She pulled into the circular drive, parking behind Nick’s car. He was standing beside it. Glancing at the stately, two-story house brought on that surreal feeling again, but really she’d been wearing that hat ever since she’d presented her how-to-conceive-in-a-nanosecond research.
As far as bizarre moments went, that topped the list. But she’d felt it important to mention everything that could possibly expedite the process. She wanted to get pregnant right away for lots of reasons, not the least of which was not to see Nick after mission accomplished. It didn’t seem prudent to tempt fate too far what with her attraction to him still going on. The only way she’d managed to get through her sex notes was by keeping the conversation clinical and detached, as if she were talking about someone else.
But it wasn’t someone else temporarily moving into Nick’s house. It was her, the same woman who’d moved into this place seeing everything by the light of the stars in her eyes and the delusion that they were going to be blissfully happy there for the rest of their lives. She wasn’t sure which philosopher said the only thing we could count on was change, but the time came when she’d wanted to choke him. She hated change. It was almost always bad.
Bliss and happiness were elusive and highly overrated. Living in the real world wasn’t as much fun, but the highs and lows were smoothed out into straight and steady. She could live with straight and steady.
Blowing out a cleansing breath, she opened her car door and stepped onto the concrete drive separating the house from the landscaping. The dry riverbed running through the length of the yard was still dry and lined with smooth rocks. It was bordered by gold and purple flowering lantana bushes. Everything looked just as it had when she’d left. Nothing had changed but her.
“Why don’t I take your things inside?” Nick said.
His deep voice from behind startled her out of the bittersweet reverie. She turned and forced a big smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
After she unlocked her trunk and started to pull out her suitcase, he put a hand on hers.
“I’ll get it. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t gotten any lighter since I put it in there.”
“Thanks.”
His palm was big and strong, his fingers warm. The touch had heat pooling in her belly and flushing her cheeks. Twilight had dropped shadows over the craggy mountains not so far away, and she was pretty sure Nick couldn’t see how the brush of his hand affected her.
That was something else that hadn’t changed. But attraction without emotion was like a bow without an arrow—no power to wound.
It took several trips to carry suitcases, garment bags and toiletries into the house. He’d suggested she stay here while looking for a permanent place of her own and she’d brought a lot of clothes with her. The apartment was utilitarian and good for storage, but she’d be more comfortable in a house.
Looking around the two-story entry, she wasn’t so sure. Memories attacked from every direction. Nick carrying her over the threshold when they bought the place. The huge kitchen with granite countertops was especially bittersweet. He’d made love to her beside the stainless-steel refrigerator because his eyes went smoky, her insides turned liquid and they simply couldn’t hold back. In fact, the day they moved in he’d declared his intention to make love to her in every room of the house. They’d nearly met that challenge.
She scanned the family room with its big flat-screen TV and the dark green corner group in front of it. In spite of all her efforts to stop it, a big sigh leaked out.
Nick stopped beside her. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” Afraid he would see the lie, she didn’t look at him. “Why?”
“You’re awfully quiet.”
“Just checking out the old stomping grounds.”
He rested his hands on lean hips. His jeans were worn nearly white in the most interesting places. The long sleeves of his navy-blue shirt were rolled up, revealing wide wrists and a dusting of dark hair on his forearms. He always dressed casually, and right now was no exception. It also wasn’t an indication of whether or not he was working. He’d told her Carlton Gallagher was on call today, and she wondered if she should feel honored. Maybe tomorrow. “And?”
“What?” She was a little disturbed by how easily one look at him could annihilate her concentration.
“How does it look? Your old stomping grounds.”
“The same,” she answered truthfully. “I was just remembering how festive everything was at Christmas.”
The corners of his mouth turned up. “You mean with the tree in here instead of the living room?”
“Yeah.”
“I stand by what I said then.”
“As do I.” She could feel the warmth from his body and smell the slightly spicy scent of his skin. Quivers started inside her and rippled everywhere. Bumping up against the bittersweet recollections. “The decorated tree would have been fabulous in the front window as people drove by and looked at the outside decorations.”
“But we wouldn’t have enjoyed it.” He held out his hand and indicated the large room. “Here, we could see it along with a fire in the fireplace, watching TV, or eating dinner.”
His insistence was ironic since he’d hardly ever been there for dinner, nights in front of the fire, or watching TV together. But that was water under the bridge.
“You won. We did it your way.” She’d given in because making him happy was her goal. Now it was her turn to get what she wanted.
“Other than that, how does it look?” he asked.
“The same. And I’m a little surprised.”
“Redecorating isn’t my thing.” The teasing tone was missing from his voice.
Was he feeling nostalgic, too? Not the Nick she remembered.
“That’s not what I meant.” She looked up at him. “I’m surprised you didn’t sell the house after the divorce.”
“I had my reasons.”
The dark look in his eyes made her wonder. “Such as?”
“I didn’t get around to it, then the housing market tanked. Moving is time-consuming and it really doesn’t much matter where I get my mail.”
