by Tanya Mindo
She bites her lower lip.
“See?” Kaito teases. She rolls her eyes at him.
“My class is in the afternoon, so I’ll be fine,” she replies, but it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.
“If you say so.”
The group agrees to meet at 6 PM in front of the station. Zoe still has a lot of time after her class ends at 4 PM. Unable to think of anything to do in her spare time, she finds herself walking to the music club room.
There is nobody in sight. Since there will be no upcoming event and everyone is busy with midterms, the members have stopped practicing. Zoe stands in front of the sliding door, her gaze on the shiny, black grand piano in the middle. She reminisces about the times she listened to Kaito playing. She loved watching him.
Zoe treasures those little moments. She thinks of how endearing Kaito was whenever he sat in front of the piano, gently pressing its keys, or when he held his guitar against his chest like it was the most extraordinary thing in the world. He would always smile from ear to ear. Kaito engulfed himself with every bit of note, of melody. And Zoe watched him—aware of how he poured his heart out with every movement of his fingers.
And then she remembers the split second when Kaito subtly flicked his eyes toward her, then he smiled. Zoe blushed and looked away, embarrassed that he caught her marveling at him.
Zoe hopes that he understands what she is feeling despite the silence. At the back of her mind, she wishes that he recognizes that she harbors affection for him.
She shakes her head in frustration. It’s such a selfish thing to hope for. She needs to say it so he’ll understand.
Zoe grazes her fingers at the door and attempts to slide it open, but it is locked. Too bad. She turns around and walks away from the music club room.
Zoe decides to go to the KOMCEE building and stay at the international lodge. As she enters the room, she notices that Marie is there. She’s wearing a red dress, a pair of wedge sandals, and dangling earrings. She sits alone, reading on her iPad.
Zoe freezes, hesitant.
Suddenly, Marie lifts her gaze and sees Zoe. She waves.
Zoe is ashamed to face Marie. She and Kaito are friends, and whatever happened or would happen between them might hurt her, but it won’t be a justified reason to be a bad friend.
It’s just a tiny, tiny crush.
She clenches her fists and lets out a deep breath before forcing a smile. She waves and strides toward Marie.
“Is this seat taken?” she asks.
“By you,” Marie replies, grinning.
Zoe sits next to her. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to finish this book. But I’d probably fall asleep if I stay at the dorm,” Marie answers. “How about you?”
“My class ended at 4 PM. It’s not worth it to go home.”
“Mmm. I’m glad you’re coming. I was concerned since we’re doing this on a school night.”
“Yeah, I was a little worried about it, but I think it’s gonna be okay. Midterms just ended. We deserve it.”
Marie beams. “Hell yeah, we do.”
“What are we going to do later anyway?”
Marie puts her iPad on the table. “Well, I’m guessing that we’ll have dinner at Shibuya, then we’ll go clubbing.”
“Clubbing?” she reiterates..
Marie squints at her. “Yeah… Is it okay?”
Zoe examines the clothes she is wearing. She’s just in blue denim shorts, a plain white round neck t-shirt, and white sneakers.
“It’s fine. I’m just not sure if my clothes are appropriate.”
Marie chuckles then takes a glimpse of her watch. “I think you look just fine, but since it’s still early, do you wanna shop?”
Marie and Zoe head to Shibuya’s Forever21. Marie selects several tops for Zoe as they pass by clothing racks. She also grabs a pair of round gold earrings for Zoe to wear.
“Try these on,” she says, handing Zoe a red, fitted crop top and a purple, spaghetti strap blouse.
“Um, are you sure this will fit?” Zoe asks.
“Silly, that’s why you’re going to try them on.”
“But—”
Marie holds up a finger. “No buts.”
Then she pushes Zoe to a fitting room and closes the door.
Zoe heaves a sigh as she looks at the clothes Marie picked for her. They aren’t her style, but she was never the clubbing type of girl anyway.
Okay. Fine.
She changes into the purple blouse first. She thinks it’s too revealing because of the plunging neckline. She slips out of the fitting room with a wince.
“I think this is too much.”
Marie nods. “Yeah, not your style. Try the other one.”
Zoe tries the red crop top with an all caps printed design in front saying: DANGER! Zoe thinks that it’s also a bit skimpy, though she likes it better than the first one. Her belly button shows when she raises both her arms.
Zoe wants to pay for both the earrings and the top, but Marie insists that she’ll buy them for her as early birthday gifts. Zoe pinches her lips as she watches Marie give her credit card to the cashier.
It’s wrong for her to feel jealous of Marie. She has nothing to do with her tiny, tiny crush. And Kaito isn’t hers to begin with.
How many times will she feel this way? It terrifies her. She doesn’t want to be this kind of person.
Zoe changes into the red top and wears the earrings. She and Marie stand in front of the mirror, checking what else to be done.
