13
Hailey
“Did you say hasta la vista, baby?” Grammy asked as she was still cackling so hard I could barely understand her.
I gave her a sideways grin. “No. I thought of like ten cooler things I could’ve said as soon as I threw it.”
She laughed even harder. “Good for you, baby. Good for you.”
“I wish it felt good. It feels more like I’m forcing myself to hate him for it even though I just want to forgive him and try to fix it. Like I know I’m supposed to be pissed, but it’s not coming naturally.”
“Let me give you some advice, baby.” She started dealing cards to the group of glassy-eyed seniors who were sitting around the poker table with her. I sat to her side in a fold-up lawn chair in the middle of the game room of her retirement home. “If he deserves to be forgiven, he’ll make you forgive him.”
“What do you mean?”
“Listen close now, because the closer I get to being dead, the more important what I have to say becomes. And honey, they don’t get a whole lot older than I am, so that makes everything I say pure gold.”
I grinned. “I get it, Grammy. I’m listening, even though you’re too stubborn to die so your point is invalid.”
She gave me a sly look. “That is part of the reason I surround myself with the living dead. If death comes knocking, I’ll be able to point him to a whole bunch of folks who will go with less of a fight than me.”
“Hey!” the man across from her croaked.
“Oh shut up, Leonard. You know I’m not talking about you.”
His lips quivered as he shakily looked down at his hand of cards, nodding to himself.
She tilted her head to me and mouthed, “Definitely talking about him.”
“You were about to give me your golden advice?”
“Yes, yes. The sweetest thing in the world is when a strong man gets on his knees for you, because one of two things are going to happen, and let me tell you how you know which it’s going to be. If your pants are off, then he’s going down on you, and that’s wonderful for obvious reasons. If your pants are on, he’s about to grovel and beg for forgiveness. And that, my dear, is how women give a big middle finger to anyone who thinks men rule the world. There’s nothing more satisfying on this green earth than holding that kind of power in the palm of your hands. So when a man has screwed up and he owes you some delicious groveling, you wait. If he deserves to be forgiven, he’ll come with flowers and apologies for days. Then you just bask it in as long as you want.”
“What am I supposed to do after that?”
“You make him prove he’s sorry until you feel like he’s paid enough for being a dumbass. Pretty simple, really.”
I shook my head, smiling. “And what if he doesn’t show up to grovel?”
“Then he wasn’t worth your time in the first place. You take your bruises and you move on with your life. You’re still young, gorgeous, and talented. Being young is about screwing up until you get it right. Simple, simple, simple.”
“Thanks, Grammy. For once, that was actually pretty practical advice.”
“Oh, and did I mention there’s no better time to make demands? Want a new car, license to sleep around a bit, jewelry? Now is the time to ask.”
“And there it is,” I laughed. “The part where you push it past practical to crazy.”
She winked. "Wouldn't want to disappoint." She laid down her hand of cards and laughed. "Leonard, you are a dumbass, and now you're a dumbass with ten fewer dollars to your name. Pay up, you old coot."
I pushed my chair back and stood. I thought taking a walk outside might be nice to clear my head. When I turned, I saw William standing at the back of the room with a bag of popcorn in his hand.
I gave him an incredulous look.
“Sorry,” he said. “Somebody just left it sitting out, and there was a microwave right there. It was begging to be taken. Besides, it looked like you were busy, so I just thought—
” he trailed off, then slowly raised his hand to his mouth and took a bite of popcorn.
My Grammy turned around at the sound of his voice and raised her eyebrow. “Son, you had better get on your knees and start apologizing soon, or I’m going to beat you over the head with Leonard’s walker.
“Hey!” Leonard groused.
“Shut up,” she growled at him without taking her eyes off William.
William set his bag of popcorn to the side and got on his knees, spreading his hands out. I felt a pang of guilt when I saw that his nose was a little purple and one of his eyes was slightly swollen. "I'm sorry I didn't have the decency to die when you threw a fifty-pound cherry pie at my face."
“Was it really that heavy?” Grammy asked.
“Grammy,” I said through my teeth. “You can either be a silent spectator, or I’m going to have William crawl outside to finish his apology.
"I never agreed to crawl."
“You be quiet too,” I snapped. I jabbed my finger in his direction. “You only get to talk right now if you’re apologizing.”
Grammy made a lip-zipping gesture, and William waited patiently. To his credit, he actually looked like he was taking this half-seriously, which was twice as seriously as he took everything else. Maybe he meant it.
“Go on,” I said.
“You have great feet, too. I never noticed until I was down here. But they’re really nicely put together, and I’m not a foot guy. So that’s saying something.”
“William…” I warned.
The smile slipped from his face, and for once, he looked dead serious. “Hailey, I am sorry. I was an ass, and not the good kind that is built from years of squats with perfect form and a well-balanced diet. I was the kind of ass nobody wants to see.”
