Ruth’s chin lifted a bit. "I thought it was worth the risk."
"I’ve been wondering all morning why you’d do that."
"Because Joe’s special, Dana. He’s right for you. I can feel it in my bones."
"He’s just another guy." She could barely utter the lie. After a month of talking online and several days of his company, he’d become much more than that. Did she regret, now, getting close to him? She couldn’t answer that yet.
"No, he’s not just another guy. He means something to you. I’d like you to think about forgiving both him and me."
"I forgive you, of course. I believe your motives. How could I not after all we’ve been through together?"
"You need to forgive him, too."
Dana’s heart began to ache. "I could forgive him. God knows he must be hurting over the memories. His dad’s illness had to affect him deeply, Ruth. And I must remind him of it, bring those memories to the forefront for him."
"So you feel sorry for him?"
"Of course I do."
"Enough to keep seeing him?"
She glanced away, knowing the answer to that, one which hurt her heart. "How can I date a man who lies to me? How can I risk losing my heart and then him trampling on it again?"
"Honey, he risked dating you, and you made a lie of omission."
"Yeah, I guess. This seems different. Maybe it’s because I’m so afraid of getting hurt."
Reaching out, Ruth grabbed her hand as she’d done a million times in the past. "Oh, sweetie, life’s so short. I learned that when John died. You don’t have as much time as you think." Ruth sighed and drew back. "But after today, I promise not to interfere anymore in your relationship with Joe—after I tell you what else I did." Now she looked really worried. "I’m afraid it’s something you’re going to be even angrier about. I, um, did it rather rashly."
"What did you do?"
"I called Leona Moretti, Kara’s mother, and told her Kara would be accepted by the studio for the fall."
"I hadn’t decided about that yet, Ruth."
"I know, but I was afraid you’d punish the girl because of Joe. Dana, dancers like her don’t come around often. She deserves your instruction."
What a mess! Now Dana would have to deal with seeing Joe three times a week. Maybe his ex-wife could bring their daughter and pick her up. And why on earth did that thought, and the thought of never seeing him again, hurt so much?
Frustrated, Dana ate, of course, then went out to tell Joey’s daughter the good news. Kara’s absolute joy was the only thing that gave her a bit of respite from the fog shrouding her day. It took all her energy to conceal her feelings from her students. And she was going to need even more strength for the confrontation she knew was coming with Joe.
When the workshop ended, the girls went to the changing room, all atwitter with the news that Kara would be joining them full time when the fall session started. Dana wheeled to the office. Ruth wasn’t there, but Kaelyn was, sitting at Ruth’s big computer.
Dana entered the room unnoticed because the girl was enthralled by what she was watching. Dana was about to speak so she wouldn’t startle the child, when she caught site of what was on the screen and recognized the music.
Dana’s throat closed up as she saw herself executing pirouette after pirouette. The slicing pain of loss cut through her stomach, her heart, her soul. She could barely take in air as she watched herself leap up for a series of tour jetés across the stage floor. And she went totally weak as she witnessed her healthy legs, with the grace of a gazelle, do arabesques in front of a standing audience.
Then Dana did something she hadn’t done in years. She burst into tears.
***
HIS ARM ONCE again in a goddamned sling, Joe strode into the studio fifteen minutes early, hoping to catch Dana while Kara was changing and getting her things together. Even if his daughter was ready, he was sending both his girls to wait in the car. His shoulder hurt like a son of a bitch, and he could kick himself in the butt for having gone on the call, for letting his anger about Dana cause him to do something so stupid. His recovery was interrupted and he would definitely take shit from the chief for disobeying a direct order. At least he’d subdued the drugged-up kid, who had just been accepted into Cornell University, and was fighting with his mother about going to college. Literally, fighting. He’d knocked her to the floor because she’d given him grief when he’d told her he had to find himself before any more school. The woman had been rushed to the hospital with serious injuries.
