“What’s going on in your head?” He saw the pensive look on my face.
“Just wondering where we go from here? If we can be open to each other?” It was the honest truth. He wasn’t the only one that was tight-lipped on some topics.
“What do you want to know?” Taking my eyes off his tattoo, I moved my head upwards slightly to see his eyes.
“I just wanna know you. So, anything I can get?” He looked over my face, maybe trying to make the decision or not. I wish I knew.
“I’ll tell you my story, you tell me yours?” Tell him my story. Was I ready for that? I’d been keeping it all inside; I didn’t know what was going to happen when I let it all out.
“I’m scared.” I was. Once I said it, it would be real. All of it.
“I’ll throw you a lifesaver.” I smiled at this remark. Our whole drowning together, and being a lifeline thing, has become a staple between us, it seemed. But I believed him. He would help me if I needed it; I could rely on him to be my lifeline. At least for now.
“Okay.”
“My story, then.” He closed his eyes and his arm that was around me tightened briefly then let go. I knew this was probably hard on him, but he was so strong. Stronger than I think he even realized.
“Grew up in a nice family. No siblings. Wanted to join the military, parents didn’t like that, threatened to never talk to me again if I did. I figured they were just trying to manipulate me into going to college, so I was surprised when I came back on leave and they refused to see me. My grandma Martha was the only one who still talked to me. Two years later, we were on a nighttime run, and were attacked.” He paused, and I could see he was reliving it in his head. My lips pressed a kiss against his warm skin, letting him know I was here in the present. His eyes opened and found mine.
“Everybody died. I tried rescuing my mate Lonny, but he ended up getting shot, and my back got burnt to hell from an explosion taking out the Hummer.” Tears formed in my eyes. I knew it was something horrible that happened to him. Thankfully he wasn’t tortured like I’d thought before, but this wasn’t much better. People died. People close to him.
“Grandma visited me every day at the VA, and when I was done with the military, I moved in with Joel until I could figure out what to do with myself. It started small, going on road trips to help him get cars and shit. Got a beat-up old rig, and word got around about who Joel the movie star and Lucas, Grandma’s lover, used to transport their cars, and it just sort of built itself ever since. When Grandma died, she left me all her money, and left instructions for me to get a new rig. Been driving ever since.” You could hear it in his voice, that he was proud of the life he created. I just wish it wasn’t such a lonely life for him, beyond his interactions with Joel and Lucas. He probably liked it that way, but it still made me hurt for him to not have anyone else.
“I’m sorry for your pain.” He kissed my forehead.
“We all suffer, one way or another. I’ve been content to let a cloud hang over my head. Don’t bother me none.” I hated those words. He didn’t deserve to have a cloud over him. He deserved the sunshine. Sunshine!
“Why sunshine?” I felt it in my bones that I needed to hear what he was going to say.
“Caught on. Despite being okay with my cloud, you bring a little sunshine into my world. It’s nice to bask in.” My heart melted for him.
“Your turn.” He changed the subject abruptly, seeming uncomfortable with the direction it had taken.
“I guess it is.” I sighed, and snuggled against him closer, ready to take a leap toward moving on to a brighter future.
Chapter Nineteen
Livia
“My twin brother died a month and a week ago. Car accident.”
“Livia.” Killian’s voice was soft; he knew this was hard for me.
“He was hit by a family who tried to avoid a deer, rolling over his SUV. The family was okay; no one was seriously injured. But my brother suffered a punctured lung, broken bones, and bleeding in the brain.” I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing when his bloodied and bruised face entered my head.
“He was such a happy person all the time. We were always goofing off together. He loved to travel and experience new things. I ended up being the reserved one out of the two of us.” Killian’s hand started rubbing my bare back in comfort.
“We had twenty-eight hours with him before the bleeding became too much, and then he was gone.” I cried so hard that night. My brother was gone. I’d never see his smiling face again. Never listen to him tell me that I needed to grab life by the horns and all. He wanted me to leave Lane, to get out and live life. I was having dinner with Lane and his proper family when I got the call from Mom. I wanted to be at the hospital the whole time, but Lane talked me into waiting because I promised I would be there for dinner. Guilt for not being by my brother’s side had consumed me for days.
“He was like you, in a way. But smiled more.” I tried to lighten the air a little.
“He traveled everywhere he could. Always tried to get me to go, but I always found an excuse not to. Busy working. Gotta make money. Gotta spend more time with someone. Always something.” That was the problem.
“There’s always something people put in the way of their own happiness. You can always make more money, you can always work somewhere else. It was something he tried to teach me over and over. I just couldn’t listen. Instead I lived with a man I don’t think I ever loved. I think we were more like roommates than anything. I ran my own little beauty product shop, which I enjoyed, but I don’t think it was my true passion. It just sort of happened.” I wanted to stop talking. I could feel all the pain was settling in my muscles from talking about it all. But I couldn’t stop now. It was like my brain wouldn’t let me.
