“Please don’t go, Cole. I need you here.”
“You don’t need anyone. You’ve made that abundantly clear.” He shook his head. “No, I take that back. You need to make a right stand with God. You need to clear out the hatred and bitterness that you have in your heart, and you need to seek the forgiveness of those whom you’ve wronged.”
She laughed bitterly. “I’ve done nothing that requires forgiveness. I tried to protect my child, out of a mother’s love. I don’t want to be forgiven for that.”
Cole pushed past her and headed to the door. “Ralph will contact you as soon as the snows melt enough to burn off the field. He owns this place now. I’ll send you money as he pays off the mortgage.”
“Don’t go,” she said, pulling at his coat sleeve.
Cole jerked away and stared at her hard. How could he have been so blinded by her schemes? “You have my lying sisters to consort with. Hopefully you’ll all get on your knees and pray to God that Dianne lives. There’s no hope for my dead son, but the least you could do is pray for her.”
There was no train out of Topeka that day or the next, but as soon as the tracks were cleared, Cole was headed home. He spent the days of travel in deep prayer and meditation on the Bible. He searched for Scripture passages of hope and restoration. He prayed for Dianne’s recovery and for his marriage.
I’ve made a mess of things, Lord. I got caught up in a problem that wasn’t even mine to worry about. If I’d listened to Dianne early on and if we’d prayed on this together and worked together, I might have been by her side. I might have kept her from illness—from the baby dying.
He tortured himself with his thoughts, and no matter how hard he prayed for forgiveness, Cole felt the weight of the situation pressing down on him.
“You travelin’ far, son?” the conductor asked Cole as he came to check his ticket.
Cole produced the piece and handed it up. “Montana,” he said in a rather dejected voice.
“I’ll probably get you as far as Denver but won’t promise much more’n that. Snows are bad up Cheyenne way, and to the west it’s nigh onto impossible to get through. They’ve had some luck off and on, but no promises.” He handed the ticket back to Cole.
“Thanks.”
“’Course, you should’ve seen us last year in January. Snows so bad we put eleven engines on one locomotive and still couldn’t get it broke loose of the ice. That was around Salina way.” The man crossed his arms. “Ain’t never seen the likes of it, but sounds like the same thing’s hit up north and west. South ain’t farin’ good either. Last year was the start of the ‘big die-up,’ as they call it—with Texas losin’ lots of steers to the cold and snow. This year don’t look much better for them or anyone else.”
Cole was discouraged enough without the man’s help. “Guess I’ll have to pray for a miracle then,” he muttered.
The conductor laughed. “Prayin’s the only thing that’s got us this far. If you ain’t been prayin’, you’d best get to it.”
I haven’t been praying enough, that’s for sure. I let my life get overrun with worry and fears. Cole remembered the time after the fire took the ranch. He had been consumed with the overwhelming amount of work necessary to put the ranch back in order. He had worried about every detail, until he did nothing at all for fear of doing the wrong thing.
I didn’t keep my eyes on you, did I, Father? Guess it’s time to stop thinking about myself and focus in on you. I’ve learned hard lessons about leading things. Forgive me for my pride—my doubt. Help me to move forward with my eyes on you—not on what I can do.
“I’m sick of snow. I haven’t seen this much snow since … well … since never!” declared Elsa Lawrence.
Mara laughed. “At least we don’t have to be out in it much. Not like when we were ranching. Zane has provided a nice warm house.”
“I’m always cold, even with the fire blazing,” Elsa said as she rubbed her upper arms. “I’ve not been warm since last summer.”
“But you have been full of complaints,” Mara chided. “I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but honestly Elsa, you could show some gratitude.”
Elsa plopped down on a chair. She hadn’t even bothered to braid or pin up her long brown hair. Her icy blue eyes reminded Mara of their father. She tried not to think about it or let it unnerve her, but sometimes Elsa could sound exactly like him.
“I’m really sorry, Mara. I know I’ve been a bear to live with. It’s just … well … I miss the ranch.”
“Father’s ranch?”
Elsa rolled her gaze to the ceiling and laughed. “Goodness, no. I meant the Diamond V. Everybody there was so loving, so kind. I’ve never known folks like that. They loved each other and worked together. They were so nice to me.”
Mara nodded, knowing full well what her sister was talking about. “I never thought families could be like that. I’d never known anything but the anger and ugly tempers shown in our home. When I went to stay with Cole and Dianne, it wasn’t that they didn’t have their problems, but they always seemed willing to talk and work through things. I’ve never seen any two people more in love or more happy being parents than Cole and Dianne.”
“Do you suppose Cole will come home in time for the baby to be born?”
“It’s hard to say. With the weather the way it is, Zane says no one will be coming this direction until it all thaws. I wish it would thaw enough to get some letters through. At least then we’d know when the baby comes and how everyone is doing.”
“The thaw could take until next summer by the way it looks.” Elsa sighed and got to her feet. “I’m going upstairs to sew. I might as well do something productive.”
“Zane will be home for dinner soon,” Mara said, standing up as well, “so I’d best get some food warming for him.”
