by Tanya Mindo
“Yes, of course. The university festival is fast approaching, so clubs are recruiting members,” Zhi Ming replies.
“I’m not sure I’ll have time for clubs.”
Kaito’s brows furrow. “Why not?”
“We have classes. I’ll have readings to finish…” Zoe murmurs.
“You have a lot of time to finish them. You’ll be fine.”
“Do you have a hobby?” Zhi Ming asks.
Zoe pauses for a moment. “Well… I guess… I sing back home.”
“Oh, then you can join Kaito’s club,” Zhi Ming mumbles as he swallows a large chunk of noodles.
Zoe arches her eyebrows. “Which club?”
“It’s a music club,” Kaito replies, his tone rising. “We play Japanese songs most of the time, but having you in the club would let us play foreign songs.”
Zoe pauses. She doesn’t have any organizations in her home university since she is mostly focused on her academic performance. She looks down on her lap for a bit and unconsciously sticks a spoon in her mouth, consumed by her thoughts.
“Hey, you okay? Why so serious?” Kaito elbows her lightly.
She pulls the spoon out. “I haven’t performed in a crowd. I just sing for fun. You know, in the shower… And I’m not really the extracurricular type of student.”
Kaito sneers.
“What?”
“You’re making excuses before you even try it.”
Zoe tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m not! I’m just… Well… I’m shy…”
“There’s nothing to be shy about,” Zhi Ming says, done with his bowl of ramen. “People join clubs to make friends and have fun.”
“Didn’t you come here for something new?” Kaito adds, also finishing his lunch. Zoe swiftly takes bites from her meal after noticing that she hasn’t even eaten half of her curry.
“If you feel like signing up, just let me know. I’ve been looking for someone to perform with me. It could be you.”
Zoe’s cheeks turn bright red. She stares at her meal as she continues eating without saying another word.
Her stomach flipped at Kaito’s last words.
It shouldn’t, but it did.
Chapter Seven
After lunch, Zoe says that she’s going home. Kaito still has one class, while Zhi Ming left for his other class at the Hongo campus.
Kaito is still standing in front of the cafeteria when he receives a text message from Marie. She is with Taylor at the dining area inside the library.
“I was just at the cafeteria,” Kaito says as he sits next to Taylor. “With Zoe and Zhi Ming.”
The group knows Zhi Ming. Kaito used to invite him to hang out with them, but he wasn’t up to it since his classes were mostly in Hongo campus. Zhi Ming also realized that his interests were too different from Taylor and the others, although he remained friends with Kaito.
“Really! How is she?” Marie says, then she grabs her phone from her purse. “I almost forgot. I was supposed to add her to our WeChat group.”
Marie types, and Kaito wonders how she got Zoe’s ID.
“She’s doing okay. She only had Japanese today, so she went home.”
“Already? I wish we can hang out more,” Marie mumbles. “I’ll just ask her to come to the TGIF party tomorrow with us.”
Marie starts typing again on her phone.
“We’re going?” Taylor deadpans. “We’re not newcomers. Why should we go?”
“Because it’s nice to meet new USTEP students,” Marie replies, taking a bite from her sandwich. Taylor and Kaito receive notifications on their WeChat.
“Kaito, are you going?”
Before he can reply to Taylor, Marie says, “Oh, Zoe replied.”
Marie looks up from her phone. “Zoe’s coming. Jesse said she is, too.”
“We can just get drinks right away,” Taylor scowls and looks at Kaito. “Kaito, back me up on this.”
“We’ll go for the free food,” Kaito answers.
Taylor facepalms. “It’s not even that good!”
Marie and Kaito laugh.
Kaito peeks on his watch. It’s almost time for class, but he still wants to spend some time at the music club for a bit so he bids goodbye and leaves the library.
He scrolls through the group chat messages as he walks. He clicks on Zoe’s name and sees her WeChat ID: Zoeoeoe. He contemplates adding her. They are friends anyway, so there should be no issue about having a way to contact her. So, he does. And she accepts it a few minutes later. Kaito sends her a wink emoticon. She replies with a thumbs up.
He chuckles to himself. Sometimes, Zoe can be a bit awkward. Kaito thinks that it’s cute and funny at the same time.
Kaito finally arrives at the music club room. He exchanges greetings with the other members, then he saunters to the corner of the room where the acoustic guitar is kept. He takes his jacket off and puts his backpack on the floor. He takes a seat on the folding chair, the guitar on his lap, then his fingers begin to move by themselves.
Kaito’s life has been simple. He grew up with only his father supporting him, and they live in a humble home. His mother left with his younger sister when he was still a kid, and now, he can hardly remember what his mother looked like or how her voice sounded.
