by Carol Caiton
He turned back around as the doors began to close, frowning when he saw her tears.
"Jess—"
But the doors closed and blocked him from sight. And that was good because she couldn't have ended this a second time.
CHAPTER 14
Clouds weighed heavily in the sky on Saturday morning, blocking the sun. Sitting at her small kitchen table, Jessica watched them creep westward as she ate breakfast. She wondered if Hannah would phone to cancel their day of shopping together. Other than lunchtime at RUSH, it would be the first occasion when they shared time with one another as sisters and Jessica had been looking forward to it. Especially today because her mood was low.
Don't do this, Jess.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She'd cried two times last night before finally taking herself off to bed. She didn't want to think about Kyle now or anymore. But her heart fought her on this. It wanted to relive, over and over, the things she'd felt in his arms and the wonderful pretense of being cared for. Memories whispered across her thoughts until she finally pushed away from the table, washed her few dishes, then busied herself with whatever chores she could find to keep her thoughts from straying to places better left alone.
It was a relief when Hannah's knock sounded on the door and she opened it to find her sister dressed in American white jeans and a pretty gray sun top. Many bracelets jingled and jangled when she lifted a hand to brush her hair over her shoulder and Jessica smiled with the first real pleasure she'd felt all morning.
"Come in. I'm so glad you're here."
Her apartment had been described as a one-bedroom loft by the leasing agent. It wouldn't have held a lot of furniture and she hadn't bought much because she didn't know if she'd have to leave unexpectedly. But the few pieces she did have fitted into the space so that it didn't seem overly sparse.
Hannah's gaze went directly to the balcony doors and the city beyond, just as Jessica's always did.
"Oh, my, what a great view."
"It's wonderful, isn't it?"
Her sister walked over to the sliding glass doors and Jessica joined her.
"I'll bet it's beautiful at night."
"Yes."
They stood in companionable silence, then Hannah surprised her by saying, "Your friend Kyle Falkner came to see me the other day."
Jessica's heart stuttered. Hannah, she knew, was secretary to the partner who was an architect.
"Does Kyle have business with RUSH?"
"No." Hannah turned to face her. "He came to ask me to speak with you about leaving RUSH."
"I don't understand."
"He's convinced that being a member of RUSH will pervert you."
"Pervert me?"
"Yes. I think he cares for you, Jess. I think he cares a lot."
Jessica turned away. "No. You're wrong." She walked over to the sofa and sat down. "It's Kyle who would . . . pervert me. He'd like to take me to his bed and then let me go to another when he's finished."
Hannah's mouth fell open. "You've got to be mistaken."
"No." She shook her head. "He said as much last night."
Hannah came to the sofa and sat down as well. "When it comes to money and languages I know you're the expert, but isn't it possible you misunderstood something he said?"
"No. He was very clear on the matter."
"Jessica, the man who came to my office stood over my desk and reprimanded me for leaving you to fend for yourself last weekend. He accused me of sitting home painting my fingernails while you were out trying to learn your way around a new city."
Jessica sighed. "He shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Hannah reached for her hand and squeezed it. "In a way I'm glad he did. He told me you came to work at RUSH so you could get to know me."
"I don't want to intrude on your life, Hannah. I just want to know my sister. I'd like to know if we can be friends."
Had Hannah not been holding her hand, she would have apologized again. But the fingers holding hers led her to believe her sister might want that as well. So she lightly squeezed in return.
Hannah searched her eyes. "I'm so glad you're here," she said softly. Sincerely.
The tears Jessica thought she'd exhausted the night before filled her eyes. And surprisingly, Hannah's watered up too. Then they reached for one another at the same time.
"Look at us," Hannah sniffed when they eased apart, wiping her eyes with her fingertips. "Show me your bathroom so we can wash up and fix our mascara."
Jessica gave a watery smile and led the way, not the least sorry for the smudges of darkness that ran down her cheeks.
She reached in the closet for fresh towels as Hannah washed her face, then took her own turn at the sink. She was drying off when Hannah surprised her yet again.
"Kyle told me about the man who tried to buy you."
Jessica paused. She lowered the towel to the countertop and stared down at it. "He betrayed a confidence." She looked up. "It's not that I didn't want you to know. It's humiliating and a little frightening, and it's a burden you shouldn't have to bear."
"Maybe he didn't know it was a confidence."
Jessica finished patting her face dry and looked into the mirror. "You defend him at each turn."
"Because I think you're wrong about him. I think he's falling for you."
"It's only temporary. His words, almost exactly, were that I could have sex with more than one man and not be thought of as used."
"But that doesn't make sense."
"Why?"
"Because he told me just the opposite. He said men see women in a different light once they've had sex with other men. In fact, that was his main argument when he tried to convince me to talk to you. It wasn't that he disparaged women with experience." She chuckled. "That would be a little self-defeating since he's a member of RUSH."
Jessica frowned. "He didn't tell me he spoke with you. I had the very same conversation with him except it was I trying to convince him."
"Well he can't have it both ways. But I'm still convinced that he's serious about you. Maybe he was referring to women in general. Other women."
