The Way Back

by Stephanie Doyle

  * * *

  JAMIE KNEW THERE WAS something wrong when he reached his starting point. Shep should have been there waiting for him. Shep was always there waiting for him. And despite the fact he’d told her otherwise, he kind of thought Gabby would be waiting for him, too. He put his hands on his thighs and took some deep breaths. Walking it off for a while he whistled to see if maybe Shep had wandered into the bushes for a spell.

  Then he saw the letters in the sand. Big letters hastily drawn that made his heart sink into his stomach.

  SHEP TO VET

  Running up the hill as if he hadn’t finished a five-mile run, Jamie cursed when he saw the truck was missing. She had to know he would follow her so he took a chance and sprinted down the driveway. Her rental sat at the side of the road as if waiting for him. He opened the door and gave a soft yes when he saw the keys.

  There was only one vet in town. Tom had been treating every animal on the island for the past five years. Even if Gabby couldn’t find his clinic, anyone in town would know exactly where to find him.

  * * *

  PULLING OVER AT Tom’s home Jamie felt a spurt of hope when he spotted his own truck already in the driveway. Good girl. Gabby had found the vet and hopefully Shep was being treated right now.

  Jamie got out of his car and walked up to the home that used to belong to Tom’s parents. They retired a few years ago to warmer climes in Florida, leaving the home to Tom to do with it what he chose. He wondered how they would feel about his decision to convert the place into an animal retreat. Personally, with Shep getting older, Jamie was grateful.

  Just starting out and not having the money to keep up with both a home and an office, Tom had transformed the large house so that it now contained a shelter, a treatment room and surgical facility along with an apartment for himself.

  With dread in his stomach, Jamie made his way through the empty waiting area and peaked beyond the sliding door into the treatment area. Shep was laid out on the table not moving and Gabby stood over him stroking his coat while tears ran down her face.

  Right then he knew.

  He knew and wanted to walk out and pretend this wasn’t about to happen.

  “Jamie, I’m sorry.” This was from Tom who saw him in the doorway.

  No longer able to avoid the situation, Jamie slid open the door and stood next to Gabby. Jamie took in the vet’s sad expression and swallowed. Tom was good with the animals. He’d finished school and had come home to start his practice. Not something many people did after they made it off the island and saw what life on the mainland had to offer.

  He was connected to the island and now to everyone’s pets. He had a reputation for being kind and gentle. He also knew when an animal had come to the end of his time and he didn’t sugarcoat the truth with the owners.

  Jamie saw Shep’s eyes were open and though he was breathing he wasn’t moving at all. Not sitting up with his tongue hanging to the side and his tail wagging to greet his master. Jamie put his hand on the dog’s gray muzzle and he felt a small lick on his fingers, but it was followed by a soft sighing whine.

  “You knew this day was coming. He’s nearly sixteen. For a German Sheppard that’s really old. He had a good long life.”

  “Yep,” Jamie said tightly. He looked then at Gabby, who was wiping her nose on her jacket. “What happened?”

  “He wouldn’t move. He just laid there whimpering. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t catch up to you.”

  Jamie nodded. “You carried him up the hill?”

  “He was heavy, but he didn’t fight me.”

  “That’s because Shep knows how to treat a lady. Don’t you old boy?” Jamie met Tom’s sympathetic face. “Today?”

  “He can’t walk anymore, Jamie. You might be able to carry him around for a time, but—”

  “No. He wouldn’t want that. Can I have some time?”

  “Sure.”

  Gabby mopped her eyes then looked as if she wanted to say something, but didn’t. The two of them left the treatment room and Jamie said goodbye to the best friend he’d ever had. Even though he’d known this day was coming, the reality of it was way harder than he’d imagined. He knew this was the right thing to do, but selfishly he wanted Shep with him. As he stroked Shep’s fur, Jamie said everything he could think of to reassure him, make him understand this would be okay. That Jamie would be okay. Finally, when he ran out of words, he called out for Tom to return.

  After it was done, Tom told him he would handle the body. Shep would be cremated and Jamie thought he’d spread the ashes on the beach where the dog used to love to run. When he left the treatment room he was surprised to see Gabby still sitting in the waiting area.

  His eyes were red and, while he wasn’t ashamed to say he’d shed a tear for a fine and loyal dog like Shep, he was guy enough to be embarrassed by it. Clearing his throat he scowled and hoped his voice didn’t crack. “You didn’t have to wait.”

  “I thought you might need someone.”

  “I’m fine.” He wasn’t. But he would be. Shep had lived a long and good life. It was his time, and, like Tom said, this was inevitable. Jamie just hadn’t counted on Shep passing today. He sure as hell wished he hadn’t been off running, leaving the dog on the beach alone.

  Of course, he hadn’t been alone. Gabby had been with him. And she had petted him and soothed him until Jamie arrived. Shep had been comforted and cared for. That meant a lot to Jamie.

  “Thank you.”

  She nodded and with the tissues clutched in her hands wiped her eyes again. “I have extra.” From her pocket she pulled out a wad and held it out to him.