His father never spoke about his mother after they walked out the door, and he threw away all the photos that he had of her. Kaito used to ask him about their return until he realized that they weren’t coming back. It was just Kaito and his father, and they had to move on with their lives.
It was music that accompanied him as a child. He learned it on his own, and he considered himself talented in it. For his first pay as a Math tutor, he bought himself a guitar pick. The rest he spent to buy his father a meal. He continued working as a tutor until he graduated from high school, and finally, he was able to buy an acoustic guitar. He became more passionate about playing music as he grew older, but at the same time, he learned that it wasn’t a career that could pay the bills.
“Kaito.”
He looks up and sees Yui, the club president. He stops playing.
“What’s up?”
“You’re going to perform at the festival, right? I’m asking so we can find you a partner. Miyu might be free.”
Miyu is a senior student who performed with him at an event last semester.
“Yeah, I am,” Kaito answers. He taps his fingers on his knee. “Well actually, I have someone I’d like to recruit to the club.”
“Really? Who?”
“She hasn’t agreed yet, but she’s a new USTEP student from my home university. Her name’s Zoe. I would like for her to be the singer.”
“Have you heard her sing?”
Kaito gives her a tight-lipped smile.
Yui leers at him. “We don’t need professionals, but we need people who can actually sing.”
He chuckles. “Yes, I know. I’ll bring her here and then we’ll see. For now, just keep the spot open for me.”
“Alright. Let me know.”
“Thanks.”
Zoe doesn’t go straight home. She is at the platform when the train to Shibuya arrives, and she takes it without thinking. She ought to explore the city, and she wants to do it by herself.
There is something about being by herself that relaxes her these days. She is often lost in her thoughts, pondering about random things like life and death, climate change, books, her new friends, and Seth. She wonders about the existence of God, and if it is God’s will for her to be where she is. There is no way to know, but she believes that she has come so far. For her own good.
She didn’t see Jesse and the others today, but since Marie added her in their group chat, she knows she is going to see them tomorrow. It makes her ecstatic. She never thought that they would consider her as a member of their group when she is such a party pooper.
She gets off the station and takes the Hachiko exit. As expected, there are hundreds, or maybe thousands of people at the Shibuya crossing
. She takes her phone out for photos and short video clips. Normally, one will feel suffocated and claustrophobic in the bustling street. But she doesn’t feel that way. Zoe is surrounded by strangers whom she cannot speak with due to the language barrier, but she is happy.
I am free.
She saunters carefully to avoid crashing with the people crossing from the opposite side. She isn’t sure where to go, so she follows where her feet will take her. She sees cosmetic shops, 100 yen-shops, banks, clothing lines, and the Disney store. The childish part of her heart is secretly delighted. She remembers that there is a Disney theme park in Japan, and she makes up her mind to visit the park before the exchange program ends.
The Disney store is surrounded by lights. It is castle-like with two floors. She takes a photo before entering and then she sends them to her parents who immediately respond. She also sends them to Seth and Elle.
She enters souvenir stores but purchases nothing. She doesn’t have to buy anything today. She only wants to take a walk and lose herself to the city lights and the chilly weather.
This country isn’t her own; she is a stranger… Yet she feels like she belongs.
Soon, she becomes hungry, so she decides to eat at Yoshinoya because it is familiar. Besides, it is cheaper.
So far, she has noticed how the Japanese quickly eat their meals to give way to the next people waiting to be seated. They don’t stay to chat, and they also clean up after themselves. It amuses her.
At 4 PM, her feet are worn out, so she starts to walk back to the station. She has also begun to sneeze from time to time.
She gets off at Kichijoji station, then she strolls back to the bicycle parking lot. She is a little tired but is still all set to ride the bicycle home. After all, it is her favorite part of the day. It allows her to savor the tranquility of the streets after hours of coming across with an overwhelming number of people.
She unlocks her bicycle and drags it down to the first floor.
“Konbanwa.” The old man who watches the parking lot greets her with a small smile. She bows with a grin and replies politely, “Konbanwa.”
It is a cold, Spring night at 10 degrees Celsius, and the ride home is quiet as usual.
She takes the shortcut and allows herself to get lost in the beauty and darkness of the streets. She adores the rustling leaves and the peeking small buds of the cherry blossom trees. It is as if she came at the right time—it is the season for new beginnings.
Before her arrival, she was uncertain of what got into her head. Now, she finally has an idea.
She wants to continuously learn and grow. To discover what she wants to become in this lifetime. To be braver. To be… Free.
She finds herself smiling, suddenly glad that she decided to come to Japan.
“What are you thinking about?”
The depth and clarity of the voice are enough for Zoe to recognize who it was. She looks sideways.
