by Karen Kirst
Isabel closed her eyes tight. Loved? Truly?
Had she done the unthinkable?
She sensed movement beside her. “Isabel?”
Opening her eyes, she found Ben’s gaze locked on her, his forehead furrowed in concern. “Are you all right?”
Floundering in the clear green depths, she acknowledged what her heart had been trying to tell her. She’d fallen for Ben MacGregor. She wasn’t the first, and she wouldn’t be the last. Pain shafted through her. This love had the power to wreck her.
Unable to speak past the terrible emotions ravaging her, she nodded and urged Honey into motion. As they made their way down the mountain, she begged God to take away the feelings. She’d lived twenty-two years without Ben. Isabel couldn’t let one unusual Christmas—a few enchanted weeks spent with a man who’d awakened dreams long denied—destroy her future. God had not only blessed her with a home and loving sisters, He’d brought a special little boy into her life. Focusing on those things, instead of mourning what she’d never been promised, would surely carry her through this grief. It had to.
When they’d reached level terrain, Harry relayed the direction of the pastor’s home. To distract her from her nervousness, she guided her mount even with his.
“What are your plans for the future? Will you return to Ethel’s farm?”
His gaze soaked in their surroundings. “That place never really was my home. I was toying with the notion of returning to my parents’ old place. Selling Grandma’s farm would give me enough funds for a fresh start.”
Her next question was hard to pose, but she had to be sure. “And if you were to be successful, is there a possibility you’d change your mind about Eli?”
“You don’t have to worry, Miss Flores. I love my nephew, but I ain’t ready to be a pa. I’ll attest to that before a judge.”
“What if, in the future—”
“I wouldn’t do that to him, not after he’s settled in with you.” The corners of his eyes crinkled. “I would appreciate it if you’d let me visit from time to time.”
“As long as you’re not in the state Ben and the other men found you in.”
He blushed. “That’s not typical for me, ma’am. I’ve been in low spirits and indulged in immature behavior.”
Ben’s beautiful mouth shifted into a smirk. She averted her gaze and concentrated on the path. When they arrived at the modest home a stone’s throw from the church, a short, birdlike woman answered their summons. Her brunette hair was parted in the middle and scraped into a tight bun. Upon recognizing Harry, a quick smile softened her severe appearance.
“Harry, what a surprise!” Her gray eyes inventoried them. “Who have you brought with you?”
He swept his arm to encompass them. “This is Miss Isabel Flores and Deputy Ben MacGregor, both of Gatlinburg.”
Once they’d exchanged polite greetings, Agatha invited them inside and, bidding them to make themselves comfortable, hurried to fetch coffee. Harry perched on the edge of a brown chair. Ben paced before the fireplace. Isabel sat on one end of the patterned sofa. The Browns kept a clean, comfortable, clutter-free home. A simple cross fashioned from unpolished wood hung above the door through which Agatha had vanished.
The utter silence blanketing the house dampened her spirits. Fran wasn’t here.
Their hostess hurried back and doled out mugs of steaming coffee. “I apologize that my husband isn’t here to visit with you. We had a death in our congregation this week, and he’s comforting the family.” When she’d gotten comfortable on the opposite end of the sofa, she glanced at Ben before addressing Harry. “What brings you here? Has something occurred that requires the law’s intervention?”
“Our trip has nothing to do with the kids’ father. His whereabouts are unknown.” His knees bobbed up and down. “I, uh, was wondering about Fran. Miss Flores has taken Eli in and has plans to adopt.”
“Is that so?” Agatha’s keen gaze lit with curiosity. “I thought you’d planned to raise him yourself.”
As he had with Ben and Isabel, Harry explained his change of heart. “Eli’s flourishing. He not only has Miss Flores to look after him, but her sisters, as well.”
