by London Casey
I flipped a few pages and looked at the financing options.
I couldn’t believe I was getting sucked back into this world for a second.
“Well, the payments are low because they want a balloon at the end.”
“A what?” Jerry asked.
“Christ, Jerry. You need to take a business class. Look. The payments are low now. Then at the end, the balance is paid. One big payment. A balloon payment. Usually, what they do is make you a deal on that balloon payment to get you another machine and another loan, lease, whatever. So, you basically pay for the rest of your life and never own anything.”
“Is that bad?”
“Depends on what you want to get done. They offer warranty and service. See, they’re going to take your machine and then do something with it with someone else. That’s how they make money.”
“Wow,” Jerry said. “You’re smart, Syi. Too smart to be swinging an axe and carrying logs.”
I ignored Jerry. “Now, if you go with a more traditional kind of loan, payments are higher, but it’s yours at the end. So, it depends on what you want. Unless you’ve got cash to pay for it straight up.”
“Six figures? Where the fuck do you think I’m hiding six figures?”
I laughed and shut the folder. “Thanks for the beer, Jerry.”
Jerry tossed the folder to the ground. “Life.”
“Life,” I said.
“Hey, I heard someone went missing up here the other day.”
“Nah,” I said. “Some camper got herself twisted in the woods. I found her. Jimmy came to get her.”
“Oh, you found her? Well shit, you’re a hero then.”
“No,” I said. “Not even close. Just some dumb woman who got lucky.”
“Right,” Jerry said. Then he leaned forward and grabbed the folder. He stood up. “Don’t stay up here too long. Storms are coming through.”
“Have a good night,” I said.
Jerry took a few steps and stopped. “Syi…the door goes both way on this. With you helping me, I mean. I can help you. With anything.”
I stood up and finished the beer. I then tossed the bottle at Jerry. He scrambled to catch it.
I turned and walked away.
I had nothing to say to him. I didn’t want his fucking pity. And what I needed help with…he couldn’t fucking do.
I sat on the porch of the cabin with my feet up. My huge gray socks had a red pattern across the toes. They were getting worn down pretty fast, but that came with the territory of actually working hard. Not that I gave a shit about socks with holes in the toes.
If she were here, she’d rip the fucker off my foot and throw it out. Smiling the whole damn time.
I reached for the bottle of whiskey instead of the beer.
The clouds that had rolled in were dark. The winds were starting to pick up. Branches bending. Leaves rustling together. I was right where I wanted to be. Sitting on the porch and watching the storm pass by. Sometimes, it was dangerous to be up on the mountain if a good one went by because you never knew what was going to happen. Lightning. Winds. Trees falling over. Trees catching on fire.
I smiled and threw the whiskey bottle back.
It got darker out, and I had to take a piss. I thought about pissing right off the porch but went inside instead. When I entered the bathroom, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror.
I didn’t know who was looking back at me. And that was a fucked up feeling to have.
I gave the guy in the mirror the middle finger and then took my piss.
I washed my hands and out in the living room I looked at my cellphone. Shit, that thing used to be glued to my fucking face. It couldn’t beep or vibrate without my jumping at it like I was waiting for a call about winning millions of dollars.
There were a few calls. A couple texts. Plenty of emails. I marked everything as read. Nothing but the usual junk in life. Questions I didn’t want to answer. Personal stuff that was left in a town that I used to call home.
I then caught myself going online. Opening a search box. My fingers wondering what to type. Wondering if what happened with Lara had turned into actual news or something. I had to walk away when Jimmy came to get her. Because if someone like me had been up on the mountain before…
I shut my eyes.
I wanted to type her name so badly.
I dropped the phone and growled in my throat.
The first rumble of thunder sounded way off in the distance. It was a long, drawn out warning of what was to come.
That was followed by a knocking sound.
I turned and realized the knocking wasn’t from a storm. It was at my door.
I opened the door and couldn’t believe my eyes.
It was Lara, the woman I saved…and believe me, she was a whole different kind of storm…
“I wanted to thank you,” she said without hesitation. “And then I wanted to say I’m sorry. So, I brought you this.”
She was holding a brown paper bag with the top folded over. There were grease stains on the bottom of the bag. And she had a six pack of beer. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. No makeup on her face. The smallest of blemishes showing, but with that came a greater sense of honesty. When she half-smiled, she had dimples on one side of her mouth. Her eyes had a sense of desperation and hurt that I only ever saw when I looked in the mirror.
“You drove all the way up here for that?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“You realize it’s going to storm?”
“Oh. Well, no,” she said. “I mean, I see the clouds. But I didn’t check. I don’t really care.”
“You’re going to care if you try driving back down. These roads flood, and it doesn’t take much to get stuck.”
“Then I’ll wait until it passes,” she said so boldly. “Or I’ll just leave right now. I couldn’t just go without saying something. You sort of disappeared…”
“I did that on purpose, sugar,” I said. I still hadn’t invited her in. And why the fuck would I?
