He hadn't intended his voice to sound so harsh. In truth, he just figured it was easier to let her know right from the get-go that he wasn't going to be played with. He wasn't her charity case. It was one thing to be dragged to a show and give a few words of encouragement to an old friend like Stokes. It was something entirely different to commit to training someone who had absolutely no knowledge or love of the sport.
Cody loved cutting. It had been his life. He hated the idea that maybe she was toying with him.
If there was one thing he knew Lyssa had caught on to was that he loved his horses and he loved cutting. It seemed odd that she would play with him this way. And he realized in that moment just how much he'd missed training.
Part of him wanted to believe that Lyssa wanted to do this for herself. Sharing that kind of excitement with her was something he could do in the privacy of his own ranch. It was a good reason to get up each day, if only to share that much with her.
Her chest pressed against his as she drew in her breath and then she sighed. "I'm not playing with you, Cody. I just want to give it a try."
When he didn't readily answer, she sighed again. It was a soft sound, a slight whisper of breath. He found himself wondering what it would feel like against his bare skin, his face, his lips. Good God, he wanted to end all this talk so he could kiss her again.
"Look, I don't know if I'm going to love cutting as much as you do or be any good at all. I really don't. But I think it might be kind of fun. And I want you to be the one to train me."
"What about after you leave?"
Cody didn't really want to think about Lyssa leaving, much less talk about it. But it always seemed to be there, niggling at the back of his mind.
Lyssa hesitated and he had to wonder why. "I really don't want to think about that right now." Her arms tightened around his waist. "Right now I just want to enjoy being right here in your world."
"Okay, I'll do it."
Something about Lyssa's words gave him pause. He liked having Lyssa around. He liked it even better when he had her wrapped in his arms like she was right at that moment.
And yeah, in his arms for the rest of his life sounded real good. He liked Lyssa being in his world, too. But it also terrified him. He didn't want pity. He desperately wanted what they shared right at that moment to be real.
Chapter Nine
* * *
THEY SHOULD HAVE started earlier in the day when the sun wasn't so high and mightily cruel. The evenings teased with a cool chill that tended to make you believe spring was going to stick around just a little while longer. The days, however, were getting longer and hotter. The image of baking in the sun with her legs straddling an overworked animal wasn't too attractive to Lyssa.
But they weren't working outside. They were using the covered arena, which was cooler and more inviting. But if they had worked outside, it would at least hide the sudden attack of nerves that had her pooling with sweat.
They'd spent the morning in town with Otis. It seemed as though Otis and Cody had reached a level of comfort where Cody didn't need direction from Lyssa at all. She was just there. Just in case. Invisible again.
Something about that nagged at her like an insect bite. Sure, she was used to being invisible. But she found that she liked it a whole lot better when Cody knew she was with him. She felt like a part of him.
She liked being in his world.
Part of her knew it had been a bad idea to come to the ranch, even for all the good it did. The speed in which they'd managed to get through training was in part due to the enormous amount of one-on-one attention she'd been able to give Cody once he finally embraced the idea of working with Otis. He put his whole self into it and got back what he gave. For both of them.
She knew her dogs. She knew Otis was a special dog and that a kindred spirit moved inside both him and Cody. He had a sense of pride about him that Cody recognized. It was what made them the perfect match.
Pretty soon, a matter of days even, Cody wouldn't need direction from Lyssa at all. The two of them would manage as a team all on their own and they'd be fine. Without her.
Tamping down a pang of jealousy, Lyssa decided she was being ridiculous. She was beginning to think her life had turned into a sappy novel of sorts. Tears were common whenever she parted ways with one of her dogs. But the pride she felt, as well as the knowledge in knowing what the new handler and guide dog could accomplish together, always made up for any feelings of sorrow. Goodbyes were inevitable in every case. But the tears she shed were always happy ones.
That morning she'd woken wanting to burst into tears, but for entirely different reasons. Ones that were better off not explored. It was a lot harder to enjoy the time she had left knowing that the day she'd leave was growing closer with every sunrise.
She squinted as she stepped inside the door of the arena, pulling off her sunglasses to let her eyes adjust to the change of light. She stared into the arena, at the cattle Beau and Dirk had brought in, and she wanted to cry again.
What on earth had she been thinking when she'd asked Cody to train her? Had she lost her mind completely?
Well, that much was true enough. Every time Cody held her she was sure she'd lost her mind.
It had been a spur of the moment decision, an automatic reaction to his prodding about her not living her life. But on second thought...
No, she wouldn't cave. Feel the rush? Yeah, she wanted that again. That same sense of excitement she felt flying through the field that day when she'd all but forgotten her initial fear of riding. A fear that was replaced with the chilling thought of Cody about to become decapitated by a low-hanging branch if Sassy tore into those trees. For those few seconds, it had been exciting, nothing like anything she'd felt before.
But did she really have to prove herself by huddling among the cattle?
Cody was a man who had a lot to offer. He was good at what he did. She was in good hands. Cody's hands. And that was enough to ease her nerves somewhat.