Isabel felt compelled to add to the conversation. “I’ve been responsible for my younger sisters ever since my father’s death two years ago. My mother moved away. My middle sister, Honor, will soon be wed. My youngest sister, Carmen, will continue to live with me and Eli until the day she marries.”
“And what about you?” Agatha cocked her head. “Do you plan to marry, as well? Raising a child alone is a sober undertaking.”
“I don’t plan on marrying.” Because the man I love doesn’t plan to, either.
“Isabel’s up to the task, Mrs. Brown.” Ben cradled his mug in his hand. “She’s got her sisters and friends. Most of the community supports her decision.”
“I suppose there’s always the chance you’ll meet someone later on.”
Isabel pressed her lips together to hold back a retort.
“Mrs. Brown, seeing as Miss Flores will be Eli’s ma, she’d like to see Fran.”
Agatha’s expression sharpened. Isabel was certain she was leaping to the same conclusions Ben had. Folding her hands in her lap, she prayed for guidance. “I don’t plan to challenge the couple’s claim. And I understand they may wish to set a meeting time for another day. I simply feel the need to see her. Eli has become very important to me, and I’d like to tell him about her.”
Agatha sucked in a bracing breath, sent a prayerful glance toward the ceiling and stood. “There is no other couple, Miss Flores.”
Jaw sagging, Harry popped out of his chair. “You mean she’s still here? In your care?”
“That’s right. There’ve been several couples who’ve expressed interest, only to change their minds once we told them of her origins. They’re frightened of future entanglements with a vengeful outlaw.”
Ben looked as stunned as Isabel felt. “Is she sleeping? We don’t wish to disturb her.”
Checking the watch pinned to her bodice, Agatha said, “She’s been asleep for more than two hours. It’s about time for her to stir. Her baby bed is in our room.” Motioning for them to follow, she led the way into a narrow hall and to the corner room. Isabel noticed Ben hung far behind, his steps reluctant.
Harry was the first to peer into the bed. A huge smile cracked his face. “She looks exactly like Eli did at that age,” he whispered in an awe-filled voice.
Isabel’s heart swelled when she saw the tiny infant cocooned in a pure white knitted blanket. Harry was right. Fran was a miniature version of her big brother. Downy, dark brown hair capped her head. Long black lashes rested in the crescents beneath her eyes. Her nose was as tiny as her pink mouth.
“She’s beautiful,” Isabel breathed.
Agatha stood by the single window, curtains drawn to block light. “She’s a good baby.”
Isabel noticed Ben remained in the doorway. When she waved him over, he shook his head, his eyes flat. Emotionless.
“Would you like to hold her?” Agatha said.
Isabel nodded to Harry. “Her uncle should go first.”
“Very well.”
Agatha moved in and, gently scooping up the baby, placed her in Harry’s unpracticed arms. A wide range of emotions flitted across his face. His throat working, he gave her to Isabel. Snuggling the baby close to her chest, Isabel inhaled her sweet fragrance and marveled over her perfectly formed fingers and nails. A quick smile curved Fran’s mouth, and both Isabel and Harry chuckled.
Isabel turned toward Ben. “Would you like to hold her?”
His jaw hardened. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Then he pivoted on his heel and stalked out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“He just walked out, Hono
r. Can you believe it?”
Isabel spoke in hushed tones so the others in attendance wouldn’t overhear. Two days had passed since their trip to Cades Cove, forty-eight hours that had been both packed with activity in preparation for Sunday’s celebration and also agonizingly long.
Elegant in her red dress, her long hair twisted into a loose knot, Honor kept her gaze trained on the children at the front of the church. Carmen had taken Eli up to meet some of the other kids his age. The annual children’s play would begin in fifteen minutes. The room hummed with anticipation. Candles flickered on the greenery strung along the window ledges. Adults were dressed in their finest clothes. Children participating in the performance wore costumes. Megan and Lillian Beaumont were in charge of the event. As usual, they’d done an outstanding job on the backdrop. The church had been transformed into the village of Bethlehem.