Kaito waves at her with one hand, while the other stays on the handlebar.
“I thought you went home.”
She smiles. “Well… I thought I’d just go around by myself.”
“Where did you go?”
“Shibuya.”
“Shopping?”
“No. I already have a lot of things in my room. I don’t have space for new stuff,” she replies shyly, remembering her first day in Tokyo.
“What did you do then?”
“You know, I just wandered around Shibuya. Then I had dinner at Yoshinoya.”
“Oh, sounds fun.”
Kaito notices the glow in her face. “You look happy.”
“Really?” she beams. “Well… I don’t know why, but I’m glad that I came here. In Japan. It’s such a lovely country.”
“Do you like anime?”
She shakes her head. “Not really. I’ve only seen very few animations like Ghibli films. When I was choosing which university I’d like to go to for the exchange, being oblivious about Japan made it more exciting. Scary, but exhilarating.”
“Huh. Are you not feeling homesick?”
“A bit,” she admits. “I’ve never been away from my parents until now. But I’m… Happy. Like what I told you before, I’m sheltered—”
“Was sheltered,” Kaito interrupts, and it makes Zoe smile.
“Okay. Was. Anyway, I’ve always done things according to my parents’ decisions. I go to school to study, I come home to do my homework, then I go to bed on time. I only have one close friend, and when Seth and I started going out, he had to undergo scrutiny for months.”
Kaito’s jaw drops. “I hope this isn’t rude, but that’s insane. I’m surprised that you haven’t rebelled.”
“Well… I’m here.”
Kaito chuckles in disbelief. “This is how you rebel against them? You can still add this experience to your resume. Sorry, but you’re such a goody-two-shoes.”
Zoe lets out a soft chuckle. She isn’t offended because she knows he’s right.
“I mean, it’s not a bad thing. I’m just surprised that someone like you still exists,” Kaito clarifies. “Oh well. I’m still proud of you for at least taking a step. How did you convince them to let you come here?”
“I begged. I aced my courses last semester. I promised to always contact them, so I do. I am their only daughter, so they couldn’t say no.”
A twinge of envy hits Kaito. He immediately disregards it. “Your parents seem to love you a lot.”
Zoe giggles. “Yes, they do. I can’t blame them. I’m the best daughter any parent could ever ask for.”
Kaito rolls his eyes with a smirk.
“Right. You are the perfect, boring daughter,” he jokes.
“Ha-ha. Well... I’m lucky. They love me, and I love them. A lot.”
“Yeah, I’m just kidding. You do you… But yeah, you sure are lucky,” Kaito says, unaware that it came out sounding jealous.
“Hm?”
Kaito turns quiet for a bit before blurting out something that he has been thinking of for a while. “Luck and love are such peculiar abstract concepts, don’t you think?”
They press the brakes as the stoplight signal turns red.
“What do you mean?”
Kaito ponders for another five seconds as he rubs his chin, carefully picking the right words to say.
“I mean, luck strikes when it wants to. There’s no standard on who’s deserving or who isn’t. You’re born with it.”
“Ah! I get what you mean. Then what about love?”
“Love’s kinda the same. You can’t choose who or when to love someone. And those unloved are without luck,” he murmurs. “You’re lucky, Zoe. There are many people who’d want to trade places with you. So they could be loved.”
Kaito’s mother’s blurry image enters his mind. He doesn’t let it stay. It isn’t about him.
“I know that…” she whispers, her fingers tightening on the brakes.
Zoe is aware that she is lucky to have her parents be involved in raising her. It is the reason why she tries hard not to hurt them while also choosing how to live her own life.
“So, you do believe that love and luck are related?” Zoe asks.
The signal turns green, and Kaito cycles ahead. She catches up with him.
“Hey, Kaito. Say something.”
Kaito has never spoken to anyone about some of his deepest thoughts, but with Zoe, it feels easy.
“I suppose. Like what I said, you can’t choose who to love. You can’t choose who loves you. If luck sides with you and you fall in love with someone who feels the same, then that’s awesome. But if luck isn’t in your favor, then you can’t force feelings on that person. Love and luck are abstract concepts beyond our control.”
“What about free will?”
“I don’t claim that free will is absent here. What I’m saying is, you didn’t make the decision to love Seth, that just happened. What you’re choosing to do is to stay.”
He glimpses at her. She remains quiet; her expre
ssion shows that she is deeply thinking about their current topic.
“Look. You’re lucky if he chooses to stay no matter what, then bereft of luck if he ditches you. I’m rambling here, but you get what I mean, right? You liked him and he liked you, and that wasn’t something you chose, but there’s good luck… And now that you still have him, that’s his personal choice.”
