by Tanya Mindo
“Y-Yeah. I just want to get a drink.”
“Oh, right,” he says. He grabs a bottle of water from the table.
“It’s not cold. Is it okay?” He opens it before handing it to her.
“Yeah, thanks.”
What was that scar?
“Are you ready?” Kaito asks.
“Yes, I think I’m good,” she replies.
Zoe returns the ice pack to the box. Kaito moves even closer to her, and she holds her breath. He briefly examines the lump on her forehead before looking her in the eye.
“This is our last performance. Ganbatte!”
Right. She must focus on the last set. She can ask Kaito about it later. That is if he wants to tell her about it.
Meanwhile, Kaito is aware that Zoe is dying to hear the story behind his scar. He can tell with the way Zoe bites her lips and takes glances at his stomach.
He hasn’t told anyone. Not even Taylor and the others. It isn’t a happy story after all.
But he feels like he can tell Zoe. If she asks, then he will.
The two of them proceed to their positions like earlier. Zoe is more comfortable. She’s done it earlier, so she should be fine. Their friends stand in front, drenched in sweat. They’re the only audiences as of the moment. At least they look safe from all that commotion.
“Ready?” Kaito asks, his guitar on his lap.
“Yes.”
They begin their performance with I’m Yours by Jason Mraz. It’s a lively and popular song, so they instantly garner more listeners as they reach the chorus.
The sun has set, and the lights are switched on in the middle of their performance, adding to an overall mini-concert effect. The spotlight makes Zoe nervous. She glances at Kaito, and he recognizes that she is starting to lose composure. He starts to sing with her.
The people sway and clap. Seeing them having fun and Kaito covering for her boost Zoe’s confidence. It is her last performance in front of a crowd, and she’s doing better than she expected.
So far, all she’s ever done in Japan are things that she never imagined she’ll do in her entire lifetime.
Every single day, she is grateful to have chosen differently.
Zoe sometimes questions what could have happened if she stayed in the Philippines. Would she and Seth still be dating? Would she finally accept that she didn’t have a passion for anything so she should just do what she’s asked?
No. She and Seth will eventually break up. They might date for a longer time, but soon, Seth will accept that she isn’t who he wants, and he isn’t who she needs. But will she break free? Maybe. Maybe not.
These people who she calls friends. Kaito. They’ve all been a part of her great adventure. It saddens her that there are barely two months left for them to spend time with each other. She hopes to have made a mark on their lives, just as they have stamped a mark on hers.
“So, this will be our last song. Thank you everyone for staying and listening to us,” Zoe says. She looks at Kaito who gives her a discreet nod.
He begins to pluck the strings as the audience turns quiet.
The last song is the song they both liked back in their high school days. Zoe recalls how the two of them saw the title on the songbook and immediately agreed to play it.
“It’s the perfect song! It’s a duet,” Zoe said. “You sing well, Kaito. We should end the set with you as the star.”
“Hah! The vocalist is usually the star. I’m just the guitarist.”
“That’s not true.”
“Zoe, it is,” Kaito said, smiling. “You’re the star.”
“Can’t we both be stars?”
Kaito chuckled. “Fine, so we agree on this?”
Kaito begins to sing their final song. Zoe closes her eyes as she listens to Kaito’s voice.
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
Hey, you know, this could be something
Then he gazes at Zoe with a gentle smile. He continues singing. Zoe opens her eyes and smiles back at him, listening to every word and every pluck and strum.
So maybe it’s true, that I can’t live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there’s so much time to figure out the rest of my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one
Then it’s Zoe’s turn. Kaito sings along at certain parts, and Zoe loves every bit of it. The way their voices blend sounds magical to her ears, and she allows herself to think that maybe, it reflects their feelings.
Soon, they reach the second chorus. Zoe can feel the explosion of her emotions, her blood rushing in her veins. The way he looks at her as he plays weakens her knees, but she distracts herself with her resolve to finish the song.
’Cause baby two is better than one
There’s so much time to figure out the rest of my life
But I figured out with all that’s said and done
Two is better than one
Zoe turns to look at Kaito, but she catches him already looking at her. The eyes that stare back at her express care and affection, and for a second, Zoe thinks that maybe… He has feelings for her.
…Two is better than one
Kaito averts his gaze. And Zoe does as well.
She hears the people applaud even louder than their first set. Her heart pounds, loud and fast, but she knows that it’s not merely because of the cheers.
It’s because of Kaito’s gaze that she brazenly thinks as more than a look of friendship.