At the doorway to the office, Joe found a shocking tableau: Dana’s back was to him. Kaelyn whirled around and said, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Miss Dana. I’m…what did I…?" She stopped, glanced back at the computer screen and burst into tears. It took Joe a moment to note that Dana was also crying. It took another moment to see why.
Superstar Dana Devlin whirled across the stage behind his daughter in living, breathing, beautiful live action. He was momentarily mesmerized by her gracefulness, strength and talent. By how her calves bulged with effort and her legs tautened when she leaped.
Before he could move, Kae saw him. "Daddy, oh, Daddy, I did a bad thing." Sobs now. "I’m so sorry. Miss Ruth told me not to.…"
Shaking himself out of the trance of watching Dana dance, Joe hurried across the room, yanked his arm out of the sling and scooped up Kaelyn. A pain so acute it made him dizzy shot through his shoulder; he groaned with it. None of that mattered, though. He cuddled Kae close. "Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm."
"I made Miss Dana cry. I made her cry. Ruth told me not to play these in the office, but I found one I hadn’t seen before. I’m sorry." She buried her face in his good shoulder.
Joe crooned to his daughter as he turned around and looked at Dana. She’d calmed and wheeled to the computer to shut off the DVD. When she faced him and he saw her cheeks were wet, her eyes red, he wanted to hold her in the worst way. But he was a father first, before anything else.
Finally she spoke. "Joe, bring Kae over here." At the same time, she put down the arms of the chair. When he hesitated, she said, "It’s okay. Trust me."
Still holding his child, Joe crossed the room and whispered, "Here, Kae. Miss Dana wants to talk to you."
Kaelyn peered over her shoulder, then released the stranglehold she had on his neck. Joe bent down and settled his daughter in Dana’s lap.
As natural as summer rain, Dana hugged Kaelyn to her breasts, smoothed down her hair and whispered, "Shh, baby, shh."
"I’m sorry…" Hiccup. "Miss Dana."
"I know you are. And I didn’t mean to upset you by my reaction."
"Ruth said you never watch them; she told me I could take them home if I wanted to see the ones I never saw, but I did a bad thing and put it on here."
Joe watched Dana hold his daughter close, run her hand down Kae’s back and croon to her. Then she said, "Honey, if this is the worst thing you do in your life, you’re really lucky."
Kaelyn seemed to get that. She quieted at the words and a few others of forgiveness. Finally she pulled away and looked Dana in the face. "Honest to God?"
Dana smiled. "Honest to God." She wiped Kaelyn’s cheeks with her thumbs.
Standing across the room, watching what had just unfolded, the anger drained from Joe and he realized that there was no way in hell he was letting Dana go without a fight. Sure they had problems, and he’d caused some of them. But he wasn’t giving up on a woman like her, a woman who could so easily put the needs of a little girl she’d only known a week above her own.
***
DANA OPENED HER front door to Joe, who stood on the porch, looking like he’d been beaten up. And in a way, he had, emotionally. The atmosphere was so charged, she was almost afraid to say anything. Finally, she managed, "Come on in. I thought we’d sit on the patio."
Gone was the teasing, flirty man she knew. Soberly, he said, "Sounds good."
He followed her out to the garden she’d
had put in and carefully tended. She often went to the space to feel better. A profusion of yellow-and-white daisies, red-and-white roses sprang up from the ground, and geraniums spilled out of pots along the flagstones. Two trellises sported climbing ivy on one and wildflowers on the other.
"This is beautiful." He sounded anything but enthusiastic. "It suits you."
"I love sitting out here."
He took a chair opposite her at the tile-topped table she rolled under. She frowned when she studied him. "Before we start, tell me why your arm is in a sling again."
"I guess the Moretti world is full of mistakes these days." He explained about a domestic-violence incident at the home of a well-known doctor in the area.
"Oh, Joey, why did you go on the call?"
"I was mad."
"At me?"
"I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe just at myself. I’ve been anxious to get back to my job, anyway, and they were shorthanded…" He let the words trail off. "Honestly, I can’t believe I did something so stupid. I never let anything interfere with my work."
