I fled the basement before the swelling dam inside me had time to burst.
Chapter 6
I awoke the next morning, groggy. My thoughts were slow to collect. For a few moments, I lay still, enjoying the warmth of the bed. And then everything came crashing back, and the world seemed to tilt on its axis.
A sharp crack sounded outside my bedroom window. I slipped out from under the covers, shivering in the early morning chill. The wood floor was cold as stone to my bare feet. I walked to the window and edged the curtains apart, peering into Lucas’ backyard.
Lucas was pulling a rotted plank off his back porch with a crowbar. Gretchen leaned against the rail behind him, giving orders. A stack of new lumber rested on blocks in the lawn behind him. When Lucas had wrestled the rotted plank up he glanced at Gretchen. She made a sweeping gesture that seemed to cover the entire back porch. Lucas nodded glumly. Gretchen entered the house, leaving Lucas alone. He waited a moment, and then shot a furtive glance up at my window.
I stepped back quickly, letting the drapes fall closed. My heart pounded. After a night tortured by indecision, I still didn’t know how I was going to face him. I walked to my closet and pulled some clothes out with leaden fingers. I dressed numbly, unable to shake this sense of dread.
Downstairs, Dad was waiting for me at the dining room table. I ignored him, fixed a bowl of cereal, and ate it leaning against the kitchen island. Dad pushed back from the table and walked into the kitchen.
“I was worried about you last night,” he said. I ate the cereal wordlessly, refusing to acknowledge him. He took the hint and sighed. “All right. I’m going to miss dinner tonight, but there’s an enchilada for you in the fridge. We’re watching Derek in shifts.”
I looked up as a wash of guilt swept over me. I’d forgotten about Derek. “Is he going to be okay?” I asked.
Dad hesitated. “We’re doing everything we can for him.”
“That’s not exactly a yes.”
“It’s complicated.”
“What’s complicated about it?” I snapped. “If he spends another night with her, he turns into a Thrall. You think he’d risk that, now that he knows?”
Dad bit his lower lip, something he did when he wrestled with a decision. “Lilitu have formidable powers,” he said. “Derek may know what’s at risk, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be able to resist her. She’s already weakened him; he’ll be more susceptible to her now.” Dad reached out and smoothed a lock of hair back behind my shoulder. “I am sorry about yesterday,” he said. “I should have told you sooner. I know that now. But I didn’t want to hurt you. For the last sixteen years, my whole life has been about protecting you.”
I lowered my spoon, no longer hungry. “What happens now?”
“What do you mean? With Derek?”
“With me.” I asked the question that had kept me up half the night, and my voice quavered. “If the Guard is depending on me...?” I looked up. “What happens if I mess up? What happens if they decide they don’t need me after all?”
“Braedyn,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “If it ever comes down to a choice between the Guard and you, I won’t hesitate. We’ll be gone before they know we’re running.” Hot tears stung my eyes. Just hearing those words unknotted some of the muscles in my back.
Royal honked outside. I ran my hands under my eyes, brushing away tears.
“I should go,” I said.
“About Lucas...” Dad said.
“Don’t,” I interrupted, as some of the anger from last night rekindled. “I already told you. I understand.” Dad nodded and I walked out of the kitchen.
“Braedyn,” he called after me. “Let me know if anything strange happens, okay?” I stopped in the dining room, glancing over my shoulder at him.
“Define strange.”
“You’ll know it if you see it.”
I hesitated. “The Lilitu you were tracking in the Plaza yesterday. She was at my Homecoming dance.”
Dad’s eyes locked onto my face, suddenly alert. “You’re sure it was the same woman?” I nodded. “Did she approach you?”
“No.”
“She didn’t say anything to you? Didn’t try to make contact?”
“No,” I repeated. “She was there for Derek.”
Royal gave his horn another quick beep outside.
“Go ahead,” Dad said, lost in his thoughts. “You don’t want to make your friends late for school.”
