by Thomas Dixon
CHAPTER XXII
THE TEST OF LOVE
Norton made a desperate effort to pull himself together for his appeal toHelen. On its outcome hung the possibility of saving himself from theterror that haunted him. If he could tell the girl the truth and make hersee that a marriage with Tom was utterly out of the question because herblood was stained with that of a negro, it might be possible to savehimself the humiliation of the full confession of their relationship and ofhis bitter shame.
He had made a fearful mistake in not telling her this at their firstinterview, and a still more frightful mistake in rearing her in ignoranceof the truth. No life built on a lie could endure. He was still tryingdesperately to hold his own on its shifting sands, but in his soul of soulshe had begun to despair of the end. He was clutching at straws. In momentsof sanity he realized it, but there was nothing else to do. The act wasinstinctive.
The girl's sensitive mind was the key to a possible solution. He had feltinstinctively on the day he told her the first fact about the disgrace ofher birth, vague and shadowy as he had left it, that she could never adjustherself to the certainty that negro blood flowed in her veins. He hadobserved that her aversion to negroes was peculiarly acute. If her love forthe boy were genuine, if it belonged to the big things of the soul, andwere not the mere animal impulse she had inherited from her mother, hewould have a ground of most powerful appeal. Love seeks not its own. If shereally loved she would sink her own life to save his.
It was a big divine thing to demand of her and his heart sank at thethought of her possible inheritance from Cleo. Yet he knew by an instinctdeeper and truer than reason, that the ruling power in this sensitive,lonely creature was in the spirit, not the flesh. He recalled in vividflashes the moments he had felt this so keenly in their first pitifulmeeting. If he could win her consent to an immediate flight and thesacrifice of her own desires to save the boy! It was only a hope--it was adesperate one--but he clung to it with painful eagerness.
Why didn't she come? The minutes seemed hours and there were minutes inwhich he lived a life.
He rose nervously and walked toward the mantel, lifted his eyes and theyrested on the portrait of his wife.
"'My brooding spirit will watch and guard!'"
He repeated the promise of her last scrawled message. He leaned heavilyagainst the mantel, his eyes burning with an unusual brightness.
"Oh, Jean, darling," he groaned, "if you see and hear and know, let me feelyour presence! Your dear eyes are softer and kinder than the world'sto-night. Help me, I'm alone, heartsick and broken!"
He choked down a sob, walked back to the chair and sank in silence. Hiseyes were staring into space, his imagination on fire, passing in sternreview the events of his life. How futile, childish and absurd it allseemed! What a vain and foolish thing its hope and struggles, its dreamsand ambitions! What a failure for all its surface brilliance! He wasstanding again at the window behind the dais of the President of theSenate, watching the little drooping figure of the Governor staggering awayinto oblivion, and his heart went out to him in a great tenderness andpity. He longed to roll back the years that he might follow the impulse hehad felt to hurry down the steps of the Capitol, draw the broken man into asheltered spot, slip his arms about him and say:
"Who am I to judge? You're my brother--I'm sorry! Come, we'll try it againand help one another!"
The dream ended in a sudden start. He had heard the rustle of a dress atthe door and knew without lifting his head that she was in the room.
Only the slightest sound had come from her dry throat, a little muffledattempt to clear it of the tightening bands. It was scarcely audible, yethis keen ear had caught it instantly, not only caught the excitement underwhich she was struggling, but in it the painful consciousness of hishostility and her pathetic desire to be friends.
He rose trembling and turned his dark eyes on her white uplifted face.
A feeling of terror suddenly weakened her knees. He was evidently not angryas she had feared. There was something bigger and more terrible than angerbehind the mask he was struggling to draw over his mobile features.
"What has happened, major?" she asked in a subdued voice.
"Only the slightest sound came from her dry throat."]
"That is what I must know of you, child," he replied, watching herintently.
She pressed closer with sudden desperate courage, her voice full of wistfulfriendliness:
"Oh, major, what have I done to offend you? I've tried so hard to win yourlove and respect. All my life I've been alone in a world of strangers,friendless and homesick----"
He lifted his hand with a firm gesture:
"Come, child, to the point! I must know the truth now. Tom has made love toyou?"
She blushed:
"I--I--wish to see Tom before I answer----"
Norton dropped his uplifted arm with a groan:
"Thank you," he murmured in tones scarcely audible. "I have youranswer!"--he paused and looked at her curiously--"And you love him?"
The girl hesitated for just an instant, her blue eyes flashed and she drewher strong, young figure erect:
"Yes! And I'm proud of it. His love has lifted me into the sunlight andmade the world glorious--made me love everything in it--every tree andevery flower and every living thing that moves and feels-----"
She stopped abruptly and lifted her flushed face to his:
"I've learned to love you, in spite of your harshness to me--I love youbecause you are his father!"
He turned from her and then wheeled suddenly, his face drawn with pain:
"Now, I must be frank, I must be brutal. I must know the truth withoutreservation--how far has this thing gone?"
"I--I--don't understand you!"
