Hard To Love (Rockin' Country #4)

by Laramie Briscoe

  “I don’t want you to be.” He reached over and grabbed her hand. “I don’t deserve a second chance. Fuck, I don’t deserve to even be sitting here with you right now, but you’re the only person I can tell this shit to.”

  A part of her heart, the part that hadn’t been broken, fluttered when he admitted that. The other part of her heart, the one that had broken and was still healing, told the fluttering feeling to fuck off. “I want to hear this, I do, but I can’t watch you go down that path again.”

  He rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. “God help me, Shell, I don’t plan to.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  * * *

  “I’m not a bad mom for wanting this. Right?” Hannah spoke to her reflection as she examined her body in the mirror.

  She wore a tank top and a pair of shorts that showed just the curve of her ass cheeks. Anticipation was killing her as she waited for Garrett to get to the house. He’d texted her almost thirty minutes ago telling her that he was leaving the rehearsal space.

  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. “You’re not a bad mom for this.”

  She felt stupid talking to herself, but she didn’t want to interrupt Shell, because she’d already done that by asking her to watch her son. Texting Stacey was out of the question, she didn’t want to talk to her sister-in-law about her brother in the carnal way, and there wasn’t anyone else she trusted. Instead, she squared her shoulders and leaned down, running a hand over her leg. Yup, smooth as it was twenty minutes ago when she’d gotten out of the shower.

  “C’mon, Garrett.” She tapped her dark-colored fingernails against the granite countertop of their bathroom. Just when she was about to give up, she heard the garage door open and Havock’s excited barking.

  Not sure how she should greet her husband after all this time, her heart sped up in her chest. Should she be on the bed? Should she meet him on the stairs? Should she not do anything? Months of not having the time to touch him were getting to her. She’d never been this unsure in her life.

  Her contemplation was taken out of her hands when the door to the bedroom opened and they faced one another. Sexual tension was as thick as it had ever been, and Hannah didn’t know what to do.

  “Hi.” She waved, a smile on her face.

  That’s when Garrett took off the sunglasses he’d wore all the way up the stairs. And by the look in his eye, she knew she was in trouble. He strode towards her with a purpose, grabbing her by the ass and picking her up so that her legs circled his waist.

  * * *

  Garrett could barely see through the haze of sexual need as he felt her cling to him for dear life. All he knew was that he’d walked in the bedroom, and there had been his wife, standing there like a wet dream, wearing a white tank top and white shorts that were almost indecent. Gone were all the thoughts that had kept him from doing this before. He didn’t have one ear open, listening for EJ. He wasn’t worried about hurting her incision.

  His only concern?

  Getting his cock inside of her in the next two minutes.

  Burying his hands in her hair, he tilted her mouth so that he could take possession of her lips. Those lips could bring him to his knees when they wrapped around his length, turning him on as she deep-throated him, or when she said something sassy when he wasn’t expecting it.

  “Fuck, Han, I’ve missed you.” He pulled back, moving the edge of the tank top down so that her breasts were exposed to his eyes. With one hand, he lifted the globe up this mouth, using his tongue to circle the hard flesh, nipping lightly as she moaned against him. “I’ve missed this.”

  “I missed you and this too.” She clung to him like he was a life raft in the middle of a tumultuous ocean.

  In a way, that’s what he felt like. His body wasn’t his own anymore. It was now ruled by lust and his dick. Walking her over to the bed, he laid them down, not letting go of her flesh. His head moved this way and that as he sucked on the nub, using his teeth to inflict a bit of pain with her pleasure before soothing it with his tongue.

  She pushed up against him, grinding herself against the tent in his jeans. “I can’t wait, Garrett. The first time doesn’t have to be perfect.”

  He pulled away, gazing into her eyes. “There will be more than once?”

  “Oh yeah, Shell’s got him for a few hours. As wet as I am right now—this first time may only take a few minutes.”

  Garrett was on the verge of arguing that he’d be lucky to get his cock completely inside of her before he embarrassed himself, but they were married, and they were doing this together. Smashing their lips back together, he moaned, thrusting his hips towards her.

  Her hands fought with his, releasing his belt buckle and pushing his jeans down his legs. With one fist, he grasped his shirt and pulled it over his head, wanting to feel her skin against his. Leaning back in, he made a circle around her other nipple with his tongue. Trying to lift it deeper into his mouth, his fingers kept getting caught in the fabric of the tank top.

  “Fucking thing,” he cursed as he ripped it straight down the middle, finally exposing her body like he wanted to. Next up were her shorts, and when he had trouble with those, he ripped them too. Leaving her naked to his eyes.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he told her, running a hand along her stomach.

  “Even with stretch marks?” she asked in such a way that said she was joking, but he could tell by the very serious look in her eyes that she meant it.

  “Those stretch marks turned us into a family. There’s nothin’ more beautiful than that.”

  She didn’t have time to respond. He sunk his length inside of her, causing both of them to moan loudly. His thumb moved to the center of her body, strumming against her as he found a shaky rhythm.

