by R Holmes
My eyes dart to Ezra's who's staring at the girl with his jaw set tight. Only then do I really take notice of where we’re standing. There are black blankets pinned against the windows, blocking out all light. An entire fucking wall of computer monitors and technical equipment lines the wall. It looks like NASA if there was a hacking in your mom’s basement version.
"This shit is serious. These people aren't shoplifters. They're powerful, and they use every bit of this power to cover up and protect the people involved. If this information gets out, the blood’s on your hands, not mine."
"Why is my father wiring you over five hundred thousand dollars into an offshore account in my name?" Ezra asks.
Goth Tink hesitates briefly before she speaks. "Because it takes the fire off his back. Listen, all I can tell you is I was hired to create a software by some powerful people. I don't know exactly what their use of it is, and I don't care because I was paid to do a job, and I did it. It's a categorization system based on age, sex, physical characteristics. I’m not here for a Q and A."
She pulls an envelope off the table behind her and thrusts it at Alec. "You got what you came here for. Here's the list of people I have to be involved with. I expect a meet up within the next two days, if not, I’ll let these men know you’re sniffing around. If you tell anyone, and I do mean anyone, about this information, it's not just me you will need to be worried about."
What in the actual fuck is happening? I’m confused as fuck about what Alec has that she wants, but she leaves no time for questions before she’s speaking again.
Her eyes flit from each of us. "These men are dangerous. I don't want you here any longer than you need to be, it's time for you to go. If there's anything that you listen to, heed this warning. Keep your mouths shut and do not go after these people. You're going to wind up dead. Go."
She shoos us up the stairs and back out the basement door with her trailing closely behind. The rest of the house seems to match the outside, a complete and total pigsty.
"Thank you. I'll call for a meet up spot." Alec tells her, pulling a small black burner phone from his pocket.
She nods. "I'll be waiting."
We shuffle through the door as it slams shut behind directly behind us. Once we're off the porch I mutter, "That was fucking insane. What do you have that she wants Alec?"
Shrugging, he hands the folder to Ezra. "A software program I was planning on selling, but I traded it for the information. Didn't tell you because I didn't want the martyr lecture. Each of us sacrifice, and this is what had to be done."
He's right, but fuck. It makes me livid that the people I love have to sacrifice shit because of these pieces of shit.
We get inside of the vehicle, me sliding in next to Pres whose eyes are full of questions and the guys shut the doors behind us. The entire ride back to the hotel is silent. Heavy and smothering, it sits in the air. So fucking thick, so laced with tension, determined to choke us out. We walk back to Ezra’s room, even more slowly, each of us not ready to truly face what's inside of the envelope. Once inside Alec deadbolts the door and we all face each other, waiting for someone to speak.
"We gonna look?" Rhys finally asks Ezra who hasn't looked up from the envelope since it was handed to him.
"When we open this, shit changes, we can't come back from it," Ezra whispers, looking up at us.
He's right.
"C'mon guys, we've known this shit was deeper for a long time. We didn't want to say it out loud because it meant admitting it and realizing that it was here, and it’s real. But we’ve got it… This." He holds up the folder. "This is the proof, the truth, that we've been after."
We all nod in agreement. In the end, it's his decision. He's the one who's gone through the shit, all we've done is support him in the only ways that we knew how.
"Open it," Alec says.
Ezra's hand shakes holding the envelope. He tears it open, revealing one lone piece of paper with a list of hand scrawled names. I lean forward to get a better look, as does Alec and the names on the list make my fucking heart stop beating.
What the fuck?
"Jesus Christ," Alec exclaims. He's pacing around the room now, pulling at the ends of his hair, much like me losing his fucking mind.
"What the hell? Look at this, these are fucking celebrities. Politicians. The governor. You’re telling me, there are more… more than just you?” Rhys says in disbelief.
This shit was so much bigger than what we thought. This is so much bigger than we could’ve ever imagined.
I almost forgot Presley was here, she’s been so quiet, until she’s peering over my shoulder sucking in a breath next to me, "What is this Sebastian? What are these names? Tell me." Her voice is panicked, cagey and I'm confused by the look of pure fear in her eyes.
Does she know someone on this list?
"Sebastian," she breathes. "Please."
"What's wrong?"
I walk closer to her, and she backs away from me.
"It's him."
And my blood runs cold.
23
Presley
"What are you talking about?" This time it isn't Sebastian who speaks, it's Ezra. His eyes search mine for answers. Somehow we're connected by this sheet of paper, and I have no idea what it even means, but it means something. Something sordid. That much I can feel.
"Someone start talking, because I have no idea what the fuck is happening." Alec looks back and forth between Ezra and me.
Heaviness sits between us, unease that can't be explained only felt. The secrets each of us are holding are enough to weigh us down to the bottom of whatever pool of despair we've been living in. I feel the brokenness of Ezra’s spirit and it's just as fractured as mine.
The only reason I've stayed alive, unharmed, hidden, is because I've been too afraid to tell anyone my truths.
Not even Sebastian, and I love him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, anything. And that's why it's time.
It's time to let the truth come to light.