"I see. How’s Kaelyn?" She could still hear the girl sobbing uncontrollably, see her wrapped up in her father’s arms. Joe’s innate reaction to comfort and not yell said a lot about him as a person.
"She’s okay now. Leona wasn’t happy she was so upset when I brought the girls home, but Kara ran interference. They are such great kids."
"I couldn’t agree more."
Joe leaned forward in his seat. "Listen, Dana, no matter which way this goes between us, I want you to know how grateful I am that you were so sweet to Kae. It means more to me than anything else in the world."
He was such good man. Could she really give him up now? Lord knew she didn’t want to, but would she ever be able to trust him to tell her all the truth? "Did Kara tell you what Ruth did?"
"Yes. I know that further complicates things between you and me. Honestly, Dana, I don’t want to hurt you anymore." He reached over and grasped her hand. "Did it kill you to see the tape of yourself dancing?"
"You know, it really hurt. But it was good for me."
"Oh, Lord, how?"
"I’ve been disappointed in myself that I could never watch the recordings before, but seeing them changed that for me. It wasn’t good for me to see myself dance. Now I won’t feel bad for not watching them."
"I’m so sorry. For what it’s worth, my mom has old video tapes of me playing football. I never watch them, either."
"Now, back to Kae."
"She meant no harm. She wouldn’t intentionally hurt you or Ruth for anything."
"I know, Joe. And I don’t want to hurt her. Or you. Make sure she knows all is forgiven."
"With me, too?"
Her heart clutched in her chest and she felt her eyes well. God, what was this with the tears? She’d hadn’t gotten so emotional in years, but since she’d met this man the feelings were flooding out of her. "Forgiveness comes easily. I'm just not sure our relationship will work out after all. I was so optimistic after the last few days…."
His face set in stern lines, he stared over her head, where she could hear a bird at the feeder. "I was, too. I want you in my life." Now he looked at her, those blue eyes brimming with emotion. "Is there anything I can do to make that happen?"
"I honestly don’t know."
"Is it the trust thing?"
"Partly. But I’ve had some time to think about your father." She linked his fingers with hers. He held on tight. "As I said, I’m familiar with the illness, Joe. More than one person in my rehabilitation center had it. One guy had kids and they were traumatized, which was why he put himself in there."
Joe sighed deeply. "Honestly, it was absolute hell for me as a kid. But Dana, I don’t think this affects you and me."
"You can’t be naïve about this. Of course it does."
"Your situation isn’t the same as his."
"No, it isn’t. I won’t deteriorate if I keep to my exercise and diet regimen. But your dad’s infirmity had to shape your outlook. You became a cop like him. You’re a fitness nut. You have an inordinate drive to protect people, because you couldn’t protect or help him."
He leaned back in the chair and sighed heavily. "You sound like a therapist."
"Maybe. I’ve had lots of counseling. Did you ever get any?"
"Yeah, Mom made me and Spence see somebody when Dad got sick."
"As an adult?"
He shook his head. She was hoping he had. She was hoping for a way out of this mess. Perhaps if he’d worked this out somehow in his adult life… Though he’d spurned the notion of his unconscious affecting his present, she knew wounds buried deep would resurrect the more time she spent with him. And those would affect their time together.
At her silence, he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. "Please, Dana, give us another chance. Let me prove myself to you."
Suddenly, Dana realized she wanted to do that more than she wanted to breathe. But though her arduously built emotional armor was dented, it was still in place. "I can’t, Joey. At least, not right now."
His eyes were so bleak, she couldn’t look in them.
"I need some space. To see if I can find my way around what’s happened."
"I’d rather we found it together. That you let our relationship play out. I’ve overcome what effect you think my experience with my dad had on me."
"No. We’ll have to do it my way."
He took in a deep breath and let it out again before he spoke. "All right. I promise, I won’t go back on my word. I won’t contact you before you’re ready."
She gave him a sad smile.
"How much time do you need?"
"A week maybe."
"Hmm."
"What?"