I waited, arms crossed. The truth was I already wanted to forgive him. It was weak of me, but I liked him. I liked the way he made me feel. I liked how he always inserted humor into everything. I even liked that he was making the apology into a little bit of a joke instead of a big dramatic cryfest for me. But, I was guiltily enjoying watching him grovel, and he did deserve to have to demean himself, at least a little bit.
“I was an idiot.”
“We can agree on that,” I said. “Do I want to know how you found me?”
“A man has his secrets.”
I uncrossed my arms and recrossed them, the same way guys in movies always reload loaded guns for emphasis. It worked.
“If you have to know,” he said. “I got your sister’s number out of the phonebook--yes, they still exist in the dark corners of the world. I called her, made some threats, then offered up some bribes, and got her to tell me where you’d go if somebody pissed you off.”
“I’m impressed Candace actually figured it out.”
"Well, don't give her too much credit. The first place she told me was the ice cream aisle at the grocery store near your apartment. They still had a full stock of Rocky Road, so I ruled that one out. You're grinning. Is that a good sign?"
"No," Grammy interrupted. "She does not forgive you after that sorry excuse for an apology, is she?”
I cleared my throat. “Of course not.”
William glared at my grandma. "You know, Hailey said you are always learning new slang words. Ever hear the phrase ‘cock block?'"
“Yeah, I think I read that one in Mark Manson’s bestselling book last year.”
William and I both gave her a confused look.
She pointed to Leonard, who looked up from his cards and gave her an equally confused face.
She groaned in frustration. “I told you, Leonard, you old skid mark. When I say that line, you tell people the title of the book.”
"Well, I forgot the damn title."
“It’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Okay? And now the punchline is ruined, thanks to Leonard.”
“Anyway,” William stood and dusted off his knees. “Maybe this would be better for us to finish in private.”
“Not too private,” Grann
y warned. “You don’t let him in your pants again until he earns it, Hailey. You hear me?”
I pretended I didn’t as I followed William outside. It was a nice day, and there were plenty of trees to shield us from the late afternoon sun. Grammy’s retirement home was out in the New York countryside, which was way prettier than most people realized.
“Do you want me to get back on my knees?” he asked. “Because I will.”
I shook my head. “No. William, I’m going to be honest here. It was a real wake up call when you accused me of all that. I don’t think it’s going to just go away because you say you’re sorry.”
“I’m not expecting it to. That fuck up is on me, but hey, what better way to start a relationship? We can only go up from here, right?”
“Well, no, technically it could get worse. You could keep me prisoner in your basement and start saying ‘it puts the lotion on its skin.’”
“I wouldn’t do that. I’d say, ‘hey, here’s some lotion. Can you put it on your skin so your skin suit is more supple when I wear it?’”
I laughed. It was so obnoxiously hard to stay mad at him. “Can you go back to being a bastard so I can stay mad at you? Please?”
“Only if it leads to angry makeup sex.”
“It won’t.”
“Then no. I’m going to keep trying to make you forgive me, even if it takes days.”
“That’s all it’s worth?” I asked with raised eyebrows. “Days?”
“Days. Plural. I could be talking about thousands of them, which is what I’d be willing to spend making it up to you.”
I chewed on the corner of my lip and sighed. “I’ll forgive you if you can convince me I’m not a total pushover for it.”
“Oh. Easy. Do you have any idea what kind of effect I have on you?” he stepped closer and tucked some stray hairs behind my ear. “Who could blame you for forgiving me?”
"That move is not fair," I said. "The hair behind the ear trick is like written into women's DNA as a heart-melter."
“I know,” he said in a playfully seductive voice. “It’s almost as effective as whispering sweet nothings in a woman’s ear. Just like this.” He leaned in close. “Sweet nothings,” he whispered.
Despite the ridiculousness of it, just the brush of air against my ear made a chill run across my skin. “That was so lazy.”
“Okay,” he said, leaning back in and whispering. “How do you plan on getting me into bed?”
"Well," I said, watching as my hands moved up seemingly on their own to touch his chest. "Right now, the plan is pretty simple. I let you keep thinking you need to show me your moves, even though I already decided to forgive you as soon as I saw you with that stupid bag of popcorn. I figure you'll eventually get to the moves that involve fewer clothes. Besides, how am I supposed to stay mad at you when you got my cherry to the face so hard it left you with a black eye?"
He leaned back a little, eyes twinkling. “Great question. If someone had told me this was all going to lead to you pounding me into submission with your cherry--to my face--well, I would’ve signed up even faster. And yes, I have a move or two that require less clothing. There’s the scorpion, for starters.”
“Do I want to know?”
“Maybe not, but this apology isn’t official until you experience it.”
“I’ll settle for a kiss.”
“Twist my arm, why don’t you,” he said, leaning in and kissing me.
He always smelled so good, and the first thing I noticed after the tender touch of his lips on mine was how familiar his scent had already become. I felt like I was where I belonged when I was so close to him. I could forget about losing my bakery, whether Nathan was done showing up in my life, or what Zoey might try next. None of it seemed important, because William was right there beside me. Corny? Yes. But I’d never been the corny type, and I loved that he brought it out of me.
