase led them up here, and another led them downstairs to two more levels. The first level hosted a smaller lounge and dance floor, and the basement level hosted a cocktail bar.
I didn’t even make it to the stairs that would lead me up to the bar when I was tugged back against Braden’s chest. His hand slid down my waist and gripped my hip tight as he bent to murmur in my ear, “You look good enough to eat, that’s my problem.”
I tilted my head back to look up at him, feeling stupid that I hadn’t realized he was having a caveman moment. “Oh.” I grinned now, a little smugness creeping into it. “Well good thing you’re the only one who’s getting under this dress, huh.”
He smiled predatorily, clearly only somewhat appeased, but he nodded, giving me that one. “Fair enough. Go join Ellie and Adam at the table I reserved for you. I’ll have drinks sent over.”
“Where are you going?”
“I have guests arriving, including local media. Have to be seen for a bit. I’ll be over soon.”
I nodded and turned around, making my way over to Ellie and Adam who looked like they were having a pretty heated conversation. I was about to spin around to be elsewhere when Adam looked up and slid purposefully away from Ellie, his eyes telling me to sit my ass down. I threw him a ‘you’re an idiot’ look and sat down on Ellie’s other side. “Braden’s having drinks sent over. I didn’t realize he’d invited other people. I thought it was just us.”
“No.” Ellie pursed her lips, clearly in a bad mood now. “Some of his ex’s as well as his previous ‘friends with benefits’ girls love clubbing. He invited them and a few of his guy friends.”
She might as well have just punched me. I stiffened, stunned that Braden had invited ex-girlfriends tonight. And he had previous friends with benefiters? He’d told me he’d never done that before.
“Ellie.” Adam shot her a reproachful look. “What are you playing at?”
Confused, she shook her head at him and he nodded towards me. Ellie turned to look at me and whatever she saw there made her pale. “Oh, crap, Joss, I didn’t mean anything. I mean, those girls don’t mean anything…”
“Let’s get drunk,” I announced.
Adam eyed me carefully. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let’s just wait for Braden.”
But waiting for Braden turned into a longer plan than we could stand. For a while I watched through the dim light of the club as it filled to the brim, and witnessed girl after girl standing flirting with him as he grinned back at them like an idiot, piling on their drinks.
Unused to the sharp spike of jealousy I was feeling, I shrugged on super cool pre-Dublin Street Jocelyn, and headed out onto the dance floor. Ellie was with me for a while and Braden stopped by to see how we were. I waved him off with a brittle smile and before he could question it, he was pulled away by another ‘guest’. Then Ellie was gone and I searched the crowds for her only to spy her at the bar, eyeballing Adam who was flirting with some girl I didn’t recognize. Men. I shook my head angrily. Assholes.
Maybe I was a little drunk.
I was just about to go to the bar and ask for water when I felt a cool hand on my bare back. I turned, surprised to find Gavin, the personal trainer, smiling down at me.
“Joss.” He grinned, still touching me. “It’s nice to see you again.”
I’ll admit that the huge smile I gave him was more about being pissed off at Braden for getting me to take the night off work and then ignoring me for most of it. “Gavin, hey.”
He whistled as he drew his gaze down my body and I noted the slight sway of his own. He was definitely drunk. “You look stunning.”
I smiled again. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing here tonight?”
“Uh… I know the owner.”
His eyes narrowed and he nodded slowly. “I see.”
“What about you?”
“Well, I’m here to dance. With you.”
I laughed out right. “Oh, smooth.”
“I do try. Why do-”
SMACK!
Gavin’s hand was ripped away from my body and I watched in horror as he crumpled to the floor, blood trickling down his nose. I glanced up at Braden who was shaking out his already swelling fist, his chest heaving with fury as he glared down at Gavin. The crowd had parted around us, watching, and I felt Adam and Ellie sidle up to us. “What the hell was that?” I choked out, loud enough to be heard over the music that had incidentally been turned down a notch when the crowed ooohed at Braden’s punch.
Braden shot me a dirty look. “That is Gavin. The friend who fucked Analise. Why the hell were you talking to him like you know him?”
My mouth fell open as I turned to look at the personal trainer, watching as he got back on his feet. Shock and disgust warred within me. “He’s a trainer at my gym. He helped me once.” I glanced back up at Braden. “I swear I didn’t know.”