Jessica didn't agree. Maybe if Kyle had lost control as she had . . . . She thought about that. Had he lost control? He'd been very aroused, thrusting against her as though he wanted to breach the barrier of their clothing. She wasn't experienced enough to know and didn't want to be experienced enough to know.
"Let's talk about something else."
Hannah smiled. "Okay. What do you want to shop for today?"
"Clothing. I've bought furniture and sheets and household items, but I need clothing."
"That works for me. I could use a couple more pairs of jeans."
Jessica glanced at Hannah's white pair. "How many colors do you have?"
"Three. Blue, white, and black. I have six or seven pairs in all, but I'd like a couple more pairs of blue."
"Then I'd like to buy six or seven pairs, too. And many tops, like yours, to wear with them." She indicated her own silky lemon blouse with its tiny pleats and pearl buttons. "Nearly all the clothes I brought with me are for business. I had to leave most of my things behind," she confided, now that Hannah knew what had happened.
"Then we'll make a day of it . . . maybe have dinner out if it gets late."
"Yes. I'd like that."
It was while she was trying on a fourth pair of jeans that her telephone rang inside her purse. Searching down at the bottom because it always found its way there, she lifted it out and looked at the small display.
Her heart clenched when she recognized the number it showed. Kyle. She closed her eyes. Then she opened them again, pressed a button to refuse the call, and turned her phone off before placing it back inside her purse.
At five-thirty she and Hannah carried their purchases out to Hannah's car, then came back inside the mall to have dinner at one of the restaurants. When their order arrived, Jessica thought about the man at RUSH who sat at her station every day.
&nbs
p; "Your Simon Yetzer comes to Urns & Leaves every morning."
"He does?"
"Yes." She smiled. "He always tell me to sit with him while I'm supposed to be working. So I purposely set out to annoy him."
Hannah chuckled. "What do you do?"
"I tell him, every day, that I'm not supposed to sit down with the customers. And every day he tells me he's the boss. Yesterday, when I tried to avoid his table, he stood up, walked over to me, and took my wrist to tow me across the dining room. Then he told me to 'park it.'" Frowning, she added, "Men in this country touch women with casual ease."
Hannah laughed. "Maybe Simon's attracted to you too."
Jessica weighed that possibility then shook her head. "No, I don't believe so. It's odd though. He buys a newspaper, but I don't think he reads much of it because he stares at me while I'm working. He has a confused expression sometimes and it makes me . . . jittery. But he doesn't give any indication of personal interest when I sit with him."
"He's not allowed to. He's probably not even supposed to sit with you. Not unless you're linked with him."
"Actually, I've begun to think he's not so terrible."
"Simon?"
"Yes. I think he doesn't always intend to be so abrupt. I think it surprises him when others are put off by his manner."
"No. I'm going to have to disagree with you on that. I think Simon knows exactly how he affects everyone. He's honed it to a skill."
Jessica smiled. "He tells me you avoid him. Like the plague."
"I do. It's the only way I'll survive until I find another job."
"Are you still looking then?"
"Yes, but not seriously. Simon's been . . . well, not as unbearable. He actually stepped in the other day and stopped your friend Kyle from jumping down my throat."
Jessica laughed. She couldn't help it. "Jumping down your throat?"
Hannah grinned. "Reprimanding me."
"Ah. The nail polish."
"Yes, the nail polish. Would you like me to drive you around tomorrow so you can see more of the area?"
"Thank you for offering. I'd like to spend time with you. I have many questions about the years we lost growing up . . . about our mother. But we don't have to drive anywhere. If we were talking, I wouldn't pay attention to where we were going."
"Okay. I have questions too. How about if we do lunch at my place tomorrow? We could spend the afternoon catching up."
"Yes. Yes, I'd like that." Something occurred to her then. "You said Simon stopped Kyle from reprimanding you. Did he hear Kyle tell you about the man who wanted to buy me?"
Hannah sighed. "Yes. Has he said anything to you?"
"No. I only wondered."
"What do you talk about when he tells you to sit with him?"
"He tells me of his job being a statistician. He talks about RUSH and the link system. And he told me had a blue link once."
"He told you about Nina?"
"He didn't tell me her name, only that one of his business partners had a blue link with her as well and that she chose the other man."
"Good heavens, Jessica. This is serious. Simon is sharing his personal life with you."
"No, it isn't serious. I would sense it if it was."
But Hannah shook her head. "Simon doesn't talk about Nina at all. Not with anyone. No one at the office mentions her name."
"He didn't say anything else about her. I believe he wanted to know if I understood the significance of a blue link. That's all."
"I'd think that's the last thing he'd want a woman at RUSH to understand." Hannah paused, then said, "I never thanked you for slapping him for me."
"You're welcome. He was very rude that day."
"I agree; he was. He's never been rude like that before, but if he is again, I'll slap him myself."
Jessica thought about her morning encounters with Simon Yetzer. "I believe he's truly sorry, Hannah. I think he'd try to make amends if you'd allow it."