“I think you should let your hair down,” Marie suggests.
Zoe removes her ponytail and shakes out her hair.
Marie beams. “There you go. You look even better.”
Zoe agrees. She looks more club-ready than earlier. Marie fumbles through her purse and takes out a lipstick.
“And for the last touch… Let’s put this on you so you’ll look sexier.”
Zoe blushes at the idea of her being ‘sexy’. Because of her height, people have always complimented her as ‘cute’ or ‘adorable’.
Marie notices the tinge of hesitation in Zoe’s eyes. She smiles encouragingly.
“It’s okay Zoe. It’s just for this night. We’ll just have fun. We won’t let you get into trouble. We don’t want you and him—I forgot his name—to fight.”
“It’s Seth. And no, it’s not because of him. We broke up.”
Zoe didn’t mean to tell Marie. It just slipped out of her mouth.
Marie tilts her head to the side.
“Oh… That’s too bad,” Marie utters. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”
“We just wanted… Different things, I guess,” Zoe says. “But it’s not because of the long-distance thing. I still meant it when I said that distance shouldn’t matter…”
Marie places her hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “Yes, I believe you. But are you okay?”
Zoe smiles “Yes, I am. It took some time, but I’m alright. Anyway, thanks for this Marie.”
Marie applies lipstick on her. She looks at herself in the mirror again and feels more confident.
The two of them walk out the store and head to the Hachiko exit. She notices some men taking glimpses of them, whispering in Japanese. Unfortunately, the two of them can’t understand a word. Marie doesn’t seem to care, so Zoe just lowers her gaze to the ground, careful not to bump into anyone.
Maybe it’s because they’re foreigners. Maybe it’s because they look pretty. She smiles at the thought.
They rest behind the Hachiko statue. As expected, people are queueing to take a photo with the famous dog.
“So you officially belong to our group now then,” Marie teases, crossing her legs.
Zoe chortles at the remark. “Yeah, I guess. But I’m still not giving up on romance and all that stuff.”
Marie straightens her dress and with a sad smile, she says, “I think the same way, Zoe. I know I also seem cynical, but it just hurt me when my boyfriend abru
ptly ended our relationship through a text message. And it was so short! I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t know that I meant so little to him.”
“He didn’t even try?”
Marie shakes her head. “He got tired of waiting after just a few months. It’s funny because I thought we were stronger than that. I guess our love wasn’t meant to last.”
Seeing how Marie carries the burden of being dumped out of the blue tugs Zoe’s heartstrings. She deserves a proper goodbye.
“It was a really difficult time for me, but our friends helped a lot to get me through it…”
Marie blinks twice, her cheeks turning pink.
And then Zoe’s knees tense up. She knows that it might make her feel more jealous, but she truly wants to ask Marie. Not knowing will make her feel worse.
“Was it… Kaito?”
Chapter Nineteen
Marie’s mouth falls open, her fingers touching her lips. “How did you know? Did he tell you? God, this is embarrassing.”
Embarrassing?
“No, it wasn’t Kaito. He didn’t say anything. I happened to hear it from Taylor.”
Marie scowls, sighing heavily.
“That Taylor…”
Her cheeks turn red. She licks her lips before looking at Zoe again.
“Well... It was last winter when my boyfriend broke up with me. It was terrible. I needed support from the people around me, unlike you who took your time and built yourself alone. I know now that you avoided us because of what happened. Am I right?”
Zoe nods, squirming. She regretted that decision.
“Anyway, you know that Kaito is too… Uh…”
“Kind,” Zoe finishes her sentence. Because it’s true. Kaito is one of the kindest persons she has ever met.
Marie throws a look at Zoe who stares down at her white sneakers.
“Yes, Kaito is too kind. He’s a good listener. He’s supportive.”
Kaito is just being Kaito.
The truth pierces Zoe’s heart once again, but she conceals the pain with a grin.
She wanted this anyway. She wanted to know how far her tiny, tiny crush could go. And she got her answer—nowhere.
“We went on this trip to Hokkaido, and Kaito looked after me. He was there all the time, even more than Naoki and Taylor. He always tried to make me laugh. At some point, I got ahead of myself. I thought there was something more. That maybe he liked me…”
Marie cringes, covering her face with both her hands.
“… I tried to kiss him.”
Zoe swallows the lump that formed in her throat.
Marie sighs, her ears turning red. “But he gently pushed me away. He looked concerned and asked me what was wrong. It was so embarrassing. Taylor saw what happened and told Naoki about it. And now you also know about it. That loudmouth.”
Zoe fights the jealousy, though it isn’t as painful. Because Kaito didn’t kiss her back.