All practical reasons, she thought. If the situation had been reversed, she’d have sold it at a loss simply because it was too painful to share the space with the ghosts of what would never be.
“And I’m hardly ever here,” he added.
That wasn’t new information. It was time to move forward. Literally.
“So,” she said brightly. “Where do you want me?”
A sexy smile turned up the corners of his mouth. “Do I get a vote?”
She didn’t have to ask where his thoughts had gone. That made two of them, but she wasn’t here for that sex. This wasn’t personal.
“I meant which bedroom.”
“Take your pick,” he said. “Although there’s not really much of a choice.”
She walked upstairs to check it out for herself. The master bedroom was off the landing at the top. She peeked inside at the four-poster bed, matching oak dresser and armoire. A pair of running shoes beside the walk-in closet and a towel carelessly tossed on a corner chair indicated he still slept in here.
Ryleigh moved past the doorway and peeked into the room beside it. “This would make a great nursery.”
“That’s what you said the first time you saw the house.” His voice was husky.
That wasn’t something she would have expected him to remember, and the sweetness of it made her chest tight. “It’s a good-size room, close to the master. If the baby cried, one of us would have heard.”
“So you said.”
But it was still empty, a reflection of what her marriage had become. Not at all like her romanticized vision before she’d realized that being in love by herself wasn’t working for her.
She quickly checked out the other three bedrooms and realized he was right about not having choices. The room farthest away from Nick’s was the only one furnished. She’d wanted a comfortable guest room, just in case the
y needed it and had started decorating there. In her plan, the others could wait for the babies they were going to have. But plans changed and the family never happened.
“I’ll take this one,” she finally said.
“I figured.”
He went back downstairs for her things and she was glad to be alone. How ironic was that? She’d never felt like that when this was her home. So now she was over the first hurdle, the one she’d dreaded most. Facing down the past. Part of her had wanted to turn down Nick’s offer to stay here, but that would have given it importance, adding complication and breaking their cardinal rule.
Now she’d walked down memory lane and somehow felt more whole. Stronger. Unlike the immature girl who’d lived here before, she was a woman going after what she wanted. Until zero hour, she’d be sleeping as far from Nick as she could get. With luck it was far enough to keep any more memories from following.
On the up side—she and Nick never had sex in the guest room.
The night after moving into Nick’s place, Ryleigh juggled a pizza box in her hands, then rang the doorbell of her friend’s condo. Almost immediately it was opened and Avery O’Neill stood there in jeans and a royal-blue sweater. She had blue eyes, a blond pixie haircut that was incredibly flattering and she barely weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet. At just over five feet, she was shorter than Ryleigh. Almost no one was shorter than her. This woman was too cute for words, but Ryleigh didn’t hold that against her. They were best friends.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey you back.”
“Get in here.” Avery pulled the door open wider and took the pizza. She walked the length of the extensive tiled entryway and into the kitchen. The white cupboards topped with black granite were a big, bold look for her pretty petite friend. After setting down the box, she opened her arms. “Now for a proper welcome-home hug.”
Ryleigh squeezed her hard, then held her at arm’s length and studied the new look. “Love the hair.”
“Thanks.”
“It makes you look like a fairy, like you belong in a Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings book.”
“Spencer Stone calls me Tinker Bell.”
The doctor was the finest cardiologist at Mercy Medical Center and Nick’s best friend. Ryleigh still remembered the look on his face when he thought she planned to approach the guy to father her baby. It could have been jealousy. A girl could hope anyway. But probably it was just shock.
Her friend was the hospital controller and handled the day-to-day hospital money issues. They’d met when Ryleigh was executive assistant to the administrator. “Is Doctor Drop-Dead-Gorgeous still giving you a hard time about all the cardio equipment he wants to buy for Mercy Medical Center?”
“Always,” her friend said.
“If he was a pediatric cardiologist I might be able to help you out. But he’s a big-people doctor.”
“Yes, he is. And likes to brag that he fixes broken hearts.”
“He does.”
“And he’s good at it,” Avery admitted grudgingly. “If he weren’t it would be a lot easier to dislike him.”
“But you manage?”
Her friend shrugged. “He hits on women like crash dummies hit windshields.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“Not for me. I can handle him.”
Ryleigh didn’t doubt that. She might look small, blonde, fragile and defenseless, but Avery was not an air-head, didn’t take any crap and could handle pretty much anything.
She pulled two paper plates out of the pantry and scooped a piece of pepperoni pizza onto each one. Then she carried the food into the adjacent family room and set it on the glass-topped table sitting between the green and coral floral sofa and the fireplace with wall-mounted flat-screen TV above.
“Well, I like your new look. It’s adorable and becoming. Fresh and new since I last saw you.”
“Barely four months ago when I visited you in Baltimore.”
“I know that tone.” Ryleigh followed her and sat on the couch. “You’re annoyed.”
“Yes, I am.” After filling two glasses with red wine, Avery sat beside her.
“Why?”