But Zoe knows deep in her heart that it’s not the case. So she stares down her feet instead.
Stop kidding yourself.
They both leave their seats and return to the tent. Their friends wait for them there.
“That was amazing! You did even better than this morning,” Naoki says, surprising everyone because Naoki barely says anything.
“Wow, thanks,” Kaito says.
“You guys should make a Youtube channel or something,” Taylor says, tousling Kaito’s hair.
Yui approaches them giddily.
“You guys did great! Thanks so much for participating this year. We got a crowd because of you!”
Zoe becomes flushed. “N-No, thank you! Thanks for giving us this chance to play music with you.”
“Thanks, Yui,” Kaito replies.
Yui suddenly grabs Kaito’s and Zoe’s sleeves then pulls them so she can whisper something to them. They both lean toward her to listen to what she has to say.
“You guys looked good together.”
Zoe immediately recoils, blushing even more. “H-Ha ha! That’s funny…”
Meanwhile, Kaito doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how to react so he silently observes Zoe’s reaction, and with the way she blushes, he gets his hopes up...
Maybe...
But he brushes off this thought quickly.
“It’s true. It’s not just me who’s saying it.”
Yui folds her arms and winks at Zoe.
“Anyway, I’m next. Thanks again. See you around campus!”
Then Yui leaves them, skipping away like a kid.
Taylor wraps his arms on Kaito’s shoulders. “What is it? What did she say?”
“O-Oh, it’s nothing. She just said she’s grateful.” Zoe lies, averting her gaze from Kaito.
“Really? Then why are you blushing?” Jesse asks. “You’re beet red.”
“W-What? I’m not!”
She looks up at Kaito who smirks.
“Seriously, what is it?” Taylor nags. Kaito slips away from him and grabs his bag and Zoe’s.
“Drop it, Taylor,” Kaito hisses. Taylor just snorts at him.
“Shibuya for dinner?” asks Kaito, changing the topic. He hands Zoe her bag as she chews her lips nervously.
Kaito didn’t say anything to Yui. Why didn’t he say anything?
“Yeah, let’s go,” Marie says.
Zoe wonders what Kaito thinks about Yui’s statement. For Zoe, it’s more frustrating not to know what he’s thinking.
Worse, it hurts her to think that maybe, he just doesn’t care.
At 9 PM, the group members go their separate ways in front of Hachiko. They are all exhausted from the festival. Besides, all of them, except Zoe, have papers due next week.
Zoe and Kaito sit in the train next to each other. It finally sinks in that the university festival is over, and there will be no more late-night practices at the music club. Although it consumed most of her time last week, Zoe enjoyed it. She liked hanging out with some of the Japanese students. They practiced their English skills with her, and she practiced her Nihongo.
And it was a time where she and Kaito had the most fun together. They looked for popular songs, discussed the arrangements, and rehearsed every day. Zoe even practiced while she was in the shower.
Kaito is the happiest when he is playing music, and she might not see it again.
“Thanks, Zoe.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Hm? For what?”
“For agreeing to do it with me. I hope you had fun. Because I enjoyed playing music with you.”
Her eyes light up.
“Yes, I did. But it’s me who should be thanking you, Kaito. I wouldn’t have done it without your encouragement. It was a nice experience. I’ll never forget it.”
“That’s good to hear. I was worried that you’d regret it.”
Zoe drops her gaze to the floor. “No… I’m glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. If I had to choose again, I’ll make the same decision. I felt my heart ripping out of my chest because of anxiety, but it was… Fun.”
She gazes back at Kaito.
“You shouldn’t stop playing music. Maybe you can form a band or something. Play on the streets. Play wherever and whenever you can.”
Kaito pauses for a moment, then he lets out a sigh. “Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I can get a day job and play at night.”
“Yeah. Do that. Get a job that pays the bills. Then do your passion that fills your heart.”
Kaito cocks his head to the side. “Will you also do that, then?”
Zoe shifts in her seat, looking away.
“Zoe…”
“I don’t know what I want yet,” she answers faintly, fiddling with her sleeves.
“My literature Prof praised me for my writing, and actually, I’ve been thinking about it recently. I enjoy reading and writing, but isn’t it a given because I’m from the Social Sciences? I mean, all we ever do is read and write, you know.”
“Really?”
She shrugs her shoulders.
“Mm. What I know is that writing… Is kinda therapeutic to me. I don’t feel bored when I write my papers.”