"Eric Michaels." My eyes don't meet theirs, instead they fixate on the paper in Ezra's hands. I feel exposed and raw baring this to them. "Is the man who tried to kill me, more times than I can even remember. He's a US senator.”
I hear the sharp breath that Sebastian sucks in, an angry hiss that sizzles in the air.
"And he was my husband." The tears begin to fall the moment that I utter those words. Full of fury, embarrassment, pain, brokenness. The first time I've ever spoken those words out loud to anyone, and I'm saying it to a room full of guys I barely know.
These words are meant for Sebastian. The truth he deserves but has never pushed me for.
"The last time, he broke three ribs, one that punctured my lung, fractured my jaw and left me for dead on our bathroom floor while he went back downstairs to a dinner party, like it never even happened."
"Goddamnit, Presley." Sebastian stalks towards me and pulls me into his arms, so tight I can't hardly breathe. It's exactly what I needed, to feel the safety of his arms. Strong and unyielding when I wanted to fall apart and break at his feet.
I suck in a sharp breath and continue, even though it feels like my heart is being physically ripped from my chest. "He wanted to kill me. I could see it in his eyes. Of course it happened countless times before, but it didn't seem to numb the pain no matter how hard I tried to retreat inside my head and be anywhere else. It never worked. The last time was the worst he had ever hurt me. Most of the time it was underneath my clothes so the staff and other people wouldn't know." A sob escapes me at the memory, I turn into Sebastian, praying for more strength as I speak. "I was the perfect wife. The trophy for him to show off during his events and dinner parties. Perfectly well mannered, prim and proper, even if my bloodline was poor, I had learned to be part of the elite world."
"Baby," Sebastian whispers agonizingly against my hair.
"He's the devil and I mean that with everything, he is pure evil. I escaped and came to St. Augustine an
d I've been hiding ever since. If he's on that list, then whoever is involved with him is nothing but evil too."
I'm shocked when Ezra speaks. "I was four years old, the first time I was sexually abused by someone on this list. These names. they’re all of the men who are involved with him, including your ex-husband.”
Oh god.
I untangle from Sebastian and rush over to Ezra, taking him into my arms. He flinches when I wrap my arms around him and my heart breaks for him. This poor boy has been through literal hell.
"It started when I was four. I don't remember much from the earlier days. I just remember getting older and not understanding why my father's friend was hurting me." He's whispering, and I wonder if he's only speaking to me. "It never stopped. Not when I told my father, when I screamed and cried and tore shit from the walls. Not until I was old enough to fight back. And then it was too late, I was already fucked up. I'm so fucked up." His voice is pure torment. His fingers dig into my arms as they surround him, like he’s holding on to a lifeline. Now, we're both crying. I feel his hot, wet tears soak into my shirt. The words spill from his lips in a jumble, “I was just a fucking kid. Just a fucking kid.” Another broken sob.
I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break any more than it already had until I felt his entire body shake in my arms as he sobs.
"I'm just so fucked up, I can't fucking close my eyes at night and not see his face. I'm scared that these demons, their claws go fucking deep beneath my skin, are going to drag me down to hell."
The unfiltered vulnerability in his voice wrecks me. The silence in the room is stifling, only the sound of his soft sobs echo the walls. The guys don't speak, but I can feel their pain.
"I burnt down his fucking house thinking that it would help. God, just to make him hurt even a fraction of what I've felt, what I've gone through at his hand, and it doesn't touch it. I hate myself." He pauses, wiping beneath his nose, “I hate myself so fucking much. I’m ruined.”
"No you are not, Ezra,” Rhys cries from beside him, breaking their silence. So much emotion sits in his voice. More emotion than I’ve ever seen him show.
“I'm so sorry, Ezra," I whisper, pulling him to me tighter. We're strangers and yet I feel like I know him. I know the pain he's felt at the hands of his abuser. My soul sees his pain and recognizes it. The string has snapped and Ezra is sobbing, heart wrenching sobs that break all of our hearts, because in the end no one can take this pain away. His brothers can only help him heal, slowly and deliberately but they can't take away the pain that he feels. I sink to the floor with him, cradling him to me.
Alec slides to the floor next to him and he pulls Ezra to him. It's the most sincere, intimate moment I've ever felt. Ezra drops his head to his shoulder, sobbing. He lets out a guttural scream that rings out in the room.
"I can't do it anymore," Ezra cries. "I can't fucking do it. I just want to fucking die, so I don’t have to feel anymore. It hurts. “
Oh, Ezra.
I wrap my arms even tighter, and pray this poor boy’s soul finds reprieve for the broken that he feels.
Sebastian walks over and takes me into his arms, holding me as I cry for me, for Ezra, for the broken heart we both have, the one that he's slowly been mending and making whole again only for it to be splintered back open knowing that the devil who tried to take my life played some part in the abuse of an innocent child, of Ezra. It was too much to take, too much to feel at once and I feel hollow.
"Shh baby, I've got you. I've got you." Sebastian rocks me back and forth with my tears wetting his shirt.
The sound of the door slamming causes all to pause and Rhys is gone. It sobers us all momentarily.