"You have no choice," she told herself. "Your word isn't any good if you don't keep it."
"You feeling okay?" Beau asked as he came up alongside her on their way to where Cody and Dirk were standing. Otis, ever faithful, was sitting quietly by Cody's side.
"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"
"You're white as a sheet. Talking to yourself, too." Beau stopped walking as if to force her to stop and give him a second. He stared at her for a moment and said, "He's good, you know."
"I know that."
"What is it, then?"
"Nothing. I'm ready."
She said it as much for herself as for Beau. The last thing she wanted was for Cody to get wind that she was scared spitless.
She started toward Cody again and Beau followed alongside her.
"He won't say it, but he's as nervous about this as you are."
"I doubt that," Lyssa said under her breath. But apparently not quietly enough. Cody lifted his head in her direction. He'd either heard her mumbling or the sound of her boots. She wasn't sure which.
"You ready?" he asked. His face was a little skeptical, he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and then stopped as if catching himself.
Her heart jumped all the same. She could do this. She was in good hands. Cody's hands.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"You're not convincing me," he said with a quirk of a smile.
"Is that a requirement?"
His smile stretched out wide then, seeming to transform his whole face. "Lys, you've got nothing to prove."
Maybe not to you, she thought. Sighing, she felt her chest constrict even though she was forcing out the air. If one thing had become clear in the last few days, it was that she had a whole lot to prove to herself. She couldn't walk around being afraid of her own shadow anymore.
"It's just... last night it all seemed like such a great idea. Watching the others ride got me thinking."
"And now?"
"Now, I don't know."
&nb
sp; Her answer was as honest as she could be. She didn't want to back down from this.
"Cody, I've only just begun riding, for cripes sake. What the hell was I thinking? And now you're going to put me in the middle of all those cows as if I have a clue of what to do with them."
Her voice rose as hysteria bubbled up her throat. She drew in a deep breath of air in an effort to calm herself.
Cody chuckled softly, a sexy smile stretching his lips. "Lys, they're just cows. So what? You've only been riding a few times. Big deal." He adjusted his hat. "That just means you haven't had a chance to develop any bad habits I've got to help you break.
It wasn't at all what she'd expected him to say. "Really?"
"Yeah, I've trained lots of people who've had as much time in the saddle as you've had. It's not a problem at all."
He turned away from her and she heard his slow sigh. When he turned back, he sliced the air with his hand and said, "If you want to call this off—"
"No way," she blurted out quickly. She chewed her bottom lip. "Honestly, you think I can do this?"
"It doesn't much matter what I think, Lyssa."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me."
"Why are you doing this?"
His question shouldn't have thrown her off guard, but somehow it did. With a quick motion, she wiped her sweaty palms down the sides of her jeans.
"Because I want to."
"You said that. But why? It's obvious you're not standing there itching to get into that saddle. So what's making you?"
"You."
His shoulders sagged slightly and the rest of his body went rigid. It was clearly not the answer he was looking for. But it was honest.
"I told you last night. You said I wasn't living," she said by way of explanation.
He lifted his head. "That's really why you're doing this?"
"Yes."
She looked away and put her arm lengthwise along the rail, resting her head against it. He couldn't see her, she knew that. But she kept her face averted anyway.
"It's because I realized you were right. About everything. I don't like it very much, but I know what you were trying to tell me. I hide out. I use my dogs as a way to keep myself busy so I don't have to explore anything new. Anything about life that might... hurt me. I'm not much of a risk-taker."
She watched his face, waiting for his reaction, and wondered if he knew how much the truth of what she admitted had to do with her feelings for him. When Cody made no response, she added, "All those things I'm afraid of."
He nodded his understanding and a smile crept into his cheeks. Lord, he was so handsome when he smiled. It only fueled all those fears that had her pulling away from him that night when they'd danced and he'd first kissed her.
"It's okay to be nervous."
She wondered whether he was talking about getting back on the horse or about him. Being with Cody, it didn't matter where or how, it was as if she couldn't breathe.
Focus.
"Okay, let's do it."
"Riding a cuttin' horse is a lot like dancing. You and the horse are partners, you blend, become one. When it happens right it's real pretty to watch. Just like dancing."
Her cheeks flamed, thinking about that night when they'd gone to the club to see Brock sing. "You've already experienced my dancing."
He chuckled. "You're thinking too much again, Lys. You have to rely on feeling. But for now we're just going to talk a bit, get you used to what's going on, get you comfortable in the saddle."
A smile tugged at her lips. "And then we dance."
He smiled right back at her and she had to catch her breath.
"That's right."
Cody whistled, just as he had when they'd been out riding that first time and he'd called to Sassy. This time, Otis perked up and came alongside him. Cody bent down and gave him a word of praise, scratching behind Otis' ears before picking up the leash and giving him the command to move forward.
Lyssa stood a second, stuck in her tracks with a mixture of amazement and delight. When had that happened? When had the two of them connected so completely that Otis was now responding to a command she hadn't even taught him?
