by Ruby Dixon
“You lie,” Maylak says, a frown on her face as she stares at Claire. Then she looks over at me. “Asha, she lies, does she not?”
I shake my head, groaning as I squat over the birthing mats. Both the healer and my friend are here to distract me as I give birth. My long pregnancy has been a calm one, but as the birth nears, I have grown more nervous with every passing day. My kit has bounced around inside me, reminding me that it is well, but I cannot be calmed. I think of Hashala and all the things that could go wrong. Even my poor Hemalo has been beside himself with worry. Ereven has taken him hunting for the day, just to get him out of the howse so I can strain over the birthing without him hovering over me. “She does not lie,” I tell Maylak as another ripple moves through my belly, and the urge to push grows stronger.
“Truly!” Maylak’s mouth drops open.
“It’s true,” Claire says, chuckling. “I swear to god, humans do that. Mouth on dick. I mean, you can put your mouth other places, too, but that’s the most popular one. Ereven didn’t like it when I sent my mouth exploring. He likes it one spot, and one spot alone.”
“Where else would you put your mouth?” I ask Claire, curious. Another ripple moves over my belly and I hiss, because this one is stronger than the last.
Claire’s face turns bright red. She gets up clumsily from her seat and offers the kit in her arms to the little girl sitting next to Maylak. “Esha, will you take Erevair to Georgie’s house? I think Asha’s baby is coming very soon.”
Esha gets to her feet, all long blue legs and spindly arms, just like her mother was at that age. She reminds me of Maylak, growing up, and I think again how competitive I always was with the quiet healer. She has been a good friend throughout my long pregnancy, and strangely enough, I feel we are closer than ever. Esha takes Erevair from Claire’s arms, hugs the kit close, and then gives me a small smile as she leaves.
“Let me feel your belly,” Maylak says, moving to my side. Claire is heavily pregnant with her second kit, but Maylak is lean and thin, and I am envious of her compact body. I feel like a bloated, fat quill-beast. Her hand presses on my stomach, and then she nods. “The kit is ready to come out. You can push at any time.”
“I am going to push anyhow,” I snap at her. “Everything inside me is trying to push its way out.”
Claire just giggles.
“And you,” I tell her balefully. “What is it you licked that your mate did not like?”
Her laughter chokes in her throat, and she starts talking about human foods, of all things. As she babbles about something called a sah-lad, another ripple contracts over my belly and I groan, because everything is hurting and needs to come out. The tension in my body feels like a cord pulled to its breaking point.
“Keep going,” Maylak murmurs in my ear, her hand on my shoulder. “Another push and we should see the head.”
I am suddenly full of anxiety. What if my kit is too small to accept a khui? What if it does not live for long outside the womb again? What if—
Another spasm takes over my body, and I scream, bearing down hard. Maylak voices encouragement, and Claire moves to my side, ready with the birthing blankets to catch my kit.
“There he is,” Maylak says, and I strain again. Then everything seems to happen at once, and I feel the heavy weight of the kit slide from my body. Claire catches him neatly with the blankets and cleans his mouth out as I pant, dizzy. The cord is cut, and both females move quickly.
“Is he well?” I ask. He is silent. So silent. Is he moving? Breathing?
Claire gives the tiny blue foot a little tap, and then an angry cry splits the air. My kit howls furiously, his lungs strong. I laugh happily, tears streaking down my face. He is just as outraged as can be, my kit. Claire cleans him off and hands him to me as I sit back on the furs, exhausted. “It is a girl,” Claire tells me gently.
Oh.
I take my kit—my daughter—into my arms, and I cannot stop weeping. She is beautiful, this angry little girl. Her body is fat and healthy, and her fists wave angrily in the air as if she is furious at the cold. Her skin is a deep, healthy blue, and she has her father’s proud nose and a tuft of thick black mane crowning her head.
“She is perfect,” Maylak says, pride in her voice. “Very strong. She will have no trouble with a khui.”