It was a grueling day. Trying to stay away from Lucas was easier said than done. We didn’t have any morning classes together, but I saw him in the halls between every period, trying to catch my eye. I managed to make it all the way to lunch without trading words with him. As Royal and I walked toward the dining hall together, I stopped.
“I’m going to spend lunch in the library,” I said. “English paper.” I hurried away, before Royal had the chance to unravel my excuse. There was a vending machine in the library foyer, but I didn’t have any change. I sighed. If I was going to make a habit of ditching lunch, I’d have to start packing something to eat.
I sat by a library window with a good view of the dining hall. As the lunch hour drew to a close, students began trickling out onto the quad. I made my way to the gym and slipped into the girl’s locker room before anyone else had arrived. I was already changed into my gym clothes when Cassie walked in. She didn’t attempt any subtly.
“What’s going on with you and Lucas?”
I feigned nonchalance. “What do you mean? Did he say something?”
“No, but it’s pretty obvious he’s worried about you.” Cassie opened her locker and started changing. “Are you avoiding him?” She studied me, concerned. “Did something happen?”
I turned away from Cassie so she couldn’t read my face. “No. I’m just busy with school.”
“Uh huh.” It was clear from her tone Cassie didn’t believe me. She finished changing and closed her locker. “Well, he’s eager to see you. He spent most of lunch with his eyes glued to the clock.” Cassie started walking toward the gym entrance. I didn’t move. She stopped and looked at me. “Are you coming?”
“Actually, I’m not feeling so good,” I lied. “Will you tell Ms. Davies I went to the nurse?” Cassie’s eyes looked troubled, but she nodded. “Thanks.”
Cassie and the other girls left for the start of class. I sat on the locker room bench for a long time. My hands were trembling. I was scared of facing Lucas. Scared that if I let myself get close to him, it wouldn’t matter what Dad had said. The memory of his arms around me... I clasped my hands together to keep them still, but I couldn’t stop my mind from spinning. What would that kiss have become? I changed slowly back into my school clothes and walked to the administration building to visit the nurse. All the while, Lucas haunted my thoughts.
By the end of fifth period I was distracted and irritable. My stomach rumbled unhappily, unwilling to let me forget the lunch I’d skipped. I walked to English in a stormy mood. Cassie and Royal traded a worried look but left me alone.
“I have a plan.” I heard Amber’s voice behind me as the class settled into their seats. “I saw his sister dropping him off at school today.”
Mr. Young entered the classroom and picked up a piece of chalk, writing ‘IRONY’ on the blackboard. “Let’s continue our discussion from yesterday,” he said.
“He doesn’t drive?” Ally whispered behind me, scoffing.
“Not everyone has a car,” Amber replied.
“Ladies,” Mr. Young warned. But as he turned back to the blackboard, Ally lowered her voice.
“So what’s your plan?”
“I’m going to offer to be his ride,” Amber said. Rick, sitting on the other side of Amber, snickered. She turned on him, scowling. “You’re demented, Rick. Get your mind out of the gutter.” She turned back to Ally. “Think of all that alone time to and from school. Just me and Lucas. He’s going to be wrapped around my little finger in a week.”
“Shut up,”
I said, turning around in my chair to face Amber. “I’m trying to learn something here.” The class burst into laughter. Amber’s nostrils flared. Mr. Young turned from the blackboard, surprised.
“Thank you, Braedyn.” He glanced around the room. “All right. Irony. Who’s got an example?” Royal raised his hand. “Yes, Royal.”
“The Homecoming Queen brags about her plan to get a guy to fall in love with her in front of the girl this guy actually wants.” The class burst into laughter again.
“From the book,” Mr. Young said. “But good example.” That set off another round of laughter before Mr. Young could get people to focus on the lesson at hand. Amber slid down in her chair, eyes smoldering.
