by Amy Davies
Dex
Castle Ink Series
Amy Davies
Contents
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Epilogue
Playlist
Acknowledgments
Other titles by Amy Davies
Dex
Copyright© 2017 by Amy Davies
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced without the express written permission from the author. This book is the work of fiction. The characters, names, locations and events are the product of the author's imagination and used in a fictional manner. Any similarities to any real life event or person dead or alive is pure coincidental.
Cover image from Shutterstock
Cover design by Designs by Dana
Edited by Stephanie Farrant
Formatting by Irish Ink
For those who have loved and lost.
Believe in your heart that you will find love again.
Try looking closer to home.
How the fuck am I supposed to live now?
Breathe.
Move on.
I just buried my heart.
Today has been the second worst day of my fucking life. The first…The first was the day my wife, my sweet, beautiful Fiona passed away. This cruel fucking world took the one reason I had to live and breathe. Sitting here watching her family and mine say goodbye for the last time is making my stomach knot so bad I feel physically ill. I catch my brother, Jay’s face and all I see is his grief and pity. I don't want his pity. I don't want anyone's fucking pity; I just want Fiona. My beautiful girl. Her long blonde hair reaching her perfect arse. Her big grey eyes staring deep into mine, showing her love for me. There will never be another woman for me. No other woman will own my heart.
I can still remember the day I first saw Fiona Sutton. It had been in the local park in the area where we lived. It was pretty run down, but we all hung out there. I was walking over with my boys to where this babe was sitting on a swing, talking to another girl. Her long blonde hair was over the one shoulder and her smile lit up her face. She was wearing baggy jeans that I knew would sit perfectly on her slim waist and a cropped jumper type top on that showed her midriff to everyone who wanted to see. I strutted over to her without a care in the world; I was Dexter fucking Castle and all the girls wanted me. Fuck, even the older girls wanted me. But my Fiona put up a chase. Of course, I got her in the end. She completed me.
I raise a hand to my chest, trying to ease the ache there as the memories of the one person that has owned my heart for so long drag me to a time I wish I could go back to. The pain never leaves me. She has been gone only five days. Snatched from me by a fucking arsehole who couldn’t be bothered to phone for a fucking taxi to drive his drunk arse home. No, he had to drive his flashy car and slam into ours, killing Fiona instantly. I ended up with a broken rib and some cuts and bruises. Fi’s side of the car took the full impact.
I lift my head once more and my eyes connect with my brother’s, but his gaze slides to something behind me. I turn my head and see her. The other. Addison Cole, our Addy. She has been in our little crew for years. She has always been like a little sister to us, but I know that she has a crush on me. But me being me, I had always brushed her off as an everyday annoyance, which she hated. But with me being with Fiona, I couldn’t admit that I stopped seeing her as a little sister when she was around fourteen; I was eighteen at the time. She walked into a party after being away on holiday for the six weeks school summer holidays, looking hot as fuck. Well, as hot as a fourteen year old girl could be. She was wearing a red checked skirt that was way too fucking short, a black t-shirt that was tucked into the skirt and black Doctor Martens boots.
My heart stutters in my chest as she makes her way over to me on the sofa. I haven’t seen Addy in three years, she left right after I asked Fiona to marry me. Addy came to my house the next night and told me that she was leaving. She told me that she couldn’t be around me and Fiona living happily together. It hurt her heart. She kissed me and left. I know that Jay kept in touch with her. But seeing her now makes my chest hurt ten times more. She is a completely different person. She is wearing a black lace, sleeveless dress that shows her tattooed arms. One has a complete sleeve and the other has a rose on her shoulder. I love them on her; my work being shown off. I watch as she stops in front of me; our eyes never leaving each others.
“Dex,” she whispers, my name sounding so pained as it leaves her mouth. Her voice sending a shiver through my body and I tense up.
“Addison,” I croak, my voice thick with emotion.
“How are you?” she asks, but before I can answer I hear her mutter “Stupid question” under her breath. Typical Addy trait. She always mutters under her breath. I chuckle, but it sounds foreign to me. I haven’t laughed since the accident. “Sorry,” she mutters.
“It’s fine Ads. Sit,” I tell her before I can stop the words. She slowly lowers herself onto the sofa next to me, carefully holding her dress around her legs. “Not something you’re used to, huh.” I nod to her dress.
“No. But today it was called for. I am so fucking sorry, Dex.” She sniffs, fighting back the tears.
“Don’t. Not you.” I shake my head in frustration. I don’t need her pity. I don’t fucking want it, not from her. She is the last person who should be sad about me losing my wife. Addy has wanted me for-fucking-ever.
“So, I can’t be sad that you lost her. You are one of my best friends, Dex.” She stands, eyes narrowed and her arms folded across her body, clearly pissed at me. “I know how much you loved her. You always will. Fuck. I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Clearly,” I mutter.
