No, Joss. Not when everything can still come crashing down.
"I do trust you, Andrew. I just… It's nothing. It won't change anything anyway."
He nodded in acceptance, "Okay. But whenever you decide…"
"I will."
His hand hadn't moved, but his thumb was still gently caressing my cheek and I couldn't really focus on anything else.
"I want to kick his ass."
"What?" I had been enjoying his touch so much that I forgot what we were even discussing.
"David. I want to kick his ass, for doing what he did. For being such an idiot." He pulled his hand away and took a step back, "But I want to hug him at the same time because you are right, without him Olivia wouldn't be here."
I smiled at the thought of her. I missed her. I was rarely without her and it physically hurt to be for too long.
"Will you tell me about your pregnancy? About the day she was born? I can't imagine that Ben and Linda let you do that alone."
"No," I chuckled. "No they didn't."
Chapter 6
Andrew
I almost kissed her. I almost took her into my arms and showed her how much she meant to me. But I didn't. I couldn't. She wasn't ready for that and I would rather go without it for a little longer than lose her completely.
The moment I kissed her hand, my whole life became clearer. The shocked look on her face mirrored the shock I was feeling. The current that had run through me was overpowering.
I had to sit back down when she told me about her pregnancy with Olivia and how incredible it was the day she was born. She was so beautiful and even more so when she talked about that little girl. Her eyes lit up and her smile got bigger and the air around her glowed. She was perfect.
And I was falling in love with her.
Olivia already had my heart. She was everything to me. Her smile and laughter sparked a light in my soul and every time she ran to me, I dropped to my knees from the overwhelming feelings that came over me. She would talk to me so animatedly and even though I couldn't understand a word she said most of the time, I knew those words were just for me.
When Maddy walked in with Olivia asleep in her arms, I immediately went to her and made her hand her over. Jocelyn was right behind me and we whisper-argued for a second about who got to put her to bed. We decided that both of us could do it together and started up the stairs. Maddy just rolled her eyes and said goodbye.
Jocelyn changed a little after that night, she didn't flinch anymore at the occasional time I put my arm around her shoulder and she hugged me a little tighter whenever we said goodbye. We were moving forward slowly, but it was forward.
I know I didn't deserve either one of them, but damn it, I was going to do everything in my power to get close. I had dated a lot of women and my job forced me to be around a lot more women than I really could tolerate, but it gave me a chance to see what was out there and none of them, not one, even came close to Jocelyn. She was the best of everything, beautiful, smart, funny, dedicated. After spending so much time with her, I stopped even noticing that I was around women at the clubs and shows. Sure, a lot of them approached me, but it wasn't even a factor anymore.
I wanted Jocelyn.
I had never wanted anyone in my life so much.
That's why I called Maddy when I left Jocelyn's. I had to know if she was still determined to just be 'friends'. I wouldn't mind too much, but it was torture every day to not hold her and kiss her and I had already been caught staring at her mouth several times.
"Seriously, Drew? It's 11 o'clock."
I could hear the smile in her voice, so I knew she had been expecting my call. She was the one to encourage a night alone with Jocelyn to see if anything more could happen. Hence, the reason I had gotten off of work.
"I need your help, Maddy."
"As usual," she chuckled.
"Will you take Jocelyn to lunch tomorrow and maybe do a little recon work for me?"
"Serious? Drew, I'm not really good at being subtle. Didn't you guys talk tonight?"
I heard Jocelyn moving around in her room when I climbed into bed and smiled. She was always only a few feet away and I would give anything to knock that stupid wall over.
"Yeah, we did, but I don't know what she wants exactly. We are going to spend the 4th of July together and I think there may be a chance that we could… I don't know. I'm just too much of a coward to ask her."
"Yeah, I figured that." I could just see her tapping her chin trying to come up with a plan. "I'll take her to lunch tomorrow, but I can't guarantee she won't find out that you put me up to it. She is too smart anyway."
My stomach twisted at the thought of her reaction. Would she be upset? Would things get awkward? No. I wouldn't let that happen. I would have to just convince her that we were good for each other and that being together wouldn't hurt Olivia. Unless of course I screwed up somehow, which was a very likely possibility.
"Crap! Maybe I shouldn't have you do this. What if she gets mad or something and I lose her completely?"
"Andrew!" She sounded pretty exasperated so I knew I was about to get a lecture. "Do you see the way she looks at you? Do you think that a woman who wanted nothing more than friendship would allow you to be so involved in her life and her child's life? She is probably just scared for Olivia. I mean, something serious must have happened with that little girl's father."
"Yeah, the asshole left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant."
"What? You've got to be kidding me! No wonder she is always changing the subject when I talk to her about dating."
" Yeah, I wish I could find that bastard and-- wait, what? You talk to her about dating? Who? Why would you do that?"
My own sister was trying to encourage my girl to go out with other men? No, not men. Boys. No one deserved her attention. Especially the losers around town. Well, some of them were losers. There were actually some pretty good guys, but not good enough for Jocelyn and definitely not good enough for Olivia.
