She hurried from the room, unwilling to have them force any more questions upon her. It was a hard enough decision to make without their condemnation. Winona had been her life … her will to go on. But now Winona was a living, vibrant reminder of her life with Levi, never ceasing with her questions. Worse still, she had asked her mother about finding her another father.
“As if I ever want to consider that,” Ardith muttered.
No, she thought, the only way to deal with this pain is to put it far from me. If that includes removing Winona from me as well, then that’s the penalty I’ll pay. I’ve sacrificed enough in my life, but if God demands it all, then so be it. Let Him steal the last of my hope … my heart.
It was good to be home again—at least as far home as Virginia City. Dianne looked around the little town and almost felt as if she could kiss the dirt. The chilled October air exhilarated her in a way she’d not felt since leaving for Kansas. It appeared to do the same for the children, who now ran in great abandon up and down the street.
“Mama, can we walk back to the house?” Luke asked.
“Yes, please,” John added. Micah merely nodded.
“I suppose it would be all right. Maybe you could let Ardith know that we’ve arrived.” No one had come to meet them, and Dianne didn’t relish the idea of walking home.
“Yeah!” Luke exclaimed. “I’ll race you!” he told his brothers, and before Dianne could say another word, the boys went running at full speed up the street.
“Your children seem quite happy to be back in Montana,” Christopher Stromgren said with a smile.
“Yes, they are.” Dianne looked beyond Stromgren and was surprised to see her brothers Morgan and Zane driving down the street. “Morgan! Zane!” she called out in an unladylike fashion. She’d never been happier to see anyone.
They drew the wagon up close to the freight office, then jumped down. Rushing to them, Dianne put aside her sorrows and embraced them together. “I’m so happy to see you both. I certainly didn’t expect you’d be here.” Lia joined them and giggled when Morgan lifted her in the air.
“Zane’s getting married, and I’m the best man. I had to be here,” Morgan admitted.
Dianne pulled back. “Charity mentioned in one of her letters that you were interested in Mara Lawrence. She’s a sweet girl. I must say she’ll make you a fine wife.”
Zane nodded. “I know she will. So where are your bags?” He looked past Dianne. “And where are the boys?”
“You just missed them. You came down Idaho as they went up Wallace. They’re heading up to the house to tell Ardith we’ve arrived.”
“Mr. Chadwick,” Christopher Stromgren greeted. “It’s good to see you again.” He turned to Dianne and added, “This man is the finest guide I’ve ever had on any hunt.”
“Morgan is quite talented,” Dianne agreed. She’d had enough of Stromgren’s company, however. “If you’ll excuse us, Mr. Stromgren, I’d like to go home with my brothers. Perhaps you could call on Ardith tomorrow?”
“Indeed. I will make myself at home in the hotel and see your sister on the morrow.” He gave a slight bow and tipped his head at the twins. “Good day.”
“I wondered if you two would end up on the same stage,” Zane said as he watched Stromgren walk toward where the stage driver had placed his bags. “Ardith only told us of his coming a couple of days ago.”
Dianne grimaced. “He was actually quite helpful, and I can’t say he was entirely unpleasant company. It’s just that I know why he’s come, and I cannot approve of it.”
“You might as well save your breath.” Morgan nodded in agreement with his brother’s words. “Ardith has made up her mind. We’ve tried to talk her out of it, but she’s determined to go.”
“Well, then, we must let her go,” Dianne said sadly. “Sometimes we have to let people go.”
“Like Cole?” Zane asked.
“I hope he’ll come to his senses, but for now he’s made his choice.”
“And you’ve made yours.”
“I had no choice,” she said with great bitterness. “My choice was made for me.”
Very little was discussed amongst the siblings on Dianne’s first day home. She was eager to rest and get things ready to head back to the ranch. She hadn’t intended to stay even another night in Virginia City, but Ardith had explained that George was coming for Winona, and this gave Dianne reason to delay her trip. If George was coming, that meant she’d have help in getting back to the ranch. It would only be a matter of waiting for him. It seemed as though God had arranged this to ease her burden.
When Dianne awoke the next day, she lay in bed for several moments with her eyes closed. The sounds of the house were familiar, even comforting. Still, she knew that Cole was far away and that the anger between them had forever damaged a precious bond. She put her hand to her abdomen, eyes still closed. A baby grew there—a child that she really didn’t want. She grimaced. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her children. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t, under different circumstances, have loved another child. But in her present state of mind, this was the last thing she needed or desired. What if Cole never came home? How could she provide for the welfare of five children without a husband?
How would it be for a precious baby to come into the world only to know that his or her father didn’t care enough to be there for them?
Putting aside her depressing thoughts, Dianne quickly dressed and roused the children. She hoped George would come today. It was imperative she get back to the ranch before the snows set in. She needed to set up her own housekeeping, and Ardith assured her that the Selby cabin was complete. In fact, Mara’s little sister, Elsa, had been staying in the cabin, so Dianne knew that it must be fully functional.