No, she will not, this one. I think of Hashala, and how small and weak she was. This daughter is just as beautiful, but the strength in her makes my heart ache with joy, and a little pang of sadness for what my Hashala did not have. I nuzzle my daughter close, my emotions choking me too much for words. I am filled with such love and hope. I weep happily as the angry little one grips my finger in her tiny ones, her face scrunched up furiously as she bleats about how much she dislikes the world she now finds herself in. It is not so bad, I think to her. I will make it good for you. And wait until you meet your father. You will love him. He will spoil you so.
“Do you have milk?” Maylak asks, her hand still on my shoulder as she sends her healing through me.
I nod. I do. I open the front of my tunic and tuck the kit against my teat. She roots against my nipple and then latches on, and the tears flow again.
I do not stop weeping even as my body expels the afterbirth, or as the females help me clean up. I cry through sips of tea, and I eat between sniffles. I ache and am sore, and I am also happier than I have ever been. My daughter is perfect. I cannot wait to show her to her father.
“Do you have a name?” Claire asks as she tucks me into the blankets. My eyes are starting to droop with sleep, but I am not letting go of my daughter. I am going to hold her all day and all night…and possibly until she is Farli’s age.
I nod wearily at Claire. “I think so.”
She smiles, not pressing, and squeezes my hand. “So happy for you, my friend. Your daughter is beautiful.”
“She is, is she not?” I touch the tiny little horn buds. Everything about her is perfect.
There is a distant shout and more noise at the far end of the vee-lage. Claire gets to her feet, ungainly with her large belly, and gestures at the door. “That might be the hunters returning. If they are, I will send Hemalo your way.”
I nod absently. I am too lost in my daughter’s beauty, admiring the tiny fingernails at the tip of each small finger. Hemalo should be here, I think. He will want to hold her and welcome her into this world. He needs to hold her to his breast and feel his heart mend, like mine is. “I will never forget your sister,” I whisper to my new daughter. “But it does not mean I will love you less. I will give you everything I could not give her…and more.”
The privacy screen is flung aside, and Hemalo storms in. His eyes are wild, and he is covered in snow. His normally smooth mane is disheveled. “Asha?”
I put a finger to my lips and then beckon him forward, feeling peaceful and so full of love. “Come greet your daughter.”
He falls to his knees where he stands, as if all the strength has left his body. “A girl?”
I nod slowly. We have dreamed of this day for three seasons, but in all of our dreams, we imagined a boy. “I am going to call her Shema,” I tell him. “Do you like it?”
He staggers forward, half-crawling to my side, and then sits on his haunches. He stares at her in my arms, wide-eyed. “She is so big.”
I chuckle, because she is. She is healthy and stout, my Shema. “Do you want to hold her?”
“More than anything.” His voice is hoarse, and his hands tremble as he extends them. I hand her gently over to him, feeling a pang of loss as he takes her from my arms. It dies away the moment I see the sheer joy on his face, the tears shining in his eyes as he gazes down at her. “Hello, Shema,” he whispers. “I am your father.”
My heart is full.
Author’s Note
The feels. Oh, the feels! I had so many of them when writing this book! I wanted to be respectful to the topic of losing a child, but at the same time, I also didn’t want to put readers into a book-long grieving sessio
n. It’s a fine line to make the story intriguing, romantic, and still hopeful, and I hope I kept you entertained.
One housekeeping note - in a prior story I mentioned that Asha and Hemalo’s baby was named Shemalo. In every story after that, the baby was called Hashala. I try to keep vigorous notes on the tribe, but some stuff slips through my fingers. I’m sorry! I’m fixing the earlier book and for clarity’s sake, we’re going with Hashala. I hope it’s not too confusing.
Some of you might ALSO be gnashing your teeth at the fact that I leapt ahead 3 years in the storyline! How can we possibly skip ahead when there’s so much going on???? I know, right? I feel like I lost those three years myself! But at the same time…it needed to be done for a few reasons. For one, I couldn’t leave Asha wondering and worrying, book after book. Even I’m not THAT cruel. I wanted to show her and Hemalo happy and their arms filled with joy. Second, Farli’s story is next, and she has to be adult-aged before we see her with her hero. And her story DOES come next in the timeline, and some important stuff goes down. :)
So, yes, we skipped ahead. By the time Farli’s book starts, we’re probably going to be 5-6 years post-original crash. You might notice that my people list has now been updated with ‘unnamed kit’ in several spots, and other couples might have also had more children, but I haven’t named it because we haven’t ran across it yet in story. I like to hold my cards close to my chest like that! Will we go back and fill in some of the stories in between that we missed out on, like Josie’s baby or Liz and Georgie’s second births? I do want to, but I’m also trying not to shower you with super-short stories, because let’s face it - who wants to read a short story when you can read a full book? But there’s still more stuff to cover, so we’ll see. I like leaving myself options, even if I don’t like leaving the characters.
