“I feel like a schoolboy, giddy and worked up about getting my first horse,” Cole said as they strode toward the freight yard.
“I have to admit, I feel the same,” Jim said. “This winter hasn’t been an easy one. Even in Virginia City it’s been hard.” They approached a group of wagons covered with tarps, and Jim called up to one of the drivers. “You set to pull out?”
“Just waiting on you to take care of the invoices,” the man replied.
“Guess we’re ready,” Jim said, looking to Cole. “How about it, boss?”
“I’m ready!” Cole jumped up into the empty wagon and waited while Jim finished signing off the paper work at the freight office. It would probably take them twice as much time as usual to make the trip, but at least they’d be on their way.
“Excuse me, sir!” a familiar voice sounded from behind Cole.
He turned and looked.
“Ardith?”
“Cole! I had no idea of finding you here. I’ve been trying to get transportation home. The trains aren’t running all the way, and the stage refuses to even try a trip north just yet. They said the passes, especially the Malad Hill, have been impossible.”
“I know. We’ve been up against the same thing, but a man came down from Eagle Rock and said it can be done. It just won’t be easy.”
“Please tell me I may come with you,” Ardith said. “I have to get home.”
“Of course you can come.” Cole reached down to grab the small bag she carried and help her up. “Is that all you’ve brought?”
She laughed. “I brought the only useful articles I own. I’m wearing three layers of skirts and at least as many petticoats. Most of what I had with me in New York wasn’t worth the effort of bringing.”
“So you did take that trip to New York?”
“Yes. It was a waste of time. Just as Dianne told me it would be.” She frowned. “I thought going away would help to heal my hurts.”
“But it didn’t?” Cole asked, blowing steam in the chilled morning air.
“I miss my daughter. I realize that while it’s painful to endure the memories of what I’ve lost, it’s better than feeling nothing at all. It’s far better than finding solace in the company of strangers.”
Cole nodded as Jim Riley climbed up on the wagon. “Jim, this is my sister-in-law. I had no idea she was in town, but I told her we’d take her with us.”
“Well, I’m sure we’re bound to spend extra time on the trail—probably with nothing but the wagons and tarps for shelter. Are you sure she’s up to such a difficult road?”
Cole looked at Ardith, and they both broke out laughing. “She’s one of the strongest ladies I know,” he said. “She’ll handle it just fine. Probably outlast you and me together.”
Jim smiled appreciatively at Ardith. “Then glad to have you with us, ma’am.”
The trip was more arduous than anything Ardith had expected, but her thoughts of home and Winona drove her on. She was anxious to see how much Winona had grown—to hear what her daughter had to say about all that she’d endured over the winter. Ardith had purchased several small gifts for Winona that were tucked safely in her small bag, but in truth she hoped Winona was happiest with the gift of her return. The thought of what she had said when she’d left for New York now weighed heavily on Ardith’s mind.
That night as they shared shelter in a small roadhouse, Ardith warmed herself by the fire and tried to imagine what she could possibly say that would make things right between her and Winona.
“I’ve been hoping we could have a quiet moment to talk,” Cole said as he came upon Ardith. “It looks like most everyone else has retired for the evening.”
“I tried to sleep, but there are just too many things to think on.”
“Well, unfortunately, I must give you one more.”
She eyed her brother-in-law curiously. His expression was quite grave. “What is it?”
“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Jim. I figured news like this needed to be shared in private.” Cole motioned her to take a seat at the long table where they’d had supper only hours earlier.
Ardith felt a chill as she settled on the bench, away from the fire. “Please tell me what’s happened.”
“It’s Dianne.” He began to explain everything that had happened the previous year. After he told Ardith everything, he sat back with a sigh and added, “I don’t even know if she’s alive.”
There were tears in Ardith’s eyes. “I knew Dianne had come back; she was in Virginia City before I left,” Ardith admitted.
“She didn’t want me to leave and we argued, but she finally let me have my way. Now, I wish she hadn’t.”
“I know what you mean,” Cole said, regret dripping in his tone.
“But I didn’t know about the baby. She didn’t tell me about that. Perhaps it was best she didn’t. I’m so sorry the baby died.”She reached out to cover his hand with hers. “Death is so hard to reason away.”
He nodded. “When my father died, I was saddened, but I expected his passing. I had a chance to say all the things I wanted to say to him before he went. If Dianne has … if the worst has happened, so much will have gone unsaid.”
“That’s why it was so hard with Levi. There was so much I felt was undone. I wanted to tell him one more time how much I loved him. I wanted to hear him tell me the same. I wanted so much more—more time … more children … more love.”
Cole sighed. “I don’t know how I’ll bear it if she’s gone.”
Ardith shook her head. “There’s no way to prepare for such a thing. No possible way to set things right so that you can reason through the situation. But please know this, I am here to help you no matter what. Things are different now for me. My heart is set upon the Lord again. It still hurts from time to time, but God has seen to mend it together.”
