Serena knew Barnard was talking about himself as much as he was talking about Preacher. “Okay,” she said.
“It’ll be good to have the voices of children in this big house.”
Serena put down her fork and stared at her husband. “If you have something to say, Barnard, say it and stop hinting.”
“What?” Barnard asked, eyes wide with innocence.
“You know what. The references to kids. I know you want us to adopt but I’m not ready. Can you understand that? I’m not ready. Maybe we can have our own kids. The doctors haven’t found anything wrong with either of us.”
“We’ve been trying for three years, Serena. There may not be anything physically wrong, but something’s not working right.” God help him, but he’d almost said, “You’re not working right.” Barnard paused for a second to collect his thoughts. “Besides, there are a lot of kids out there who need a home and who need love. And I have a lot of love inside me to give a child. I want children, Serena. I want us to have a family.”
“I want that, too, Barnard. Really I do.”
Barnard looked at her, wondering if she understood the words she was speaking. “It doesn’t seem that way, Serena,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Why won’t you even consider adoption?”
“It’s not that I won’t consider it ever,” she said. “Just not right now.”
“Then when?” Barnard asked, his voice rising.
“I don’t know,” she said, matching his tone. “Have you thought that maybe God doesn’t want us to have kids now? If there’s nothing medically wrong with either of us, then maybe my not getting pregnant is God’s way of saying we aren’t supposed to have children, at least not yet.”
Or maybe it’s because you don’t enjoy lovemaking, Barnard thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He knew they would hurt her too much, and despite everything that was wrong between them, he didn’t want to hurt her. “Is that what you really think, Serena?” he asked instead. “That God doesn’t want us to open our hearts and our home to a child, to children, who are homeless and in need of love? That’s not the God I serve.”
Serena shook her head. “You’re not understanding me.”
“Then help me to understand.”
Tell him about Preacher, a still voice told her. Tell him now. Serena opened her mouth in obedience, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Help me to understand, Serena,” Barnard repeated.
Serena lowered her eyes to her plate. “I can’t explain it,” she said. “I just know how I feel.”
Barnard sighed deeply. “And I know how I feel, so where does that leave us?”
Serena didn’t give an answer and Barnard didn’t expect one. They finished their meal in silence and Barnard knew that tonight as they slept each would hug their respective side of the bed.
Preacher couldn’t believe it but he was about to lose his religion and he hadn’t even been home one day. Tanya was acting like a witch. She’d arrived at the prison so late that even he’d begun to worry. He’d felt Barnard’s rising fear, and later G-Money’s, that she was going to be a no-show and he’d been embarrassed. He didn’t want the brothers thinking he couldn’t handle his business. Back in the day, Tanya never would have disrespected him the way she had tonight. In fact, no woman would have dared treat him the way Tanya had. And if a sister had tried, she’d have been kicked to the curb so quickly she’d…But that was the past, the old Preacher, he reminded himself. The new Preacher had a longer-term outlook. It wasn’t only about today, it was about eternity. It wasn’t only about him. It was about him and God and his family. That was the reason he wasn’t going to do anything about the name G-Money had given him. And it was the reason he’d tolerate some of Tanya’s jive. But he drew the line at letting her walk all over him. He was still a man, after all.
His sole joy for the day was Jake and Mack, now sound asleep in the backseat. Tanya hadn’t spoken more than ten words to him. She’d kept her eyes on the road for the entire drive home and only responded to his attempts at conversation with mumbled one-word answers. Not wanting to beg her for conversation, he’d kept his mouth shut. But his temper had raged within.
By the time Tanya pulled the car into the garage and he’d gathered both boys in his arms, he was ready to have it out with her. “I want to talk to you after I put the boys to bed,” he said. “So wait downstairs for me.”
“Whatever,” she mumbled as she unlocked the door so they could all enter the house through the kitchen.
Preacher’s joy returned as he climbed the stairs to the room his sons shared. He eased the older Jake onto his bed, and then he put Mack on his. He pulled off Mack’s shoes, shorts, and shirt and put him under the covers in only his underwear and socks. After tucking Mack in, Preacher did the same thing with Jake. He kissed both boys on their foreheads and then he stood looking down at them. As he did, tears fell from his eyes. These boys were his flesh. “Thank you, Lord,” he whispered. “Thank you for keeping them safe and for being their father when I couldn’t be with them. Teach me to be a father to them. Help me to show them by example how to live a godly life, a life that is pleasing to you. Amen.”
Wiping his eyes, he turned to see Tanya standing in the doorway looking at him. “So now you’re going to be praying over everything and everybody?”
Preacher nodded. No longer angry with her, he said, “Let’s talk downstairs so we don’t wake the boys.”
Outside the boys’ door, she said, “We can talk in the master bedroom. In case you’ve forgotten, we did our best work in there.”
Preacher glanced toward the bedroom they’d shared for more than five years. “Not until we’re married,” he said.
She pressed her body against his. “You think you can hold out against me?”