“Maybe he was tired. Or wasn’t feeling well.” Honor shrugged. “He’s been working long hours to compensate for Shane’s absence. Sleeping on the hard hut floor hasn’t allowed him to get much rest, I’m sure.”
“You didn’t see his face. He didn’t only leave the room. He left the house altogether.”
Twisting on the pew, she surveyed the crowd, anxious for a sign of Ben. After leaving the Browns’, they’d returned to Gatlinburg in a cloud of introspective silence. Back at the jail, Ben had offered Harry a spot in his barn for a night or two. That was all the information she had. She hadn’t seen either man since.
“Ben cares about Eli as much as I do,” Isabel murmured. “Why wouldn’t he at least want to get a closer look at Fran? He acted almost scared of her.”
“Some men are intimidated by infants.”
“Ben isn’t intimidated by anything.” She caught Honor’s stare and lifted one shoulder. “What? It’s true.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. “If you two weren’t so determined to cling to your shortsighted ideals, you could be having a wedding of your own.” She tipped her head closer. “You love him, Isa. Admit it.”
Isabel’s skin prickled. She sensed him before she saw him. He stood, boots planted apart, his all-black ensemble making his hair gleam and his eyes glitter like fine jewels. The moment he spotted her, he strode in her direction.
“He doesn’t look like a man in love,” she said involuntarily.
“Perhaps he’s as good at hiding his true feelings as you are.”
Rising to her feet, she touched a self-conscious hand to her upswept hair. No braid for her tonight. “Ben. I was beginning to wonder if you were coming. Eli’s been asking for you. Will you sit with us?”
“I’m not staying for the performance. I only stopped in for a moment. May I speak with you outside?”
She hoped her disappointment didn’t show. With a nod, she left the pew and accompanied him out into the chilly evening. Multicolored light spilled through the stained-glass windows and formed patterns on the ground. Twin sconces on either side of the double doors helped dispel the darkness. He led her to the corner closest to the cemetery.
“I’m taking Harry to Pigeon Forge tonight. He doesn’t have a horse and has no money to buy one. He’s pretty sure the neighbor we spoke to took in Ethel’s horses when she got too ill to care for them. The profits from the sale of one will go to Warring. He’s going to put her house up for sale and hope for the best.”
Isabel digested this information. “Christmas is in three days. Couldn’t he wait until after? He could spend it with us. Eli would be tickled.”
“He may not come out and say it, Isabel, but he’s hurting. Seeing his niece again opened old wounds. It’s my opinion that he’s craving space and privacy to grieve.”
Isabel dearly wanted to ask Ben about his own peculiar reaction to the baby, but his features were closed off in warning. She’d never thought she’d miss his playful teasing.
“How long will you be gone?”
He looked away. “I can’t leave the town unattended for long.”
“Will you spend Christmas Day with us?” When he remained frustratingly silent, she added, “I know Carmen invited you, but I failed to add my own sentiments.”
“I can’t.”
“Oh.” Her lungs deflated. “You have plans with Grant and Jessica?”
He waited until a couple ascended the steps and entered the building to meet her gaze head-on. “Our time together is over, Isabel. You have Harry’s permission to adopt Eli. The case is closed.”
She fell back a step, the wall behind her providing much needed support. “I wouldn’t call it closed. We haven’t found Wesley. And Fran still doesn’t have a home.”
Caution pulsed in his eyes. “I’m going to fill in the sheriff about the developments and reiterate the importance of locating him. I’ll also send a fresh batch of letters to the other local law offices. They’ll be more alert once they learn two young children’s welfare is an issue. I’ll hire someone to guard your place.”
“Absolutely not. I can protect my own.”
Piano music filtered outside. “We’ll discuss it once I get back. In the meantime, Clayton Chapman has agreed to stand guard.”
Denial rose up so fast she couldn’t contain it. “I don’t want another man in my life. I want you. Only you.”
