‘What’s up, Izzie?’ asked Mum, putting down the tinsel and sitting on the sofa opposite me.
‘Nothing,’ I said.
‘Oh, that again,’ she smiled. ‘Nothing always gets me down as well.’
‘It’s just, I dunno, end of term and everything . . .’
‘You’re usually ecstatic at the end of term.’
‘Yeah, but you know, I dunno . . .’
Mum sat, looking at me with concern. ‘I do wish you’d talk to me, Izzie. Perhaps I can help.’
No chance, I thought. No one can help.
‘I just feel I think one thing then go and do another. Like I’ve been trying to eat healthily then I decided I could have the odd treat. Then found I was having loads of treats and only the odd healthy thing. I can’t even get that right. I’m hopeless.’
‘You’re only human, Iz,’ said Mum. ‘But it’s not just that, is it?’
I shrugged.
‘Is it that boy who called?’ Mum asked.
‘Who didn’t call, you mean,’ I said. ‘And I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.’
‘Probably nothing. Boys can be strange creatures. Call when you don’t expect but never when you do.’
‘Tell me about it,’ I said. ‘There should be classes in all that Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus stuff. You know, we do all these classes in school but none of it really helps. Not with real life.’
‘I know,’ said Mum. ‘I remember when I was your age, or perhaps a little older, and just getting interested in boys. All the Latin, maths and literature wasn’t much use when I had a crush on someone.’
‘That’s just it. No one teaches you how to handle it. What to do if he phones, or doesn’t? I seem to have got it all wrong.’
Mum smiled. ‘Our school wasn’t much help either. It was a very strict convent school. At least you get some sex education these days. I remember when I was about sixteen, we were all called into see the Mother Superior who explained about periods. “It happens to everyone, even the Virgin Mary,” she said, as if that was supposed to make us feel better. Bit late, we all thought – some girls had started years earlier.’
I smiled. It was hard to imagine my mum as an innocent teenager, she always seemed so sure of herself.
‘And another time,’ Mum continued, ‘we had to go and see Mother Superior again. This time it was handy hints for parties. “If you’re at a party,” she said, “and the lights go out, stand in a corner and shout at the top of your voice, I’m a Catholic!” ’
‘How was that supposed to help?’ I laughed.
‘Exactly,’ said Mum. ‘Convent girls had a bit of a reputation back then so we all thought it was hilarious. Like every boy in the room would think, Right lads, the convent girls are in the corner. And then she told us that it was permissible to sit on a boy’s knee but only if a book the thickness of a telephone directory was put on his lap.’
By now, I had the giggles. ‘Poor you,’ I said.
At that moment, the doorbell rang. ‘I’ll get that,’ grinned Mum.
She was back a few moments later with what looked like a large box of groceries.
All the yummy Christmas food, I thought to myself. How will I ever resist?
‘Come into the kitchen,’ said Mum.
I followed her in, hoping she wasn’t going to give me a lecture on eating what I was given.
‘Ta-da!’ said Mum with a flourish as she pulled out a pizza box. ‘Look what I’ve got.’
What had come over her? She was acting really strange.
‘Look,’ she beamed. ‘Organic pizza.’ She carried on pulling out a range of goodies from the box. ‘Muesli, you like that, don’t you? Free-range eggs. Brown rice. Wholemeal bread. Mince pies without beef suet. Ingredients for a nut roast for Christmas day. But best of all, ice cream made with organic chocolate, no added preservatives. Get a spoon. Let’s try it.’
I looked in the box. She’d bought loads of fresh fruit and vegetables as well. ‘Mum, this is amazing!’
‘I know. I never knew there was such a fantastic range of organic food around now. See in my day, healthy meant tasteless. Boring. But all the shops sell organic now. And it looks great. And after my little talk with Mr Lovering . . .’
‘Ah . . . So that’s what it was about?’
Mum nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. ‘I’ve been so worried about you, Izzie, and your strange eating fads. Mr Lovering gave me a few tips. And it’s probably about time I changed my eating habits too. You were right. I do tend to eat on the go and grab whatever’s to hand. From now on, we eat healthy in this house.’