Did I just say 'my girl'? My friend. For now. Right.
"Calm down, doofus. I was just trying to find out if she was going to date ever again. I mentioned a couple of guys that had noticed her and she immediately turned down any kind of introduction."
"What guys? Who the hell is--"
"My God, Drew. Does it really matter? She isn't interested. Plus, that was a while ago. You guys have gotten closer since then so I'm sure every guy in town now knows to stay away from her. Wait! Oh my God! You are in love with her aren't you?"
Crap. No way I could talk to her about that. She would tease me even more than she already does.
Just see what you can find out, okay? Thanks, sis. Love you. Goodnight."
"Andrew, wait! Are you--"
I pressed END and held my breath. She was going to be pissed. I thought about turning off my phone, but when she didn't call back after a minute I figured she was busy planning how to throw me under the bus tomorrow. I felt nauseous. Then calm, then anxious. Then angry. No way was I going to let any other guys take her out. I had to make a move and fast. Or just lock her in her house and never let her out.
Yeah, that sounded good to me.
Jocelyn
"So, when are you and Tyler going to have kids?" I asked Madison as she dug into her bacon cheeseburger.
The day after I told Andrew about David, Madison had called and invited me to lunch. Andrew insisted that I go and have some girl time while he watched Olivia for me. I hesitated at first because he had never really been alone with her and I wasn't sure what I would do if something happened while I was gone.
After reassuring me that he would text me every half hour and that they would only watch movies and eat popsicles, I agreed to meet her. And I have to admit, it was nice to be able to eat my entire meal in one sitting. Plus, Andrew seemed anxious to make me go and I didn't want him to have a heart attack.
"Not sure. We have talked about trying, but haven't really decided yet. He is kind of nervous
and I guess I am too," she replied.
I nodded in understanding, "I can imagine. It hasn't been that long since you guys got married anyway. You still have some time."
"That's the thing. I know we still have a lot to learn about each other and all, but I worry that if we wait too long, we will miss our chance." She ate a few fries and looked around the small restaurant.
How true that is.
She glanced up at me and smiled, "So, Andrew tells me that you guys are spending the holiday together. Mind if we tag along?"
"Of course I don't mind. That would be great!" I replied excitedly. I really enjoyed watching Andrew and Madison bicker back and forth. It was quite entertaining. "Would Catherine and Ethan come, too?"
She waved her hand as if dismissing the question, "Oh yeah, they'll come regardless of whether they want to or not. The kids love everything about that day."
"Great."
"So," she paused and nibbled on her bottom lip, obviously a little nervous. "How is Olivia doing, with Andrew I mean. Is she getting attached?"
I gulped down my water and picked at my chicken. Yes. We both are, I wanted to say.
"Yeah, I think she is. It makes me a little nervous, but he is great, so how could she not? He has been a really good friend."
She nodded and took another bite of her burger, chewing slowly and letting me prepare myself for the next question that would open a huge door to something I may or may not have wanted to open.
"And you?"
I quirked an eyebrow, trying to hide my anxiety. "What about me?"
"Are you getting attached?"
Her eyes flickered with mischief and I laughed at the realization that this was more than just a friendly lunch. "Really Maddy? You are the worst at being subtle."
"Damn! I knew you were going to see right through me. I told Andrew I wasn't the right person for this mission."
Andrew had sent Madison to find out how I was doing with him 'invading my life' as she so eloquently put it. I got butterflies in my stomach at the notion that he was wondering how I felt about him. I patted myself on the back for apparently being able to hide my feelings so well.
"So," Madison snapped, "You going to give me anything or do I have to just make something up?"
I took another bite of chicken and looked up at the ceiling deciding what I should tell her. "Well, you can tell him that I'm very happy he invaded my life. Olivia loves him and looks forward to seeing him and I have had a great summer so far. He made the move here extremely easy and he is the greatest friend I could have ever asked for."
"Friend. Hmmm, he might not like that so I'll just leave that part out."
I laughed and shook my head, "What do you mean he might not like that?"
"Don't worry about it. I'll tell him what he needs to know. Now, be completely honest with me. Do you have any kinds of feelings for my big brother, and, if so, are you planning on telling him anytime soon? Because any kind of subtle hint will not penetrate that thick skull of his." She tapped her temple and rolled her eyes.
I did want to tell him, and soon, but I didn't want to ruin what we had. What Olivia had. He may be interested in me, but he may just be worried about his impact on Olivia more than anything. I knew that it was all Madison in that question. I wanted to tell her that I was falling in love with her brother, so deep I was afraid I wouldn't make it out alive. I wanted to tell her that I was terrified he might not be around for much longer. I wanted to tell her that her brother was the sexiest, sweetest, most enticing man I had ever met.
But this was his sister. And even though I knew I could trust her, I didn't want her to be the one to accidently inform him of my feelings. I wanted to do that, when I was ready, which seemed like it would be sooner rather than later.
I met her eyes and let her know that I was serious, "I care about your brother very much, Maddy."
