by Alex Lucian
How I saw it playing out was I’d somehow fumble through a profession of how I felt for her, she’d tackle me (preferably naked), say she felt the same way, and we’d screw ourselves into oblivion. Forever and ever, end of story. She’d quit that day, and we’d travel the world together.
In the haze of bourbon in my head, it all made perfect sense. But I knew her well enough now. What happened with Nicholas scared the shit out of her, and I couldn’t blame her for it. Couldn’t blame her for seeking an outlet once we were alone. If I’d felt even half of what I did for her, I wouldn’t have told her no. I would have laid back and let her use me until the darkness had abated.
But if Ruby had fucked me to help her clear another man from her head and her body and her heart, I would’ve wanted to rip my skin off and let it burn.
Fuck, she made me think violent things.
“I don’t know how I see it playing out, Jack,” I lied. “But I can’t know until I talk to her.”
“You tried earlier?”
I nodded. “She had some fucked-up run-in with an ex, and it shook her up. She totally shut down on me.”
He sighed. “Look, man, that was her real life, right? You’re in her business life. Mixing the two together has got to be weird for her. Just give her some time to figure her shit out.”
Immediately, I could feel my defenses rise. I wasn’t business for Ruby. There was no fucking way that she was like that with all of her clients. Even a single other client besides me. And it wasn’t because I took her on a trip. That was the vehicle, sure. We were able to spend all that time together, completely isolated from this situation, but there wasn’t one fucking part of me that doubted that we would have gotten that close anyway. It may have taken every single day of the thirty we had, but we would have ended up right fucking here.
But I didn’t argue with him, because no matter what he said, Jack did judge women like Ruby. It wouldn’t do me any good right now to try and convince him that I wasn’t crazy. My feelings were real, and that was all he needed to know. If Ruby gave me a chance, God, he’d see it. He’d see exactly why I was whining on his couch because I couldn’t stand being alone at my place.
I could do it. I could talk to Ruby and let her see how well it would work. There was no fucking way she didn’t see how we fit together.
“I just want to be with her,” I said quietly, staring at the windows of Jack’s apartment.
“Like, long haul, future shit?”
When I looked over at Jack, there was no laughter in his expression. He knew what a big deal it was for me to even contemplate going down that road.
“Yeah. All of it.”
He lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “Well. That’s something I’ve never heard from you before.”
“I know.”
“I’ll say this. If she’s everything you say she is, and if she’s been able to actually make you hope for the kind of future that you usually avoid like the fucking Plague, then I hope it works out for you. I really do.”
I rubbed at the back of my neck, a little uncomfortable about how weighty he made her influence sound. Not because it wasn’t true, I knew that it was. It was uncomfortable because I knew how much power she had to fucking crush me if she didn’t want the same thing.
“Daddy?” A little voice said from the hallway. Grace yawned, rubbing at her eyes while she walked toward us in a light purple nightgown that dragged on the floor. “Uncle Elias?”
“Hey, princess,” I said, holding my arms out for her. She crawled into my lap and tucked her face into my chest. “Did we wake you up?”
She shook her head, eyes already closed. “I had a dream about Mommy.”
Jack gave me a sad smile. “Want to tell us about it?”
Grace yawned again. “No. I just wanted a hug.”
My heart cracked a little, picturing Ruby at Grace’s age, without a dad to hug her in the middle of the night if she had a dream about her mom. I kissed the top of her head and blinked away the burning sensation in my eyes. Great, now I was fucking leaking.
“Why don’t you go hug your daddy, princess?” I whispered to her. She smiled sleepily at me and slid off my lap to go do as I asked. Jack picked her up and carried her down the hall, talking softly to her.
Imagining kids was a stretch, but the fact that it didn’t terrify me anymore is how I knew this was so fucking real. I just had to be able to sit down and talk to Ruby before I lost my damn mind.
But considering where I was at, in my head and in my heart, I was already halfway there. If she turned me down, or walked away, I didn’t want to think about how I’d feel then. Probably like somebody ripped my heart out and expected me to keep living.
I took a deep breath and pulled my phone out so I could look at the pictures of her I had on my phone from Amsterdam. Living without my heart? Yeah, that sounded like a fucking appropriate description.
Chapter Thirty-One
The lunch with Lenore that week had ended early, with Lenore dismissing all the girls except for me. I knew she probably had had at least one conversation with Elias, because I’d been ignoring all of his messages that week.
I cringed, thinking about that. Because no matter what had happened between us, he’d still been a client that I’d had an agreement with. And I was definitely reneging on that agreement, based on the fact that I had ignored his requests to see me, repeatedly.
Stella gave me a look, one that asked if I wanted her to stick around—a fuck Lenore look—but I shook my head and gave her the smallest smile I could muster.
“So,” Lenore began, signing the check with a flourish and setting her pen down quietly. “Let’s discuss your arrangement with Mr. Sutton.” Today, she wore glasses. Narrow rectangular glass specs that kept slipping down her nose. I stared far too long at them as they slipped over one freckle to the next one. “Ruby.” The sharpness of her voice was more effective than a snap of her fingers in calling my attention back to her.