I went over to her and gave her a huge hug. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘No problem,’ she smiled and hugged me back. ‘Between us, we’ll find a balance we’re both happy with. We have fresh and healthy with our fruit and veg. But we can still have our treats.’
‘Great,’ I said. ‘So where’s that organic ice cream you mentioned?’
Chapter 13
Sleepover Secrets
Later that day, I went over to Nesta’s. We were having a sleepover and were going to decide what to wear for the disco the next night.
I hadn’t told them yet that I’d decided not to go.
Lucy was already there when I arrived. She was looking gorgeous in a short black skirt and a lilac crop top that she’d made. Plus she was wearing eye make-up and lippie. A lot of effort for a night in, I thought, but of course to Lucy it was more than that. It was a sleepover in the same house as her boyfriend. Hmm. Should be interesting.
Nesta’s mum and dad were going to a concert in town and popped in to say goodnight before they left.
‘There’s plenty of clean bedding in the spare room for you and Lucy,’ said Mrs Williams. ‘Anything you need Nesta will find for you.’
‘Thanks, Mrs Williams,’ I said.
She looked great, all dressed up for the evening in a black velvet top and trousers. She’s very glamorous is Nesta’s mum.
‘Don’t stay up too late,’ said Nesta’s dad, coming in behind her. He’s Italian and very handsome, like a movie star. With parents as good-looking as they are, it’s no wonder Nesta’s such a stunner.
When they’d gone, Nesta brought up the important business of choosing our outfits.
‘Fashion show, fashion show,’ said Nesta. ‘Mum got me a new dress. I can’t wait to show you.’
She disappeared for a few minutes then came back wearing a short silky silver dress with sequins round the neck. She looked fantastic, legs right up to her armpits, lucky thing.
‘You look gorgeous,’ I said. ‘Shoes?’
‘Dunno,’ said Nesta, holding up two pairs. ‘Black and strappy or these silver ones? Do you think they’re a bit summery?’
‘No, perfect for the dress,’ said Lucy. ‘Anyway, it’ll be boiling once we start dancing. What about you, Iz? What are you going to wear?’
‘Not going,’ I said.
Nesta and Lucy looked appalled.
‘What do mean, not going?’ said Nesta.
I shrugged. ‘Not in the mood.’
‘But I thought Mark said he was going?’ said Lucy.
‘He did. But he hasn’t phoned to ask if we can go together and I don’t want to bump into him and go through all that stuff again. I realised that I’ve been doing all the running. No, if he wants to see me, he can make an effort.’
‘Quite right,’ said Nesta. ‘But I don’t see why you should miss the disco because of him.’
‘You’ve got to come, Iz,’ said Lucy. ‘I thought you wanted to see King Noz play. You can ignore Mark if he’s there. And we’ll be there. Me and Nesta.’
I wasn’t convinced. ‘Anyway, I’ve got nothing to wear. What are you wearing, Lucy?’
‘I made something specially,’ she said. Lucy is a real whiz on the sewing machine. She’s made me and Nesta tops in the past and they’re really fantastic, professional-looking. ‘You’ll see tomorrow – it’s a surprise.’
&nb
sp; ‘Please come, Izzie,’ begged Nesta. ‘It won’t be the same without you and remember what we said about not letting a boy come between us.’
I did remember. And she was right. I was letting it all get to me again. Running around, trying to bump into him accidentally-on-purpose hadn’t worked. Neither had all that waiting in for the phone. Maybe cutting off and hiding away wouldn’t work either? Oh why couldn’t it be simple? Then I thought, why should I let Mark ruin my Christmas? So he didn’t phone. I’d had enough of letting him affect my moods.
‘I suppose I could come for an hour or so,’ I said.
‘Fantastic,’ said Lucy, then grinned mysteriously. ‘Anyway, I brought something for us to try tonight. Just up your street, Izzie, to get you in the party mood.’
Half an hour later I found myself standing in front of the mirror in Nesta’s bedroom while she and Lucy coached me from Nesta’s bed.
‘Again,’ demanded Lucy. ‘Again, but try to make it more convincing. Try and feel the words.’
