by Amy Davies
“How about we wait a few years? Let’s enjoy Pheebs first, okay?”
He nods his head but the cocky smirk on his face shows me that he has no fucking intention of waiting. God help me and my baby cannon.
The last two weeks have been fucking amazeballs. My baby girl is fourteen days old today. If these two weeks has flown by, I can only imagine that in a blink of an eye she will be eighteen and leaving home and shacking up with some prick that I don’t think is good enough for her. Shit, no lad will be good enough for my Phoebe. She is my little tink, as I like to call her. My little pixie. She is so small. She weighs just four pounds and fifteen ounces. She lost three ounces in the first few days but she is gaining it back.
Sitting here with Phoebe lying on my bare chest is the best thing ever. I often do the skin to skin thing that was suggested to us in the hospital. Phoebe couldn’t regain her body temp, but they said that skin to skin contact would help and it did. Being like this with me calms her, as well. Addy is pottering around in the bedroom, rushing to get ready to have some girl time with Penny and the girls. I have made it very clear that she is not to over do it, she has to remember that she had a baby two weeks ago. Liam is going with them as Penny only has a few weeks left.
Phoebe stirs on my chest and I kiss her soft hair. Her smell is heart warming. Not much beats newborn baby smell. The best thing next to her mum’s intense sexual smell. Her tiny, little nappy covered bum sits in my large hand; just like her mum she would rather wear nothing, or next to nothing, around the house. Even though it is summer here, you can’t guarantee the weather to be nice. So every now and then we put the heating on. My house is warm anyway, Fiona had under-floor heating added to the kitchen and bathroom, and we had a heating panel added in front of the fire.
I hear the front door open and close, then heavy footsteps getting closer. I know they belong to my little brother; he has been visiting a lot since my girls got out of the hospital. I know that something is bothering him, he has been quieter than normal and anyone who knows Jay knows that it is out of character for him. He walks into the living room and his eyes light up when he sees that Pheebs is awake. I shake my head at him.
“Nope. Dad and daughter time. You can have your fix later, man,” I tell him. He fake pouts and leans back against the doorframe, cocking his head back slightly to shout up the stairs.
“Addy, your man won’t let me hold my girl. I need my Pheebs fix.” Phoebe startles and let’s out a high pitched screech. Jay’s gaze snaps to where my little tink is crying. “Shit, sorry,” he whispers, as he comes over to where we are sitting on the sofa and he touches her head, running his hand over her black hair.
“Just lower the volume, dude. She startles easy, especially if she is chilling with me like this.”
“I know. Sorry.” He takes the seat next to me and fixes his eyes on the TV where Scorpion is playing via Netflix. I can tell straight away something is off with him. He is being quiet again. Big brother duties are a must.
I turn my head to look at him. He has dark circles under his eyes. “You okay?” I ask him, concerned. This is not normal behaviour for Jay.
Without taking his eyes off the TV, he answers, “Yeah.” He takes a deep breath and after a few seconds he turns his head to meet my gaze. I can see the anguish in his eyes. Jay always was one to wear his heart on his sleeve. “What?”
“Talk to me. What’s up? And do not say ‘nothing’ Jay, I can fucking see it.”
“Stop bloody swearing around the baby,” comes my baby’s voice, from behind us. I tilt my head back slightly to see her walking into the living room. I smile when I see my girl. Fuck, she looks sexy as hell. You never would have thought that she had a baby two weeks ago. Being a mum looks fucking good on her.
She has her hair down with some soft waves added. I still love the new colour on her. She is wearing a long black and white striped maxi skirt with a white thin-strapped vest under a sleeveless denim waistcoat. She walks around the sofa and I can see the black sandals she is wearing. God, my girl looks fucking hot. I smile up at her and she mirrors my smile.
“You all ready to go?” I look up at her and ask.
“Yeah, babe.” She leans in and kisses tink on the head and then offers her lips to me. And who am I to refuse them. “Are you sure you are going to be okay? I can stay here.” I love that she is thinking of me, but her life doesn’t stop just because she has a baby. No one's lives should come to a halt just because they have kids, yeah their priorities change but shit, they are human as well. We need to let loose once in awhile, otherwise shit builds up and then explodes, which is never good.
