by Ruth Langan
“Want to bet?”
“Jace. You’re just putting off the—”
He cut off her protest with a kiss. And then, as his lips moved over hers, she forgot everything except the taste of him, and the wonderful feel of those big hands moving over her, and the slow, simmering heat building deep inside.
She knew that morning would come far too soon. And with it, all the unpleasant facts they were both dreading. Facts that would erase, in the blink of an eye, this fairy-tale fantasy they had created.
But that was tomorrow. For now, she would pretend that tomorrow would never come. They were just two lovers who had all the time in the world. To hold each other. To love each other. To soothe each other’s hurts. For now, she would lose herself in the pleasure he was offering.
Together, they would hold back, for as long as possible, the pain of separation.
“You’re sure you have to leave?” Sometime before dawn, Jace pressed his mouth to Ciara’s temple and lingered there, loving the feel of her skin against his lips.
They’d hardly slept. The realization that it was their last night together had added a raw, desperate edge to their lovemaking. And so they’d come together in a storm of passion that had staggered both of them. Even when they managed to doze, they awoke to a new, sharper hunger, which only added another layer to their passion.
She propped herself on one elbow to look into his eyes. “I have to go back, Jace. There are…things I have to attend to.” She struggled to put on a brave face. “But just think. Now you’ll have the solitude you were hoping for.”
“Yeah.” There was a hint of pain in that word, and for a moment he fell silent. Then he seemed to pull himself back from the edge of his dark thoughts.
He twirled a strand of her hair around his finger, watching the way the morning sunlight turned the ends to gold. “So, do you think if I tried a little more…persuasion, I could change your mind?”
She felt the quick stuttering of her heart as he drew her down and brushed soft, seductive little kisses over her eyes, her cheeks, the tip of her nose. “I don’t know about changing my mind. But it would certainly send me on my way with a satisfied smile.”
“You know something, Hollywood? You’re a greedy woman.” He plunged his hands into her hair and covered her mouth with his.
She was staggered by the love she felt for him at this moment. “And you’re a very generous man, Jace Lockhart, sacrificing yourself like this.”
“Damn right I am.” Swamped with emotions himself, he proceeded to show her all the love, all the passion, all the desire he was feeling. The love he felt for this woman in his arms left him shattered.
And then there was no need for words as they slipped into a world reserved for lovers. A world of soft sighs and gentle touches. A world of kisses and caresses. A world filled with touch and taste and feelings so overpowering, so deeply moving, they were both overwhelmed.
Fourteen
“Jace.” Ciara looked up from the bag she was packing. “Where are you going?”
He jingled his keys. “I thought I’d drive to the nearest town. Pick up some supplies. It’ll give me a chance to see how clear the roads are. I don’t trust that toy you call a car.”
She folded a sweatshirt, set it aside. “You’re just looking for an excuse to keep me here another day.”
“You got that right.” With a grin he pulled her close and kissed her. “Think it’ll work?”
Oh, if only he knew how desperately she wanted to stay. But she managed a smile. “Not a chance. But I admire your persistence. How long will you be gone?”
He shrugged. “No more than an hour or two. I’ll just gas the Jeep and pick up some groceries. And maybe check out a little chapel I saw on the way up here the night of the storm.”
“A chapel?”
“Yeah. Just a little country church. I noticed it because I was afraid at the time that I might have to take shelter there. Now I’ve been thinking it would make a great wedding chapel.”
She was afraid to breathe. Afraid that if he knew how those words made her reel inwardly, he’d realize just how hard she’d fallen. So she asked casually, “Is somebody you know planning a wedding?”
Was that fear he heard in her voice? Had she actually backed away a step or two? Not that he blamed her. He couldn’t believe he’d actually blurted out such a thing. But now that he had, he had to cover his lapse. What had he been thinking? It was too soon to let her know what he was feeling. He had no right to stand in the way of her career. Especially in light of the problems she needed to deal with. Whatever he wanted from this relationship, he would have to be patient, and wait until she’d resolved her own problems first. Then, they could move on to something more…permanent.
He merely smiled. “Don’t worry, Hollywood. I won’t be long.”
Disappointed at his response, she let out the breath she’d been holding, and tried to ignore the little twinge in her heart. As always, her overactive imagination had conjured something that wasn’t even there. She cursed her foolishness. The last thing Jace Lockhart would be thinking about was anything that would tie him down. After all, covering wars in foreign countries was hardly the sort of life-style that would permit thoughts of marriage. “I’ll be packed and ready by the time you get back.”
That’s what he was afraid of. He sauntered out the door, hoping against hope for a miracle. Like totally impassable roads. Or another freak snowstorm. But a glance at the sky assured him of the worst. It was a clear, cloudless day, with sunshine so bright it hurt his eyes. That meant only one thing: nature wasn’t going to give him any help. This time, he was on his own.
On the long ride to town he reminded himself that he’d always been an impulsive man. He’d gone to countries most people had never even heard of. Had taken assignments that sane journalists would run from. But this time he might just be doing the most impulsive thing he’d ever done. He was actually considering asking Ciara to stay in his life forever.