“I thought our friendship was over. But Kaito was, like what we agreed on, kind. So we talked about it. I asked him what he felt for me, and he explained that he didn’t see me that way. He was merely trying to be a good friend. He even apologized to me!”
Marie exhales, and with a toothed-smile, she says, “It was my fault. I thought I was special. I mean, I was special, but not in any other way than you guys are. Now here we are, still close friends. It was more than I could ask for. And I realized I didn’t like him that way. I was just vulnerable and stupid.”
Marie’s confession makes Zoe realize that she and Marie could be the same. They were both helpless, and Kaito was just being nice to them because they needed someone.
Maybe she’s also vulnerable and stupid now.
“Sorry if I’m blabbering to you like this. I figured that you’re curious about what happened so…”
“No, it’s okay. I asked. I was curious because Taylor didn’t say anything and… We’re all friends so…”
The conversation ends when they hear Jesse’s voice. The two of them get up as they see Naoki, Taylor, Kaito, and Jesse approaching. Zoe immediately pulls the crop top lower to make sure that her belly is covered.
“Wow, you look different, Zoe,” Taylor says. “Marie’s magic touch?”
Zoe nods, glancing at Kaito who just looks at her blankly.
“This is great, we’re all ready to party!” Jesse exclaims, grabbing Marie and Zoe’s hands. She's wearing a black jumpsuit and high heels.
Meanwhile, the boys look the usual. Taylor is in denim jeans and a baggy shirt, Naoki is wearing a plain sweatshirt and camo shorts, and Kaito is wearing a gray hoodie and skinny black jeans.
“Let’s grab a quick dinner and head to a club. Then we’ll go to Shimo-Kitazawa,” Taylor announces excitedly. He puts his arms around Naoki and Kaito.
“Let’s go!”
They have dinner at a sushi-go-round because the girls don’t want to have bloated stomachs, especially Zoe who is wearing a crop top. Afterward, they head to an underground nightclub.
The loud thumping music is audible even from above. Zoe nervously follows Marie and Jesse, while Taylor and Kaito trail from behind. Naoki descends the stairs first.
The club is dark with flashes of red and green neon lights coming from the corners of the room, bouncing from wall to wall. People carry drinks in their hands and are clustered on the dance floor. Intricate graffiti art is on the walls.
It smells like sweat and booze. Zoe scratches her nose. Then Marie pulls her closer when they reach the bartender.
“Do you want a drink?!”
Zoe pauses for a bit, wondering whether she wants to drink now. It is her first time in a club with her new friends.
Friends she can trust.
“Yes…”
Marie beams at her and approaches Jesse who already placed an order. Jesse looks pleased when Marie mentions that Zoe will get the same.
Zoe’s eyes roam around. Everyone seems to be having a good time. Then she feels bodies bumping into her as she stands at the same spot, waiting for Marie and Jesse. People are going wild like they’re possessed by evil spirits. It’s crazy!
She notices Taylor also talking to the bartender. She feels a tap on her left shoulder. She turns around. It’s Kaito. Naoki is standing next to him, bobbing his head along with Flo-Rida’s Low.
“Are you okay?!”
Zoe nods. “Yeah! I’m alright!”
“Are you sure?!” Kaito asks once more.
“Yeah! Don’t worry about me!”
Marie comes back with Jesse. She hands Zoe a cold glass of peach margarita which Zoe holds with both her hands.
“You’re drinking?!” Naoki asks, pleasantly surprised. He receives a glass of beer from Taylor.
“This is huge! The baby girl’s drinking!” Taylor screams. “Cheers!”
Zoe pouts at being called the ‘baby girl’. Everyone clinks their glasses. Zoe takes her first sip. She notices her friends waiting for her reaction, and it makes her laugh afterward.
“How was it?!” Jesse asks, wiping the residue of the same drink on her lips.
“It’s alright! It’s like soda!” she answers. The drink tasted better than she expected. It’s a little sweet, though the aftertaste is bitter, burning her throat. The salt surrounding the rim did help ease the strong sensation.
“It’s just a cocktail! Drink up!” Marie cheers. “I’ll get you something else when you’re done!”
Then the gang squeezes their way into the crowd. They occupy a space on the dance floor near the stairs, where they jump and dance along with the music. Taylor is surprisingly good, and they cheer when he starts to break dance. Zoe finishes her first drink in no time. She and Marie return to the bartender to purchase another.
Everyone has a lot of fun singing and dancing. Zoe unconsciously forgets how many drinks she’s had.
After she finishes another glass of mojito, her knees wobble, and her head begins to be fuzzy.
“Take it easy!” Kaito says to her. Despite the darkn
ess, she notices him frown.
Zoe flicks his nose lightly. His eyes bulged, surprised.
“I’m alright, Kaito! I’m a grown-up woman!”
She faces Marie afterward. “I’m buying this time again, alright?!”