At breakfast the children were quite animated, telling Winona about all their adventures. Because it was Saturday, there was no school, so the children gobbled down their breakfast and went out and about to reacquaint themselves with all their favorite things. Dianne was glad to see them happy. She knew they were troubled by their father’s absence, but she did all she could to reassure them that the separation was only temporary.
“George is here,” Zane announced as he came through the back door.
“Wonderful!” Dianne said. “His timing couldn’t have been better.”
“Are you sure you can’t stick around for the wedding? I mean it’s bad enough that Elsa can’t be here for Mara.”
“Why couldn’t she have come with George?” Dianne asked, putting away the last of the breakfast dishes.
“Our wedding is the one place her father is sure to look for her. So far he hasn’t been able to get so much as a single clue as to her whereabouts, and we want to keep it that way. She’ll turn twenty-one next year and then she won’t be under his rule.”
“It must have been difficult for her being the only one left with those ruthless men,” Dianne said softly. “I’m glad you thought to hide her out at the ranch. She’s welcome to stay there, you know.”
“Mara figured we’d take her with us to Butte.”
Dianne grinned. “Take a little sister along to your new home—barely married and in need of privacy? Doesn’t sound ideal.”
He laughed. “There’s been nothing ideal about our relationship. Mara is half my age and the daughter of our sworn enemy.”
“But you love her,” Dianne said wistfully. She could remember those feelings of falling in love—of believing in the fairy tale and the dream. Surely it wasn’t dead. Surely she could find a way to rekindle all of that in her own life.
“Of course I love her,” Zane replied. “I wouldn’t marry her if I didn’t.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” Dianne set the dish towel aside to dry and unfastened the ties of her apron. “Let’s go find George.”
“He’s outside talking with Ben and Joshua. You’ve heard that Ben is going to retire from preaching, haven’t you?”
“Charity mentioned he was considering it. It�
��s hard to imagine, though.”
Zane nodded and opened the back door for Dianne. She took up her shawl and walked outside. “He’s told us over and over that he’ll never truly retire, that once a man is called of the Lord, he’s in it for life. Still, he’s getting tired, and now that Joshua is here and has some experience preaching, well, it seemed God provided the answer.”
“So Joshua will take over the church and Ben will still lend assistance, is that it?” They walked around the house to where George had parked the wagon. Dianne saw him glance past Ben and Joshua and smile at her. His greeting warmed her. She waved back, feeling a sense of peace in his presence.
“Hello, George. How are you?”
George’s grin broadened. “Doing pretty good. Sure didn’t expect to find you here.”
“I know, but this is God’s providence. I need a ride to the ranch, and here you are with a wagon.”
“If you’re moving to the ranch, we’ll need to get another wagon,” he advised. “We’ll need to lay in a whole lot more supplies.” “I know. I’ve already arranged it,” Dianne said. “I have the freighters loading supplies even as we talk. I was going to ride out with them, but now that you’re here it will be much more enjoyable to travel together.”
“You’ll need some decent furniture. Jamie and I made a few pieces—beds and such, but there aren’t any tables or chairs or anything decent to sit on for comfort. I could probably make some bookshelves or cupboards, but we’d need to pick up the wood.”
“Are there curtains at the windows?” she asked.
“Yes. Koko and Susannah saw to that. They figured if you didn’t care for them you could always make new ones.”
“I’m sure they’re fine. What about dishes—pots and pans and such?”
“Nope. The cabin is pretty empty.”
“All right, then. I’ll pack some things from the house and buy whatever else I need.”
The boys rounded the house, then took off in a dead run. “Uncle George!” They attacked the man with such gusto that George nearly went backward under the sheer weight of their bodies.
“You have grown,” he said, looking at each one. “I’m impressed. What have you been feeding them?” He glanced to Dianne with a laugh.
She frowned. “Aggravation and sorrow mostly.” Her voice was low enough she doubted anyone heard her. “When will you be ready to head back to the ranch?”
“The sooner the better.”
“Can’t you stay—at least for the wedding?” Zane asked again.
“The weather could turn bad any time,” George said, shaking his head. “The signs aren’t looking good. So far we’ve been blessed, but it’s a long trip home.”
“George is right, but I would love to be here for you,” Dianne said thoughtfully. “Any chance of moving the wedding up?”
Zane looked to Ben and Joshua. “What of it? If Mara is in agreement, could we do that?”
“I don’t know why not,” Ben answered.
“Wonderful!” Dianne declared with a smile that she really didn’t feel, forcing words for which she had no heart. “I’d love to see you married.”
Funny how easy it was beginning to be—pretending she was happy. She caught sight of George watching her. His face was sober, his expression intense. He knows, she thought. He knows it’s all a game for me. He knows my heart isn’t in any of this. She sighed. If she wasn’t careful she’d find herself confiding everything to George, and that could be very dangerous.
“So you’re absolutely certain this is what you want to do?” Dianne asked Ardith.
Ardith sat on the edge of Dianne’s bed. She had stared at a fixed spot on the wallpaper for the last ten minutes of their discussion. It was clear to Dianne she didn’t want to get into the emotional side of the matter.
“Winona will be better with you and Koko. She loves your children, and she needs to be with others her own age. I know this will cause you to take on extra responsibility, what with her schooling and such, but I’ll send money home for her upkeep and your trouble.”