He felt a little like a man leaping off a cliff. Exhilarated. Light-headed. And scared to death.
In Jace’s absence Ciara took a slow stroll around the cabin, determined to store up every memory. She stood in front of the fireplace, remembering the way she’d felt when Jace had first unleashed that hidden passion. She closed her eyes a moment, amazed at the feelings that pulsed through her even now. She could actually feel the dizzying fear she’d experienced, as if she’d been on a roller coaster. He’d taken her higher than she’d ever been. With Jace, the ride had been breathless.
She climbed the loft and sat on the edge of the bed, tilting her head up to stare at the sunlight spilling down through the skylight. Despite the warmth of the sun, she shivered, remembering the sound of the snowplows—the end of their fantasy.
Downstairs once more she stood deep in thought alongside the hot tub, remembering so many things. Jace’s unexpected gift of a warm bath after her long trek in the snow. It had lifted her spirits as nothing else could have. In fact, it was the sweetest gift she’d ever received. And then there were their baths together. Oh, so much love and laughter. And the way Jace’s eyes could turn all hot and fierce when he looked at her. The depths of passion he’d unlocked in her. So many things to recall. And all of them caused her to smile. And even to shed a tear or two. But they were tears of happiness. As she thought over this strange and wonderful weekend, she realized that what she and Jace had discovered was something rare and special. And maybe, just maybe, they could work things out so that they could still be together when their decisions were made.
It was true that she had a lot of things to sort out in her personal and professional life. The same was true for Jace. But if their feelings ran deep enough, and their concern for one another was sincere enough, they would find a way. After all, hadn’t she overcome enormous obstacles on the way to achieving this career? What was to stop her from having it all? From having Jace in her life, as well as the career she wanted?
She would do it,
she decided. They would do it. Together.
She found herself wondering about that little chapel Jace had mentioned. But she was too afraid to dwell on it. Jace had looked so surprised when he’d let that fact slip. And then he’d grown too quiet.
Regret, she thought. He regretted saying anything. Still, she couldn’t help hoping. And in some small corner of her mind, she was convinced that he wanted what she wanted.
Her spirits were so high that she found herself laughing with delight when she heard the sound of the Jeep. She raced across the room and threw open the door.
Jace climbed the steps. In his hands were two heaping grocery bags.
“With all that food, it looks like you’re planning on spending a long time up here in your self-imposed isolation.”
“Could be.”
She held the door as he stepped inside and carried the bags to the kitchen counter.
“So.” She watched as he deposited his burden. “How were the roads?”
“They’re clear.” With his back to her he began unloading the sacks.
“Did you look over that chapel?”
There was a moment of complete silence.
She felt suddenly awkward. That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. To fill the void she said, “You were gone so long I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back.” She laughed again, remembering Jace’s little joke when she’d returned from her long walk up the mountain. “I figured you’d decided to keep right on going.”
“I’ll admit I thought about it. It was more than a little tempting.”
It was the tone of his voice that made her smile fade. And then, as he turned toward her, she caught sight of the angry look on his face. The silly, teasing words she’d been about to say died on her lips.
“Jace, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Wrong? How could anything be wrong?” His words were laced with sarcasm. “I guess I’ve just been out of the country too long. I haven’t developed that keen sense of humor that’s so prevalent in Hollywood these days.”
“Sense of humor? I don’t understand what brought this on—”
He tossed down a handful of newspapers and tabloids. “I told you I was a newsaholic. The first thing I reached for when I hit the store was a stack of newspapers. Imagine my surprise when I saw your face on every one of these.”
Ciara snatched them up. Each of them showed photos of her under glaring headlines. One read Hollywood Star Missing From Own Marriage. Another, showing a photo of Ciara in a wedding gown, blared The Runaway Bride, and stated that the actress had left her fiancé practically at the altar. The tabloids were even worse, showing photo spreads of several pages long, with Ciara in various states of undress, followed by extensive interviews with Brendan Swift. In fact, Brendan seemed to be everywhere. Quoted on the news, on talk shows, on morning shows and late shows. He had, Ciara realized, used every opportunity to enhance his own publicity.
She read quickly, the words leaping out at her. In every interview, Brendan portrayed himself as the confused, brokenhearted lover who had absolutely no idea why she’d left so soon before the wedding. But he exhorted his friends in the press to aid in his search for his beloved bride-to-be, who would surely be returning soon, repentant and eager to make amends for having worried him and all her friends in this manner. He insisted that the wedding would take place next weekend as planned. And why wouldn’t it? They were two people deeply in love.
Jace watched Ciara as she scanned the photos and related articles. “I don’t hear you denying it. It’s true then? You’re engaged to Brendan Swift?”
She swallowed. Nodded. “Technically, I suppose—”
“The wedding is next weekend. And you just somehow forgot to mention it?” His eyes blazed.
“I didn’t forget. I just—”
“You just thought you’d keep that little detail to yourself.”
When she said nothing, he lowered his voice until it was a fierce whisper. “I take it he was one of those…things you came here to work out.”
“Yes.” The word stuck in her throat like a knife. “And I should have told you about him. It was wrong. But I didn’t want to talk about him. Not when I…not when we…” She stopped, unable to go on.