“Be sure and ask him if there’s any news. I’m positively wasting away for some word of how the rest of the world is doing. At least Father always had a newspaper or two in the house.” Elsa tramped up the stairs, muttering to herself about keeping informed or something along those lines.
Mara smiled to herself. The thing that was bothering Elsa the most wasn’t the snow or the lack of newspapers; it was Jamie Vandyke. The girl was positively smitten. Mara giggled and went to open the stove. Feeding in a few pieces of coal, she stirred up the embers and worked to get the stove nice and hot. Next she retrieved some of the roast they’d had from the night before. She had her own well-kept cooler on the back porch. It was better than any icehouse. With the temperatures well below zero most nights, truth be told, the food probably was kept much too cold. But at least there was no worry about spoilage.
Mara had thick slices of warmed bread and roast ready for her husband when he came stomping up the walk. She couldn’t help but smile at the way Zane had bundled himself against the sub-zero temperatures. She knew he was wearing several layers of shirts and trousers, but he’d also taken every knitted scarf she could find to wrap around his face and neck and to tuck down inside his coat.
She opened the door for him when he reached it. “Is Zane Chadwick to be found in there somewhere?” she teased.
“Nope, he froze to a freight wagon’ bout an hour ago.”
She laughed and helped him to shed his layers. It was rather like peeling an onion—only without the teary smell. “Let me put these by the stove in the front room,” she said, taking off with an armload of scarves and his coat. “That way they’ll be nice and warm when you have to go back out. You get out of your boots and I’ll put them in here too.”
“No sense getting your nice wood floor all wet,” he called to her.
She came back, shaking her head. “I can mop the floor. I don’t want you catching your death. Especially now.”
Zane pulled his boot off. “Why now?” He stood there balancing on one foot while trying to pull his other boot off.
“Because we’re going to have a baby,” Mara threw out without warning.
To her surprise, Zane s
napped his head up, throwing off his balance. He fell backward, landing hard on the floor. He sat there in stunned silence for a moment, looking at her as though she’d suddenly sprouted wings.
Mara put her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at the sight of her big, strong husband on the floor—in shock.
“Did I hear you right?” he asked, still not moving.
She lowered her hand and tried hard to look quite serious. “You did, Mr. Chadwick. I am going to have a baby. You’re going to be a father.”
“When?” His voice was barely audible.
She smiled and went to help him get his boot off. “September—maybe a little earlier.” She pulled the boot off and picked up its mate. “I’ll go put these by the stove now. You get on into the kitchen and eat. There’s a plate warming for you on the back of the stove.”
She went and put the boots by the stove and checked to make sure it had plenty of coal to keep the fire hot. Closing the stove door with the hem of her apron, Mara straightened to find Zane watching her.
“You’re pretty amazing, Mrs. Chadwick. You seem so calm about this whole thing.”
Mara fairly danced across the room. She’d never been happier than she was right now. “I am calm about this. I’m calm and excited and terrified all at the same time. But mostly I’m filled with such joy and love. I’m blessed that God has given us this child, and I’m doubly blessed to be your wife.”
He drew her into his arms and held her close. Mara put her head against his chest and sighed. “I wish you didn’t have to go back out into the snow. I’d much rather stay like this the rest of the day.”
“Me too,” he said, kissing her forehead. “But it looks like I need to be practical. With a baby coming we’re going to need to consider our future.”
She pulled away. “Haven’t we always considered it?”
“True enough, but now this … well, this makes everything different.” He looked quite serious, almost worried.
“So you’re not happy about the baby?” she asked, frowning. She hadn’t even considered that he might not want a child.
He reached out and held her at arm’s length. “Of course I’m happy. It’s just that I want to do all the very best things for you … for the baby. I’m afraid Anaconda isn’t the best.”
“Then we should pray about what is,” she said, relief washing through her heart. “Because I’m convinced that God has the very best planned for us if we will but trust Him to guide us.”
“I know. I believe that too. I just need to know where it is He wants me to go—what it is He wants me to do.”
Mara took Zane by the hand and led him to the kitchen. “Well, for one thing, I’m sure God would want you to have a good dinner. Now sit down here and I’ll bring you your plate. Then we can talk more about what we’re to do for the future.”
Zane sat, his expression almost bewildered. Mara felt sorry for him. Such news was not to be sprung on a fellow during his noon break. Still, there had been no way she could keep the news to herself once she was certain.
She gave Zane his food and then went to pour him a cup of coffee. Hopefully after getting something warm in his belly, he’d feel more like himself and the surprise of her news would become a little more real to him.
“Elsa was hoping you’d bring home a newspaper. I don’t suppose you did,” she said, putting the coffee in front of her husband.
“Uh … no. Never thought about it.” He toyed with the cup for a moment. “I’ll try to bring one this evening.”
“Good. That will please her. She’s as miserable as I’ve ever seen her. She misses Jamie, to be sure.”
Zane nodded, but Mara wasn’t entirely sure he would ever even remember this conversation. Smiling to herself, she sat down across from him and reached out to cover his hand with hers. “I love you.”