Preacher had to force himself to move away. “Let’s talk downstairs,” he repeated. He heard Tanya’s laugh as he turned, but she followed him and that was what he wanted.
Preacher waited in the living room until she entered, dropped into the oversized upholstered club chair, and folded her legs akimbo. He watched her and remembered the first time he’d seen her. It had been the Hawks season opener. A season ticket holder, he’d spotted her in the section he knew was typically reserved for friends and family of the players. It was her eyes—a greenish brown color that he had never seen before—and her smile—more open than any he’d seen on a woman as beautiful as she was. That she had legs a mile long hadn’t hurt, either. Trying not to show how much she intrigued him, he’d gotten her name from one of the players and, on the evening of the Hawks first playoff game in six seasons, he’d introduced himself and asked her out. Of course, she’d turned him down. He’d expected it, since he’d also found out that she was dating T. J. Walker, at best an eighth man on a team with no real stars. Preacher couldn’t see that the guy had much of an NBA career ahead of him, and he knew a woman like Tanya—high maintenance and proud of it—would soon figure that out for herself. By the time the season was over, T.J. had been traded and Tanya was free. He’d asked her out again and she’d said yes. As he seated himself on the oversized ottoman in front of her chair, he cleared his head of any thoughts of similarities between T.J.’s situation then and his now.
Instead of confronting Tanya about her attitude as he’d planned to do, Preacher said, “I know things haven’t been easy on you while I’ve been away and I know it’s going to take some time for us to find our rhythm as a couple, but I want you to know that I appreciate what you’ve done in taking care of our home and our boys while I was away. It was a lot on you and I’m sorry you had to do it alone.”
Preacher sensed his words had surprised her. “It was hard,” Tanya said. “And I didn’t like it one bit. I didn’t get involved with you to end up having to fend for myself and be alone.”
“I know,” Preacher said. “I didn’t plan to get arrested. I didn’t want to be separated from you and the boys. I’ll never say I liked prison, but I c
an say that going there may have been the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said. “Well, it wasn’t the best thing for me or for the boys.”
“Hear me out,” Preacher said. “It was a rough two years, but those days are behind us and I believe I’m a better man for them. I’m a better man because I know now that the way I was living my life was leading us—you, me, and the boys—down a dead-end road. I want more for us than that, Tanya. I want us to be a family.”
“But how are you going to support us?” Tanya asked. “You say you’re not going back into the business, so how are we going to live?”
“I have some opportunities lined up,” Preacher said, though Tanya’s words had touched the spot that was softest in him. The work-money issue concerned him greatly. “I won’t be able to generate a lot of income right away, but I have skills and given a chance, I’m sure I can make a decent living for us.”
“Decent?” Tanya folded her arms across her chest. “I didn’t sign up for decent.”
“I know, but can you honestly say you want me to go back to the drugs? Do you want our life based on that?”
Tanya didn’t answer.
“Give me a chance,” Preacher said. “I want to be your husband. When I gave you that ring—” he inclined his head towards the 3-carat diamond solitaire he’d put on her finger in exchange for her promise not to abort Jake “—I said I wanted to marry you. I’m not sure I did then, but I do now. I want to marry you and I want you, me, and the boys to be a family.”
“I don’t—”
He pressed two fingers against her lips. “You don’t have to answer now,” he said. “Just promise to think about what we have and what we can have as a family. I’ll be a good husband to you, Tanya. I promise I will.”
“Are you sure you want to move your knight there?” Dante Griggs asked Natalie. They sat on the floor on opposite sides of the coffee table in her living room, the chessboard on the table between them.
Natalie peered up at him. “Wanna help a sister out?” she asked, all the while thanking God that she had this game to focus on. There was something about Dante’s dark good looks that could have her sitting here staring at the man like she was a teenager. She didn’t kid herself that it was only his looks that attracted her though. She knew it was more the way he made her feel when he was around. With Dante, she felt wanted and cherished—two things that, after Benjamin, she wondered if she’d ever feel again. His double betrayal had undermined her self-confidence. How could it not? She’d never forget the way she’d felt the day she’d seen Benjamin and his girl Moesha arguing in the mall. He’d tried to lie his way out of it, but there was no lie he could put to the “Daddy” that had come from the lips of the little boy holding Moesha’s hand.
Dante smiled, but shook his head. “I distinctly remember you saying you wanted to play this game on your own.”
Natalie frowned. “You know reminding people of what they said is not an admirable personality trait.”
Dante chuckled. “Sounds to me like a poor loser talking. But if you need help, I’ll help you.”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Please, I don’t need help.” She put her knight back where it had been and studied the board. “I can beat you on my own.”
“In your dreams.”
Natalie looked up at him. “Hey, you’re supposed to be trying to win me over. If you are, I hate to tell you but you’re doing a pretty poor job of it.”
Dante chuckled again. “Some women might be won with empty words, but not you. You like honesty. You like forthrightness. A lot of fake sentiment from me and you would’ve shown me to the door a long time ago.”
Natalie moved her knight. “You’ve got that right.”