As for why Claire was given a POV (point of view) in this book — I felt like part of Asha’s story was that she’d walled herself off from the tribe and the new human population for so long that she was more alone than ever, and I wanted to give her a friend. I originally thought to include Claire because I wanted to add the holiday fun in, and in my mind, barbarian holidays are narrated by Claire. But! Once I added Claire in, I realized that they would be perfect friends because of Claire’s past with Bek and how she hid away from the tribe when she was unhappy. She, of all people, would understand Asha’s actions, and I love that she turned into a BFF and defender of our prickliest sa-khui lady.
I’m sure someone out there is wondering why Ereven had no POV then, and well…sometimes people just don’t talk to me. That sounds weird and precious even to my own ears, but it’s true. When I write, it’s like a character is yammering in my ear, and Ereven is just so…chill. He doesn’t have much to say because he’s a happy, easy guy. Claire was the one with the story, so she was included. I hope that makes sense. Will we ever see a story from Ereven’s POV? Just like Ariana and Marlene, once they start speaking to me, I’ll write it down. Right now Farli’s been shouting pretty loudly (actually for a few books now) so she’s next in the lineup.
On one final note, this book is dedicated to all my mamas out there who have gone through the loss of a rainbow baby. So many of you have written to me about this and I hope the story was not too painful to read. I’m thinking of you, ladies. <3
Ruby
The People of Ice Planet Barbarians
As of the end of Barbarian’s Hope
Mated Couples and their kits
________
Vektal (Vehk-tall) - The chief of the sa-khui. Mated to Georgie.
Georgie – Human woman (and unofficial leader of the human females). Has taken on a dual-leadership role with her mate.
Talie (Tah-lee) – Their baby daughter.
Unnamed Kit - Their 2nd child.
_______
Maylak (May-lack) – Tribe Healer. Mated to Kashrem. Mother of Esha and Makash.
Kashrem (Cash-rehm) - Her mate, also a leather-worker.
Esha (Esh-uh) – Their young daughter.
Makash (Muh-cash) — Their newborn son.
_______
Sevvah (Sev-uh) – Tribe elder, mother to Aehako, Rokan, and Sessah
Oshen (Aw-shen) – Tribe elder, her mate
Sessah (Ses-uh) - Their youngest son
_______
Ereven (Air-uh-ven) Hunter, mated to Claire
Claire – Mated to Ereven, pregnant with a second kit
Erevair - Their first son
_______
Liz – Raahosh’s mate and huntress.
Raahosh (Rah-hosh) – Her mate. A hunter and brother to Rukh.
Raashel (Rah-shel) – Their daughter.
Unnamed kit - Their 2nd child.
_______
Stacy – Mated to Pashov. Mother to Pacy, a baby boy.
Pashov (Pah-showv) – son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli and Salukh. Mate of Stacy, father to Pacy.
Pacy – Their infant son.
_______
Nora – Mate to Dagesh, mother to twins Anna and Elsa.
Dagesh (Dah-zzhesh) (the g sound is swallowed) – Her mate. A hunter.
Anna & Elsa – Their infant twin daughters.
_______
Harlow – Mate to Rukh. Once ‘Mechanic’ to the Elders’ Cave.
Rukh (Rookh) – Former exile and loner. Original name Maarukh. (Mah-rookh). Brother to Raahosh. Mate to Harlow.
Rukhar (Roo-car) – Their infant son.
_______
Megan – Mate to Cashol. Mother to newborn Holvek.
Cashol – (Cash-awl) – Mate to Megan. Hunter. Father to newborn Holvek.