This seemed to penetrate the worry and concern her news had given him. He met her gaze and said, “I love you too.”
“Then don’t be afraid of what this means,” she said softly. “We’ll see it through together. God has charge of the entire world. I know He can handle something as little as our becoming parents.”
“Parents.” He blew out a deep breath. “Don’t know that I’m ready for that kind of responsibility. I think it’s probably easier to run a freight company or break a green colt.”
“Maybe, but I’m betting the joy is greater still in holding a child made from the love you share with another person. In fact, I can’t imagine there being a greater joy for a man or woman.”
Zane finally smiled. “I’m betting you’re right.”
CHAPTER 23
DIANNE DRIFTED IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS FOR nearly a week. The fever still seemed to consume her, but Koko fought against it with all of her healing knowledge. George, on the other hand, felt helpless to watch the once vibrant woman battle to live. Even his generally optimistic sister wasn’t sure what would happen at this juncture.
“I’m going to go help the children with their studies,” Koko told George. “Would you mind putting a cold cloth on Dianne’s head? Just rinse it out every so often to keep it cool.”
“I’ll do that,” he promised. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Dianne. Including deny his feelings and remain the trustworthy friend he’d always been.
To George’s surprise, Jamie came to sit with him for a while. The boy had been positively impossible to live with the last few weeks. His mood seemed to change as quickly as mountain weather.
“I think once the snow melts, I’m going to make a trip to Butte,” he told his uncle.
“You think that’s wise?”
Jamie frowned and pushed back his dark brown hair. “Why do you ask that?”
“Well, it seems to me there’s a chance Lawrence could be watching all of us now. He might be looking for any clue that would connect him to his daughter.”
“I hadn’t really thought of that.” Jamie got up and went to look out the window. “It’s almost March. Surely this weather will settle and turn warm. When are Dianne’s cattle supposed to come?”
“I don’t remember—I think June. Of course, if other parts of the country are faring no better than we are, there may not be any cattle to send our way come spring.”
Jamie sighed and threw himself back on the chair. “I feel like I’m losing my mind. I hate being cooped up here. I can’t even work much in the barn. It’s just too cold to be out there for long and we don’t dare waste burning wood when we might very well need it here.”
George nodded and frowned. He’d long been worried that if the desperate cold continued, he’d have to find more fuel. The only sources of wood they had nearby would be the extra rails they’d kept for the corral fencing, and after that they’d have to start tearing down the buildings. He couldn’t let that happen. They’d worked too hard to see them built.
“I really enjoyed reading the Bible with Elsa, but now I don’t even want to pick it up. It just reminds me that she’s gone.”
“You can’t build your knowledge of God any other way,” George countered. “Reading His book is the only way to learn about Him and see what He has promised.”
“It’s hard to have a faith like you and Mama. I don’t know why it should be so hard, but it is.”
“When I was your age, I didn’t want to believe such things either. I’d learned from my mother’s people that there were many spirits and many things to be done to please them. Now I believe in the one true God. It wasn’t easy coming to accept that there was only one Father and creator of all.”
“What helped you most?”
“The Bible and your mother. I couldn’t read all that well back then, but I learned. I also learned to understand what God was trying to teach me through the Scriptures. Sometimes it’s still difficult to discern, but when it becomes clear, there is no other man happier than me.”
“Elsa helped me understand some things,” Jamie said, “and I helped her. I suppose it would be easier still if we h
ad a regular church to go to. I know we read the Bible every morning, but things were different when Ben preached.”
George nodded. “I remember it well. Those were good days when we could go to Madison and hear Ben in the little church.”
“Do you suppose those days will ever return? Chester Lawrence is buying up all the land, and that doesn’t give me much hope.”
“But your hope can’t be in land or in what Chester Lawrence does or doesn’t do. It has to be in the Lord.”
Jamie seemed to consider George’s words for several minutes while George rinsed the rag. Then without warning he started up the conversation in another direction.
“I know I asked you this a time back, but you never answered,” Jamie began. “Have you ever been in love?”
George’s hand trembled slightly as he adjusted the cloth on Dianne’s fevered brow. “Why do you ask?” He looked up and met his nephew’s eyes.
Jamie shrugged. “I guess I just want to talk to someone who understands how I feel.”
“I understand how you feel,” George replied, easing back against his chair. “Yes, I’ve been in love.”
“What happened? Did you marry? Ma has never said anything about it if you did.”
George laughed. “There were always girls around—girls I fancied myself in love with. They were beautiful and easily captured my attention. You have to remember, I spent much of my youth with my mother’s people. There were many lovely young women available to marry.”
“So did you marry?” Jamie edged up on his seat. “Was there one special woman?”
“I didn’t marry,” George said sadly. “I was often away hunting, causing trouble. I’ve not always lived a life to be proud of. But yes, there was one special woman.”
“But you didn’t marry her. Why?”
George closed his eyes. He could still see Dianne as a young woman, standing on a stump, refusing to let George’s Blackfoot friends steal her beloved pony. He’d called her Stands Tall Woman, and she had earned that name in every way, ever since.
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