The blurted confession hung there, suspended between them.
He looked floored. His eyes churned with suppressed emotion. At his sides, his gloved hands opened and closed.
Peeling back her protective layers and offering him a piece of her heart had taken guts. Isabel hadn’t planned on revealing her true feelings, but now that she had, she felt lighter. Open to possibilities.
“Say something,” she rasped.
With a quick glance at the entrance, he moved close and cupped her cheek. “I’m honored, Isa. Truly. Thanks to you, I’ll always look back on this Christmas with fondness. It’ll go down in history as the year Gatlinburg’s deputy and courageous miller joined forces to help a vulnerable child.” His words pricked the bubbly hope inside her. But he didn’t stop there. “We always knew there’d be an end to this.”
She curled her hands around his coat lapels, the wool scratchy against her skin. “It doesn’t have to end.” She forced the words out. She had to be brave with him or else regret it for the rest of her life. “We could be together. The three of us. A-and maybe Fran, too…”
“No.” He was shaking his head, rejecting her outright. Tugging free, he backed away, hands up as if to ward her off. “That’s a fanciful dream I won’t have any part of.”
“It doesn’t have to be a dream.” She tried one last time, feeling as if her heart was cracking wide open. “If you care about me—”
“I do. As a friend.”
Clasping her hands together and pushing them hard against her sternum, she tried to assuage the pain there. “I—I see.”
“I’m sorry, sugarplum.” His voice was scratchy. “I can’t be what you need me to be.”
He left without another word, his broad form swallowed up by the night shadows.
* * *
Exhaustion dogged Ben late Christmas Eve night. He’d been in the saddle for hours and longed for a hot soak and a good night’s sleep in his own bed. Instead of riding to his cabin, though, he went to the jail, where he wouldn’t have to face his loneliness head-on. He wouldn’t have to stare at his pitiful decorations and think about all the families across town preparing for tomorrow’s festivities.
Lighting a match and putting it to the kindling in the woodstove, he sighed. How many times had he replayed Isabel’s confession and wished he could’ve reacted differently? He’d come perilously close to sweeping her into his arms and begging her to be his bride. His determination not to be selfish had prevented him.
He was making himself some coffee when the door scraped open and in strolled Grant.
Ben aimed an exaggerated look at the clock. “Why aren’t you at home with your wife?”
“Hello to you, too,” he drawled, dropping his hat on Shane’s desk. “I thought I’d check in and hear how things went in Pigeon Forge. I went to your place first. When I didn’t see any lights on, I figured you were either asleep or still on the trail. Then I passed by and saw Blaze out front.”
He gestured to his desk. “I had some paperwork to do.”
Grant planted his hands on his hips. “You expect me to believe that?”
“With everything going on the past few weeks, I’ve gotten behind.”
“It’s Christmas Eve.”
“Unlike you, I don’t have anyone at home to fuss if I’m not there.” He winced at the hint of self-pity in his voice.
“You have the power to change that.”
“Forget I said it.”
“Isabel—”
“Don’t, Grant,” he grumbled. “I’m saddle weary and hungry enough to eat my shoe. I can’t listen to your well-intentioned lecture.”
“The Plum’s open for another hour. Let me buy you supper.”
Ben sighed heavily. “I’ll take you up on that offer if you promise not to talk about her.”
“You have my word.”
His friend honored his vow. While Ben gobbled up smoked ham, turnip greens, corn bread and mashed potatoes, Grant nursed coffee and spoke about every subject except the one that mattered. Once the bill was paid, they exited onto the deserted boardwalk.
“I’ll see you at services in the morning, right?” Grant prompted.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“And then you’re joining us for Christmas dinner at the O’Malleys’.”
Ben had nowhere else to go, and spending the day alone in his cabin would drive him batty. “How could I turn down the opportunity to partake in one of their famous feasts?”
Grant opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it. He clapped Ben on the back. “Good night.”