After more delays than Cole cared to number, they finally arrived in Virginia City. The trip made him more than a little aware that freighting over the passes was probably soon to be completely passe . The trains now ran from the Union Pacific lines to Butte, while others crossed the entire state of Montana from east to west. Freighting to smaller towns that weren’t on the rail line would always be needed, but perhaps it was time to get out of the freighting business altogether. Or maybe just sell out to someone whose real desire was to be in that line of work. For
Cole, the long trip home had given him a better understanding of his own passions and dreams.
He wanted to go back to the ranch. He wanted to see it rebuilt—not after the fashion of Bram Vandyke’s dreams, but in his own. In fact, maybe he’d even be able to talk Dianne into buying adjoining land and starting their own place, leaving Jamie and his family to run the Diamond V. There were so many possibilities and so much he wanted to talk over with her.
Oh, God, she just has to be alive. Please, please let her be alive.
Cole and Ardith made their way to the Selby house. He was amazed at the warmth of the day. The roads ran with mud and melted snow, making it difficult at best to navigate. Cole hardly noticed, however. He climbed the porch steps quickly, pulling his muddy boots off at the door before bounding inside.
“Hello!” he called.
Charity Hammond peered around the corner from the hallway. “Why, bless us all. Cole!” She ran to him and hugged him tightly. “We didn’t know you were coming.”
“I realize that and I’m sorry. It’s been a long trip. I wasn’t even sure I’d make it.”
“Do I get a welcome too?” Ardith asked softly.
Charity pulled away from Cole. “Oh, my blessings are double and my prayers are all answered.” She went to Ardith and embraced her.
“Where is Dianne?” Cole asked.
“She’s at the ranch,” Ben Hammond said as he and Joshua came into the room. “Welcome home, son.”
“She’s at the ranch?” Cole asked, disheartened. “I just knew she would be, but I’d still hoped she might be here.”
“
No, I’m afraid not,” Charity said. “We’ve been waiting for the snow to melt enough so that we could make our way out there. George said …” She stopped and looked at Cole as if to ascertain how much he knew.
“George wired me,” Cole said. “He said she was gravely ill—possibly dying. He also told me about the baby.”
Charity nodded. “Poor wee boy.”
“I have to get out there immediately.”
“You can’t head out there yet today; it’ll soon be dark. Wait until tomorrow and we’ll go with you,” Ben suggested. “That way if there are problems, we can help each other.” Cole started to speak, but Ben cut him off. “I know you’re anxious, but you won’t change what’s happened by rushing out there tonight.”
Cole drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know you’re right. I just can’t stand not knowing what’s happened.”
“It’s a hard thing to bear,” Ben agreed, “but the Lord will bear it with you. So, too, will we.”
“I appreciate that.” Cole looked around the room at the concerned expressions. “Wait a minute. Tomorrow is Saturday. Can you be away from the church on Sunday?”
“Joshua is now in charge of the church,” Ben replied. “I just add my help and guidance when needed.”
“Which is always,” Joshua chimed in, “but I’m sure I can muddle through for at least one day.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Ben laughed. “He’s quite good. The folks love him too.”
Joshua flushed in embarrassment at the compliment, and Cole had to laugh. “I never thought I would say anything good came from Chester Lawrence, but it seems there are blessings even from that man.”
Joshua shook his head. “My father is a ruthless and hardhearted man. I can’t say any good thing comes from him.”
“Well, you and your sister Mara turned out all right.”
“Grace of God,” Joshua said. “Purely by the grace of God.”
The trip home was not going to be easy. The warm weather caused unmanageable roads and swollen streams. It also revealed something no one had been prepared for: hundreds of dead animals were scattered across the barren waterlogged valleys and hillsides. It was as if they had grouped together for warmth, then frozen in place with nowhere to go. The sheep and cattle hadn’t stood a chance with the blizzards coming upon them so quickly that many ranchers hadn’t had time to make provision.
“This is so awful,” Ardith said, her voice barely audible.
Death was everywhere, and Cole couldn’t help but wonder if it was a foretelling of things to come. He tried not to be discouraged, but after miles of mucky roadways and having to dig out the wagon more than once, he didn’t know that he had much courage left.
The land around them was eerily silent when they stopped that night on the trail. Cole couldn’t remember it ever being so still. The warmth of the day had caused the carcasses to begin rotting, and already the stench was building, adding to their restlessness.
The next morning the party moved in slow motion—at least it seemed so to Cole. Charity and Ardith fixed breakfast, but with the smell and sight of death around them, no one felt much like eating.
Ben led them in an abbreviated Sunday service, telling them that their strength would come from the Lord. Cole tried to get his mind around Ben’s words, but all around him were signs of hopelessness and destruction.
Yet Ben spoke of hope. “The word is given us in First Peter three, instructing that we should ‘always be ready to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.’ ” Ben held up the Bible and read on, “‘Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.’