“I know because I’m a smart man. And I’ve also got you in checkmate.”
Natalie’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? I don’t see checkmate.”
“Look closer.”
It didn’t take a long study of the board to see Dante was right. Natalie slapped her palm against her forehead and leaned back against the couch behind her. “I can’t believe you beat me again. You must have cheated.”
“What’s that? Sore loser talk again?”
Natalie pouted. “Any other guy would let me win at least one game.”
As Dante set the board up again, he said, “That’s just it. I don’t want you to see me as just another guy. I’m special, unique. You’ll never confuse me with the other guys you’ve led around by the nose.”
“Now you’re hurting my feelings,” Natalie said, but he wasn’t. He was saying the words she wanted to hear. “You make me sound like a difficult woman.”
Dante shook his head. “Not difficult, headstrong. Now don’t get all ruffled. I like a strong woman, a woman with her own opinions. I like you,” he said, meeting her eyes. “A lot. More than I expected to.”
“You really know how to flatter a woman,” she said with a tad of sarcasm.
“Just want to be honest with you. One thing I’ll promise you, Nat, is that I’ll never lie to you. This thing, this relationship we’re building, is important to me. I don’t know where it’s going but I want to make sure I don’t mess it up. You feel me?”
She nodded. “I don’t want to mess it up, either. I admit that I’ve been known to do that in the past.”
“I know.”
“And how do you know?”
“I’ll tell you later,” he said. “A man has to protect his sources.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you,” she said. “So I guess I’ll get us something to drink. Coke all right with you?”
“Fine,” he said. “But hurry back. I miss you when you’re out of my sight.”
“Now you’re getting it,” she said with a smile. “Those are words a woman loves to hear.”
Dante got up from the floor and sat on the couch. When Natalie returned, she handed him a Coke and sat next to him. “I’m going to beat you next time,” she said.
“I’m glad there’s going to be a next time,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.
“Okay, now you’re pouring it on a bit thick.” Contrary to her words and tone, she snuggled against his side.
“I couldn’t think of anything to say, since I know you’re not going to beat me next time.”
“Don’t be so sure,” she said. “I have a secret weapon.”
He looked down at her. “Secret weapon? Are you taking chess lessons?”
“I’m not telling. You have secrets and so do I.”
Dante stared at her for a long minute and Natalie thought that he was going to kiss her. Instead, he said, “It’s getting late. I think I should go.”
Natalie glanced down at the gold Rolex he always wore. It was indeed getting late. She didn’t want him to go, not yet, but she knew he needed to leave.
As if he could read her thoughts, he brushed his finger down her cheek and said, “I don’t want to leave, but I’m honoring this relationship like I haven’t in the past. You and I have different views on how God looks on the expression of love between two unmarried people who care deeply for each other. I hope you’ll come to trust me enough to know that I’ll never hurt you and that anything we do together would be an expression of love. The way I’m feeling right now and the way I think you’re feeling, we may end up doing something we’ll regret in the morning. I don’t want that for us, so I’m leaving. Understand?”
She nodded, hating to admit that there was some truth to his estimation of her feelings, yet hating even more how much his words reminded her of Benjamin’s. He hadn’t pressured her sexually, either, but she knew now that was because he was getting his so-called needs met elsewhere. She wondered if Dante had someone else, too. Before her imagination could get the best of her, Dante took her hand and pulled her up from the couch with him. He walked her to her door with his arm around her shoulders.
When they reached the door, s
he still wasn’t ready for him to leave, so she asked, “Have you thought any more about the prison ministry? I’d really like for you to talk to my brother. He could give you statistics and other information to help you to make a decision about hiring an ex-convict at your dealership. Most of them really do want to turn their lives around and will work very hard for you. My brother’s organization does a great job of screening candidates.”
Dante pressed his lips softly against hers for a moment. When he lifted his head, he said, “I know how important this is to you, so I’ll talk to my partner about it and let you know, okay?”
She nodded.
“Good night, Nat,” he said. “Sleep well, but think of me.”
Natalie didn’t answer but she knew she would do as he asked.
CHAPTER 3
Thank you, Lord,” Preacher said when he awakened in his garage apartment the next morning. His first taste of freedom yesterday had been overshadowed by his irritation with Tanya, but he was making sure to start this day off the right way. He got out of bed, opened a window, and breathed in the fresh morning air. No bars, he thought, physically or spiritually. “Thank you, Lord.”
Preacher grabbed his grandmother’s Bible and spent some time in meditation before taking his shower and getting dressed. He was eager to see his children, so he didn’t waste any time. He frowned when he turned the knob on the door in his kitchen that led to the stairway down to the kitchen in the main house. It wouldn’t turn. Tanya! “Help me, Lord,” he prayed, “not to get upset.”
It’s all good, he thought. Even though one of the apartment’s best features was the inside access to the house and his boys, he would gladly take the longer outside route. He made his way to the front door and jogged down the outside stairs leading to the far side of the garage. He trotted around the house and rang the doorbell, shaking off the irony that he was doing this in his own home.
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