"Got it, that look in your eyes tells me everything I need to know, and I know that you will tell him sooner rather than later." She was too observant for her own good and she knew it.
"How did you get to the point where nothing got passed you?" I asked with a sigh, wishing I could read other's minds like she could.
She laughed hard. "Well, that is actually a funny story. It's all Andrew's fault. He took care of me after our parents died and I learned everything I needed to know from him, which was never take a man completely serious unless he is talking about actual love and always watch the body language. He tells everything with a single movement, you know? So do you." She winked at me, then narrowed her eyes and pointed a long manicured finger at me. "Don't hurt him. He's had some bad experiences, but I think you are good for each other. Just… be careful."
She took a sip of her drink and carried on as if that was just some kind of subliminal message and I couldn't help but wonder if I imagined the whole thing. "Anyway, I just got really good at reading him which in turn helped me read other people. Ty hates it."
We both laughed and chatted for another hour and it was nice to have a girlfriend I could hang out with. She asked about my pregnancy with Olivia and listened in fascination as I explained what everything felt like. Or at least tried to explain it.
"You won't understand until you experience it, obviously, but that first kick… oh man. I knew after that first kick that I was never alone. That I was hers and she was mine. She was very active during the day and some nights I thought she was trying to push her way out of there, but it was a wonderful pregnancy." My eyes watered at the memories I had of my pregnancy and the first time I saw Olivia.
"Did you get sick at all?"
I blinked away the nostalgia, "Not really. Nauseous a few times but that's it. Near the end I was really uncomfortable and my feet and legs hurt, but it was tolerable. My friend Benjamin and his wife Linda never left me alone that last month. One of them was always around. Unfortunately, it was Ben who had the shift when my water broke. Poor guy. He has twins, but they were delivered by a scheduled cesarean. I thought he was going to pass out when he saw me standing there dripping all over the floor."
We were both giggling and I was feeling extra light with the memories that Olivia had given me before she was born. Ben was so woozy when we got to the car, I had to drive myself to the hospital while contracting. He apologized profusely afterwards, but I just hugged him and told him I wouldn't have had it any other way.
"Ty almost passes out just thinking about me going into labor. I think I may have to carry him into the hospital." She ran a hand through her hair and checked her watch. "Shoot, speaking of Ty, we better get going. He is coming home early today."
I smiled at her anticipation of seeing her husband every day when he got home from work. They were so in love and I admit I was a little envious of that. It wasn't very likely that I would feel that way anytime soon. Unless you count how excited I get when I know Andrew is about to come see us.
Madison dropped me off at home later and made me promise to tell Andrew that her intentions had been discovered today and to promise to remember every detail of Andrew's face when I did.
I brought it up very casually and he wasn't expecting it at all. I had to hold back a giggle when he wouldn't look me in the eye. He was extremely embarrassed, but he didn't deny anything and made no excuses. Just smiled shyly and blushed while he cleaned up the popsicle wrappers littering the floor.
When his phone chimed with an incoming text message, I knew it was Maddy, and judging by the smile on his face, her mission had been successful.
Chapter 7
Andrew
The 4th of July parade was better than I hoped it would be. Olivia was thrilled with all the different floats that passed by and when she realized that it was candy being thrown from them, she stayed standing and pulled each of us up to the curb to get some.
"Canny!" she shouted. "Mommy, canny!" She kept trying to pick up more pieces, but her hands were too small to hold more than a couple so she kept dropping them and tried again. I grabbed as much as I could
and shoved it into my pocket to save for her for later.
She had a mouth full of taffy by the time we got back to our seats, waiting for the next round of floats to pass by. Jocelyn said she couldn't have anymore until after lunch, but being the sucker that I am, I kept handing her pieces, unsuccessfully trying to hide it from her mother. We got caught, but the only punishment was a shake of her head and a brilliant smile.
Yes, it was punishment.
Torture to be so close, yet still so far away from being with her the way I imagined.
After the parade finished we walked back to my car to load the chairs. I had purchased a stroller the night before and wanted to surprise Jocelyn. It was hot out and I knew she was thinking about how hard it would be to carry Olivia to the park. There would be no way to park anywhere closer to get to the fair, so we didn't really have a choice.
When I opened the back door of my Land Rover and pulled the stroller out, her jaw dropped to the ground. I unfolded it and helped Olivia climb into the seat and turned back to Jocelyn. She had her arms wrapped around my neck before I could stand up all the way and nearly tipped me over with the force of her hug. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her waist to lift her off the ground and buried my face in her neck to inhale the lavender scent I knew was already there. It felt so good to touch her. To hold her. I never wanted to let her go.
"Thank you," she whispered close to my ear and her cool breath made me shiver. She sobbed quietly as I held her and the people passing by kept giving us long looks. No doubt this would be all over town before the end of the day. Gossip travelled fast, but I didn't care. They could talk about it all they wanted, it would never ruin the moment. Making Jocelyn happy was worth anything.
When she loosened her grip around my neck, I set her feet on the ground, but kept my hold on her. "Thank you so much, Andrew. You didn't have to--"
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