“I-I’m just gonna go. She will be missed, Dex,” with that she walks out the door. I drop my head and look at my shoes; my shiny black fucking shoes that I hate. I need to get out of these clothes, these shoes. Standing, I walk towards the stairs when I hear someone calling my name, but I blank them out. I can’t fucking breathe in this stuffy suit. Ripping the tie over my head I drop it on the floor, my suit jacket quickly following. I enter my bedroom. Our bedroom. I stop and take it in, seeing Fiona’s things scattered all over the place. She was a messy girl. Opening the buttons on my shirt, I kick my shoes off before I rip the shirt from my body and fling it across the room. My trousers soon follow. I yank open the walk-in wardrobe I built for us when we moved into this house and quickly pull on a pair of jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, before I slip my feet into my boots and walk back downstairs. I can hear everyone chatting away in all the rooms, but I couldn’t care less at what they have to say. None of them know how I am feeling right now.
My chest tightens as I gaze at the photo of me and Fi on our wedding day that hangs on the wall in the hallway. Fuck, I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here.
“Dex, where are you going?” I hear Jay call from behind me.
“Out,” I state.
“You can’t leave, brother. All the family is here.”
“And?” I ask. I really don’t want to get into this with him right now.
“Dex, listen-” But I cut him off.
“Just fuck off, Jay. You have no fucking clue how I am feeling right now. I can’t fucking breathe. I need to go.” I don’t wait for his r
eply; I leg it out the door. I hear him call my name but I ignore him and keep running. I run and run until my legs give out and my lungs are burning, begging me to stop. The burn does nothing to numb the pain of losing my wife. I don’t think anything will take that pain away.
I straighten up and look around me and I swear my heart fucking stops. I take in the house in front of me and close my eyes. My body shivers as the cold seeps through my clothes.
Well fucking hell.
It is the Cole’s house. Addy’s house.
I take in a deep breath and keep walking. I can’t face her today, or any other day.
It has been four weeks since I buried Fiona and the pain is still there, crippling me. They say time heals all, but fucking hell they are full of shit. I get that it has only been four weeks, but I can still feel her when I lay in our bed at night. I can still smell her. Hear her scream when we saw the car coming straight for us. I wasn’t sleeping much. I have taken up running to help with the pain. I need to exhaust my body to help me sleep. Jay flipped his shit when he saw how much I was drinking. He sat me down and told me that Fi would be ashamed of me, and he was right. She would kick my arse if she were here. But she isn’t, so running it is.
I run mile after mile but I still end up in the same place. At the Cole’s house. The house where I have so many childhood memories. I stop and bend over, resting my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I suck in the oxygen that my body obviously needs. The rain that, up until now had been a light drizzle, gets heavy against my heated skin.
“Dex?” I hear her voice. I keep my eyes closed and take a deep breath. So many emotions are running through my head and I feel as if it might explode. “What are you doing here?” Addy asks from the front door. I finally peel my eyes open and look in her direction. She is dressed in black leggings and a red t-shirt that says ‘God bless this hot mess’. The over-sized cardigan drowns her slim body.
“I couldn’t breathe,” I admit. The rain hits my body harder, but I barely notice.
“Come inside, Dex, you’re getting soaked.” I keep my eyes on her but I don’t move towards her. My feet are stuck; cemented to the pavement. “Dexter,” she shouts, forcing my legs into motion. I open the gate and walk up the path towards her. And I can't help but take in her beauty; a beauty that should not be affecting me right now. I just buried my wife for fucks sake. I reach her and she quickly pulls me into the house and shuts the door behind us. I let her lead me to the sofa and I take a seat.
“Let me get you a towel.” I nod my head, and Addy walks away. My eyes meet the raging fire in the fireplace and the flames hypnotise me. I am so engrossed by the flames that I don’t hear Addy come back into the room.
“Here.” She hands me a towel and a change of clothes, which I am assuming belong to her late father. Addy’s parents died when she was twelve, which is why she moved to our area, from Brighton.
“Thanks.” I stand up and strip the soaked tee off my head and I drop my jeans and kick off my boots. A quick intake of breath catches my attention and I look up and see Addy staring at me. Fuck. I am standing here in my boxers, not thinking about my surroundings.
“Oh Shit. Sorry,” I say and quickly reach for the towel. But Addy’s hand shoots out to stop me, her fingers reaching to touch the pattern on my right pectoral. The warmth spreading from her fingers to my damp chest makes me realize just how cold I am. She traces over the scroll there before she moves over to the cross on my left pectoral muscle. My body shivers from her touch. I grip her wrist to stop her movements and she gasps. Without thinking, I her pull to me and cover her mouth with mine. Her mouth is warm and soft, she moans into my mouth and I swallow her sounds. I hold her to me and deepen the kiss. I don’t know how long we kiss for but Addy pulls away.
“We can’t,” she whispers.
“We can.” I pull her back to me, kissing her neck.
“Dex.”
“Shhhh. Just a taste,” I say against her smooth skin. I pull her down onto the sofa and we are a tangled mess. Addy gives in to fighting me as I rip her clothes off and I remove my boxers. We make love right there on the sofa, in front on the blazing fire. After I feel her third orgasm pulsing through her body, I finally let go. The shame washes over me and all I feel is regret and guilt. Addy snuggles closer and we fall asleep wrapped up in each other. My pain temporarily forgotten. But I know the pain will come back ten fold.
