by Hawk, Maya
My hand guides her mouth to mine, and I graze her lips before depositing a long, slow kiss on them. “You don’t know me at all, do you?”
She pulls away. “Excuse me?”
“You know me better than anyone ever has, and you think I wouldn’t be a man of my word? You think I’d chase you all over the world, convince you to be with me, and then bail when things get stale or hard or-”
“-no, no,” she says. Her eyes search mine. “Life happens. People have good intentions and then things get in the way. Promises are broken. Priorities shift.”
“That’s fucking life, Lauryn.” My hand still holds her face. “There are no guarantees.”
She pulls away from me. I should be more sensitive to her given what recently transpired with James, but I’m not in that frame of mind right now. I just flew across the country to convince her to give me a chance, and I’m not about to concede anytime soon.
“You can take that risk with someone else or you can take it with me.” I stand up. She gazes up at me, her hand cupped above her eyes. In this moment, I can either take her hand and fight harder. Or I can walk away.
I’ve come all this way.
I’m not giving up this easily.
“Give me your hand.” My lips are pursed, and I release a deep breath.
“Why?”
“Because I told you to. Because I know what’s best for you. Because I know your heart.”
TWENTY-THREE – LAURYN
“Everything okay out here?” My mom always had perfect timing, and it seems she still does. She pops her head out of the sliding glass door and smiles in a way that makes me think she’s happy seeing us together again.
“Everything’s fine, Mom,” I call back. Turning back to Sut, I see his hand is still outstretched for mine. Waiting. Mom is watching. I place my hand in his, and he pulls me to a standing position.
“We were just heading back inside,” Sut says. “Sky looks a little dark over the hills.”
“Huh,” Mom says, placing a finger against her crimson lips and flashing a delicate smile. The rain makes her happy, and living in Southern California, she doesn’t see enough of it. Born and raised in Seattle, the rain reminds her of home, of simple times, and of fond memories. “Think I’ll sit outside and wait for the storm to roll in.”
Sut leads me back into the house, and we leave a trail of wet footprints along the hand-scraped walnut floors. The air conditioning coats my wet legs like a blanket of ice, and I shiver uncontrollably.
Or maybe it’s my emotions.
Everything comes to the surface at once, and the only thing I know is that I feel better the second Sutton wraps his arms around me. I’m safe. Warm. Loved. Protected. He leads me to the family room, the place we spent the majority of our youth hanging out, and we crash on the sofa. Sut grabs a throw blanket and wraps it around my damp legs before slipping an arm around my back and pulling me into him. I breathe his scent, cologne and fabric softener, and shut my eyes.
I’m still for the first time in years. My fear, my hatred, my confusion…it’s dissolving as if it were never there all along.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against his chest.
“For what?”
“For blaming you. For hating you when I should’ve been loving you.” My voice cracks and fades, echoing softly off the cotton of his shirt. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the asshole all along.”
“Nah.” He shakes his head, his chin brushing the top of my hair. “You were a young girl, taking care of her mom. Your biggest strength was your greatest weakness.”
“And what was that?”
“Your loyalty. Your love. Your compassion.” His arms squeeze me tight, as if we wants to hold me as close as humanly possible. “Can you do me a favor, Lauryn?”
I nod.
“Can you trust me?”
His hand cups my chin and lifts it up until our mouths meet. I crave his taste. I crave his voice, his smell, his touch. Sut’s lips crush mine, and my mouth parts to let him in. He sucks my tongue softly, sending a tingle down my spine. He’s kissing me the way he did that last summer we shared.
“Fuck, Lauryn,” he moans into my mouth as he pulls me over his lap. A hardness rubs against my inner thighs, and my core melts with liquid heat. “I need you right now in the worst fucking way, but your mom is outside.”
I laugh. It feels like high school all over again. I bury my head in his neck, stealing kisses all the while, and smiling as I recall all the places we snuck in quickies and hand jobs and any other type of action a couple of teenagers might find exhilarating.
