by Laura Landon
Raeborn placed his hat and gloves in Carver’s waiting hands and walked across the marble foyer toward his study. He stepped into the quiet room and closed the door behind him.
Soft rays of sunshine sifted through the windows, casting filtered shadows that stretched out across the floor. They nearly reached from one side of the room to the other. Warmth from the sunlight touched his cheeks, caressed him with the softness of a woman’s hand. As her hand had done when he’d lain with her before he knew who she was.
He drew his hand across his face, wanting to erase the memory. Yet in contrast, wanting to hold on to the feeling and never forget the emotions she’d awakened. He knew why his emotions were so at war with each other. Knew why the turmoil churning inside him was such a struggle. She had done it. She had given him cause to hope when he’d convinced himself he was long past hoping. Given him cause to believe he’d received another chance to have what he’d always wanted in life. A wife. Children. A reason for existing.
He pushed his jacket from his shoulders and hung it over the back of the chair, then sat down behind his desk. He leaned his head back against the cushions like a battle-weary soldier and closed his eyes. He needed to block out the stares, the looks of disbelief he’d seen on everyone’s faces, both last night when he’d made a point of paying court to Lady Grace at the Wedgewood musicale, and again this afternoon on their ride through Hyde Park.
He knew by the time he walked through the Earl of Pendleton’s doors tonight, everyone would have heard of Raeborn’s quest for another bride.
He gave an angry tug to his cravat and bolted to his feet. Maybe he hadn’t gotten her with child. Maybe in a day or two she’d tell him there was no need to worry. That her errant courses had begun.
Huge beads of perspiration formed on his forehead. Oh, how he prayed she’d tell him that. How he prayed he wouldn’t have to go through another woman’s pregnancy. Especially Grace Warren’s. She seemed so fragile. So delicate.
He thought of the woman with whom he’d spent the afternoon. Of course there’d been a certain degree of tension between them, but he couldn’t say he hadn’t enjoyed himself. In fact, the two of them got on quite well. There never seemed to be a lull in their conversation except when he stopped their carriage so they could talk to some curious passerby who wanted to get a closer look at the Duke of Raeborn and the lady he sought to wed. The way she stiffened at his side told him she was uncomfortable with the attention being with him attracted.
But when they were alone she held her own. He already knew she was extremely talented. Now he knew she had the intelligence to match. Talking to her was not like talking to some immature, addlebrained ingenue. She was levelheaded as well as up on all the current political events. She had an opinion on every topic they discussed. Raeborn smiled. And she didn’t back down when her opinion didn’t match his.
For just a flash, he thought of what it would be like to court a woman again, to take a wife, to have someone waiting for him when he came home, someone to talk to and laugh with and sleep next to. To have someone who would bear his children and perhaps even learn to care for him. To have someone to grow old with.
But these were the same thoughts he’d had while courting his first two wives. Two innocent women who’d died trying to give him the children he wanted. The heir he needed.
Raeborn rubbed at his jaw and let the bright sunshine wash over him. No. It would have been best if he hadn’t spilled his seed inside her. Best if she told him tonight or perhaps tomorrow that she wasn’t carrying a babe.
A part of him prayed she would.
Another part of him, a part he didn’t let himself acknowledge very often, prayed she wouldn’t. That God would give him another chance.
“Are you awake, Grace?”
Grace heard the soft knock on the door and waited for Caroline to come in.
“I thought maybe you’d be resting for tonight.”
“No. I was reading.” Grace picked up the closed book on her lap and opened it. She knew Caroline saw through her lie but was thankful when she didn’t comment on it.
“These just came for you.” Caroline held out a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “They’re from the Duke of Raeborn. That was very thoughtful of him, don’t you think?”
Grace rose from her chair by the window and took the flowers. “Yes. Very.”
“You must have made a favorable impression on him last night. Or were the two of you acquainted before?” Caroline asked. The tone of her voice told Grace she knew they weren’t. Or at least they hadn’t been before last night. Caroline was as surprised as everyone else when she noticed them both gone, then observed them coming back minutes apart.
Grace had seen the look Caroline had given her. Recognized the worry and concern because she’d been alone with Raeborn. She knew she hadn’t been very convincing when Caroline questioned her later. Knew Caroline didn’t believe her when she told her she’d gotten overly warm and needed a breath of fresh air and Raeborn had followed her merely to make his compliments on the music and see that she was all right.
“The duke is certainly being considerate. I think he’s quite smitten with you.”
Grace set the flowers down on the corner of a small writing desk. “Perhaps.”
“Are you saying you’re not as taken with him?”
Grace saw the questioning look on Caroline’s face and turned her attention back to the flowers.
“Are you averse to his attentions, Grace?”
“Of course not. What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. It’s just that you seem a little tense around him. Almost as if he’s forcing his attentions on you. I can’t imagine Raeborn doing so, but is he, Grace?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then what is it?”