The mystery ‘something’ was one of her mum’s self-help books on affirmations.
‘Just what you need,’ said Lucy before we got started. ‘You say the affirmations over and over again until your mind starts to believe what you’re saying and it becomes real for you.’
She and Nesta had pored through the book until finally they picked one for me.
‘Say it again,’ said Lucy.
I straightened my shoulders. ‘I am full of joy,’ I intoned to the gloomy face looking back out at me. ‘I am full of joy.’
Nesta shook her head. ‘Yeah, looks like it.’
I slumped back on to the bed next to her. ‘Sorry, girls, I did try.’
‘Maybe it’s not the right affirmation for you,’ said Lucy, going back to her book. It was called Change Your Life by Changing Your Thoughts.
‘OK, read me some of the others,’ I said. I knew she was trying to be helpful. The least I could do was go along with it.
‘I’m light, I’m bright, I’ve got it right. Nah, that’s not appropriate.’ She flicked the pages.
‘Try another,’ said Nesta.
‘I’m slim and healthy, successful and wealthy,’ read Lucy.
‘You do that one, Nesta,’ I said.
Nesta stood up and went to the mirror. ‘I’m slim and healthy, successful and wealthy. I’m slim and healthy, successful and wealthy. Is there one for what to do with big feet?’
I found a new page. ‘How about this one? To find repose I relax to my toes. No? OK. Pooh to that. Try I am feeling warm and mild, cradling my inner child.’
‘Oh yerghhhh. No thanks,’ cried Nesta. ‘Vomitous!’
‘No, no, don’t give up,’ I said, getting into it. ‘Oh, here’s one for me. Perfect, in the self-esteem section. I am a perfect size, I have beautiful thighs. Or Everyone knows, I love my nose.’
Nesta and I cracked up laughing.
Lucy grabbed the book from me and flicked through the pages again. ‘How do you expect to change your lives when you keep laughing? Here, try this, Iz: I affirm that now I can, attract the perfect man. Come on, stand up and say it to your reflection.’
‘Do I have to?’
‘Yes.’
I stood up. ‘I affirm that now I can, attract the perfect man. I affirm that now I can, attract the perfect man. I affirm that now I can, attract the perfect man.’
At that moment, Tony walked in.
‘And here I am,’ he grinned, then went over to Lucy and gave her a peck on the cheek. ‘Coming into my room, Luce?’
Lucy went bright red like she always does when Tony’s around, then stood up and meekly followed him out of the room.
‘Hmmm,’ I said. ‘Should be interesting.’
‘He’d better not try anything,’ said Nesta. ‘Or I’ll kill him.’
Nesta and I spent the rest of the evening doing our nails and trying out make-up. Nesta painted her nails her usual dark purple and I did mine blue then put a layer of glitter on top.
‘I affirm that now I can attract the perfect man,’ we said over and over as we waited for our nails to dry. Then we did the affirmations again in all the accents we knew. Scottish, American, Indian, Irish, Cockney.
After that, Nesta showed me a dance routine that she’d worked out for the disco tomorrow. Not to be outdone, I showed her a routine I used to do in Irish dancing when I was at junior school.
We collapsed on the sofa after fifteen minutes of mad Irish dancing and watched Nesta’s DVD collection of ‘Friends’ and soon it was half past eleven. There was still no sign of Lucy or Tony.
Nesta made up beds for me and Lucy in their spare room then went and banged on Tony’s door. It was locked.
‘Bed-time, Lucy. What are you doing in there?’
We heard stifled giggles then Tony’s voice. ‘Nothing,’ he said.
‘Well me and Izzie are going to bed and you’d better be out of there before Mum and Dad get home,’ said Nesta.
More stifled giggles.
‘I hope she’s all right in there,’ said Nesta, looking concerned.
‘So do I,’ I said, then knocked again. ‘Lucy. Lucy. Sure you’re OK?’
‘Yeah, fine,’ called Lucy. ‘Be out in a minute.’
‘Or two,’ said Tony.