“How are you going to feed her? Did you pump the boobs or what?” And he is back; for now.
“Piss off, Jay. Do not talk about my girl’s tits like that, man,” I growl next to him. Addy looks a little upset; she has been so worried about the feeding thing with the baby.
“No, Jay. Tink is taking baby milk, I couldn’t breastfeed. She didn’t want to take from me.” I see the anguish flash across her face. She tried for a few days but tink was getting hungrier, she refused the boob. The midwives tried helping but the baby wanted none of it. They explained to Addy that is wasn’t her fault, that some babies don’t like the breast. No woman should be made to feel bad about not breastfeeding. Yeah, breast milk is better for the baby, but powder formula milk is just as good these days.
Dude,” I say to Jay, and hand over a sleeping Phoebe. He takes her without hesitation, he knows his question has upset Ads. He settles Phoebe on his chest and he looks up at Addy. He sees her pain and he looks upset himself that he has made her feel crappy.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Addy.” She offers him a small smile.
“It’s fine, Jay.” I stand and wrap my arms around my girl. Her arms go around my waist and she holds me tight to her. She fits perfectly against me, always has. I still struggle with the fact that I waited so long to be with her; the fact that I hurt her for so many years. But we are here now, so no more looking back. We have each other, we have Phoebe and we have the perfect family surrounding us. The love and support is overwhelming.
“I love you, baby. Me and Pheebs with be alright. I’m not sure about my brother because, come on, he has never been quite right. Has he?”
“Hey, fuckhead. I will have you know I am perfect in every way.” Addy laughs against my chest and just like that, her worries lift. I will do everything in my power to make sure she feels no more pain.
“That is very much debatable, Jay,” Ads says, as she pulls away from me a little, still laughing.
“Laugh it up people. You still love me.” He stands with Phoebe in his arms. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and spend some quality time with this perfect little lady and change her nappy because she has an arse like her dad.” He pulls a face of disgust after he sniffs her little nappy covered bottom. “Damn, baby girl, what are these people feeding you?” he asks the baby as he walks out of the room.
“Jay, wait,” Addy calls after him. “I want kisses from my girl first.” Addy walks over to where he is standing and lightly runs her hands over Phoebe’s head and her back, laying soft kisses over her head. “I will miss you, baby girl. See you later. Now go and make Uncle Jay wretch.” She winks at Jay before walking back over to me. Jay leaves the room and I pull Ads back into my arms.
“Kiss your man before you go.” She leans into me and takes my mouth; I will never get enough of this woman. Her warm mouth covers mine, sweet and intoxicating. I swear she takes control over my body when her lips touch mine. I hold her tighter to me and she moans into my mouth. I know we should stop but I can’t drag my mouth from hers. Thank fuck, she pulls away.
“I really need to go, baby. The girls are waiting.” She kisses me once more before picking her iPhone up from the coffee table. I walk with her to the front door and watch as she walks outside. She runs back to me quickly and gives me one more lasting deep, sensual kiss.
“Baby, go now, or my brother
can watch Phoebe for a few hours while I fucking devour you.” She sniggers at me and walks towards her new car. When Phoebe was a few days old, I went out and bought her a brand new Audi Q3, in red. She flipped out when I bought it for her but it was better than the shitty Rover she had. I blow her a kiss as she backs out of the drive, before I walk back into the house and shut the door behind me. I can hear Jay talking to Phoebe when I enter the living room.
“You are going to break hearts all over the world, Phoebe Castle. You are going to be loved by many and you are going to live and love. Do not let your heart settle, you find the one and hold on flipping tight.” I chuckle at his choice of words, I am glad he isn’t swearing around her, but I do, so I can’t really bitch about it even if he did. But Jay’s words let me know something is really bothering him. It’s time for a brother to brother talk.