“Let me count the ways.” Avery held up her index finger. “First, you moved away.”
Ryleigh finished chewing a bite of pizza, but it tasted like cardboard. She knew where this conversation was headed. “You know why I had to leave.”
“I know you believed it would save your marriage, but I think we can all see how well that turned out.”
“Sounds stupid when you say it like that, but distance seemed like a good idea at the time.” She sipped her wine, but it didn’t dull the memory of how much it had hurt to leave Nick. “I know now that I was hoping he would beg me not to go. Even after I’d started the job, I had a fantasy that he’d come after me, bring me back. It was immature and naive.”
“Nope. I completely get it.” There was sympathy in her friend’s blue eyes. “I just didn’t like it.”
“That’s why I love you.”
“Really?” The annoyed tone was back. “If that were true, you’d have said something about moving back to Las Vegas. No?”
“No. When you visited, I’d just applied for the job and you know how that goes. Contact followed by weeks of waiting. An interview and more waiting. Another interview, then the field is narrowed to two and you’re on pins and needles while they try to decide, even though we all know they’re probably going to flip a coin. Heads it’s John Doe, tails it’s Ryleigh Evans.”
“I know how it works, but best friends tell each other everything.”
Ryleigh wanted to remind her that there was a big chunk of her life that Avery wouldn’t talk about, but decided not to go there. There must be a damn good reason why she didn’t talk about it, and the best friend bond respected that.
“And sometimes,” Ryleigh said, “a friend tries to spare her best friend pain. I didn’t want to get your hopes up and then have it all fall apart.”
“Okay. Totally understandable. Because my hopes would have gone stratosphere high. And I remember how hard it was to let you go. I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving.”
“You just said you understood.”
“I did and I do. But that’s different from letting you off the hook for abandoning me.”
“Well, I’m back now.”
“Yes, you are and about darn time. But why is that?” Annoyance was gone, replaced by curiosity.
“Because I’m the regional coordinator for Children’s Medical Charities.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s a really good job.”
“Totally,” Avery agreed.
“And very important.”
“You’ll get no argument from me.”
“Doesn’t feel that way,” Ryleigh pointed out. “I’m raising money for programs and equipment to help kids.”
“I know what the charity does. You’ll do a fantastic job because you’re motivated. No one loves kids more than you.” Avery finished her pizza, then tapped her lip thoughtfully. “As I recall, you were determined to have a baby before the big 3-0. How’s that going?”
This is where the best-friend bond got awkward. Confessing everything would result in Avery’s honest opinion. And most of the time Ryleigh valued that. Now? Well, no one wanted to be told they were an idiot. Or worse, crazy.
Ryleigh rolled up her empty paper plate. “Oh, you know.”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked. What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing. This is me and I know better.”
“Power down, O’Neill. You’re right.” She sighed. “I actively looked for a job in Las Vegas after coming to the realization that Nick is the best man I know and I want him to father my baby.”
Avery blinked and stared, speechless for several moments. “The desert heat has cooked your brain cells.”
“It’s October and not hot. I think you just called me crazy.”
“No. I’d never say that. But, R
yleigh—” She shook her head. “What are you thinking?”
“That my biological clock is ticking. I don’t want to take my chances at a sperm bank, and men who are good father material don’t grow on trees. The ones I was meeting just didn’t measure up and I’m not getting any younger.”
“But Nick is your ex.”
“So? That doesn’t mean he isn’t good looking. Or smart. He’s a doctor and treats kids with breathing problems. Doesn’t get any better than that.”
“He is a tough act to follow, I’ll grant you that. But your ex?” Avery said again.
“Not being able to love me isn’t a deal-breaking biological flaw.”
Avery put her empty paper plate on the coffee table and grabbed her wineglass. “Does Nick know any of this?”
“All of it.”
“And after he requested a psych evaluation?”
“Stop calling me crazy.” But Ryleigh understood this was coming from a place of sincerity and caring.
“Did I say the ‘c’ word? It did not come out of my mouth. And don’t keep me in suspense. What was his reaction?”
In for a penny, in for a pound. “He asked me to move in with him. To make the logistics more—logistical. During my fertile time.” When her friend was quiet, she begged, “Say something, Avery.”
“How did you talk him into it? Not the moving-in thing, the fathering thing.”
“I think he feels guilty. For his part of what went wrong in our marriage. But there were also tears involved. I just couldn’t help it when I saw the babies in the nursery. And he happened to be there.”
Ryleigh hadn’t faked the emotion and couldn’t be sorry it helped convince him. But she’d never forget how good his arms had felt around her. The comfort he’d offered without hesitation. She had no illusion that it came from anywhere besides friendship, but that didn’t diminish her appreciation.
Avery nodded thoughtfully, processing everything. There was a gleam in her blue eyes when she asked, “You know that having a baby with Nick will require you to have sex with him?”
“Yes. That’s part of the logistics. So when I’m—you know—he’ll be…you know.”
To Have the Doctor's Baby Page 4