I settled down in my bed in the spare room and snuggled in to go to sleep. What a few weeks, I thought. At least things are better with Mum now. We had a really good time this morning and it reminded me she can be OK sometimes. And I suppose I have been a bit of a pain lately. Not my fault totally though, as Pluto has been going through an intense phase in my horoscope and it made everything seem complicated. I still think there’s something to astrology no matter what Lucy thinks. But I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution not to be so obsessive. And to be nicer to Mum. And I’ll even try being nicer to Angus. He was really cool about the wedding photos the other night. It was his daughter’s wedding album I’d supposedly ruined but he’d made it OK in the end.
As I went through my list of resolutions I started to nod off.
I was almost asleep when I heard the door open and Lucy crept in. I switched the light on and looked at my watch. It was past twelve.
‘Sorry, did I wake you?’ said Lucy.
‘S’OK,’ I said sleepily, ‘You OK?’
Lucy sat on her bed and sighed. ‘Not really.’
‘What is it?’ I said, sitting up. She looked close to tears.
‘Promise you won’t tell Nesta?’
‘Promise,’ I said.
‘Because if you do, she’s bound to have a go at Tony and then he really will dump me.’
‘Why, what’s he done?’
Lucy hesitated. ‘Wandering hands,’ she said finally.
‘Oh.’
‘I don’t know what to do, Iz. I’m happy just kissing. But he always wants to take it further. And I don’t. I’m just not ready. He says it’s because I’m too young for him and he knew this would happen. He says maybe it’s best we don’t see each other and then he can go out with someone more his own age.’
‘Oh Lucy . . .’ I began.
‘What he means is someone who won’t say no to him. So what do I do? If I don’t play along, I’ll lose him and he’s the first boy I’ve ever really liked. But if I do play along, who knows what will happen? Maybe he’ll dump me anyway. Nesta’s always said he loses interest when there’s no challenge left.’
‘It’s not fair,’ I said, suddenly feeling angry about Tony and about Mark. ‘Why should boys always be the ones who call the shots? It should be us. Tony’s acting like a spoiled kid who can’t have what he wants, and threatening you. Don’t let him get away with it, Luce.’
‘You think?’
‘Yeah. Take control. Dump him. He’s making you feel bad. Tell him you think it’s not working out and you’ll see how you feel about it all later but right now, you’re not ready. You should feel you can trust Tony and you obviously don’t. It should feel really special. You should be the
one that chooses. You shouldn’t feel forced into anything you don’t want to do.’
‘Maybe we should see what my horoscope says about it,’ said Lucy.
‘I thought you said you didn’t believe in astrology,’ I said.
‘I never,’ said Lucy. ‘I just thought you were taking it all too seriously, that’s all.’
‘Well, I’ve realised a lot about all that in the last few weeks. Astrology can give you some clues as to what’s happening but you were right, you can’t let it rule your life. It’s what you make of it all in the end. You have to take control, make things happen or not. Choose.’
‘Even if I lose Tony?’ said Lucy sadly.
‘What are you losing?’ I said, growing more and more sure as I spoke. ‘We have each other. You, me and Nesta. We should be the ones that choose or else we’re all going to go through hell, up and down and round and round, trying to please boys but losing ourselves in the process.’
I was only too aware that all I was saying applied to me as well as Lucy.
Lucy smiled weakly. ‘I suppose you’re right. Boys, huh? Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.’
‘No, can live with them, can live without them. From now on, we call the shots.’
Damaged Beauty
by Izzie Foster
He’s frequently flawless but often unkind,
This fallen angel drives you out of your mind.
He’s the devil beneath you and you ought to know,
He has to go, you really should know.
The gift you are given is kindness and grace
But each time you fall for a handsome young face.
Stop looking for light in love’s gloomy rooms,
Throw open the windows
Let in the sun, you’re number one.
Look into your heart, just make a start.
You really know, he has to go.
Put your damaged beauty in a silent place,
There’s new love just waiting, get back in the race.
Shout out you’re ready, cast into the pool,
This time remember, don’t land a fool.
Look into your heart, make a brand new start.
Look into your heart, it’s up to you.
Mates, Dates and Cosmic Kisses Page 9