“After he died, Lane tried to get me out of my funk by inviting some friends over. One of them, I never cared for, but he was Lane’s golf buddy from the club. He tried to force himself on me that night.” Killian’s whole body tightened like he had been electrocuted. I had to quickly add to my story before he went into a fit of anger that I could see stewing in him.
“He didn’t get far. Lane walked in, and accused me of cheating on him with his friend. Me, cheating on him. Not even thinking that his friend tried to rape me. In that moment it was like everything became clear. I left him, and the house, to live with my parents. I sold my shop and decided to take to the road. Julian, my brother, loved the road, and I thought I would maybe find peace in it like he had.” The rest of the story was easy, and I was almost done, so I just kept on, feeling a small smile on my face.
“My car broke down at the truck stop.” I snorted a laugh, thinking about how stupid I’d been not checking anything before my trip.
“I’d been talking with a few of the truckers when the idea hit me, to ride along with someone whose life was the road, so I could figure out what I was going to do about my wrecked life, and they told me you were the only one leaving. My only salvation. That brings us to here.” I lifted up to really get a view of his face, and maybe some insight to what he was thinking about everything. I didn’t mean to get everything out like that, but it just started flowing, and I was helpless to stop it. I wanted him to know everything. So now he did.
“I found peace on the road, Killian, because of you.” I prayed I wasn’t scaring him away by saying that. He sat up and I rose with him further, wondering what he was thinking.
“We ain’t talking about that shithead ex ever again, get me?” His voice was hard but not menacing.
“Okay.” I could agree to that. I’d wasted more time on him than I should have already. His fingers ran through my hair, grazing against my cheek.
“You’ve got the world at your feet, Livia. What are you going to do?” he asked in a serious tone. I wish I knew how to answer him, but I didn’t even have the answer for myself.
“I don’t know.”
“You live it.” His finger moved on to trace the line of my nose, then to rub his thumb a
gainst my swollen lips.
“You live for those who lost theirs. You live for those years you wandered, not giving life your all. You live for your future. It took me a while to get over the death of my team. The guilt that I lived, and they all died. It may not be what others may want to do with their life, but I’m living it the best I can. You can do whatever makes your heart soar, and gives your soul peace.” He was right, undeniably right.
I leaned in and kissed his lips, thanking him for guiding me on my path to self-discovery.
Chapter Twenty
Killian
We touched, we worshipped, and we fucked. Everywhere. The rest of the day was spent debasing every surface in the cabin, as promised. When her cheeks would flush from thinking about somewhere we had taken one another, it just riled my dick up for more. She’d woken a beast in me. Never had I wanted a woman as much as I wanted her. She was making me completely insatiable. Ever since she told me her story, I couldn’t help but think of places she would love to see. She told me she had never left Florida before this trip. Without my knowing, she’d placed her first sights of the U.S. in my hands. There had been so many experiences I had gained over the years of driving. I had taken to exploring all the states I passed through at least once. But all my time, unless Joel did it with me, I was alone. She had me, and even though we still had a timeline of a month, I would figure out ways to help her realize how much she truly shined.
Lucas stopped by an hour after Livia finished sucking me with her glorious lips. I returned the favor and savored the taste of her sweet sex. She was wild, and I had a nagging feeling she had never given this side of her to anyone but me. I held her in my arms afterwards until she started to yawn, and then fell asleep. I’d say she had earned herself a nap.
“I see you are using the cabin well.” He gave me a knowing smile as I opened the door.
“Thank you.” I took the plate from his hands that he had outstretched towards me.
“It’s cake—Linda and the grandbabies made it.”
“Great.” I set it on the table and turned back to the man who had sort of become a father figure to me.
“She’s a good girl, but has a wild spirit. Like Martha.” I tilted my head to the side. I guess in some ways she was like my grandma.
“Don’t let that girl go, Killian. Women like her are one in a million. Loyal, kind, adventurous, and will love until she takes her final breath.” He was pinning me with a look that told me he knew all about having that type of woman and having lost her as well.
“She goes back to whatever life she wants in almost three weeks. I go back to the road.” The thought of our time ending gave me a sinking sensation in my stomach.
“That girl is your destiny, Killian. Fight it, and deny it all you want. I see what I had with Martha in your eyes. La lumière de votre vie.” Light of your life, he said. He didn’t know just how right that last part was. She was a light in my normal dimmed existence.
“Thanks, Lucas.” I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She didn’t have a life with me beyond our deal. I doubted she would want anything that I had to give her, long term. Sleeping with me in the truck for the rest of her life? I could give her the temporary enlightenment of traveling, but once the awe faded and her desire for roots supersedes the nomadic life? What then? Her once bright light would be diminished, and I’d be left with a scorched heart.
“La meilleure chose que tu apprendras jamais est d'aimer et d'être aimé en retour.”He put his hand on my shoulder, perhaps to push some of his own life experiences and courage into me. But his words fell upon an already broken mind.
“Remember my words. See me before you leave in the morning, okay?” He gave me a light pat, before turning to leave.
I stood there, wanting to go back to Livia’s sleeping form, and wanting to drink away Lucas’s words of foreshadowing.
Love was something I had never been open to. But if today was any indication of things to come, falling for her would be effortless.