“Have you ever thought of becoming a journalist?”
Zoe tilts her head.
A journalist?
“Maybe speaking in front of people isn’t your strong point, but you don’t really have to be a newscaster. Journalists write. They speak truth to power.” Kaito drums his fingers on his lap.
“Or maybe an author? Do you like creative writing?”
The ideas seem so foreign to her. They are careers that she’s never considered.
Before Zoe can answer, they arrive at Kichijoji station. They pass the ticket gates and walk to the bicycle parking lot.
Zoe mulls over the idea of her becoming a journalist or an author. Will they fit her? Is it possible? Will her parents support her?
Kaito waits for her downstairs, then they cycle along the shortcut on the way home.
“So… What do you think?” asks Kaito.
Zoe blows out of her cheeks. “I don’t know… I’m not sure if they’re in line with my major right now. Especially creative writing.”
“Well, it’s not too late to take workshops or online classes for creative writing. And as far as I know, journalists usually come from the Social Sciences. They’re not just from the Mass Communications. If you think about it, you have a lot of options.”
“Not for my parents,” she grumbles.
“Zoe, you should stop worrying about your parents if you truly want something to change,” Kaito says. “You can’t tell me to do this and that if you can’t apply it to yourself.”
Kaito wanted to take back what he said as soon as it came out of his mouth. It might have sounded harsh. Relief washes over him when she laughs.
“You’re right. I’m such a hypocrite. I’m just scared of disappointing my parents. I already disappointed them when I came here.”
“Are they still disappointed?”
“I don’t think so...”
“I think they were just afraid because you strayed away from the path that they designed for you. But it doesn’t mean that it will stay like that forever. You’re their only kid. They worked hard so they can let you live the life that you want. And look. You’re here. You were able to change their minds because you persevered, right?”
Kaito presses his brakes and stops in front of a vending machine. Zoe also stops.
“I’m getting a soda. Want one?” he offers.
“No, I’m good, thanks,” Zoe says, pondering over what Kaito told her.
“Maybe I should talk to them after this exchange. I’ll say that I won’t be like Dad. That I… I want to write.”
Kaito inserts a coin and presses a button. Seconds later, a can drops. He takes it from inside of the machine.
“One at a time,” he says then opens the can of soda. He drinks it straight before tossing the can to a bin next to the vending machine.
Zoe gets a sudden flashback of Kaito’s scar. Her curiosity is rekindled.
“Let’s go.”
“W-Wait, Kaito…” she stammers. “I… I want to ask you something. I'm not just being nosy... I just...”
“Hm?”
“…I mean, I saw your scar… And… It looked pretty deep. I just wanted… To ask where you got it. If that’s okay! Don’t feel pressured to say anything you don’t wanna say—”
Kaito draws his head back, laughing.
“I was wondering why you haven’t asked.”
Chapter Seventeen
Zoe is relieved that Kaito didn’t get mad at her for asking. It seemed like a sensitive topic, but she couldn’t keep it to herself any longer. She wants to know and understand him better.
She wants to be a part of his life.
They ride their bicycles side by side, with Zoe matching Kaito’s speed. He’s in deep thought, trying to figure out where to start.
“You... Okay?” Zoe asks.
Kaito nods slowly. “Yeah, I’m just trying to collect my thoughts.”
Under the moonlight, Kaito appears solemn. His breaths slow down as the memory takes over.
“I applied to this program behind my father’s back. I also got the same scholarship as you, so I didn’t think that it would be a problem. But I was wrong. My father and I fought when I told him that I’d like to find my mother and my sister. It was bad. He didn’t want to let me go.”
He carefully chooses his words, recalling the past he’s never wanted to share with anyone. But he is letting Zoe in. Because she let him in. He can’t put it into words, but there is something about her that lets him break his walls down.
“I know he still loves her. I can see it. But I also understand why he was upset. He’s always tried to forget that she abandoned us, and if I ever meet her again, it will just reopen old wounds. I mean, there’s no point. If they really wanted to come back, they would have done it a long time ago. But I just… I wanted to see how they are. Especially Nanako.”
Shame and pity gradually crawled into Zoe’s heart, causing her throat to close up. She knew that Kaito came from a broken family, but she still thought that his life was ordinary like hers. Less fortunate, but ordinary.
But it wasn’t. He had lived a more complicated life.
Meanwhile, her parents never left her side. She grew up
in love and affection, and although she didn’t live freely, she admits to herself guiltily that she’d rather have both her Mom and Dad with her.