Holvek – (Haul-vehk) – their infant son.
_______
Marlene (Mar-lenn) – Human mate to Zennek. Mother to Zalene. French.
Zennek – (Zehn-eck) – Mate to Marlene. Father to Zalene.
Zalene – (Zah-lenn) – Baby daughter to Marlene and Zennek.
_______
Ariana – Human female. Mate to Zolaya. Mother to Analay.
Zolaya (Zoh-lay-uh) – Hunter and mate to Ariana. Father to Analay.
Analay – (Ah-nuh-lay) – Their infant son.
_______
Tiffany – Human female. Mated to Salukh. Mother to unnamed kit.
Salukh - Salukh (Sah-luke) – Hunter. Son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli and Pashov. Father to unnamed kit.
_______
Aehako – (Eye-ha-koh) – Acting leader of the South cave. Mate to Kira, father to Kae. Son of Sevvah and Oshen, brother to Rokan and Sessah.
Kira – Human woman, mate to Aehako, mother of Kae. Was the first to be abducted by aliens and wore an ear-translator for a long time.
Kae (Ki –rhymes with ‘fly’) – Their newborn daughter.
_______
Kemli – (Kemm-lee) Female elder, mother to Salukh, Pashov and Farli
Borran – (Bore-awn) Her mate, elder
_______
Josie – Human woman. Mated to Haeden and new mother.
Haeden (Hi-den) – Hunter. Previously resonated to Zalah but she died (along with his khui) in the khui-sickness before resonance could be completed. Now mated to Josie. New father.
Unnamed kit - Their 1st child.
_______
Rokan (Row-can) – Oldest son to Sevvah and Oshen. Brother to Aehako and Sessah. Adult male hunter. Now mated to Lila. Has ‘sixth’ sense.
Lila – Maddie’s sister. Hearing impaired. Resonated to Rokan.
Unnamed kit born.
_______
Hassen (Hass-en) – Hunter. Previously exiled. Newly mated to Maddie.
Maddie – Lila’s sister. Found in second crash. Newly mated to Hassen.
Unnamed kit born to them.
_______
Asha (Ah-shuh) – Mate to Hemalo. Mother to Hashala (deceased) and Shema, newborn daughter.
Hemalo (Hee-muh-low) - Mate to Asha. Father to Hashala (deceased) and Shema, newborn daughter.
Shema (Shee-muh) - Newborn girl.
Unmated Elders
_______
Drayan (Dry-ann) – Elder.
Drenol (Dree-nowl) – Elder.
Vadren (Vaw-dren) – Elder.
Vaza (Vaw-zhuh) – Widower and elder. Loves to creep on the ladies.
Unmated Females
_______
Farli – (Far-lee) Teenage daughter to Kemli and Borran. Her brothers are Salukh and Pashov. She has a pet dvisti named Chahm-pee (Chompy).
Unmated Hunters
_______
Bek – (BEHK) – Hunter.
Harrec (Hair-ek) – Hunter.
Taushen (Tow – rhymes with cow - shen) – Hunter.
Warrek (War-ehk) – Tribal hunter and teacher. Son to Eklan (now deceased).
Ice Planet Barbarians Reading List
Are you all caught up on Ice Planet Barbarians? Need a refresher? Click through to borrow or buy and get caught up (or add to your keeper shelf)!
Ice Planet Barbarians – Georgie’s Story
Barbarian Alien – Liz’s Story
Barbarian Lover – Kira’s Story
Barbarian Mine – Harlow’s Story
Ice Planet Holiday – Claire’s Story (novella)
Barbarian’s Prize – Tiffany’s Story
Barbarian’s Mate – Josie’s Story
Having the Barbarian’s Baby – Megan’s Story (short story)
Ice Ice Babies – Nora’s Story (short story)
Barbarian’s Touch – Lila’s Story
Calm - Maylak’s Story
Barbarian’s Taming – Maddie’s Story
Aftershocks (short story)
Barbarian’s Heart – Stacy’s Story
Barbarian’s Hope - This book!
Next up…
Barbarian’s Choice (Farli’s Story)
Ruby Rec - Markon’s Claim