Gavin snorted and we looked back at him. He was swiping the blood from his nose and grinning at Braden. “Looks like you moved onto better things, Bray.” His eyes scanned me now, sleazy and probing. “Here’s hoping history repeats itself, because I’ve wanted between her legs for fucking weeks. How about it, Joss? You fancy shagging a real man?”
Braden was like lightning. One minute he was at my side and the next he had Gavin on the floor, his fist pounding into him again and again. Adam darted past me and started to pull him off, the security appearing through the crowds to pick up a bloodied Gavin and hold him back.
Adam held tight to Braden as the two faced off. Braden pointed threateningly at Gavin. “You stay the fuck away from her,” he snarled.
Gavin wiped at his face again, wincing. “Christ, you never hit me when I banged your old lady, Bray. Tease you about your latest skank and I’m down in seconds. Is her pussy made of gold or something?”
Braden growled and lunged for him again, and one of the bartenders helped Adam to hold him back. “Get him out of here,” Adam ordered the security and then his eyes narrowed on Gavin. “I see you out on the street, I’ll knock your teeth through the back of your skull.”
At Adam’s threat Gavin made a face and let the security manhandle him out of the club.
I stared wide-eyed at Braden, not really even registering Gavin’s horrible words. Braden had hit someone. Over me? After just telling me he’d never hit anyone since he was nineteen, he’d hit someone. Over me. Or was it about his ex-wife?
I struggled to process it, the blood still whooshing in my ears.
Braden jerked Adam’s hands off him.
“You alright, bud?” Adam asked him.
Instead of answering, Braden’s eyes slid to me. His arm shot out and he grabbed my wrist, pulling me as he spun around and started making his way towards his office. I shot a wide-eyed look over my shoulder at a worried Ellie, but didn’t stop the momentum for fear I’d go over on my ankle.
I was hauled into the office with a sharp tug and I tottered up against Braden’s ‘nice and big’ office desk as the door crashed shut behind us. Very deliberately, Braden turned the lock.
I waited, unnerved by this fire-breathing, scary caveman-on-crack, version of Braden as he strode menacingly towards me. “First, you wear that dress so every man in this club wants to screw you. Then you start flirting with the man who fucking betrayed me,” he hissed into my face.
I pushed against his chest to no avail, my own anger rising. “Hey!” I retorted. “One: back off the dress. I like it, so suck it up. And two: I didn’t even know who he was!”
If it wa
s even possible his face got a whole lot cloudier. I shivered, trying to step back, but the desk was in my way. “And yet you were still flirting with him!”
He’d never yelled at me before, and I flinched back, intimidated and pissed off in equal measure. I shoved harder at his chest, but he only pressed into my hands like a damn cement block. “Me?” I huffed incredulously. “You ask me to take the night off for this, and then I find out you’ve invited all your previous fuck buddies and girlfriends, and you spend the entire night flirting your ass off with more than one of them! What is this, Braden?” I felt the anger dissolve into hurt and with it my voice grew quieter, “Is this me getting laid off early?”
I watched some of the fury melt from his expression, his hands coming up to grip my hips tight to his. My breath stuttered at the feel of his erection rubbing against me, but I wasn’t surprised. There was something electric between us, and it was really confusing being this angry and this turned on all at the same time. “Babe, that wasn’t anything out there,” his voice was low, his head bending towards mine. “I wanted a big take tonight, and a lot of those girls like to party and have a lot of friends who like to party. That’s all it was.”
“And the flirting?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t even realize. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I scoffed, needing to hold onto a little bit of dignity. “You didn’t hurt me. I can’t be hurt by you.”
At my scathing tone, Braden’s mouth hardened—the anger was back. I found myself pushed roughly against the desk as Braden grasped the back of my thighs and lifted my legs, pressing in between them as he shoved the hem of my dress up to my waist. I clutched at him for balance, the desk cold against my backside. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Jocelyn.”
I tried to push at him, but he only pressed deeper, his right hand leaving my leg to unbutton his slacks. I was panting now. “I’m not lying.”
I felt his cock nudge against my sex as he leaned in to whisper in my ear. “You’re lying.” He kissed my neck.
On Dublin Street Page 22