"You defend Simon the same way I defend Kyle."
"That's because I think Simon is sincere."
"Well right now, keeping him at a distance is working for me, so I'd prefer to leave it that way."
When they drove back downtown, Hannah parked and helped carry Jessica's purchases up to her apartment. Then Jessica rode the elevator back down with her and walked her to her car.
"Sometimes," Hannah said, "on Saturday nights I go to a nightclub called Seven Over with one of the girls at work. We're not going tonight, but if you'd like to come with us the next time we go . . . ?"
"Yes, I would."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."
"Yes. Tomorrow."
The guard at the front desk motioned her over when she returned to the lobby. "You had a visitor today, Ms. Breckenridge. A man. Kyle Falkner. But he's not on your visitor list."
She had to swallow before she could answer. "No. No, he isn't."
When she didn't indicate that he should be added, the guard simply nodded. "He waited in the lobby for two hours before he left."
"I see. Thank you for telling me."
For two hours he'd waited to see her.
CHAPTER 15
Late Sunday morning Kyle turned his jeep into the subdivision where he'd been living for the last six months, his fingers a tight grip on the steering wheel as he negotiated the quiet street.
Jessica wouldn't see him. He'd gone to her building first thing after rolling out of bed so he wouldn't miss her again. But when the guard at the front desk rang her apartment, she'd refused to let him come up.
He didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling. Tense. Angry. Afraid she wouldn't forgive him for Friday night. She'd told him she was worried—full with anxiety—because he wanted her. And what had he done? He'd moved right in and shown her the fast lane. If he ever got her back—when he got her back—he'd have to slow way the hell down.
But even with that thought, he knew he'd be fighting himself on two fronts. Beside the fact that he only had to look at her to want her, something else inside pushed and prodded and drove him to bind her to him. He didn't want slow. He wanted now. He wanted her here in the jeep with him, stumbling over clichés and making him smile. Instead, his insides were jumping around, like a bunch of Frisbees winging around in there, because every time he thought about the fact that she refused to see him, it scared him. And that scared him even more.
He wanted to go a few rounds in the gym—the gym that wasn't around the corner anymore because it was back in Center Philly and he didn't live in Center Philly anymore. —And that was the last thing he wanted to think about.
Nor was he particularly happy to see Michael's Lotus parked in his parking spot, in his frigging driveway, in front of his goddamn apartment.
With nowhere else to park, he pulled up alongside the curb and shut off the engine. Michael, of course, stepped out of his car wearing a wise-ass grin.
"Nice wheels," he said, nodding toward the jeep. "If I'd known you were on your way home, I wouldn't have taken your parking place."
"Sure you would."
"Yeah, probably. So where you been?"
"None of your business."
Michael's grin widened. "Well now, that sounds a little like woman trouble if you ask me."
"Fuck you, Vassek."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." He chuckled, clearly amused. "So, you want some advice from a blissfully happy married man?"
"No. What are you doing here?"
Michael fell into step beside him as he started up the path to the front door. "Still not very forthcoming, are you?"
"I forthcame enough for the whole frigging year when I saw you the last time. Make that five years. I take it you want to come inside."
"If it'll piss you off, yeah. If you're gonna piss me off, then no."
"You're a piece of work, you know that?" He unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold. Michael followed behind him and shut the door.
"Geez, Kyle, you got some ugly-ass furn
iture."
"Yeah, well you can leave any time."
"Maybe she'll talk you into trading it in like she did your piece of shit car."
Kyle stopped in his tracks. Once again he wondered how, after a seventeen-year gap, he and Michael were still so in-tune with one another, the same thoughts, the same phrases he'd used himself, reverberated back at him from Michael's mouth.
"So," Michael pressed on, "you gonna tell me her name?"
Kyle was tempted to tell him to fuck off, but that was probably futile. Michael would play around with that computer of his and somehow come up with everything he wanted to know. And if it occurred to him to check out RUSH's system, he'd know a hell of a lot more than Kyle wanted him to know—about him and about her.
He gave Michael a baleful stare. "Jessica. Her name's Jessica."
"So what does she look like?"
Kyle snorted. "Like a goddamn sixteen-year-old prom queen, that's what."
Michael broke into laughter. "Fuck, man, you got it bad."
Kyle grunted. "You want something to drink?"
"Nah. Thanks. I came by to see if you wanted to do some drag racing—on a bona fide track."
It was Kyle's turn to laugh. "Against that Lotus out front? Now why would I want to do that?"
"Because Rachel says you can drive her Bugatti. But if you put a dent in it, you gotta buy her a new one."
"Like hell."
"Just messin' with you." He smiled. "Rachel doesn't want to race anymore until after the baby's born. All that adrenaline pumping through the system, ya know?"
"Your wife drag races." It wasn't a question. The idea was too unlikely. Rachel Vassek looked like a little china doll, all delicate and girly.
Michael gave him a smug grin. "She took me for two hundred the first time we went out to the track."
"You're kidding."
"Nope. Told me she had college expenses. Then she went and beat me three out of five."
"Hell, no wonder you married her."
