You have to work with things the way things are, not how you want them to be.
Beah lifted a hand to her throat, feeling like a razor blade was slicing the cords in her neck. She hauled in a breath, feeling like there wasn’t enough air, and tried to fill her lungs again. All she wanted to do was lie down on the carpet, pull her knees up to her chest and weep hot, hard tears. But she still needed to leave this office with a modicum of dignity, without anyone suspecting Finn had ripped out her heart and tossed it out the window to be squished by the wheels and heels using the road below.
The razor blade moved down her throat and into her chest, coming to rest in her stomach, where it widened the hole she’d been living with for the past ten years.
It was now bigger and deeper and wider than ever before.
She hadn’t needed work or a busy life to fill the void; she’d needed Finn. In the past few weeks, being with Finn—loving and laughing and working with him—she’d felt happy and fulfilled and, yeah, complete. The hole had almost closed…
Only to be ripped open, bigger and bolder than before.
I only want you to stay in Boston so you can keep sleeping with me.
Bastard! And such BS!
But Finn needed a reason to walk—run!—away and her telling him about Michael’s offer, and then Ben’s phone call, had spooked him. Instead of planting his feet and taking a chance, he’d grabbed on to the two excuses he’d been offered and bailed.
She was incredibly mad at him, furious at herself for handing her heart over to him again. When would she ever bloody learn?
She was smart and savvy, she knew this, so why was she intensely stupid when it came to Finn?
Maybe she could figure it out on the sixteen-hour flight to Hong Kong.
* * *
Keely looked at her red-eyed, red-nosed friend and wished she could just hug Beah until she felt better. But as she knew, Beah needed to cry, to weep for what she couldn’t have. When she was done, she could start picking herself up and moving forward.
Because that’s what strong women did. Life could break their wings but they always, always found another way to fly.
Keely dumped some wine into her glass and sat down next to Beah on the couch in the least formal of Isabel’s sitting rooms. She wrapped her arm around Beah’s shaking shoulders and congratulated herself on managing to avoid feeling like this. Because this was exactly the way Dare would’ve made her feel, in ten months or ten years.
She missed him, Keely admitted, sipping her wine. But this sort of pain, this gasping, soul-shattering feeling, wasn’t worth a few months of bliss. Because as experience had taught her, Dare would tire of her in a few months…they might make six months; eight would be a record.
By then the wonderfulness of sex would wear off and he’d find himself annoyed by her strong personality and her bossy ways, her definite opinions. He would be sick of arguing with her, tired of feeling emasculated.
She was not the type of woman men stuck to or with. Men needed someone softer, calmer, easier to deal with.
She would never be what Dare needed.
Yep, they’d been smart to call it quits before anyone got too hurt, before they felt like their souls were being shredded.
Keely watched as Beah reached for her wine, took a healthy sip and wiped her tears away with the tips of her fingers. “I’ve cried more in days than I have in…well, since Finn told me wanted a divorce.”
Keely sent her a sympathetic smile, thinking it wouldn’t help to tell her the best predictor of what would happen in the future was what happened in the past.
Men dumped her; Dare would, too. She knew this as well as she knew her signature.
But this wasn’t about her. “It’ll get better, Bee.”
Beah’s eyes were flatter than she’d ever seen them. “So they say.”
“Give it time.” Keely pulled her arm away and put her feet onto the edge of the coffee table. “Have you been in to work since you came back from Hong Kong?”
Beah shook her head. “Before I could ask for some time off, Ronan emailed me and told me he wanted me to take a vacation.” Beah’s lips almost lifted into a smile. “It was a two-sentence message, something along the lines of his brother being as ass and he didn’t want to see or speak to me for at least a week.”
“Nice of him,” Keely said.
“It was, especially the part about his brother being an ass.”