“The money is certainly of no matter to me,” Dianne told her. “I’m more concerned with your daughter’s needs … those that can’t be bought. Like a mother’s love.”
“She’ll always have that,” Ardith said, still not looking at Dianne.
“But will she know that—believe that—when you are nowhere to be found?”
“You’ll always know where I am. It’s not like I’m going to disappear into uncharted territory. It’s New York City. Of course I’ll be doing some travel, but my residence will be there and you can wire me or send mail to the address I gave you. Besides, you left your husband in Kansas. Do your children believe he’s stopped loving them simply because of the distance involved?”
Dianne wanted no part of that question. She instead brought the subject back to Ardith. “I just want to be sure that you understand how hard this will be on Winona,” Dianne said, coming to stand between Ardith and her fixed point. “Look at me.”
Her sister slowly raised her gaze. “Why? Because you think if I look deep enough into your eyes that I’ll change my mind? Don’t play such a game with me. You’re hurting enough—you’re feeling the same sense of loss that I feel. You’ve run away, so why can’t I?”
“I didn’t run away,” Dianne protested. “I brought my children to safety. They were endangered in Kansas.”
“And Winona … well, I can’t be a good mother right now,” Ardith said sadly. “I’m sorry. I’m not as strong as you are. I need to go, and I need you to understand and let me go. You must know how I feel in some small part. Your pain drove you to make a difficult decision—a decision that you never would have made under normal circumstances. Please understand that my situation is no different.”
Dianne fought back unbidden tears. She nodded slowly, feeling that she understood her sister’s plight for the first time. “I understand. I love you, and I love Winona. I want good for both of you. I’ll take Winona with me and love her as my own, but please remember that it will never take the place of your love. Don’t make the separation a long one or I’m afraid her heart will be forever broken.”
“Your sisters seem so unhappy,” Mara said as she and Zane took a long walk to discuss the events of the next day. “I hope they’ll be able to enjoy the wedding.”
“If they’re saddened by it,” Zane said, “they’ll simply have to understand. We moved the wedding up for them, and we’re happy. I won’t be made miserable just because they are.”
“I know,” Mara replied, “but I feel sorry for them. They are struggling with so much. I wish I could help more, but neither one seems to want to discuss the situation with me.”
“They don’t want to talk to anyone. I tried discussing this with Dianne, and she tells me that because I’m not married, I can’t possibly understand what she’s going through. Then when I tried to talk to Ardith, she accused me of trying to run her life. So I figured it was safer to keep my opinion and thoughts to myself.”
“You can share them with me,” she said lightly. “You know I love hearing what you have to say.”
He grinned and tightened his hold on her hand. “I never figured to fall in love this late in life.”
“It’s hardly like you have one foot in the grave,” she teased.
“No, but my father was my age when he died. I guess sometimes I think about that.”
“But he didn’t die naturally—he was killed. It wasn’t like his health failed him.” Mara stopped and turned to face Zane. “You can’t judge your existence by your parents.’ Both died tragically.”
“I know you’re right, but I will always worry about what might become of you if something were to happen to me. I didn’t have those concerns before agreeing to take on a wife. I figured if I died, I died. I wouldn’t be leaving any grieving widow or orphaned children.”
“Zane, you’ve talked about this before, and I want you to know that I feel a complete peace about this. I’d rather ha
ve whatever time together God will give us than to have nothing at all.”
He reached out to stroke her cheek. Her skin was so soft. “I want that time too. I didn’t mean to despair on the eve of our wedding. I suppose it’s seeing the problems around us that brought it all back to me.”
“Then put it aside,” she said, putting her hand over his. She drew his hand to her lips and kissed it lightly. “I just know we shall have a long and happy life together.”
In that moment Zane felt certain of it too.
CHAPTER 19
DIANNE HAD NEVER SEEN TWO PEOPLE HAPPIER TO BE WED than Zane and Mara. She was taken back in time to her own wedding as Mara gazed adoringly at Zane.
I felt that way once. I loved Cole more than life. I waited for him for such a long time—lived with the fear that he was probably dead. Still, love prevailed. She sighed. Could love prevail this time? Could it cover the multitude of sins that seemed to paint her life like watered-down whitewash?
With their marriage only twenty-four hours old, Zane and Mara were completely immersed in each other. Dianne had already reminded them twice that they needed to get on the road, only to have them mutter something to the effect of, “We’ll be right there.” She had to laugh. It was good that they were so happy. She prayed that God might never let the interference of others cause them grief.
“Well, at least they have no mothers-in-law to intrude upon their lives,” she muttered.
“What was that?” George asked as he tightened the ropes holding the tarp over their supplies.
Dianne shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing of importance, anyway.” She looked at her watch piece. Time was getting away from them, and even Daisy, her buckskin mare, was anxious to be on their way. “Should we get going?”
“I think the sooner the better,” George said. “But I’ve been saying that since I got here.” He smiled. “If you’ll get the children loaded up, I’ll make sure the horses are secured to the back of the wagons.”
Tracie Peterson - [Heirs of Montana 04] Page 20