I wake up with the feeling of dread in my stomach. I know where I am without opening my eyes. I can feel her against me. My heart rate spikes and the panic sets in. I fucked Addison last night. Oh God. What did I do? Fuck. I open my eyes and slowly take in the girl draped over me. I take in her beauty and my heart stutters in my chest again. I fucking hate feeling like this. I slowly remove my arm from under her and slip off the sofa. Scanning the room for my clothes, I find them in a pile on the floor. I slip into my jeans and as I am pulling my t-shirt on over my head, Addy wakes.
“Morning.” Guilt slams into me as I take in her mussed up look. A look that I put there. I did the unforgivable last night. I shake my head and reach for my boots.
“You regret it.” It wasn’t a question, but an obvious statement.
“It should never have happened, Ads.” She flinches at my nickname for her.
“Wow. Give it to me straight.” She leans over and picks her cardigan up and wraps it around herself, shielding me from her naked body. My dick jerks in my jeans, and I hate it.
I fucking hate her for making me feel this way. I ignore her words and walk towards the door, stopping just long enough to hear her parting words for me.
“I know this fucks everything up for us. But just remember that I love you, Dexter Castle. I always will.” I open the door and step outside into the cold British weather. A shiver runs through my body and not in a good way this time. The wind whips around me, but I hear her. “Goodbye, Dex.”
I walk away and don’t look back. I know that I have just ripped out her heart and crushed it, and I have no doubt that Jay will rip me a new arsehole when he finds out. But walking away from her now is for the best. I can never give her my heart and Addy deserves a complete man to love her. I will never be that man.
Without Fiona beside me it will be a long road, but I will get to where I need to be. One way or another, I will get there.
Maybe now is the time to open up that studio me and Jay have talked about.
Now is the time to start Castle Ink.
(3 & a bit years later)
Sitting in my private room at our new Castle Ink studio, I sketch up the design a young lad wants tattooed on him. It’s his first tattoo and it is a bloody big one. He’s having a rib piece done, in memory of his grandfather that brought him up. Most people start off with a small design, but I guess he doesn't do small. To be fair, it is a pretty awesome design. The drawing takes my mind off of things. Well, not only things but someone. She still refuses to talk to me, but I know my twat of a brother is in contact with her. I don’t think he has seen her but they text and talk on the phone. It kills me that she won't talk to me or return my texts. The day after Liam and Penny’s BBQ, Addy came into the studio and packed up her room and left. Me and Jay got into a punch up because I tried to stop her, but he got in the way. He told me that I didn’t deserve her and that I should let her go. He is right in the fact that I don’t deserve her, but fuck it if I don’t miss her. Not having Addy here has made me see my feelings for her are deeper than I wanted to admit. The night she left the studio, I hit the drink hard, downing nearly a whole bottle of whiskey. I caught a taxi to her house and things went down.
“Addy, open the door. Now,” I demand, hammering on the door. My fists should hurt but the whiskey has numbed my body. The sun is setting behind me, but the warmth is still in the air. I bang on the door again and wait for her to answer. “ADDY!” I shout. Seconds tick by until she finally swings the door open. Her scowl making her look downright sexy as sin.
“What the fuck, Dex?” she y
ells at me.
“We need to talk,” I slur out. She looks over my shoulder, probably trying to look for my car or bike.
“I got a taxi here. Now let me in.” She sighs and steps back, letting me into her house. I haven’t been in here for a few years, not since I walked out on her that night, the night I truly fucked up with her. She has changed the decor a little since the last time. It suits her.
“Why are you here, Dex?” she says from behind me. I spin around to face her and drink in the sight of her standing there looking at me. She is wearing a black singlet vest top with a faded moon on the front and some jean shorts. Her hair is up in a ponytail and her face is completely clean of any make-up she was wearing earlier.
“I’m sorry for being a cock earlier. I can’t seem to stop hurting you can I? I’m fucked up, Ads.” I know I push her away but it hurts me to be close to her, I always feel as if I am cheating on Fiona; even after three years.
“Then don’t hurt me, Dex. It’s simple,” she whispers. I shake my head and take a step back. Addy follows my movements and closes the gap between us. I close my eyes and will her away, even though I know it won’t work. I know that when I open my eyes I will see her deep green gaze that sucks me in every time. I feel her hand on my chest and I can’t stop myself from flinching. Her gasp forces me to open my eyes. Our gazes lock and all I see in her eyes is pain. Pain that I put there… again. Fucking hell. I shake my head again and wrap my arms around her slim waist, pulling her against me. Her perfect round tits press against my chest and I can’t stop my hands from seeking out her perfectly round arse. I lower my head and take her mouth with mine. Her warm, lush lips taste amazing. Just like I remember. I suck on her bottom lip and she opens for me, giving my tongue entrance to glide along with hers, tasting her.
“Dex,” she moans, breaking the kiss. I pull my head back and look down at her. Her eyes shine, filled with lust and love for me. She looks at me like she thinks I can give her the world, but I know in my heart I can’t. But at this moment, the heavy whiskey is racing through my blood, making me make these fucked up decisions. I know I should let her go but I can’t, not yet. I need to taste her, feel her.