His words played over in my head as I was drawn back to the bed to lie with her.
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
“Nature Boy” by Nat King Cole. My grandma’s theme song for Lucas, the love of her life.
**
“I’m sad we had to leave Montana so soon. Lucas was really sweet. I’d love to see him again.” Livia was curled up in her seat with her drawing pad in her hands, ready to let loose on the paper.
“Maybe one day.” I didn’t want to make any promises.
After Lucas left last night, I held Livia into the night, and then when we woke up this morning, she got in one last playtime in the snow before we went to say goodbye to our host. He gave me his best knowing look, but I ignored it. I heard his words, and I was putting them in a box in my head, not ready to think about them.
“That would be nice. So, Detroit to grab cars from the big car show, then where to?” She flipped open the pages of her little notebook, and started focusing on the lines she was drawing.
“New York.” She looked up at me with wide eyes at my answer.
“Oh, that’s so cool! Julian loved New York. He spent a few weeks there after high school.” The weight that had seemed to be hanging over her shoulders appeared to have lightened after telling me her story. She wasn’t in tears talking about her lost twin, and so far so good on not mentioning her idiot ex, either. I call it progress.
“Ever wanted to go yourself?” Talking with her was a little easier now, not that I would become a Chatty Kathy like her in my lifetime. But I was more open to conversing if it kept her talking about herself and what she wants.
“I’m more of a nature girl than a city girl, but I always thought it would be cool to see a Broadway show. It will be nice to be there for a short time, if that makes sense.” She looked at me and I nodded. I didn’t care for the big cities either. Too busy, too loud. I usually turned on my CB radio to hear the other truckers talk about what was going on in the area so I could avoid any unnecessary issues there.
She squirmed in her seat every few minutes and I grinned, knowing why.
“Having trouble over there?” I smirked, and she rolled her eyes at me.
“Yes, yes. Your giant dick abused my lady bits, making me sore. Happy?” Yup. I was very happy about that. The tinge of pink on her cheeks told me that it made her happy, too.
“Fuck, yes.” I grinned while keeping my eyes on the road.
We settled into a comfortable silence of me driving, and her drawing. It was something I hadn’t realized I’d found peaceful until now.
We were getting close to the Montana and North Dakota border when she told me she needed to pee. I looked at the GPS and knew we weren’t going to be near civilization for another half-hour.
“No place to stop.”
She pursed her lips in thought.
“The ground is covered in snow.”
“Yep. It’s either the snow or I’ll find a jug in the back.” I found this conversation oddly amusing, even though I wasn’t kidding one bit.
“Fine, just pull off the highway and look for a nice hidden spot I can pee in.” I pulled off the next ramp, and watched as she tromped through the eighteen inches of snow, all bundled up, to a cluster of snow-covered bushes. Figuring I might as well piss too, I donned my gear and hopped out.
Then I heard her scream. I took off running towards her, zipping my pants back up as I ran. I skidded to a stop when I saw her on the ground, legs in the air, pants around her ankles, and her bare ass exposed to the snow.
“A bird flew out of the bushes and scared me! God! I think I fell in my own pee!”
I hadn’t laughed so hard in years. The more I watched her, flailing in the snow, the funnier it was. I dropped to my knees in the snow, tears of laughter leaking from my eyes.
“You’re laughing! You’re so mean! Help me out of the snow!” she cried out, and I couldn’t do anything other than hold my now-cramping sto
mach.
“Killian! I’m going to get frostbite on my ass and vagina!” She tried rolling out of her little snow drift, but was legitimately stuck because of her pants restricting her legs. Taking pity on her, I rolled over and stood, grabbing her hands and helping her up. She was scowling at me, and it had none of the effects she was hoping for. She’d be fine, no harm done, except for the lingering stitch in my abs.
With a huff, she pulled her pants back up and stomped back to the truck. I followed her and tried to get my laughter under control by reciting state capitols in my head. When I hopped back up in the truck, all silly feelings disappeared when my eyes landed on her braless tits and underwear-clad ass.
Maybe stopping every once in a while to touch her on our journey wasn’t such a bad idea. We could be quick, right?
Chapter Twenty-One
Livia
I heard him move from his seat and knew what was coming. I spun quickly to face him and saw his hungry eyes on me.
“Nope, you don’t get to just let me sit there, with my vagina hanging out in the snow, and think you are going to get lucky.” I wagged my finger at him with a serious look on my face. I was so embarrassed that he had seen me like that, not to mention feeling gross now from my encounter with yellow snow. I turned back around and grabbed some wipes to clean up my legs and ass.
“I think you’re underestimating my power of persuasion,” he purred behind me, and I could feel the heat coming off his body, warming my slightly chilled skin. I knew he was taking in every inch of me that he could, and while I knew I would probably give in, I could pretend I wouldn’t for a little while.
“Nope. You can go back to you driver’s seat now.” I pretended to shoo him off, when I felt his mouth on my shoulder. His lips were so warm and sweet as they nibbled along my flesh.
“I think you’d rather have me lick that sweet pussy instead.”
Long Drive Page 9