“It’s Tuesday,” I say. “She has bridge club tonight. We’ll have the place to ourselves for a few hours.”
Sutton moans, his head falling back against the couch. I’m quite sure he’s aching for me right now, but he’s not alone. I want to feel him inside, me; his giant cock filling my tight space, his metal piercing rubbing my g-spot, his body weight pinning me exactly where he wants me.
“Tonight,” I whisper, taking his earlobe between my teeth. “Tonight, you can have me.”
***
“I left a twenty on the counter if you two want to order some pizza,” my mom calls from the foyer. Her heels click against the white marble floors, the sound growing louder as she makes her way to where we sit in the study, perusing her library of collectable books and rare Hollywood oddities. She flashes a wide, red-lipped smile. “Just teasing. You’re both adults. You can afford your own pizza now.”
Sut laughs. “I’m starving. I plan on feasting tonight. Probably going to gorge myself. Know of any good all you can eat buffets?”
I elbow him, my cheeks blushing scarlet, and pray my mom doesn’t pick up on his catastrophically cheesy innuendos. He used to do the same exact thing when we were younger, but they never seemed to register with my mom. At least…she never acted like they did.
Oh, God. She was probably acting all along.
“All right, kids, be good,” she says the way she used to. There’s a bit more color in her face and a bit more shine in her blue eyes. She’s happy seeing us together. Her heels click across the floor until the front door opens and shuts, and the headlights of her Mercedes convertible shine through the windows.
“About fucking time,” Sut growls as his hands grip my hips. He spins me to face him, his lips curling into a devilish smirk. We spent all day hanging out, rifling through photos and biding our time while silently counting down the hours until we’d have the place to ourselves. I like to think the anticipation is going to make this all the more worth the wait.
He leans down and kisses me, his hands gliding down the sides of my hips until he cups my ass. Sut lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around him, peppering kisses into his neck and breathing him in as if he’s the only oxygen I’ll ever need. He carries me out of the study and toward the stairs, climbing them carefully until we reach the top. He remembers where my room is – the last one of the left.
Nothing has changed. A full-sized canopy bed with white linens and a whole mess of blankets and pillows sits center-stage in my childhood bedroom. Posters and photos are unchanged, my mother never allowing her decorator to touch my room or change a thing. My bedroom was a moment in time captured for eternity and staged like some sort of museum exhibit.
His hand works its way up my shirt and under my bra, massaging my full breasts until my nipples wake. His breath tastes like the cinnamon candy he snuck from the study. It’s hot and intense and sweet all at once, not unlike him.
I reach to undo his jeans, feeling the bulge beginning to form in his pants. His cock, his big, beautiful cock, is all I want. I want to run my tongue along his length, feeling the way it fills my mouth. I want to feel its soft velvety skin against my palms as it grows. I want it inside me.
Sutton stands and pulls his pants down the rest of the way, revealing his solid, pierced cock in all its perfect glory. He tears my pants off before leaning down and biting the lace fringe of my panties with hi
s perfect teeth, slipping them off and climbing over top of me, pinning me beneath his muscled torso.
His hands work around to my back as he unhooks my bra, leaning down to kiss my collarbone at the same time. His body over mine grounds me.
“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he whispers. “Waiting for this moment.”
My core heats, growing wet with his words as his hands caress every inch of my body. I reach up and grip his muscled shoulders, tracing my fingernails down over each ripple and bend as his muscles glide beneath his soft flesh.
He scoops his hands under my back and lifts my body upwards until we’re near the head of the bed, and he lays me down delicately until my head hits a white pillow. His eyes lock and never leave mine, and we stay like that for a moment.
This time is going to be different. Less hungry. More intense. Less greedy. More patient. Sex with Sutton can be any variety and still rock my world, but the way he looks at me now is different.
He knows he has me now, and that’s okay because it’s true.
I belong to him.
I am his.
Always have been.