“Oh,” I said. I ran my fingers over the fabric napkin in my hand as I contemplated what to say. “I know it’s probably unorthodox, but I’d like to be let out of my arrangement with him.”
Lenore pushed her glasses back up to her eyes as she peered at me. “Early, you mean?”
I nodded and sipped my ice water. “Yes.”
“Well, what am I to do with that?” she asked plainly.
Very, very rarely did Lenore look at me so sharply. I wasn’t the girl who needed to be reminded to groom her eyebrows, or visit a dentist, or cut back on the carbs. Rarely had Lenore given me more than a glance when she looked over us all for our lunch meetings. But now, I was her sole focus. I missed the safety of having the other girls around us to distract her attention.
I shrugged. “I don’t know how it works,” I said, feeling myself shrinking under her scrutiny.
“That’s because this situation isn’t ‘unorthodox,’ Ruby. It’s unprecedented.”
“I can’t be the first girl to have a long term arrangement with a client,” I protested.
“Oh, trust me darling, you’re not. But you’re the first one to attempt to back out of one, unless there are extenuating circumstances you’d like to enlighten me to.”
Shaking my head, I told her, “No. I just think it would be for the best.”
“Ah, well.” She made a little noise in the back of her throat and sipped her water before speaking again. “That is precisely why I am your manager. Because I know what’s for the best, and I don’t book you with clients unless I think you can see your obligation through.”
Lenore sure had a talent for making me feel small. “I don’t want to see him again,” I said, firmer.
“What kind of business do you think this is? I feel like you’ve been made aware of how we operate.” When I was silent, she sighed and slid off her glasses. “Do you think Ana wants to let Mr. Peters grope her with his ‘fish hands?’ Do you think Stella wants the clients with … unusual sexual proclivities? The answer—in case you�
��re not sure—is no.”
Her gaze was still on me, and I knew she was analyzing me for the smallest fleck, to betray the reason I didn’t want to go back to Elias.
“We’re not in the business of catering to our individual desires, Ruby darling. We’re in the business of fantasy, and that’s what we sell. We’re selling their fantasies, not our own. If you’re ending an agreement out of your own selfish desires, then you’re wrong. Bottom line. Ending a business agreement is never simple. What you’re asking of me is more than I should reasonably have to deal with.” She picked up her purse and carefully tucked her pen inside of it. “So, I implore you, to meet with Mr. Sutton at least one more time before you ask me to terminate your agreement.”
And then she left, leaving me feeling sufficiently chastised.
I sent Elias a date, time and location after Stella had encouraged me to follow Lenore’s request. Not that you could really call it a request—because she was my employer, essentially telling me to do my job.
Elias had replied immediately, confirming that he’d meet me at the hotel. It was a new venue, something that wasn’t tied to our past, and I hoped it would help me not to fall back to the feelings I’d stupidly developed.
But all it took was one look from him at the bar for me to realize my feelings weren’t associated with a place, but with a person. With Elias.
He was waiting when I arrived, his drink already gone and I wondered if he had been waiting long enough to nurse the whiskey or if he’d recently arrived and had slammed it. He stood as I made my way to the bar, and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. His scent wrapped me up and made me feel more imbalanced than I’d been on the walk to the seat beside him. He pulled out my chair and I slid in as gracefully as possibly, trying not to betray an ounce of feeling in my movements.
“How have you been?” he asked, signaling the bartender with a flick of his hand.
“I’ve been very well,” I said placidly. “And you?”
“I’ve been the opposite. Would you like a drink?”
I smiled softly. “I don’t think I need one, actually.”
Elias slid his credit card across the bar top, not taking his eyes off me all the while. “I booked a room. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I thought it best. Just in case.”
“That sounds lovely,” I said in a way that was warm but still detached. I wasn’t sure if I could pull off detached with Elias, not with the way he looked at me; like he hadn’t slept in weeks and I was a warm bed, beckoning him to fall into me. But I had to try to see if I could keep everything professional between us. I didn’t want alcohol to loosen me up when I was struggling to hold onto control.
After Elias signed the check, he stood and took my hand, leading me away from the bar to the elevator. I tried to clasp his loosely, but his hold was much firmer. It was as if he thought I’d slip away from him, but in fact the opposite was true. I wanted to see if it would be easy to kiss him and feel nothing. To lay under him with only a professional kind of interest. This was new territory, having feelings like this for a client, and I wanted to see if I could remember to keep it separate as we rolled over one another on the bed.
When Elias opened the door to the room, I turned to him and made the first move. I knew he liked it in the past when I’d been a little more aggressive, so I decided to do everything he liked tonight, anything to get through this in one piece.
He practically growled into my mouth as his hands pierced my hair and backed me up into a wall. With his lips firmly on mine, I could feel myself already dropping back to who we’d been just a week earlier. His kiss was too much. Too deep and reaching, too profound. I pulled my mouth away, determined to not let him take me there again.
We moved toward the bed, still fully clothed. When we reached the footboard, Elias picked me up and laid me across the bed. He moved to my feet and slipped my heels off, one by one, and then pressed his thumbs into my heel, massaging the spot that ached the most.