She moved behind them, confidence building inside her with each step.
One of the hands was bringing in a horse, already saddled and ready.
"I just assumed since Diesel E is the horse I've been riding that I'd be riding him today."
"We'd put you on Diesel because he's a good horse for a beginning rider. He's predictable and sound."
"Predictable. That sounds good to me. I like predictable."
"He's not a cuttin' horse though."
"There's a difference?"
"A big difference. This is Whole Lotta Magic. She's a pretty paint quarter horse. Most cutting horses are quarter horses, although there are other breeds that are trained to compete. She's an experienced horse. She was the first horse I worked with when I started training on my own and she did real well in competition. She knows what she's doing and won't rely heavily on you for direction. That's what you need now. It'll give you the chance to get comfortable in the saddle and get used to the moves."
"Okay. That just went way over my head."
"Don't worry. We'll take it slow."
"Maybe I should just watch Beau for a bit."
"No chickening out."
With a little help from Beau, she mounted Magic and moved in the saddle until it felt right.
"How does it feel?"
"Like I'm sitting in a saddle."
Cody tossed her a wry grin. "Don't be difficult. Think of yourself sitting in your favorite chair."
"Just as long as we're not talking about that chair by the pool."
Cody pulled his hat off and dragged his hand over his head. When he lifted his head again to reposition his hat she saw he was smiling.
"Fair enough," he said. "Now relax. I can tell you're about to jump right out of your skin."
Relax. That was easy for him to say. His boots were still firmly on the ground.
"You've got two riders who are going to keep the cattle centered in the pen. Just let things happen, don't try to make them happen."
Lyssa breathed in deeply and watched the cattle moving around, heard their groaning pleas to be left undisturbed, and was lost to what Cody was saying.
"You with me?" he asked.
"Yeah."
Still, she clung white-knuckled to the saddle horn as Cody took the reins and with Otis, led her into the arena. Cody gave commands to Otis like he was as used to working with a guide dog as with a horse. All the while he explained the basics of what Lyssa had to do.
"Everyone is as nervous as you before their run. Cuttin' is both physically and mentally draining, so you need to stay focused on what you want to accomplish. And that's to have a good time."
She peered down at Cody when he stopped at the opening to the arena.
"Okay."
As nervous as she was, excitement nevertheless roared through her.
"You still with me, Lys?"
"Comfy chair. I'm there," she said, giving him a thumbs-up she knew he couldn't see.
He chuckled. "Good girl."
Beau had already mounted his horse and was working with Dirk to contain the herd of cattle on the far side of the working area.
"I'm all set, Cody," he called out. "The rest of the riders are in place."
Cody explained the process of approaching the herd slowly, so as not to disturb the cattle. How to separate one cow from the herd and signal the horse.
"Once you've indicated to your horse which cow you want to cut, you need to loosen the reins, then your horse takes over. This is where the real action is, where a good cutting horse can show good cow sense. She'll be lightning quick, going head to head with the cow to keep her from returning to the herd."
"And what am I supposed to do while Magic's doing all that?" Lyssa asked, her head reeling.
"Think about your feet, darlin', and enjoy the ride."
They talked a bit more and as she listened, Lyssa wondered how on earth she was going to be able to remember all the things she needed to remember and still manage to stay in the saddle with all those quick stops and turns she'd seen the horses make at the competition. She'd be lucky if she didn't land face down in the dirt.
Cody seemed to sense her anxiety and a quick word or two, coupled with that high-voltage smile of his, put her at ease. Throughout, the sound of his voice, the rich tone that held an air of authority and reassurance, penetrated her and remained. It was enough to allay her anxiety, at least for the moment.
Then it was her turn to ride with Magic into the herd. Beau had pointed out a few cows that were slower and wouldn't be too hard for a first run. From the sidelines, Cody remained quiet, unable to see where she was or what she was doing. Still, she felt him there with her, heard his voice in her head, urging her on. His confidence in her made all the difference in the world.
"When you've moved your chosen cow out far enough away from the main herd, loosen the reins to give Magic some leeway to move," Cody called out from the sidelines.
And when Lyssa did, it all happened so fast. With a shock of adrenaline Magic bounded forward, heading off the cow. Lyssa held tight to the saddle horn with one hand and tried to remember where her feet were supposed to be. Still she flew back and forth, barely able to hold herself secure with each lightning-quick stop and then immediate turn in the opposite direction.
Her pulse pounded in her head, her breath caught in her throat. She held tight to the saddle horn, her eyes glued to the distraught cow in front of her who wanted nothing more than to get out of this horse's way. As if admitting defeat, the cow just stopped and turned away. Lyssa pulled up on the reins, signaling to Magic that the run was over.
It was only then that Lyssa felt a stabbing pain in her mouth and realized she'd sunk her teeth into her lip. But she didn't care. Her heart was pounding with a charge like she'd never known.
Wounded Heroes Boxed Set Page 112