“Right. Because I got in your way. I thought you were going to hurt me.”
I slowly nodded and raised an eyebrow. “That’s what you thought?”
“Well, sort of. I mean, I woke up on your couch. No clue who you were. You were telling me to take pills. You’re sort of…scary-looking.”
I laughed. “Thanks for that.”
“No. I don’t mean it mean, Osiris.”
I raised an eyebrow. Hearing my actual name like that. The way it ran off her tongue. Then the way she puckered her lips because she was nervous. The right side of her mouth pulling to the left for a second before she bit at her lip.
“Call me Syi,” I said. “It’s only Osiris when I’m in trouble.”
“Your name is really awesome, by the way. And I didn’t mean to offend you. And I didn’t mean to wander away and…”
“Yes you did,” I cut her off. “Don’t bullshit me, sugar. It’s not my business anyway. I saw you on the bench. You started throwing up. That’s why I brought you back here. I figured the firewood was enough but I guess not.”
“The firewood?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Where do you think your friends got that firewood? Who the hell goes camping without firewood?”
“That was you?”
“I brought some over for you,” he said. “Whoever you were with looked like they belonged in a hotel in the city. And your boyfriend letting you slip away like that…”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she blurted out in a hurry.
“Right. Well, whatever.”
“These are the best burgers around,” she said. “So, take the bag, take the beer, and I’ll be going. I just wanted to say thank you and that I’m sorry.”
“Now you’ve said it twice,” I said. “If you keep apologizing then you’re feeling guilty for something else.”
Her face turned a shade of red. “Okay. I won’t say it again then. But you saved me. I appreciate that. I hop
e it didn’t cause you any trouble.”
“I’m still alive,” I said. “Anything else?”
“I guess not.”
Lara gave a weak wave and turned. I watched her to the end of the porch. The winds were still battling with the trees. It hadn’t started raining just yet. But when it did, the sky was going to just open up and pour.
I put the beer down on the same table near the door where I had charged her cellphone. I opened the bag and saw there was plenty of food. Burgers. Fries.
I curled my lip and watched her take a step off the porch.
“Lara,” I said.
She looked back at me. “Yeah?”
“If you come back in here for a bite to eat you might not be able to leave for a while.”
That’s when a small smile flickered on her face.
That was exactly what she wanted…
… and maybe that was exactly what I needed.
8
Water in the Mud
(LARA)
Osiris invited me into the cabin. Maybe it was a pity-invite, but it wasn’t quite as bad as him carrying me as I was drunk. I walked into the cabin. It was as cozy as last time. The smell though was something that stuck. A heavy man-smell. A mix of soap, dirt, sweat, all mixing with the wood of the cabin, along with spots that had been neglected, offering up a mild hint of dust.
In the kitchen, it was small and crammed but there was a two-seater table next to a window.
“You can sit there,” he said to me.
I pulled a chair back against the wood floor and sat down. Outside the window, the trees were moving in any and all directions. It made me shiver even though I couldn’t feel the wind.
“Rain,” I whispered as a few lost droplets smacked against the window.
“Rain,” Osiris confirmed. “Get ready for what happens next.”
I opened the bag of food as he stood there. He seemed like he was as tall as the ceiling.
“Here,” I said as I offered him some food.
“Thanks, sugar,” he said.
He walked away, leaving me feeling a little disappointed.
Outside, I heard the slow rumble of thunder, loud and close enough that the entire cabin started to shake.
Then there was a flash of lightning way off in the distance. Then came more thunder on its heels.
I really wasn’t a fan of storms. Not that I had a reason to be afraid, I just didn’t like them. I guess I could have partially blamed my grandmother for that, since she was always watching the news and the weather. To her, twenty-four-hour weather was amazing. And the specials they did on natural disasters were a stark warning that something bad could happen in the blink of an eye.
Another flash of lightning. Another smack of thunder, this one quicker and louder.
I jumped a little.
“You afraid?” Osiris asked.
I looked at him. He leaned against the corner nook of the counter. One foot over the other, balancing himself, wearing a checkered flannel with the two top buttons undone. I could count two things that intrigued me. Tattoos and muscles. His chest was thick and wide. There was ink everywhere. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, showing ink down his arms, stopping on his hands.
His jeans were comfortably worn in, fitting his tree-trunk legs. And he wore gray socks with red on the toes.
Everything about this guy screamed sexy mystery. Including his name.
“Not afraid,” I lied. “Just uneasy.”
“Over a thunder storm?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Right.”
So much for a deep conversation.
Osiris downed his food before I ate four bites.
I nodded to the bag. “There’s more to eat.”
“Good,” he said.
He approached the table and grabbed the bag. I studied his hands. Massive hands. Strong hands. I casually tried to look at my hands. My small, girly hands. Stubby fingers. Fingernails all chewed down because I couldn’t take a second to breathe and let life and time do their thing to fix me.
I swallowed hard.
I looked out the window.