  It was one thing for a man to cry over the loss of his dog. It was another to actually use a tissue.

  “I’m fine. Here’s your key.” He tossed it over and she missed it, then handed him his key ring.

  For a moment he stood not really knowing what to say or do. He’d thanked her and that was all he was obligated to do. Still, he felt like a pile of horse manure. After all, she had offered to give him some company.

  “Maybe…maybe you could come back to the house. We can have a drink. A toast to Shep.”

  “Okay. That sounds like a good idea.”

  Silently they left the clinic and climbed into their respective cars. For the first time, she drove up the long driveway and parked next to his truck. When he opened the front door an overwhelming sense of wrongness hit him.

  Something was missing. Someone.

  He wondered how long it would be before he stopped expecting Shep to greet him every time he returned.

  “Preference?” he asked over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen. He didn’t have a fancy bar. Just one cabinet where he put any alcohol he had on hand—usually only a bottle of Jim Beam and that old bottle of single malt Scotch he’d gotten as a Christmas gift one year. He knew he had some beer in the fridge and probably a bottle of wine somewhere. He hoped to hell she didn’t ask for something like a margarita.

  “Whatever you’re having is fine.”

  He brought back two bourbons in short glasses and handed her one. She raised it in the air with a sad smile. “To Shep. Please tell me you didn’t name him that because he was a German Sheppard.”

  “Alan Shepard, first man in space.”

  “Much more appropriate. To Alan Shepard.”

  Jamie’s throat closed up again, but he nodded and took a deep gulp. The heat and fire running gave him a good excuse to cough out the hoarseness. He sat in his favorite chair and thought how it wouldn’t be the same when he reached down to offer a pet because his friend wouldn’t be there.

  “There was a time when Shep was literally the only friend I had in this whole world. It was me and him against everyone. How do you repay an animal like that?”

  “With love,” Gabby offered. “I know after we lost our family dog I cried for three days.”

  “Did you ever get a new dog?”’

  She shook her head. “I never wanted to feel t
hat way again. I knew Shep for five minutes and I’m sad.”

  He smiled. “Well, Shep did have a way with the ladies.”

  For a time they nursed their drinks and kept their thoughts to themselves. Eventually Jamie poured himself another and, without asking, filled Gabby’s glass, as well. He had to admit she was good company for a time like this. Not chatty, not trying to say the right things. She was simply there with him and he thought he would be grateful to her for a long time.

  Not that he had any plans to tell her. She’d probably try to turn it around and get him to confess his secrets as a result. That was never going to happen. His secrets were his and he intended to go to the grave with them.

  “So what are you going to do now you’ve been kicked out of the B and B?”

  Gabby sighed as though she’d just remembered she was homeless. “There really is nowhere else to stay on this island?”

  “Nope.”

  “Not some rental cabins, something?”

  Plenty of them, but none he would tell her about. Suddenly it seemed really important she leave now and not later. It was bad enough he’d been fantasizing about her for the past few days. Now he was actually beginning to like her and that would never do. Maybe if she was a regular stranger who wanted nothing more from him than a little time, a little conversation and, with a pinch of luck, some good sex. But Gabby really did want something from him, something big. She wanted to poke around at all that crap he’d locked away.

  “Then I guess I’m going to sleep in my car.”

  “Your car?” Was she really that persistent? If so, what hope did he have of resisting her?

  “You think I won’t?”

  There was a challenge if he ever heard one. “I think it would be uncomfortable and a complete waste of your time. Gabby, I’m never going to agree to this.”

  “There was a reason you took the advance in the first place. You wanted to tell your story.”

  She was right. He couldn’t lie about that. The idea of a book held a certain appeal. He wanted to put it all down some place, written concrete proof that he’d been here—proof to the world of how far he’d come while, at the same time, offering tribute to the people who had helped him along the way. His life growing up in the backwoods of Maine, how he made his way out and into the Air Force Academy. He wanted to shout from the rooftops about what he’d done. Not necessarily about the rescue in space—he hadn’t planned on that rescue and his actions had been a combination of instinct and training.

  No, he wanted to talk about the other things in his life, all those achievements that took total mental focus and discipline to push himself to the next level and the next level. Something he’d done time and time again. It felt corny to say, but he’d been proud of himself and wanted the world to know.

  Then it happened and suddenly all of his accomplishments were nothing more than ashes on the ground. It had been the darkest moment of his life. Worse than anything that had happened to him as a kid, or during his training at the Academy.

  He couldn’t share that humiliation and pain, that sense of intense loss and failure. Not with anyone. Certainly not with the world.

  “It isn’t going to happen, Gabby.”

  She polished off her bourbon and squeaked a little. “At least now I have you calling me by my name. That’s a positive.”

  “If you think so.”

  “I’m not going to stop. I’m not some wimp. I may not look like it, but I am tough. Real tough. When my father left us, I took over everything. Paying the bills, keeping our heads above water financially. Working extra jobs and staying in school while I did it. You know how I got through all that?” She stood as though to emphasize her point. “By being tough. Your stubbornness is not going to dissuade me.”

  He realized she was a little wobbly on her feet. Two drinks, no food, probably not very nice of him. “I’m sorry.”