How could I protect myself with him touching me like that? I felt my own arousal light up just by getting to look at him. Knowing his bedroom skills had made my body betray my head as I felt my pussy practically vibrate.
Looking at me the whole time, his hands moved up from my feet to my legs, his large hands massaging the muscles of my quads. He was taking his time with me, making sure I was comfortable, and the idea that he was caring for me so gently made my eyes burn with tears I hadn’t shed yet.
When he tapped my inner thigh, my legs spread immediately. As they always did, when he did that. I saw the triumphant satisfaction in his face, the smile that shone brighter than anything else in the room.
I couldn’t open my legs wide enough for his liking because of the restrictive material of my skirt. So Elias shoved it up, so it bunched at my waist and tapped again for me to spread my legs.
This time, I had more hesitation in doing so. But still I did and he climbed onto the bed, sitting right between my legs as I laid there, exposed.
“Are you wet?” he asked me.
I hesitated again, but nodded just as he yanked my panties to the side and placed a finger at my entrance.
“You sure are,” he said, slowly pulling in and out, his eyes on mine the whole time. The room was so dark, but I could see everything about him clearly. Which was both a curse and a relief.
I heard myself sigh when he hooked a finger and pressed against the walls of my vagina. I didn’t want to be affected, but my body reacted to him like we were chemicals reacting to one another.
Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine myself far away from this moment. But then he hooked his finger again and I clenched down on his hand. I bit my lip to keep from shouting and swallowed my scream.
“You’re fucking drenched,” Elias said appreciatively. But I didn’t speak, I just laid there, as interactive as a dead fish. “You like this, I know you do.”
I felt my pussy stretched as he slid another finger inside of me and continued pumping in and out. Refusing to look at him, I turned and stared at my reflection in the mirror across the room. My body moved back and forth on the bed, but my face remained completely aloof. Until he pressed my clit, and my reflection blurred. I bit down so hard on my lip, I was sure I’d draw blood.
“Tell me what you want from me, Ruby.” He added another finger and when he pumped into me, I felt my body tremble. I was close, I could tell. Just from a minute of pumping me with his fingers, I was ready to fall over the edge into orgasm.
I stayed silent still, not daring to look at him. I looked everywhere else, trying to keep myself disconnected from what was happening. And in doing so, I was breaking my own damn heart. I didn’t want this, to be cold when Elias touched me.
His movements picked up pace and my body reacted against my control, bucking and sliding as he hit every pleasure spot I possibly had. I was seconds from coming, and I knew I’d lose all control of my own aloofness when I orgasmed.
But then he drew his hand out of me and, finally, I looked over the bunched up material at my waist to where he sat between my legs. “Do you want to come?” he asked, his voice silky in the dark. That alone made me want to come—the way the words came from his mouth so delectably.
I didn’t want to answer, so I forced a cool tone in my voice when I said, “Don’t you?”
His brow furrowed, and I could see his frustration in the set of his jaw. “I know you do,” he said, but he didn’t need to convince either of us because he pressed his fingers back inside of me, and my eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head when he continued his gentle, quick thrusts.
I was so close, again, and when he pulled his hand away for a second time, it took every ounce of patience in me not to scream at him. This time when I looked at him, he held his hand up.
“Look how wet you are for me.” He turned his hand, and the glint of the moon from the window cast a brief second of light over it. “I’ve wanted a taste of you for so long, Ruby.” And, with his eyes still holding mine, he put
his fingers in his mouth and pulled them out after one long suck.
The image made my insides quake. But I kept my composure, even though my body was doing everything it possibly could to betray me. I was practically vibrating, I was so ready to come. So ready to give in to Elias.
“It’s not enough,” he said, and for the first time I wondered if he was talking about the taste of me he’d had on his fingers or our arrangement not being enough. Both scared me—the first because escorts didn’t receive oral sex, ever. The second because I didn’t think Elias being my client was enough for me either—but I couldn’t give it up. Not right now.
I didn’t say anything to that, just held his gaze as he tapped on my thighs and I spread them wider. He braced his hands on my inner thighs and stared down at my cunt before looking up at me.
“I want more.” He drew a finger down my pussy, not entering me but just teasing me. “More than just about anything, I want to feel you come on my tongue, Ruby. Right now.”
I didn’t have it in me to say no.
Chapter Thirty-Two
With Ruby laid out before me like an offering— even though the blankness was back in her eyes, in her hands and her body language— there was no way I would ignore the invitation she’d just given me. The second she widened her legs, I dropped to my knees and hooked my hands around the back of her knees to drag her to the end of the bed.
With careful hands, I pulled her lace underwear off and tossed it onto the floor. My fingers smoothed up the inside of her thighs, stopping just shy of where I wanted to be more than anywhere else. Actually, that was a lie. There wasn’t a single part of Ruby that took precedence over the others. Her brain, her heart, her skin, I wanted it all. And I wanted to be as deep in her as she was in me.
Which is why that past week had been like being doused into hell. I felt out of control, a hair trigger on my emotions and no idea what might send me over the edge. Two days ago, I spotted a woman across 5th Avenue that I thought was Ruby. I sprinted two blocks, only to discover it wasn’t her.