“Hey, we need to talk,” I say, as I walk in and sit in the chair next to the sofa. He just looks at me and settles Phoebe against his chest, like he is using her as a shield. Yeah, that is not going to happen, we are going to have this talk.
“What about? I told you I’m fine.” He looks back at the TV, which is now playing Whitechapel. God, he doesn’t half watch some shit.
“Jay, something is going on with you. Spill, boy.” I give him a look that shows him I am not fucking around. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he concedes. He shakes his head and leans in and kisses Phoebe’s head. My girl has everyone hooked already.
“She is talking about leaving,” he whispers. I know who he is talking about; Rachel Cullen, the woman who owns my brothers heart but she refuses to give hers to him. She comes across as a hard arse sometimes but she really isn’t, it is all a mask. Liam once told me about her issues. She won’t let people get to close to her because they always leave her. But she has plenty of people around her who love her, but her head just won’t let it go. So in the meantime, she is ripping my baby brother’s heart out.
“When is she thinking of leaving?” I ask.
“She said just after Penny has the baby. Bro, she only has a few weeks left. What the fuck am I going to do? Sorry,” he apologises for swearing. I chuckle.
“It’s fine, Ads isn’t here to slap us on the back of the head. Plus, this conversation calls for a little swearing. It helps get the point across.” I wink at him.
“She is killing me, Dex. I don’t know how much more my heart will take. Jesus Christ, I sound like a chick. Don’t say anything to Ads, she will never let me live it down.”
“Hey, this is brother time; my woman won't hear anything from me.”
“I haven’t touched her in weeks. She won’t let me near her. I have called and text a few times, but she gives me one word answers. Am I wrong for trying? Should I stop being a pussy and try and move on? She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me, but then she flirts when we are all together. Fuck. She is confusing the hell out of me.” He stands and walks Phoebe over to her moses basket and lays her down gently, before taking his seat back on the sofa.
He slumps down on the cushions and scrubs his hands over his face. His stubble is looking a bit longer than he usually likes, so yeah, she is really getting to him. I sit and wait for him to talk, there is no use in forcing him; he knows I am here for him. He is just lucky that Addy didn’t catch onto his mood; she would never have left otherwise. I have always taken care of Jay, even from a young age I was his protector. The shit we used to get into in school was beyond funny, well, it was at the time. But I was always there when his mouth got the better of him and some knobhead wanted to smash his teeth in. I was always the one that stuck up for the little kids. I was bigger than most kids my age. I fucking hate bullies with a passion.
“I honestly have no clue how to move forward with her, Dex. She is blowing hot and cold with me. It’s fucking with my head. Tell me what to do, bro,” he begs.
“Jay, I can’t tell you what to do about Rach. You know her better than me. But I want you to really think about if she is the one you truly want - and holy fucking shit I sound like a chick as well.” We both laugh. “Okay, how about this. Leave Rachel alone. Go to town, pick up some girl. Or maybe chat someone up at the studio, but be careful who you pick. The girls are doing a baby shower party-thing for Penny next week. Bring the girl. Oh fuck, I have the perfect girl who can help. Her name is Cassie, she came into Castle Ink the week before Phoebe was born. She had a kick arse thigh piece done. I will give her a call now, if you want.” I sit forward, excitement racing through me at the brilliant plan. Don’t get me wrong I like Rachel, but she is stringing my brother along and that is not okay with me. If she doesn’t want him then he has every right to find someone that does want him.
“I’m not going to try and make Rach jealous, Dex. I am not that type of bloke.” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yeah you did, and you’re right. You aren’t that type of bloke, you are nothing like me. I fucked up for years with Ads, but I am making up for it now. So what are you going to do?” I ask him.
“Piss all, brother. I am not going to beg her to be with me. I will give her time. If she leaves then she leaves. It will hurt like fuck, but I am not going to beg.” I nod in agreement with him. See, this is why Jay is the sensible one. If it was him and Addy, he would have been with her years ago, not like me. I know that when he settles down with the right girl, he will worship her. Yeah, he comes off as a big flirt but that boy loves with his whole heart, always has. He was different from Liam and me, I was happy to fuck around in school, well, up until Fiona stole my heart. But even after she passed I stuck my dick in any woman that would spread for me, but after a while that shit got old. Jay would always leave me to sort my head out. I know that Fiona wouldn’t want me living the way I was. He always had my heart in his best interest.