  She looked at him blankly.

  “About your father leaving you.”

  “Did I say that out loud?”

  Oh no, Houston. We definitely have a problem. “You sit. I’m going to make you…” Since he had no idea what he had in his refrigerator he let that trail off. He made his way to the kitchen and was happy enough with what he saw. Ground beef and rolls would make for some pretty good hamburgers. She would probably get upset over the menu, remembering their shared meal from the other day. He would have to tell her they were diet burgers.

  She followed him into the kitchen. “I think I’m a little woozy.”

  “No kidding. Sit,” he said directing her to one of the chairs surrounding a small table for two. “I’ll make you something to eat.”

  “That’s nice. I only had toast this morning.”

  No wonder the alcohol had put her on her butt. Especially after the day she had. He looked at her sitting there still dressed in her running outfit, which made her look sporty even though he suspected she didn’t have an ounce of athletic ability in her body. But she’d carried Shep up a steep climb and that said something about her heart if not her strength.

  He formed the meat into patties. Then he plugged in his countertop grill. Normally, he’d fire up the barbecue outside but this was faster and since it advertised on being a healthier way to cook, it might make her feel better about eating ground beef on a bun. Because he was going to add cheese. There was no way to eat a burger without it.

  Before long, the patties were cooked and Jamie added the condiments then served.

  “This looks so good right now,” she said with a half smile. “But you know I can’t—”

  “Eat,” he ordered and did the same.

  Hunger and wooziness must have won out over calorie counting because she took a bite and then another. He watched her and thought about the last time he’d been in this situation. Having a meal in his home with a woman he was attracted to. It felt uncomfortable and good all at the same time. Then he considered what she was feeling in return, if anything.

  Did she even see him as a man or only as the means to an end? He recalled making the comment about their meal together at the diner being a date and the way she practically freaked out on him.

  It wasn’t the typical eyebrows raised look of a woman who simply didn’t trust dating a known adulterer. It was more like the reaction of a woman who was simply afraid of men.

  “So do you see your father at all?” Jamie asked.

  Gabby put the burger down and nodded as she swallowed her bite. “Holidays and such. Not too often though since my half-sister got married.”

  “Don’t like the husband?”

  “I liked him well enough when I was engaged to him.”

  Jamie winced. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah. It wasn’t pretty. In a weird way, I have you to thank for it, too.”

  This wasn’t going to be good. He braced himself.

  She finished the last bite, closing her eyes as though to savor the taste of it. The action made him instantly hard. Then she wiped the grease off her mouth with the napkin he held out for her.

  “When everything was happening to you and the stories were all over the paper, at first I thought it couldn’t be true. Then when it was proven true—those pictures of you at the motel with your wife and that woman… I thought no woman is safe. All men must cheat. So I started paying a little more attention to those late nights Brad claimed to be working and the sudden weekend business meetings. I followed what turned out to be some pretty obvious evidence and at the end of the trail was him in a bed with my half-sister. At the time I wanted to write you a letter thanking you for saving me.”

  “That might have been the only letter I received that wasn’t hate mail. I would have treasured it.” He laughed to show exactly how serious he wasn’t.

  She looked at him with an expression he knew well. This wasn’t condemnation or disgust. This was hurt. As though he had walked up to her and popped her balloon with a pin.

  “Why?”

  She wasn’t the first to ask. And she wouldn
’t be the last he refused to answer.

  “I think you need to go.”

  She gave him that wounded expression again. He was sorry for it, but he didn’t change his mind. She was making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. His emotions were a little too close to the surface at the moment. And his best way of coping, of containing those emotions was to get the hell out of this situation.

  “You said you could spend the night in your car. Well, you’re going to have to. You can’t drive anywhere since I pumped you full of booze. And you can’t stay here. So, the car it is.”

  “I can’t stay?”

  “No, because if you did, I might want to restore my image as a hero in your eyes just to make the hurt you feel go away. And that wouldn’t do either of us any good because I’m nobody’s damn hero.” Yeah, that was true. But that wasn’t the entire reason. And somehow he felt as though he owed her his full rationale. “You want to know the real reason I’m kicking you out?”

  “Yes. No.”

  “Because if you stay here for another minute I swear I’m going to have you naked and underneath me.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  GABBY HUDDLED IN the backseat of the rental listening to the sound of rain hitting the roof. Heavy rain drops falling at a rapid pace. The word deluge would not be an inappropriate descriptor. It wasn’t helping the headache she was nursing as the effects of the alcohol wore off and the hangover took hold.

  Shifting, she glanced between the two front seats to see the clock on the dashboard. Barely after midnight. So much for being tough. Not much of that to be seen in the midst of the cold and fear.

  And loneliness.

  Great plan, Gabby. Come to Maine. Meet the legendary Jamison Hunter. Get him to write a book. No, even better, write the book yourself. Then maybe everyone will love you again.

  What a joke. Instead she’d done nothing more than annoy him for a couple of days, get herself kicked out of a respectable bed and breakfast and his home. Not that it had been anything she’d done, she told herself.