After class, I hung back, waving for Royal and Cassie to leave without me. I wasn’t good company today. As I walked out the door, Amber shoved past me, knocking the books right out of my hands. I dropped to the floor to collect them, and someone bent down beside me to help. Lucas. We gathered everything off the floor and stood, facing each other awkwardly. Lucas handed me my English spiral and my copy of Pride And Prejudice.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re avoiding me.” It was a statement, not a question. I made the mistake of meeting his eyes, and felt my heartbeat surge. “I can talk to Murphy,” Lucas offered quietly. “I’ll tell him whatever he’s mad at you about, it’s my fault. I’m the one who took you to the hunt. I’m the one who showed you the armory.”
“He’s not mad.” I bit my lip, but this was the opportunity I needed. I took a quick breath, before I lost my nerve. “He just doesn’t want me hanging out with you.”
“Gretchen doesn’t want me hanging out with you, either,” Lucas said. His eyes held mine, steady.
“Then why are you talking to me?”
“No one asked what I wanted.” Lucas brushed a lock of hair back behind my ear. I felt his touch like a line of golden fire across my cheek. It took all my strength to look away from him.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“The Guard,” I said. “It’s your life. Not mine.” The words came out of my mouth in a hoarse whisper. “I’m late for class.” I turned away. Lucas caught my arm.
“Wait. We’re going to need each other.” He swallowed, looking suddenly vulnerable. “Yeah, okay. I like you like you. But if you don’t feel the same, I’ll never bring it up again. We can hang out as friends. Throw a Frisbee around. Whatever. So long as we have each other to talk to when things get bad. And they do. They will.” He took a steadying breath and smiled. “So. What do you say? Friends?”
“Lucas,” I started. But I couldn’t finish the sentence. Every part of me longed to give in. And that’s what finally gave me the will to shake my head no. I couldn’t control my feelings for Lucas. That was the whole problem. “No,” I whispered.
“No you don’t want to be buddies, no you don’t like Frisbee...?” He was trying to win a smile. I didn’t give him one.
“No to all of it.”
He leaned back, his smile fading. “I’m... If you’re saying you don’t want me around...?”
I looked down the hallway. A few stragglers were slipping into class. The bell would ring any second. “That’s what I’m saying.”
Lucas froze, his eyes searching my face for a long moment. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone.” Lucas turned and walked down the hallway. He didn’t look back.
After school, Royal and Cassie found me at the edge of the parking lot, staring. They followed my gaze and saw Amber, smiling into Lucas’ eyes possessively.
“What does she think she’s...?” Cassie started.
“Come on,” I said, interrupting. “Let’s get out of here.” Royal glanced back at Lucas, uncertain. “Lucas is getting a ride with someone else.” Amber was already leading Lucas to her car.
As we pulled out of the parking lot, fury and grief battled within me, alternating stabs of fire and ice. Cassie watched me in the review mirror.
“Okay, seriously. What is going on with you and Lucas?”
“Nothing.” I stared out at the passing scenery.
“Clearly,” Royal said. “But we want to know why.”
I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t tell my best friends why I had just asked the first guy I really liked to leave me alone permanently. Cassie saw the tears brimming in my eyes and shook her head at Royal, warning him to let up.
When they finally dropped me off at home, Cassie squeezed my hand. “If you want to talk,” she said.
I nodded and forced a smile. “Thanks. See you tomorrow.” I watched as Royal pulled back onto the road, then turned to go home. The front door was unlocked. I pushed it open, unsettled. “Hello? Anyone home?”
“In here,” Dad called from the dining room. I found him sitting at the table with Hale.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling a knot forming in the pit of my stomach.
“I want you to start training,” Dad said.
“Training for what?”
“Self-defense,” Hale answered. “We’ll start with hand-to-hand combat. I won’t transition you into bladed weapons until you’re ready.” The memory of Lucas in the basement came back in a powerful rush. I turned away from Hale, flushed.
“I’m... I don’t want to fight.”
Hale nodded, calm. “I see. What happens if you meet another Guardsman one day? If he doesn’t know you’re on our side?” His tone was mild, but his eyes burned. “Do you know what Guardsmen do when they capture a Lilitu?” I glanced at Dad.
“Okay, Hale,” Dad said. “I think you’ve made your point.”