“How was the wedding?” Keely asked, ignoring Beah’s sharp intake of breath and the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Sweet, tender, wonderful. Piper and Ben are so in love, utterly besotted with each other. She looked…wonderful.” Beah choked out the words, her hand on her heart. “Ben is taking some time off to be with her and I think that’s a good thing. They seemed to appreciate us, me, being there.”
“And how was Finn?”
Beah shrugged and pushed back into the chair, as if trying to get away from the question. “We greeted each other and then went back to doing what we do best—ignoring each other.” Beah pulled her feet up onto the sofa and wrapped her legs around her shins. She sniffed, wiped her eyes on her knees and rested her cheek on the wet patch of her sweatpants. “I haven’t seen you for ages. When did you get back from Florida?”
“Day before yesterday,” Keely replied. “And I’m pissed you didn’t call me straightaway. You know I would’ve come if you needed me, Bee.”
Beah nodded. “I know. I just really, really needed to be alone.”
Keely tipped her head to the side. “Have either of you canceled Ben and Piper’s wedding with the suppliers?”
Beah shrugged. “That’s Finn’s problem. I’m not getting involved.”
“I was just wondering because the caterer came around yesterday to look at the ballroom, to measure up for tables and a stage.”
Beah’s eyes widened. “Oh crap. He obviously hasn’t done anything about it.” Beah pulled a face. “And if I know him at all, he’s somewhere isolated, hanging off a rock face by his fingertips. God, I suppose I have to do it.”
Keely looked at her watch and shook her head. “It’s after six. Nothing you can do about it now.”
“I’ll get on it in the morning. Bloody Finn.” Beah drained her glass of wine and pulled Keely’s glass from her hand, taking a healthy sip. Okay, she wasn’t going to fight her; Beah needed it more than she did.
“I’m such a bad friend, I have no idea what’s happening in your life. How’s Dare?”
On hearing his name, Keely’s stomach lurched. Damn, it had to stop doing that. “I don’t know, we called it quits.”
Beah’s eyebrows arched. “Why?”
She didn’t want to go into this, not when Beah wanted exactly what she didn’t.
“Well?” Beah demanded, the word tart.
“He wanted more than I could give him,” Keely finally admitted. Damn, she really didn’t want to discuss this, not now.
“I’m sorry?” Beah asked, irritation lighting her eyes. Beah dropped her knees and her hot look suggested Keely start explaining. And quickly.
“He told me he couldn’t be the only one fighting for us, that he was tired of being the only one believing in the potential of what we had. Oh, and because I wasn’t willing to go there with him, he is going to find someone else. Dare is probably out there auditioning women to be the love of his life,” Keely said, her tone bitter.
“And that pisses you off.” Beah shook her head and abruptly stood up. “For God’s sake, Keels. What gives?”
Keely took the glass of wine from Beah’s hand before it could spill over the ancient, valuable Persian carpet. “I think I made the right decision for both of us because he will eventually walk away from me.”
Beah stared at her and Keely started to feel uncomfortable. She wiggled in her seat and resisted the urge to drop h
er eyes. “It’s for the best, Beah,” she eventually stated.
“If Dare is anything like me, I bet he’s damn sick of people thinking they are so smart and deciding the way we get to love. I love Finn and I know we could be damn good together. Dare, a smart, mature guy, seems to want the same with you but you and Finn have both decided we don’t get a say? Well, on behalf of Dare, screw you. And screw Finn.”
Keely’s mouth dropped open. She wanted to be angry, but she couldn’t. Because Beah was right, dammit.
“Arrogant, smart and scared is a freakin’ deadly combination,” Beah added, anger sparking in her eyes. Keely started to speak, but Beah held up her hand.
“I can’t talk to you right now, Keels. I love you, but I’m mad at you. And I know at least three-quarters of that mad is directed at Finn but you’re also in my firing line. Before I say something that will damage our friendship, I’m going to leave.”
Beah spun on her heel and Keely stared at her back, wondering how the hell the spotlight had ended up on her and why it felt so damn uncomfortable.