"Spence is getting married in two days. I wanted you to go as my date." He rushed on to say, "I checked out St. Peter’s Church. It’s on East Avenue. And it’s accessible."
What a sweet, sweet man. "Fine. I’ll decide by then."
His jaw hardened in an attempt, she guessed, to hold in emotion. Then he stood abruptly. "I need to go." He walked around the table, bent down and brushed his lips over hers. Then he said only one word.
Please.
Chapter 9
* * *
BY SATURDAY MORNING, Dana was bereft. In a particularly bad moment yesterday, she’d called Joey and copped out by leaving a message.
I can’t do it. I’m sorry.
She glanced at the calendar on the desk off to the side in her bedroom. Today was Spence and Annie’s wedding. A lovely day for it. Outside, the sun shone brightly and the trees swayed in the beautiful end-of-summer morning. Dana forced herself to confront how she was acting. Or wasn’t acting. Had she make a mistake by ditching Joey? It was unfair, and unusual, for her to be so indecisive, but she’d vacillated so much on whether or not to see him again that her head was spinning.
So she struggled for stark honesty. Could she risk entwining her life with somebody she couldn’t trust? Yes, maybe she could make that leap and Joe could prove he wasn’t holding anything back anymore. But as she’d told him, the larger issue was whether or not Joe could ever truly be happy with her after witnessing his father’s illness, experiencing the trauma of it and living with the inevitable scars it had left him with. Wouldn’t Dana and her limitations bring back those wounds every time he looked at her? Would his memories prevent them from being happy together? Then there was the original issue of her risking a relationship with a man who posed those potentialities. Coming out of her shell to date was hard enough, but picking someone with Joe’s baggage upped the stakes immensely. Maybe she’d rather return to her life before him than open herself up to hurt like Joe was capable of giving her.
Who knew she was such a coward! Despite the fact that she’d ended the relationship, the thought of losing Joe made her ill. She already missed him a lot. Leona, a beautiful woman with blond hair and a killer body, had brought the girls to the workshop, and Cole and Spence had taken
turns picking them up. Joe had respected her wishes to stay away, but unfortunately, that made it easier for her to cop out.
Damn it! Damn it! Goddamn it! Dana was sick of second thoughts, sick of what her decision to not see Joe said about her. The overwhelming cowardice of it made her roll to the closet, yank open the doors and look up at the high shelves, where some fancy dresses she used to wear were stored. Without analyzing what she was doing, she got the pole with a large hook on its end out from its spot, snagged a box on the top shelf and let it tumble down to the floor in front of her.
Bending over, she picked the thing up, set it on her lap and opened the lid. Hmm. This one was her favorite dresses. Dusty rose, ankle length, sparkling with white, appliquéd flowers and rhinestones. Matching shoes were nestled beneath the dress. Removing the outfit from the tissue paper, she rubbed the silk against her cheek. A faint scent of her perfume still lingered on it. The last time she’d worn this dress, used the perfume, she was at her peak in dance, with the confidence of a prima donna.
Had that woman died in the accident? Or had Dana lost her in the aftermath? Was she responsible for discarding the person she used to be? The notion shocked and disgusted her.
With the dress and shoes on her lap, she wheeled over to her mirrored vanity table. Facing herself, she admitted something about the woman who stared back at her. That woman was tired of living in the cocoon she’d created for herself. That woman had come a long way in overcoming obstacles and starting a new life. Glancing down, she knew that woman, who’d worn this dress, was capable of anything. Sure, there would be easier men to mesh her life with. But she didn’t want to open up her world with anyone else. She wanted to do it with JoeyD. Did she have the courage and emotional stamina to go forward? Or was she going to cower in the house and let this opportunity go?
And then another thought struck her. Dana had a choice in which direction her life would take now. She rubbed the arms of the chair. She’d had no choice when the accident happened, she couldn’t fix that. But she could choose to risk a relationship with Joe. Looking back into the mirror, she said, "I’m no coward," turned and rolled into the bathroom.
Wounded Heroes Boxed Set Page 33