  “I wasn’t kidding, babe. Forgive me this time.” He thrust inside of her, withdrew, thrust again, and groaned deeply as he found his pleasure.

  “Me too, almost there.” Hannah breathed deeply against him through her nose as he latched onto her neck, thrusting through his orgasm.

  The last thing she expected him to do was withdraw completely and enter her with two fingers, keeping his thumb on her clit. He worked her, entering, withdrawing, and strumming. On the third sequence, he felt her body tighten, and her nails dug into his forearm, holding him tightly against her.

  Both of them panted as they lay back against the pillows.

  “Now that that’s out of the way,” Garrett grinned over at her, “we can really get down to business.”

  She shrieked as he captured her flesh in his mouth again, thrusting himself against her. She grinned. This had been the best idea Shell had ever had.

  Chapter Fifteen

  * * *

  “I haven’t watched this since you left,” Shell admitted, with a smirk on her face “It scares me to watch it by myself.”

  Jared laughed. The First 48 had kind of been their thing. That and any crime show they could find. It wasn’t unheard of for them to marathon an entire season of SVU in a weekend. “You always were a bit of a scared Susan.”

  “This shit is real-life,” she protested, sitting up straighter on the couch.

  “It is.” He nodded. “That’s what makes it so interesting.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “That’s what makes it so fucking scary.”

  He opened his arms wider for her, and she did what she’d wanted to do all night—sink into them. It by no means meant that things were perfect, and they both knew it was a learning process. Tonight, she wanted to feel protected. She didn’t want to have to keep up appearances. Tonight, she didn’t want to hold onto her anger.

  Closing her eyes, Shell sank back into his arms, letting this transport her to a different time. The time before she knew what he looked like fighting for his life, the time when she didn’t question if he loved her or not, the time where all that mattered was sneaking off together. It didn’t mean AA/NA meetings or trying to hide her heart.

  Leani
ng her head back against his chest, she let herself sink into the fantasy.

  * * *

  Jared tried to concentrate on the show that played on TV, but he couldn’t. All he could think about was the woman in his arms, the smell of her shampoo in his nose, the perfect way she tucked under his chin. Back before his OD, he’d taken this for fucking granted—he hadn’t know how long it would be before she was lying against his chest, re-claiming her spot. He’d never take that shit for granted again.

  He stretched his legs out on the couch, getting comfortable with her soft body against his hard one.

  “We’ll be able to hear him, won’t we?” He hitched his chin in direction of EJ.

  She laughed. “Oh yeah, little man’s got a nice set of lungs on him. We’ll hear him, don’t worry about that.”

  They lapsed into silence, and Jared let his mind wander. Immediately his thoughts went back to when he was in rehab, and he would lie in bed at night—that was the worst time. He missed the guys, he missed playing his guitar, but mostly he missed her. Closing his eyes, he could see the smile on her face, the love in every expression she gave him. He tried not to think about the pain and fear the last time they had been together at the club. It didn’t do anything besides make him wish he’d been a better man.

  Reaching down, he grabbed her hand in his, stroking her palm and using his finger to write her notes. He hadn’t done this since high school, and even then it’d only been to try and get in the girl’s pants. Hi, he wrote with the tip of his finger.

  “Hi.” She giggled back to him.

  Thrilled that she got the game, he smiled to himself. You’re hot.

  “So are you.” She turned so that she lay on her side, able to see his face.

  He stopped the game for a second. There was something that had been weighing on his mind, and he had to ask her. In reality, he knew he had no right, but it was something he had to know.

  “I’m a bastard for asking you this, but it’s something that’s bothered me.” This had, the entire time he’d been in rehab and pushing her away. He’d had to do that for himself though. For once Jared had to concentrate on Jared, in a very health way.

  Accommodating as ever, she looked into his eyes, so fucking trusting. “I’ll answer whatever you need me to. Anything to help.”

  “Was there anybody else? Did I push you away that hard?” The question was asked softly. He immediately felt her stiffen and wanted to punch himself in the face. “No, you don’t have to answer that.”

  “I will because you asked, but I honestly can’t believe you asked me this. Is your self-esteem that shot, because I never took you for someone who needed this kind of reassurance.” Her eyes flashed an irritated glare at him.

  “We all have our fucking hang-ups.”

  She closed her eyes and counted to five, calming herself down. “Since I met you, there’s been no one else but you. You’ll never have to know how I feel sharing you with something else.”

  He situated himself back on the couch, feeling more comfortable in his skin. “Thank you, not only for being faithful to me, but for the honesty too.”

  Shell turned her attention back to the TV, and he could tell by the set of her shoulders that he’d irritated her. He couldn’t help it though; there were things he had to know. She let him grab her hand back, and he used his fingertip to make a few more words.

  Turning around, she grinned up at him. “Lord, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, but I love you too. Take this slow with me, and please don’t hurt me again.” Her feelings were plain as day on her face—along with the fear.

  They both knew he couldn’t make promises he might not be able to keep. “We’ll take this slow.”

  She flopped back against his chest, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. He wrapped his arms around her neck and pulled her close. He was right where he wanted to be, right where he needed to be, and he hoped like hell he didn’t fuck this up.