Oh, how Grace wanted to tell Caroline. How she wanted to share at least a part of the burden that terrified her every hour of the day and kept her awake at night. How she wanted to talk to her sister, to tell her the duke was not smitten with her. That she’d deceived him and this show of being enamored of her was all an act. That he felt nothing but disdain for her and was putting on a brave front because she may have trapped him into a marriage he didn’t want. “It’s nothing.”
Caroline closed the small distance between them and took Grace’s hands and held them. Grace suddenly felt like the younger sister. Like the one being taken care of instead of the other way around. The feeling was totally alien to her.
“Sit down with me,” Caroline said, pulling Grace over to a small settee angled before the fireplace. “I want to talk to you.”
They sat and Caroline turned to face her. “When I married Thomas, I came to him with nothing to my name. Father didn’t provide a dowry for any of us, as you well know. But I was the luckiest of women because Thomas’s family was wealthy enough that they didn’t care about money. In fact, they paid the amount Father greedily demanded for me without question.”
“I know,” Grace said, remembering how frightened Caroline had been that Thomas’s father would refuse to pay what their father demanded and she and Thomas wouldn’t be able to marry.
“On our wedding day, Thomas’s father took me aside and gave me this. He said it was his wedding present to me.”
Caroline reached into a pocket of her gown and pulled out a piece of paper. She handed it to Grace. “I want you to have it.”
“What is it?”
“It’s the deed to a small country manor. It’s quite nice and only about an hour’s ride from here. And it’s in my name.”
Grace stared at the paper in her hands. “No, Linny. I can’t take this.”
“Yes, you can. I want you to have it.” Caroline reached for Grace’s hands and held them tighter. “Thomas’s father said he wanted to make sure if something ever happened to Thomas, that I would never have to rely on Father again. I won’t tell you his opinion of Father, but he wanted to make sure I never had to go back and live under his roof.”
Grace brought the paper to her heart and fought to keep her tears from spilling down her cheeks.
“It’s yours, Grace. For as long as you live. I want you to know you don’t have to give up your independence if you don’t want to. Although I can’t think of a finer man than Raeborn, I don’t want you to feel forced to marry him because you have no place else to go.”
“Oh, Caroline,” she said, throwing her arms around her sister and hugging her tight. “I love you. I couldn’t ask for a better sister. But I’m not letting Raeborn court me because he can provide me with a roof over my head. Maybe I should,” she said, covering her embarrassment with choked laughter. “Otherwise I’ll be a plague and bother to all of you for the rest of my life.”
“You’d never be a bother, Grace. We each of us owe you more than we can ever repay for what you’ve done for us. Thomas said to tell you you’re welcome to stay with us for as long as you like. And Josie is terribly upset because you came here first instead of going to her. And Francie and Sarah and Mary each sent word they’re expecting you to visit them next.”
Grace smiled through her tears.
“If it’s not the concern over having a place to live, what is it? Surely it’s not Raeborn? I can see where you could come to care for him. He’s an exceptional man, Grace. And it’s obvious he’s interested in you.”
Grace looked away from Caroline. How could she tell her Raeborn’s interest would die the second he found out she wasn’t carrying his child? “I never thought anyone would consider me, and now...”
“And why wouldn’t they consider you?”
“You know that as well as I. Just look at me, Linny.”
“I am. There’s not a thing about you not to like. Obviously His Grace feels the same. I know he can be rather intimidating at times, but—” Caroline paused. “Are you afraid of him, Grace?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just that...”
“Surely you haven’t listened to the gossip about him?”
Grace turned her head to look at Caroline. “What gossip?”
“That he’s cursed because his first two wives died in childbirth.”
Grace laughed. “Of course not. If anything, he has my sympathy. It’s tragic losing one wife. But to have to go through that loss twice? And the heirs he was hoping for. Surely he knows he was not responsible for their deaths. We all know the risks in having children. No, that’s not it.”
“Then what is it, Grace?”
Grace fought to keep from placing her hand on her stomach. “It’s nothing, Linny. I’m just nervous, I guess. The scene with Father and Fentington still gives me nightmares.”
“I wish I had been there to help you,” Caroline said. “I wish I could have heard what you told him. It would have been worth all the treasures in the world to see him squirm when you told him you knew what he was. What he’d done to his wife. That everyone knew she’d taken her own life rather than spend another day with him.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you had seen him. The glare in his eyes still terrifies me. And to know Father knew the kind of man he was and still intended to sell me to him for money.”
“We’ve always known that about Father. What I can’t believe is that Fentington gave up on you so easily. That you didn’t need some leverage to escape him.”
“I’m just thankful he did.”
Grace couldn’t look her sister in the eye. Didn’t want her to know what it had taken to save herself from having to marry him. Didn’t want her to know she had deceived Raeborn.
“Don’t worry, Grace. Fentington can’t hurt you as long as you’re with us. And Father has no one left to barter and sell. We’re all free from both of them.”
Grace hoped that was true. Hoped Fentington had spoken his threats in anger and would not do something to make her pay for deceiving him. But Caroline was right. She was safe here. Safe—except from the Duke of Raeborn.