* * *
Keely stood in the lobby of Dare’s swanky apartment complex and waited for the doorman to contact Dare, to get permission for her to ride the elevator to his penthouse.
He might not want to see her…
Keely shook her head and looked at her screen, reminding herself why she was here. They hadn’t stopped communicating, but their messages were short, to the point and always about Mounton House or Isabel’s estate or the upcoming sale. He was still her and Joa’s lawyer and she’d told him about Ben and Piper’s wedding and that Mounton House was hosting the reception.
He needed to know that the wedding was off, so Keely sent him a quick message to tell him not to expect a check from Finn for the hiring of the ballroom.
Pity, he replied. So much work went into arranging that wedding. Is there anyone else who’d like to get married on that date instead of them?
Before Keely could decipher his message—why would he care about the cancellation?—her phone beeped again.
I was thinking you and I could. Get married, that is.
He’d been mocking her and it made her furious. Keely stepped into the elevator, still angry at Dare’s comment. How could he be so incredibly flippant? It simply wasn’t funny.
Nothing about this situation—or her bruised heart—was amusing.
The doors opened and Keely stormed into his hallway, dropping her tote bag to the floor. Dare stood by the windows, looking at the amazing view of downtown Boston.
“That was such a stupid comment to make!” Keely shouted at him, dismayed to feel the burn of tears in her eyes. She would not let him know marriage was her greatest wish, her longest-held desire. A man, a wedding ring, a promise to love her forever—how dare he make light of something so profound, so important?
“The one about us getting married?” Dare asked, turning to face her. She hadn’t seen him for weeks, but dressed in a navy Henley and faded jeans, he looked big and tough and scrumptious. Man, she’d missed him.
“Why is it a stupid idea?” Dare asked, sounding far too calm.
“Because you don’t love me. You don’t really want to spend the rest of your life with me!”
Dare didn’t move but a small smile touched his lips. “How do you know that, Keely? Or is that just another of your stupid assumptions, along with the idea I’ll walk when you become too much?”
“I am too much, Dare!” Keely sat down abruptly on the edge of his sleek, boxy settee, annoyed and frustrated by the tears sliding down her face. “I’m bossy and demanding and opinionated and willful and—”
Keely felt his big hands on her knees, inhaled his cologne, his Dare-ness. He didn’t say anything so she lifted her face to look at him. Love, and a touch of amusement, blazed from his eyes.
“Why do you think I can’t stop thinking about you, Keels? I love your strong personality, I love your feistiness, I love that you will jump into the ring to do what’s right. I’ve seen you at your best, and at your worst, and I love everything about you.”
Keely bit her bottom lip, terrified. “Dare, I’m—”
“No, enough.” Dare shook his head. “I’m not a pushover, Keels, and I know exactly what I’m getting with you. I want you, all of you. I’m strong enough to tell you when to slow down and more than capable of stepping into the ring with you. I’m not scared of you, Keely. When are you going to accept that?”
“If you leave, as they all did, I don’t know if I could go on, Dare. You mean much more than all of them put together.” Keely forced out the words over the sound of her thundering heart.
“I’m more the type who digs his heels in when times get tough. Walking away is not my style. And dammit, I’m done with you pushing us apart.” Dare cupped her face in his hands. “Love me, darling, let me love you and let’s be happy. Because living without you sucks.”
Keely briefly thought about standing up and walking away but it was more of a fleeting impression than a decision. What if she sat where she was, what if she stayed? What if she took one more chance?
Dare smiled at her, obviously sensing how close she was to capitulation. “Okay, let’s do this…repeat after me. I love you, Dare.”
Keely’s lips twitched. “I love you, Dare.”
“Thank God. Okay, now this…marry me in the ballroom at Mounton House next Saturday, Dare.”
“Marry me… What?” Keely’s mouth dropped open. “What? We can’t—”
“Why not? Everything is arranged. I love you, you love me, we both know we are delaying the inevitable. And this way, you might finally believe I’m in it for the long haul.”