Always will be.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he says. “I have to be inside you.”
His words send me reeling, and I widen my hips. I take a deep breath, anticipating that first insertion. The one that hurts in the best way possible. It’s my favorite part of sex with him. He positions himself between my thighs, gripping onto the base of his monstrous cock and pressing the tip against my swollen, wet sex. He releases his cock for a moment to massage my clit.
“Relax,” he breaths. His hand returns to his cock, and he presses it against me.
“Aah,” I sigh as he inserts himself. The last time we fucked, I barely had time to enjoy it. I barely had time to appreciate his girth or his talent or the way he bucked his hips just perfectly. Fucking a guy who knows female genitalia better than most females comes with its perks.
“You okay?” he asks after a few deep thrusts.
I bite my lip and nod.
He thrusts himself in and out of me, slowly at first, and then building to a quick rhythm. The warmth of his hot mouth covers my left breast as his tongue swirls, teases, and licks my pert, pink nipple.
Sut reaches down and grabs my legs, hoisting them over his broad shoulders until he is so deep inside me I almost beg him to stop. With his cock hitting my wall and spreading my insides until my nerves tingle with tortured ecstasy, I writhe against the pressure and welcome it.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he heaves as he continues thrusting. “And tight. God damn, you’re tight.”
“You probably say that to all your patients,” I tease. It’s worth it though because he flashes a smile that lights up his whole face, and plunges himself even deeper inside me.
He lowers my legs down from his shoulders. They fall to the sides of his hips as he pulls himself out of me. He rolls me to my side, crawling behind me and lifting one of my legs up a little before inserting himself in me all over again. He presses his hardness into me again, making my heart dip and ricochet in my chest, and then he wraps his arm under mine, pulling me close and breathing into my ear. Soft grunts leave his mouth with each buck of his hips.
He kisses my neck as he massages my breasts, his body hungry for mine.
After a while, he leans forward a bit and rolls me to my back, never taking himself out of me for even a second. It was like we are sealed, he and I, unable to pry ourselves apart if we wanted to.
His stare pierces my soul, making me forget how to breathe, and he leans down to kiss my half-open mouth, muffling the sighs that escape with every thrust.
He brushes my hair from my face in the most tender of moves, and I can tell he’s fighting the urge to release himself into me.
“It’s okay,” I say. “We have all night. I’m not going anywhere.”
With a corded neck, Sut releases himself inside me, wild spurts of hotness filling my inside. His body convulses as he empties himself and the sweet release takes hold of him. He collapses on top of me, sweaty and panting, and buries his face in my neck.
I run my fingers up and down his arm, grazing his skin with my nails, as I wait for him to recover.
“That was fucking amazing,” he sighs. “Better than the last time.”
“Yes, it was.” My hand trails down my chest, each rise and fall lifting it up and down.
As soon as the warmth of his body leaves mine, I shiver in the cool air conditioning of my dusk-filled bedroom. Without hesitating, he swiftly pulls the comforter up and covers me, slipping his arm behind my neck and holding me close.
“Thanks,” I say.
“I want to take care of you later,” he says, his voice vibrating into my skin. “I know that was all about me, but I just had to have you. I couldn’t wait.”
“It’s fine, Sut…”
“No, it’s not,” he says. “I promise. I want you to feel the way you make me feel.”
His words tickle my core as the thought of him touching me down there or licking me gets me all hot and bothered again.
I rest my head on his shoulder, breathing him in, and close my eyes. I don’t want to look at the clock. I don’t want to watch the minutes tick by, reminding us that my mother will be home in a matter of hours. I don’t want any of this to end.
A smile claims my mouth as I realize it doesn’t have to end here.
His finger traces my belly button, tickling my nerves before moving downwards to the apex between my thighs. My heart races as he spreads my legs apart and slips his finger up and down my slit.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers. “Just relax. Let me do the rest.”