“Now,” Caroline said, getting up from the settee, “I’d better leave so you can get ready for tonight. Raeborn will no doubt be there and you’ll want to look your best.”
Before Caroline left, Grace reached for her hand and gave her back the deed. “Linny, keep this for me,” she said, folding Caroline’s fingers around the paper. “I’ll know where it is if I ever need it.”
“Don’t forget. It’s yours if ever you have need of it,” Caroline said, then walked out of the room.
Grace stared at the closed door, her vision blurred with tears. She couldn’t explain the gratitude that consumed her. The joy of knowing she wouldn’t have to suffer through the embarrassment of seeking a husband. The comfort of having a place to live so she wouldn’t be a burden to her sisters. There was no doubt in her mind it would only be a matter of days until her natural cycle resumed and the Duke of Raeborn could drop his pursuit of her. Then she would have to seriously consider what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.
She sat back down on the settee and hugged a pillow to her chest. Last night she’d secretly calculated how long after their wedding nights it had taken each of her sisters to conceive. It had taken Caroline three months, Josie four, Francie barely two, Sarah three, and Mary four. Annie hadn’t been married a month yet, so she was still a question. That proved none of her sisters had conceived on their wedding night, so the odds were that she hadn’t either—even though the night she’d spent with the duke hadn’t been her wedding night. All she had to do was wait the week or so until nature proved it.
Then maybe she would take Caroline up on her offer and live in quiet solitude in the country. It was not as if she were without the ability to support herself. She could hire herself out as a tutor and music instructor. The income she’d earn would not make her wealthy, but at least she would be able to support herself and not have to rely on a husband or her sisters to take care of her.
Grace rose from the cushions, telling herself she had nothing to fear. Telling herself she should be happy, that a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Yet there was a niggling sadness that would not go away. A sadness because she would have to give up the dream she’d cherished her whole life. The dream of a home made warm and inviting because of the love shared between a husband and wife. The dream of a house filled with children’s laughter.
The cost of her deception would indeed be high.
Grace stood to the right of the staircase of the Pendleton ballroom visiting with a small circle of friends. Caroline was next to her on one side and another sister, Josie, was on the other. She tried to keep her mind focused on the conversations going on around her but found her thoughts wandering. Found she could think of only one thing. Of only one person.
She knew the minute he arrived. Knew the moment he stood at the top of the stairs. Knew he was there even before he was announced.
The room seemed smaller. The air warmer.
She told herself she wouldn’t turn around. Wouldn’t look into those ebony eyes or feast on his noble features. Told herself she wouldn’t notice the perfect cut of his clothing or his broad shoulders or muscled thighs. Told herself she wouldn’t remember his naked flesh pressed against hers, her hands running along the corded muscles that bounded across his shoulders and down his arms. But she did.
She turned. His gaze locked with hers, his eyes honing in on her with a possessiveness she found disconcerting. Even though he didn’t move from where he stood, his dominance swept down the steps and across the room like a dense fog, making its way to where she waited, wrapping around her until she felt as much a part of him as she had the night she’d lain with him.
Her stomach clenched nervously. Long, unyielding fingers gripped within her chest, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe. Until the room seemed to spin around her. It would be so much easier if he didn’t affect her as he did. If she could forget what that one night with him had been like. If a miracle had happened ten years ago and he had noticed her then. If she didn’t know he was drawn to her only because she’d deceived him. Only because h
e had to until he knew she wasn’t carrying his child.
“Are you all right, Grace?” Caroline asked, touching her gloved hand to Grace’s arm.
Grace sucked in a breath of surprise and pasted a smile on her face. “Of course. I was just lost in thought.”
Before Caroline could comment further, her gaze lifted over Grace’s shoulder. Grace knew from the flirtatious smiles of the ladies around her and the parting of their small circle that he was there, behind her. She could feel the heat from his body, feel the power that emanated from him. A breath hitched in her chest when she turned to look at him.
“Good evening, Lady Grace. Ladies,” he said as a general greeting to the others.
“Your Grace.”
For a few moments Raeborn made pleasant conversation as if everyone in the room hadn’t noticed where he went upon arriving. Hadn’t noticed which lady he’d targeted as the object of his attentions. He couldn’t have been more obvious if he’d hung a banner and hired trumpeters to announce his intentions.
“They’re getting ready to start the next set, Lady Grace. Would you do me the honor of this dance?”
Grace smiled and took his proffered hand, knowing it was what was expected of her. She went with him and felt everyone staring after them. Knew if she looked, there would be disbelieving expressions on their faces. Knew it was impossible for anyone to understand why the Duke of Raeborn was courting her.
She had nothing to recommend her, no huge dowry, no well-respected family name. Even youth and a pretty face worked against her. Not to mention that everyone assumed since the duke hadn’t shown interest in anyone during the five years since his last wife had died in childbirth, he was not interested in taking another wife.
So why her?