Keely couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I… Jeez… Dare?”
“We’ll postpone the wedding talk because I can see your head is about to explode. But what we aren’t delaying is you in my bed, naked.” Dare stood up, slid his hand under her butt and thighs and scooped her against his chest.
Keely, feeling safe and secure and protected, linked her arms around his neck and kissed his shoulder through the material of his shirt. As he carried her toward his bedroom, she spoke again. “Dare?”
“Mmm?”
“I love you.” There was such peace in those three words. And she intended to overuse them for the next sixty years. At least.
Dare placed a tender kiss into her hair. “I love you, too, sweetheart. So damn much.”
He did, he really did. What was she waiting for?
“Dare, will you marry me next Saturday? For better or for worse? Stay with me through fights and fumbles and sickness and health and all that stuff?”
Dare’s grip on her tightened and Keely felt the tension leave his body and pure happiness invade hers. “I thought you’d never ask, my darling. And hell yes.”
Keely grinned and tasted his love for her on his lips.
* * *
Two days ago, he’d been in Hong Kong, watching as Ben made Piper his wife. It had been a poignant ceremony, happy and sad, and Finn, along with everyone else, had a tear in his eye as Ben held his wife in his arms to dance her around the room. They’d cut the cake, made speeches, Finn had even managed to make a toast to the happy couple without his voice breaking.
It was a happy day but underneath it all, he was conscious of Beah standing as far away as she could from him, looking remote and so beautiful it made his heart ache.
In Hong Kong, and every minute since he’d landed back in the States, he’d fought the urge to go to her, to haul her into his arms, to beg her to give him another chance. But they were impossible. They didn’t fit, wouldn’t work.
It was over.
Finn shook off his despondency, the heavy despair. He wasn’t going to think about Beah, not today when the sun was shining, the sky clear and the powder fresh. He was going to take a couple of days here in Colorad
o, enjoy the snow and the solitude, push the pause button on his life and his emotions.
When he felt more settled, when his heart was a little stronger, he’d return to Boston and try to create a life without Beah in it. It was going to take some doing but he was a determined guy.
He’d succeed.
Eventually.
As a regular of the resort, he’d been told a group of expert skiers was heading out this morning, along with a couple of snowboarders to an area good for going off-piste. It was the last chance he’d have to ski for a while and Finn knew the area, called Hell’s Run, remembering it was prone to avalanches. But there were no avalanche warnings and the call of fresh powder was too great to ignore. The run required total focus and concentration, exactly what he needed to dispel a certain redhead from his thoughts.
Finn placed his goggles over his eyes and pushed off, wanting to be the first to make tracks on the virgin snow. He watched as a snowboarder overtook him and his competitive spirit sprang to life. He was not going to let a teenager beat him down the run. Enjoying the silence and the fresh snow, the freedom of flying, he sped up, veering right to overtake the younger man. The color of the guy’s ski jacket was exactly the same as Beah’s eyes…
Finn felt the smack of one of his skis slapping the snowboard and he released a curse when he tumbled, spitting out a mouthful of snow. Finn felt his skis fly off and released a string of F-bombs, trying to think back to when last he’d taken a fall.
Ten years ago? Fifteen? God, this was embarrassing. The last way he wanted to travel down the mountain was on his butt.
Finn felt a wave of snow smack him in the face and thought one of the skiers had passed him, spraying snow into his face. But instead of slowing down, he just sped up and then the thought occurred to him that something was wrong, very damn wrong.
He was battling to breathe…
Years, months, centuries later he came to a stop, facedown in the snow. Every inch of his body felt bruised and battered and he pushed down on his hands to lift himself up but he moved maybe a half inch before hitting a solid wall. What the hell? Finn hauled in a deep breath and realized there wasn’t much air. He felt like he was breathing through a heavy blanket.
Harlequin Desire June 2020 - Box Set 1 of 2 Page 44