I obey his command, shut my eyes, and lean back into my pillow. The warmth of his body leaves my space as he crawls under the covers and gets into position between my thighs. Pulling in a deep breath, his hot tongue slides into my most sensitive parts, lapping up my wetness. My body pulses in response to his touch. It won’t be long before I’m twisting in sheer ecstasy with Sutton at the helm.
TWENTY-FOUR – SUTTON
I wipe my mouth, and Lauryn’s arousal, against my arm. Her body is limp, almost melted into the mattress, and she’s trying hard to catch her breath.
“Your mom will be home soon,” I say, crawling up. I pull her up and into my arms, holding her as she comes down from her orgasmic high. “I’m not staying over.”
She whimpers, though she’s still wordless.
“I have to visit my mom,” I say, brushing her cheek with my hand. “And my plane leaves tomorrow morning.”
Lauryn nuzzles her face into my shoulder.
“My plane leaves at nine tomorrow from LAX. It’d be really great if I when I got to the terminal, you were there waiting.” My palm brushes against her bare arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I wait for her to speak, but all I get are soft hums. “I have to head out now.”
I don’t tell her I’ll see her tomorrow because I know the choice is hers. I’ve said all I can say. I’ve presented my case, and now the defense rests. Guiding her back into the barrage of pillows and blankets, I tuck her in bed and kiss her sweet lips. She kisses me back but says nothing, and I slip out under the veil of dusk and drive to my mother’s house.
***
“Hey, Mom.” I kick my shoes off at the service entry and head straight for the den. Knowing my mother, she’s doing what she’s always done late at night: enjoying a nightcap and listening to some classic jazz by the fireplace.
“Sutton!” She says my name with her trademark, breathless influence. Her face illuminates, and she runs to me with open arms, though one hand is clutching a crystal tumbler filled with a finger of Scotch. Funny how someone so light and airy can drink a man’s drink and make it look natural. “I’m so happy to see you.”
She buries her face in the crook of my neck, and holds me as tight as she can, standing on her tiptoes.
“I’ve missed you so.” She says with an exha
le. I hope to God she doesn’t pick up a hint of sex on me. “Would you like a drink?”
“No, thank you.” She leads me to a grouping of leather club chairs, Etta James’ softly wafting from nearby speakers.
“Will you be staying the night?”
“Yes, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, Sutty. Your room is all made up and ready to go. I just had Roxy put fresh linens on your old bed.” She smiles, but it’s a pained smile. She’s smiling through hurt and tears and trying to hide the fact that her world is crumbling. Mom takes a sip of Scotch and then another. A third sip empties the remaining liquid, and she rises up, heading toward the bar to pour another finger. “DeVonn moved out last week. We tried to make it work. He was willing to go to counseling, and he found one of the best counselors in Brentwood.” She takes a sip of her freshly poured drink before turning back to face me. “In the end, it was me.” Her mouth smiles but her eyes do not. “I was the one who decided to end things. Funny how things work out, isn’t it, Sutty?”
“I’ve been talking to Lauryn,” I say, figuring she’d welcome a fresh topic. I’m sure she’s been drowning in her own thoughts lately, mourning her former life.
Mom’s face brightens, even in the dimly lit den. “Lauryn? How wonderful. How is she?”
“She’s doing okay. Going through some things. Trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life.”
“I always did feel bad,” Mom says, taking a sip before continuing, “that my being with DeVonn caused a rift between the two of you. You two needed each other. She needs her father too. A girl always needs her father.”
“I don’t think she has any intention of reconciling with him.” My fingers form a triangle as I rest my elbows against my thighs.
“She’ll learn to forgive him as we all do.” She exhales, staring over my shoulder toward a bookcase full of trophies and red carpet photographs of my mother with various co-stars. Her looks have faded slightly over the years, dimming her star along with it, but the little things serve as a daily reminder that she was once relevant if only for a fleeting moment. “Tell Lauryn that forgiveness is not something we do for others. It’s something we do for ourselves.”