We kissed with the sun on our necks and the rustle of trees above us. I tried not to think about the fact that it would be totally within my Granny’s character to have wheeled half the retirement home to the windows beside us to watch this whole thing play out. That was an image I was happy to push from my mind.
14
William
Hailey and I decided to stay in the countryside of New York for the day, and then the next day, and then the day after that. Hailey kept mentioning some contest she had to get to for the bakery in two days, so I promised I’d help arrange travel to get her and whatever equipment she needed there on time. I’d rented us a little cabin outside the small town where Hailey’s terrifying Grammy lived. It was a nice change of pace out here, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed the breath of fresh air.
We were walking by a lazy little stream while birds chirped and dappled bits of sunlight filtered through the trees. It was so cliche it was almost sickening, but I could see Hailey was enjoying it, and that was good enough for me.
“Look at us, having a normal date like normal people,” I said.
Hailey’s fingers were woven between mine like we were a couple of middle schoolers. “Speak for yourself. I am a normal person. You’re the crazy one.”
“Psh. I only have one clinical disorder. Don’t you at least need to have a couple to count as crazy? Besides, when was the last time you saw me steal anything?”
“Um, let me see if I can do this chronologically from the time you showed up at the retirement home. The bag of popcorn, the remote from the hotel that first night, my panties, the last bagel from that poor old man at the continental breakfast—”
“He didn’t have any teeth! What was he going to do with it, gnaw on it until it dissolved?”
“Maybe he had dentures back at his table. You don’t know.”
I grinned. “To tell the truth, I only saw he didn’t have teeth after I took it.”
“See! You’re a remorseless animal.”
“Now that’s just not true. An animal could never hope to reach my level of subtlety. No chance.”
“Your idea of subtle is being so unbelievably blatant about it that nobody thinks you could actually be serious.”
I shrugged. “Every man has his talents.”
She smiled, and damn did she look good—smiling, frowning, or scowling. She wore a t-shirt we’d grabbed from a truck stop and athletic shorts, mainly because neither of us had packed to come out here and stay, and the nearest legitimate clothing shops were too far away to bother. I’d refused to let her buy anything but the shirt that said, “These titties are taken by a sexy trucker.” My own was a dump truck with “Dropping Loads” printed above it. I’d found both shirts much more amusing than she did, but she indulged me and went along with it.
T-shirt or dress, she looked good, and it was a constant battle for me not to take her to the ground or the wall and have my way with her.
She licked her lips. “You have a few talents, maybe. But most of them are restricted to what you can do when the lights are off.”
“Wait, the sex was only good in the dark? Should we start putting a paper bag over my head?”
“Sometimes you’re exhausting. You know that?”
“I’ve been told. But I’m just getting started.” I took her by the wrist and led her to a tree, where I gently pinned her. We were relatively isolated out here. Our cabin was a half mile or so behind us, there were forested hills to our left and a valley split by the stream to our right. I highly doubted anybody from the small town would come wandering this way, but I guess it was possible that a hunter could mistake us for two animals in heat. Oh well. Life was about risks.
I lifted her shirt and bent to kiss her stomach while holding her wrists together over her head.
“Hey!” she laughed. “I thought I said your talents were best when the lights were off. There’s a pretty big light on right now.”
“Exactly. I’ve got to prove you wrong. You asked for this.”
She wiggled her eyebrows down at me. “Barbarian.”
I growled.
“A barbarian would undress you with his teeth. I’m more civilized than that.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be,” she said. Her voice had grown heavier already, and my cock sprang to attention like a soldier on speed. The troops had been on high alert ever since I took Hailey’s cherry in the lifeboat, and if she so much as gave me a sideways look, I was sporting a hard-on that would put a middle school boy in the girl’s locker room to shame.
“I love you when you’re dirty.”
We both froze a little. Whoops. Accidental “love” bomb. Definitely a party foul.
“And what about when I’m not?”
I swallowed hard. I had a long history of not taking much seriously, but it was hard to think of Hailey like that. She was serious. She was real, and I wanted to avoid fucking up with her more than I thought I’d ever wanted anything. “You might say I love you then, too.”
A slow smile spread across her lip, then she bit at the corner of her bottom lip. “Maybe I feel the same way about you.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I… I love you, too.”
I didn’t expect the rush of warmth that fluttered through my chest. Frankly, I felt like a little bit of a pussy for it, but I was about to engage in the most manly act of manliness known to man—eating pussy, so I didn’t dwell on it. It was a little odd that the cure for being a pussy was to eat it, but wiser men than me had established the rules of manhood, and I wasn’t about to question them. In all honesty, my manhood didn’t seem important right now. I just felt happy.
I stood up and lifted Hailey by her waist like I was doing a shoulder press.
She laughed, gripping my hands and leaning forward so I almost lost balance and fell backward. Instead, I sort of crumpled at the legs and she came toppling down on me. "Is this where you make some bad joke about falling head over heels for me?"
Her Cherry Page 14