“Not when we were having such a good time helping each other forget our troubles. Is that what you were going to say? Why muddy the waters with a fiancé? After all, the poor dumb fool will still be there, waiting for you when you come back. I took the time to read a couple of these…pieces of journalistic trash. He says in every interview that he still loves you. And you love him. And the wedding plans are still in place. As for me, hell, I must have come off like the biggest of fools. Ready, willing and able. Just look at you. You had the best of both worlds. A hotshot actor waiting at the altar, and a chance for one last fling with a sex-starved reporter. I guess that’s the ultimate revenge, isn’t it? Why spoil a good thing with the truth? Isn’t that right, Hollywood?”
“That isn’t fair, Jace. I—”
“Fair?” His hand closed around her upper arm, dragging her close. His eyes were hot with fury, burning into her with such intensity that she was forced to look away. “You’re going to lecture me on what’s fair?”
“No. I admit I was wrong. But I came here to think. To decide my future. Not just Brendan, but my career. I didn’t come here expecting to meet someone who would mean—”
He flung her away from him, as though the touch of her burned him. He didn’t want to hear anything more. Every word out of her mouth cut like a razor. “Go on, Hollywood. Run back to your Malibu beach house, and your career and your—understanding fiancé. I’m sure the two of you have played this little game often enough that it keeps your relationship interesting.”
She rubbed her arm, and struggled to keep her tone reasonable. “Jace, listen to me a minute. This wasn’t a game. I didn’t plan this any more than you did. But it happened. And now that it has, I don’t know how to make it right.”
“I do. Oh, I know how to make it right. You can leave me alone. It’s what I wanted when I first came here.”
“But you haven’t heard—”
“I’ve heard more than enough. All I want now is for you to leave.” He turned away and began unloading the sacks of groceries, effectively shutting her out.
She stood a moment, swamped with emotions. How could she possibly explain what had happened here? What had seemed wonderful, beautiful, was suddenly sounding cheap and sordid. The very thought of it pushed her to the edge. She knew that if she didn’t leave now, she would embarrass herself and burst into tears.
She picked up her bag, as she opened the door and turned for one last glimpse of Jace. He kept his back to her, refusing to even acknowledge her departure.
She walked out, and pulled the door shut behind her. As she descended the steps and made her way to the shed, she silently prayed he would relent and call her back, so that she could explain. Or try to.
Ciara got into the car; she turned the key, and the engine purred. As she backed out of the shed, she glanced toward the window of the cabin. Inside, she could see Jace, exactly where she’d left him. He didn’t even turn as she maneuvered the car around his Jeep and started down the curving, tree-lined trail. Then she was out onto the highway.
Less than a mile from the cabin she passed the little chapel. It was, as Jace had described it, a small country church, with ivy climbing the stone walls, and sunlight reflecting off lovely stained-glass windows. It looked as though it had been there, gracing the landscape, forever.
Maybe it was the sight of the church. Or the image that flashed into her mind of Jace’s quick smile as he’d spoken of it, hinting that it would make a lovely, romantic wedding chapel. Whatever the reason, Ciara felt herself go numb and was forced to pull off the road.
She sat, hunched over the wheel, staring at her hands—and seeing Jace’s. Big and strong, holding her, comforting her, making her feel as if she’d come home. His strong fingers laci
ng with hers, leading her up a mountain to a place where the air was so clean it hurt the lungs. And now her lungs felt as though they would burst with the pain throbbing inside them. But she was afraid to allow the release of tears. If they started, they might never end.
She felt like an open wound, unable to stop bleeding. As though she had been peeled away from him, and bits and pieces of him were stuck to her. In her mind she could see his eyes, which had gazed on her with such tenderness, but which were now so hot and fierce that they pierced her very soul. She could hear his voice, once deep and rich and warm with laughter, now scorching her with cruel, sarcastic words.
The thought of his furious accusations drained away all her hard-won self-esteem. For she knew he’d spoken the truth. In the beginning she hadn’t told him about Brendan because of her natural reticence with reporters. But later, she had concealed the truth because she hadn’t wanted to spoil what had developed between them. Brendan had no place in this. He had ceased to matter to her at all. Now that she had tasted real passion, real caring and concern in Jace’s arms, she knew she could never accept less. Not from Brendan. Not from anyone, ever again. If anyone had told her that she would find everything she’d ever wanted in a deserted mountain cabin, in the space of a single weekend, she would have scoffed. But it was true. She’d found it all. But that didn’t excuse her behavior. Jace had every right to feel betrayed. And now, she must pay the price of that betrayal. She had to accept the fact that she had lost Jace’s love and respect forever.
What had her mother always told her? You can’t make someone love you. All you can do is be someone deserving of love. Right now she didn’t feel very deserving of Jace’s love. Of anyone’s love. It was just one more thing she’d have to deal with.
Nearly an hour later she managed to pull herself together. Squaring her shoulders she turned on the engine and pulled out onto the main highway. A highway that led away from the peace and contentment she’d found with Jace. And back to all the troubles she’d left behind in California.