Hale’s eyes didn’t leave my face. “You’ve seen our armory. Not all of those weapons are used to kill.”
Dad stood up. “That’s enough.”
“She needs to understand what’s at stake,” Hale said. He turned to me. “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” Hale left. I faced Dad, pissed.
“Did it even occur to you to ask if I wanted this?”
“I would do anything in my power to protect you,” Dad said. “But I’m not always going to be around. Let Hale help you. You may need to know this stuff some day.”
Something in his voice chilled me.
Fifteen minutes later I was walking into the Guard’s house in yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. Lucas sat at the round dining room table doing his homework. He looked up as I entered. When he saw me, his expression grew stony.
“Training,” I said by way of explanation.
He watched me cross the foyer to basement door, then turned his attention back to his homework. His hair fell forward, shielding his eyes from view. It hurt more than I’d expected, getting the cold shoulder from him. I slipped quietly into the staircase and pull the door closed behind me.
Hale was waiting for me in the basement. “Have you ever studied any martial arts before?”
“No.” I shifted self-consciously, feeling like a fool.
Hale didn’t let this bother him. “Not a problem. We’ll keep it simple at first. Sound good?” he asked. I shrugged. He ignored my lack of enthusiasm and began the lesson. He taught me three basic punches to start. For the next four hours I practiced them against a punching bag while Hale watched, correcting my form, encouraging me. By the end of the session I was exhausted and my arms felt like lead weights hanging from my shoulders.
“Good work,” Hale said. “Same time tomorrow.”
“But I can barely move now,” I complained.
Hale smiled, incorrigible. “Just think how strong you’ll be in a month.”
We settled into a routine. Every day I’d come home from school, change into yoga pants and a t-shirt, and spend the next four hours in Hale’s windowless basement working out my frustration on a punching bag until dinnertime. Lucas watched me come and go, but he was as good as his word; he left me entirely alone.
By the time Winter Solstice was two months away, none of the powers Hale seemed to think I should be developing had ap
peared. He and Dad grew more anxious by the day. I didn’t have time to worry about powers or solstices or whatever the Lilitu had planned. I was too busy trying not to care about what Lucas was doing. It hadn’t taken long for him to end up as a semi-permanent fixture on Amber’s arm. He joined her lunch table. He made friends with her friends. He let her hang all over him. And he ignored me. It was cold comfort knowing he was doing exactly what I had asked him to do. Lunches were the worst. Amber’s laugh was high and shrill. Each time it cut through the lunchtime chatter I’d look up and catch sight of Lucas smiling at her, or laughing at something she’d said, or sitting with his arm thrown casually around her shoulders.
On Halloween, Amber was extra giggly. In honor of the holiday, the school was serving French fries with lunch. Amber dipped a long fry in ketchup and dotted the end of Lucas’ nose. He smiled and moved to wipe it off, but Amber caught his hand, stopping him. She leaned forward and licked it off. Their friends laughed at the show, and Amber grinned, satisfied. I turned away, feeling hollow inside.
That night, I was spreading newspaper out on our portico when Amber pulled up in front of Lucas’ house. She got out of her car wearing a skin-tight black costume and bounded up to Lucas’ front door, adjusting a pair of cat ears perched on top of her head. I drew back behind one of our carved wood columns to watch surreptitiously. She knocked on the front door and waited. When Lucas answered, Amber looped her arms around his neck and kissed him casually. I drew back sharply, feeling a pit open up in the bottom of my stomach. Amber took Lucas by the hand and led him back to her car. Before they pulled away, I thought I saw Lucas glance in my direction.
“I’ve got the pumpkins.” Royal emerged from my house, carrying three fat pumpkins. “Who’s got the knives?”
“Here,” Cassie replied, following him out of the house. “Oh, we need a bowl for the guts.”
“There’s one in the kitchen,” I said, rising. “I’ll get it.” Cassie’s eyes shifted to something over my shoulder. I turned. Derek was walking up the flagstone path to my house. He nodded a greeting to Royal and Cassie.
Thrall (Daughters Of Lilith) Page 7