“Hey, what do you say once Pheebs wakes up in an hour, we pop over to Liam’s and disrupt the girls coffee morning?” I smirk at him. Jay returns my smirk and nods his head. Yeah, I like where his head's at.
“So, how is that hunky man of yours adapting to being a dad?” Rachel asks me. I smile at the group of girls. We have been sitting here for just over two hours, chatting about boys and babies. I say boys; all of our boys are actually men. Very sexy, tattooed men. Mine is the sexiest, but I am pretty biased. Dexter Castle can charm the knickers off any woman, and he knows it.
“He is fab actually. He helps feed her at all times, changes her nappy. He is loving it,” I explain, and all my words are true. I never thought that Dex would take to being a father so naturally, but he has. He loves his daddy-daughter time. They sit and watch TV together, well, he watches, Phoebe just chills on his chest. And believe me when I walk into the room and see my man, resting our daughter on his bare tattooed chest, it makes my ovaries go boom all over again. Every bloody time.
“I think Dex is doing a pretty good job,” Penny says. She rubs her big baby belly and sighs. She only has a few weeks left, but I don’t think she will go full term. To be honest, I would say in the next week. She is all fidgety and can't sit still. Liam has been running around after her, not letting her lift a finger. She went on maternity leave a few weeks ago, because a drunk lad fell into her. Liam flipped the hell out, demanding that she stop working, so she did, she saw the risks that night of being a heavily pregnant A&E nurse. I love Liam to bits and seeing him act like he did that day was so heartwarming that I cried like a baby. That earned him a punch in the shoulder.
“He is, Pen. He shocked the shit out of me, I really thought he would hold back, you know. It took him years to finally see how things were with us, so I thought that him having a baby with me would bring up memories and feelings of Fiona. It scared me if I’m honest with you girls.” I look towards Penny. “And before you say anything, yes I have talked to him about it, we don’t hide anything anymore; it only hurts us in the end.” I finish my sentence and cut my gaze to Rachel. She holds my stare for a
few seconds and then looks away. She knows how she feels about Jay, but she is hiding her feelings. She will be shocked one day if he chooses not to wait around for her to sort her head out.
“I think my threat put Dex on the right path. I mean, what man wants to lose his cock and balls. And from what Addy has told me, Dex very much likes his package, and he knows how to use it.” Lauren winks at me. Fucking blunt as ever is my girl. Penny chokes on her tea at Lauren’s words but I just laugh, I am used to her crude mouth now.
“Our men are banging, I can tell you that. We all have men with bodies like tattooed Greek Gods and we are some lucky bitches,” Lauren pipes in and takes a sip of her drink. “God, I am all tingly thinking about what Joe did this morning with his tongue. Fuck me sideways.” She licks her lips and we all laugh.
“Laugh it up, bitches. I wish I had a man to drool over. I am going to be the scary, old cat lady that the kids are scared of on Halloween,” Rachel whines from her seat. Did she really just say wishes she had a man? Well fucking hell. I turn in my seat to face her. The girls must sense something is up because the room goes quiet.
“If you would just open your eyes for one second, you’d see that you have the perfect man right in front of you. But you are too bloody stubborn to see him for what he is,” I snark at her. She can be a bitch when she wants to be, but I normally keep my mouth shut because of Penny. But she is hurting my family.
“You don’t know what you are talking about, Addy, so butt out.” See? Can’t open her fucking eyes.
“Really? So you have no feelings for Jay whatsoever? He is fucking perfect, Rach. He is kind, sweet, loyal and honest. He tells you like it is. He has told you plenty of times how he feels and you throw it in his face.”
“Well why don’t you shack up with him then, if he is so fucking perfect?” She goes to stand but I cut her off.