“We have hope in the Lord. It strengthens us when we have no physical reserves. It lights the darkness when we are discouraged. The hope is Jesus, and we’re to stand ready to tell others.”
Hope. Cole had abandoned the effort of even considering it until Ben forced his thoughts to focus once again.
“Looking around us today, it’s hard to have hope. Everything that could go wrong has seemed to do exactly that. Animals are dead. The land is struggling to recover from the elements. Our loved ones are hurting. It seems a right time to lie down and die.”
Ben’s words startled Cole. He looked up oddly at the old pastor. Ben smiled. “After all, don’t we know when we’re defeated? How can we hope to come back from this state of things? How can we have hope when we must bury our children? How can we have hope when we must bury our mates?”
Cole saw Ardith nod, tears trickling down her face.
“Hope is not found in ourselves, friends. It’s not found in our bank accounts or in our possessions. There is no hope in this world for us—for we are but strangers passing through.” He smiled and the compassion of his gaze began a healing in Cole’s weary heart.
“The answer comes in a simple truth—nothing so mysterious or difficult.” Ben closed his Bible and began to sing in his weak baritone voice. “‘My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus’ name.’ ”
Charity joined in on the chorus. “‘On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand.’ ”
Cole listened as they continued together. He felt more bolstered in this simple act of worship than he had in all the months of church in Topeka—than in all his pleading and wrestling with God.
“ ‘When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.’ ”
The couple sang in such perfect harmony that Cole couldn’t help but miss Dianne more than ever. Darkness had seemed to hide God’s face. It was so very hard to understand why these things had to happen, but it seemed to Cole that Ben was suggesting that understanding wasn’t as important as hoping—trusting in Jesus.
Ben and Charity continued, and Cole found himself humming along. “ ‘His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand.’ ” The words penetrated deep into Cole’s heart, through the fears of what might lie ahead and greet him at the ranch. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. Through the pain of the last few months.
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
The words were a balm—soothing, nurturing, healing. His hope was in Christ, and it should have always been there. How much time had he wasted in seeking other means of support?
How long had the answers to his fears been right in front him, only to be ignored?
The hope within was a hope that would never let him down. The hope within was Jesus.
Cole doused the campfire as Ardith and Charity finished loading the last of their things into the wagon. Straightening to face the sorry devastation around him, Cole looked at the land with new eyes. He felt rather like Noah must have after the flood. There was a lot of work to be done.
“Are you ready?” Ben questioned as he came to stand beside Cole.
“I wasn’t until just a few minutes ago,” Cole said, smiling. “But now I am. Now my footing is different. Now I’m back on solid ground.”
Ben smiled. There was nothing more to be said.
CHAPTER 25
THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REACH THE RANCH BY noon, but instead it was nearly dark before the muddy wagon pulled into the ranch yard. Cole wished he could better see the place. Two cabins were built to stand about fifty yards apart, with a large barn behind one cabin. The land looked as barren here as it had elsewhere. The only trees to be seen were trunks that had been charred in the fire and small, immature saplings that had more recently been planted. At least there were no animal carcasses to deal with. Perh
aps if there could be a blessing in the choices he’d made regarding the ranch, Cole could comfort himself in the fact that they had lost very little in the way of livestock.
Cole forced himself to look to where they’d buried Bram and Levi. He knew from what Dianne had told him that Gus was to be buried there as well. What he didn’t know was whether he’d find a fresh grave containing his wife’s body.
Cole drew a deep breath and held it while he looked for the graves and their markers. The ground seemed undisturbed. He let out his breath slowly. There were still only three graves.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. The ground has beenfrozen solid. They might not have been able to bury her yet. He grieved, longing to know the truth but terrified of it at the same time.
The door to the far cabin opened and George stepped out. He looked weary and much older than when Cole had last seen him. When he realized it was Cole and the others, he gave a whoop and jumped from the small porch. “It’s about time!” he declared good-naturedly.
Cole jumped down from the wagon and hugged the man tightly. “Dianne?” he questioned. He watched George’s expression sober and steadied himself for the worst.
“She’s all right. She’s still weak, but she’s alive,” George told him without hesitation. “She’s over at your cabin.” He pointed to the other place.
Cole started to leave, but George stopped him. “She’s been through a lot. She doesn’t understand why you didn’t come sooner, and I think she was afraid you might never come.”
“I never got her letter,” Cole told him. “My mother kept it from me. You have to believe me, George. I never knew about the baby. In fact, I never knew whether she made it home safely or not. I sent a telegram that was never answered, so I wasn’t sure she even wanted me back.”
George laughed. “You and Dianne are two of a kind. She’s been fretting all winter that you wouldn’t want her any longer—that you’d pick your ma over her and the children.”
“I could never do that. I know it seemed that way for a time, but George, I honestly felt the situation was impossible. I wanted to do the right thing by both of them, but then I found out my mother was just as manipulative as Dianne had been trying to tell me, and well … I realized I’d been a fool.”
Tracie Peterson - [Heirs of Montana 04] Page 27