  * * *

  “He was really good,” Shell told Garrett as she helped him get EJ strapped into his carrier a few hours later.

  Jared had just gone home, and Garrett had texted her to let her know he was coming to get his son.

  “I’m glad. Thank you again for watching him.” He leaned in and gave her a hug.

  She hugged him back. “You’re welcome. He’s a good baby; I don’t mind at all. If you two ever want a night alone again, just let me know.”

  A blush washed over his face, and she couldn’t believe it.

  “Stop blushing in my house and get the fuck home to your wife.”

  He laughed, flashing his dimples at her. “I’m about to, but while I got you alone. How was Jared?”

  She’d waited for this. Garrett was as concerned for his friend as the rest of them. “He did great. I think this time he might actually kick this habit.”

  “I want to believe that.” Garrett ran a hand over his chin, scratching the new growth of whiskers. “But it’s going to take more than a few months for me.”

  “He’s gonna have to prove it the rest of his life,” Shell answered quietly. “But we have to make sure we don’t stifle him because we’re worried he’ll relapse.”

  “You’re right.” EJ shifted in his carrier, making a face in his sleep. “I better get him home. Thank you again.”

  “No problem.” Shell saw them to the door and watched as Garrett strapped EJ in the Land Rover and they pulled out of the driveway.

  Alone again. The story of her life lately. Things, however, seemed to be looking up.

  Chapter Sixteen

  * * *

  “Here’s something else we got at the fan page.” Shell handed Hannah a piece of paper she’d printed out from Facebook. “It’s talking about a charity auction for a little kid with cancer. I’ve done some research on it, and it’s legit. They’re asking for you to donate some stuff. We have those old tour shirts, and I think there’s some old programs too. You could sign them, and I could mail them off for you.”

  Hannah was reading over the piece of paper as she fed EJ, who sat in her lap. “My God, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. This breaks my heart,” she said as she read over the request.

  “I know.” Shell sighed. “My thoughts immediately went to EJ, which is why I thought you would want to help.”

  “Yeah, most definitely. See what you can get from the warehouse, and I’ll be more than happy to sign it.”

  Shell grabbed her folder and looked through it. “That’s all that we have that’s pressing right now. Next week we may need to go into the office; there are a few contracts that have been presented. You’ll want the legal team to look over those, though.”

  “Sounds good,” Hannah said as she grabbed a cloth and wiped up EJ’s mouth. “You done?” she cooed to him as she moved the bottle from his mouth and picked him up to begin burping him. “So have you decided what you’re going to do about Asia?” she asked as she patted his back.

  Shell put her stuff back in her bag and turned to face the mother/son duo. “I’ve decided not to. I really want to, but I don’t want to be the only girl there. Stacey’s not going, and you’re staying here. Jared and I are still kind of weird with one another, and I’d need support dealing with him.”

  “What about the support he needs dealing with the tour?” Hannah fired back.

  “Don’t go all mama bear on me about Jared. He’s my problem, not yours.”

  Hannah wrinkled her nose. “If you think he’s a problem, then that’s a problem. He’s not; he’s a human-being who’s trying to make his life better.”

  Shit. “I didn’t mean it like that. I truly didn’t. Now you’re putting words in my mouth and making assumptions.”

  “Look, I’m going to be honest with you.” Hannah finished burping EJ and set him back down in his carrier, handing him a toy to play with. “He’s still very vulnerable.”

  “You think I don’t know that? He’s not the first person I’ve loved that’s had a
n issue like this.” Shell was getting sick of Hannah talking like she didn’t understand the importance of the situation. “I’m vulnerable too. Just because he’s the one who decided to end it all, doesn’t mean my feelings don’t matter.”

  “I know, and you’re right, but you have to be mindful of the words you speak. That’s all I’m saying.”

  Shell counted to herself, trying to calm down. That’s how she’d made it through the past few months. Counting to herself when she seriously wanted to lay into people. “I will, but I won’t let him walk all over me.”

  “I’m not asking you to,” Hannah reiterated.

  “As long as we understand each other.”

  “We do,” Hannah agreed.

  * * *

  “What brings you here today, Jared?” his sponsor asked. Malcolm was a man he’d met on his second day in Nashville, and he’d been a savoir. When things got to be too much, he could call Malcolm and he would meet him. No matter the time, no matter the place. It was nice to be a priority in someone’s life. Today that time was seven o’clock in the morning at a park in the heart of Nashville.

  “I leave for Asia tomorrow.” He took a drag off the cigarette he held in his hand. “It’s my first time on the road since rehab, and Shell’s not coming with me.”

  Malcolm whistled between his teeth. “That’s scaring you?”

  “Fucking terrifies me.” He threw his cigarette down and got up, snuffing it out with his shoe then pacing. “We’ve been to Asia before. I clearly remember the things I did over there the first time. They treat us like Gods over there—the only place they worship us more is fucking Brazil. Anything we ask for, they give us. There isn’t one person who will say ‘no’.”