"Should he be out there alone?" I whisper.
I feel him nod against my body before he speaks. "Alec, we have to find him. He's going to do something insane, you fucking know him."
Ezra sits up, wiping the wetness from his cheeks. "I'll be fine. Let's go. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to him."
He’s anything but fine, but as always his loyalty comes before himself. Even in the midst of his heart breaking he's still brave and selfless for his brothers and that perfectly encapsulates who these boys are. Wise beyond their years because of the things they've experienced and seen in their lives. Their relationships are unbreakable, their bond impenetrable.
Alec, still with his arm tightly around Ezra, picks him up from the floor and together they walk out the door in search of Rhys. It shuts behind them loudly, leaving Sebastian and I alone, in tortured silence.
This is it. The first time the truth has been laid bare between us with nothing left to hide. My heart beats erratically in my chest. As much as it hurt, these things had to be said, they had to be revealed if I was going to love Sebastian.
"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to watch the life drain from his face with my hands around his throat," He says. "It makes me blind with rage Pres. I'm so angry. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I'm so sorry that all I did was add to the stress. Goddamnit, I'm sorry. I… I hope you know that I never planned to use that video, and I hate myself now that I know what you’ve been through. I hate myself for making it worse. I deleted it. The first night in your cabin. I’m sorry Presley." Fresh tears wet my cheeks. His arms tighten around me, pulling me as close to his body as he can possibly get me. I've never felt closer to another person before, body and soul. He eased the pain inside of me that had been building for so long.
"I'll never let him hurt you again baby, I swear to you," he vows.
I believed that he would never let him, but that didn't mean that he would be able to stop him. Eric would find me, one way or another and I didn't think anyone except maybe God himself could stop him. I needed a moment to process and come to terms with everything I had learned today and I know that Sebastian was fighting an internal battle between staying with me and going after Rhys and Ezra. They were his brothers, and I was.... whatever I am to him.
I never wanted to make him feel like he had to choose.
"Go find Rhys, make sure that he and Ezra are okay. They need you."
Through thick tears, I pull back so I can see his face.
"No, I'm not leaving you Pres, no," he says firmly.
"I'm okay. They need you and I'm strong, remember?"
My lips turn up in the best smile that I can muster.
His eyes search mine, tormented, and he shakes his head. "No."
I sit up, pulling free from his arms, and turn around so I'm able to look into his eyes. My hands slide against the scruff along his cheeks, savoring the feel beneath the pads of my fingers. I wanted each and every moment to last with Sebastian because I never knew when they'd end. When the bubble of us would burst around us, ripping away my new found happiness. I hated that I had this mindset, but I don't know any other way to feel.
"These are your brothers, Sebastian, and they need you. Ezra needs you more than ever. You offer strength to us all when we're weak. Go, be that for them. I will be her when you get back, I promise."
He struggles with the right decision, but in the end, he nods. There is no right or wrong answer. We all needed him more than he realized, but in the end, I would be okay. I wanted, no need , time to cypher through the thoughts in my head.
"I don't want to leave you," he says, his brows furrowed in worry.
"I know. But you need to find them."
He leans forward and presses his lips against mine in a hard, heated kiss that shows me how much he truly is torn over leaving me even if only for a moment, and for his brothers.
It makes me love him even harder.
Untangling myself from his arms, I stand then offer him my hand. He reluctantly takes it, and pulls me back into his arms.
"I'll be back soon, Pres," he whispers against my hair.
When he walks out of the door, I sink to the floor and cry until there's nothing left.
It's been hours since Sebastian left. Darkness has come, basking our room in pa
le moonlight through the sheer curtains. I've been laying here for hours facing the window, watching the sunset and night come. I'd cried myself dry, until my body was sore with exhaustion and my eyes puffy and swollen. My chest feels exposed and open, raw in a way that only comes from true heart ache. I'd cried for me. For Ezra. For the nightmare that we’d both endure at the hand of these vile, vicious men. Each of us on different spectrums, but abuse either way.
After finding out about his past, I felt a connection to him that was beyond surface deep. It felt soul altering to be a part of this, in whatever aspect there was.
The numbers on the clock tick by, one by one, seemingly moving at a pace that didn't even make sense but I watched change from one number to the next. I didn't know where this left me. What it meant to expose my secret and lay myself out bare for Sebastian, but I knew that somehow I felt... lighter. It felt good to be honest and truthful with the man that I love.
Even if it feels like a piece of me had also been ripped out in the process. I was struggling to come to terms with what life would be like going forward.
Would I leave St. Augustine?
Would they use that list of names and turn them in?
Would they have enough proof to put these powerful men behind bars for the things they’ve done to Ezra and all of the others?
I wasn’t even exactly one hundred percent sure what these men were capable of but I knew that someone on that list had abused Ezra since he was just a child, and apparently, they were doing it to other children and that was more than enough for me.
The thought alone made me physically ill.
On top of it all I'm terrified. I'm scared that he'll finally find me and kill me. I know how evil he truly is. If he was in some type of sick, fucked up elite pedophilic ring with these other powerful men, would Sebastian and the guys be able to truly bring them down?