“Here’s a trick, sugar,” Osiris said.
I looked up at him. I felt like my neck was going to break.
“The thing with a storm? It always passes. You see it coming, you wait it out, then you see what happened. Yeah, there’s a chance a tree could fall. Hit this cabin. But hopefully, we’re smart enough to avoid any real danger. And, sure, there’s a chance something wild could happen, but what are you going to do? Worry about it?”
Easy for you say. You could probably bench press a tree.
“I get it,” I whispered. “Still doesn’t make me not afraid.”
“Thought you said you weren’t afraid,” he said, and then half his mouth curled up in a grin.
My face burned red. “I didn’t…”
“Thanks for the food,” he said.
He took the last burger and walked to his little nook and ate.
The storm pushed closer. The rain got harder. The winds whipped faster. The thunder got louder. The lightning flashed brighter.
But I ignored the storm and kept my eyes on Osiris.
There were a lot of questions going through my head about the man who saved me. And I was sure there were answers he’d never share, and maybe answers I didn’t want to know about.
“I took a lot of shit for what happened,” I blurted out. “For the record.”
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Yeah. And I didn’t mean to do that on purpose. To anyone. To my friends. To the police. To you. It’s just one of those things. And the cop that helped. Jimmy?”
“Yeah.”
“I want to thank him too. Do you know him?”
“I know of him.”
“You two seemed…”
“Doesn’t matter what anything seems, sugar,” Osiris said.
I swallowed hard. “You sort of disappeared too. Were you upset?”
“No,” he said. “Not at all.”
“You’re lying.”
“Maybe I am.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m just trying to do the right thing here, Syi.”
I loved saying that. His name. His nickname. It was rough and edgy. Like him.
“I don’t get why we’re talking about this,” he said. “It’s done. It’s over. And you drove all the way up here to keep telling me about it.”
I nodded.
I was starting to see how it looked from his end.
Osiris crumbled up the wrapper to his burger and then pushed from the counter. “So, I have to wonder… why? Why does it matter to you so much about what I think?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I really haven’t figured that out. Someone suggested to me that maybe I did that on purpose to-”
“And you’re here to justify you didn’t do it on purpose,” he said. “Which means you’re battling yourself on what actually happened.”
I froze. He was calling me out. Of course, he was calling me out. I took it all in for the first time. He was a big lumberjack-looking guy living alone in a cabin at the top of the mountain. Which meant he wanted to be alone, and he probably had good reason.
“I didn’t want to go camping,” I said. “But my friend—Kim—talked me into it. Then it turned into a mess. The guys that were there were complete idiots. They didn’t bring enough food. Firewood. Whatever. It just…it was just dumb. So, I thought I could walk home. I blame the rum.”
“Rum will do that to you,” Osiris said. “Whiskey makes you fight, rum makes you think you’re invincible.”
“I guess,” I said. “I normally don’t drink like that. Now I know why. I got into the woods and got lost. Pitch black. Trying to use my phone as a light. I don’t know how I ended up on that bench, but I’m glad I did. You said there’s a ridge?”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice suddenly like ice. “A steep one. If you got too close to that…”
I shivered. “So mayb
e that’s why I’m here then. I did something stupid, and I came close to getting seriously hurt myself. For a dumb reason, too.”
“A dumb reason, huh?” Osiris asked.
“Yeah. You know the way life is.”
“Do I?”
“I’m sure you do,” I said.
“So, you’re up here for what? You want me to be your therapist or something? You want to hide in the woods and escape your life?”
“You don’t have to be a jerk about it.”
“I could be anything I want, sugar,” he said. “You’re in my house. You’re lucky you’re in my house. I could have let you keep walking.”
I slowly stood up. “Okay then. This was a bad idea. I just thought…”
“What? You could get away for a second? Huh? You’re not using me for that. I’m not an excuse.”
“Wow. You look like an asshole, and now you’re filling out the part.”
“Yeah. Because I’m the one who brought firewood for your friends. I’m the one who went on a walk and found you. Remind me again that I’m an asshole?”
“Why were you walking that late?” I asked.
“That’s my business, not yours. What the hell do you really want from me, anyway? Want me to tell you life is going to be okay? Want me to be your savior? Carry you away from the reality you’re dying to escape?”
“Fuck you, Syi,” I said without thinking.
He then laughed.
I walked from the kitchen to the door of the cabin. I opened it and sucked in a scared breath. The sound of the wind pushing at the trees battled against the sound of the pouring rain against the leaves themselves.
But I had seen and heard enough. Somewhere in my head, I had this fantasy of finding a broken man living in a cabin on the top of a mountain. I thought I could find this man who had done something so amazing for me and…
What? What did I expect to find? A hero? A man waiting for someone like me?
I felt stupid.
And no matter how much I thought Osiris was a total jerk, he was right.
I was trying to escape reality.
And now I was going to walk right into a storm.
The question was, was I going to make it off the mountain alive again?