"Marriage is impossible! I told you that and you must have realized it."
Her head drooped:
"You said so----"
"Impossible--utterly impossible! And you know it"--he drew a deep breath."What--what are your real relations?"
"My--real--relations?" she gasped.
"Answer me now, before God! I'll hold your secret sacred--your life and hismay depend on it"--his voice dropped to a tense whisper. "Your love is pureand unsullied?"
The girl's eyes flashed with rage:
"As pure and unsullied as his dead mother's for you!"
"Thank God!" he breathed. "I believe you--but I had to know, child! I hadto know--there are big, terrible reasons why I had to know."
A tear slowly stole down Helen's flushed cheeks as she quietly asked:
"Why--why should you insult and shame me by asking that question?"
"My knowledge of your birth."
The girl smiled sadly:
"Yet you might have guessed that I had learned to cherish honor and puritybefore I knew I might not claim them as my birthright!"
"Forgive me, child," he said contritely, "if in my eagerness, my fear, myanguish, I hurt you. But I had to ask that question! I had to know. Youranswer gives me courage"--he paused and his voice quivered with deepintensity--"you really love Tom?"
"With a love beyond words!"
"The big, wonderful love that comes to the human soul but once?"
"Yes!"
His eyes were piercing to the depths now:
"With the deep, unselfish yearning that asks nothing for itself and seeksonly the highest good of its beloved?"
"Yes--yes," she answered mechanically and, pausing, looked again into hisburning eyes; "but you frighten me--" she grasped a chair for support,recovered herself and went on rapidly--"you mustn't ask me to give himup--I won't give him up! Poor and friendless, with a shadow over my lifeand everything against me, I have won him and he's mine! I have the rightto his love--I didn't ask to be born. I must live my own life. I have asmuch right to happiness as you. Why must I bear the sins of my father andmother? Have I broken the law? Haven't I a heart that can ache and breakand cry for joy?"
He allowed the first paroxysm of her emotion to spend itself
before hereplied, and then in quiet tones said:
"You must give him up!"
"I won't! I won't, I tell you!" she said through her set teeth as shesuddenly swung her strong, young form before him. "I won't give him up! Hislove has made life worth living and I'm going to live it! I don't care whatyou say--he's mine--and you shall not take him from me!"
Norton was stunned by the fiery intensity with which her answer had beengiven. There was no mistaking the strength of her character. Every vibrantnote of her voice had rung with sincerity, purity, the justice of hercause, and the consciousness of power. He was dealing with no tremblingschoolgirl's mind, filled with sentimental dreams. A woman, in the tragicstrength of a great nature, stood before him. He felt this greatnessinstinctively and met it with reverence. It could only be met thus, and ashe realized its strength, his heart took fresh courage. His own voicebecame tender, eager, persuasive:
"But suppose, my dear, I show you that you will destroy the happiness andwreck the life of the man you love?"
"Impossible! He knows that I'm nameless and his love is all the deeper,truer and more manly because he realizes that I am defenseless."
"But suppose I convince you?"
"You can't!"
"Suppose," he said in a queer tone, "I tell you that the barrier betweenyou is so real, so loathsome----"
"Loathsome?" she repeated with a start.
"So loathsome," he went on evenly, "that when he knows the truth, whetherhe wishes it or not, he will instinctively turn from you with a shudder."
"I won't believe it!"
"Suppose I prove to you that marriage would wreck both your life andhis"--he gazed at her with trembling intensity--"would you give him up tosave him?"
She held his eye steadily:
"Yes--I'd die to save him!"
A pitiful stillness followed. The man scarcely moved. His lips quivered andhis eyes grew dim. He looked at her pathetically and motioned her to aseat.
"And if I convince you," he went on tenderly, "you will submit yourself tomy advice and leave America?"
The blue eyes never flinched as she firmly replied:
"Yes. But I warn you that no such barrier can exist."
"Then I must prove to you that it does." He drew a deep breath and watchedher. "You realize the fact that a man who marries a nameless girl barshimself from all careers of honor?"
"The honor of fools, yes--of the noble and wise, no!"
"You refuse to see that the shame which shadows a mother's life will smirchher children, and like a deadly gangrene at last eat the heart out of herhusband's love?"
"My faith in him is too big----"
"You can conceive of no such barrier?"
"No!"
"In the first rush of love," he replied kindly, "you feel this. Emotionobscures reason. But there are such barriers between men and women."
"Name one!"
His brow clouded, his lips moved to speak and stopped. It was moredifficult to frame in speech than he had thought. His jaw closed with firmdecision at last and he began calmly:
"I take an extreme case. Suppose, for example, your father, a proudSouthern white man, of culture, refinement and high breeding, forgot for amoment that he was white and heard the call of the Beast, and your motherwere an octoroon--what then?"
The girl flushed with anger:
"Such a barrier, yes! Nothing could be more loathsome. But why ask me sodisgusting a question? No such barrier could possibly exist between us!"
Norton's eyes were again burning into her soul as he asked in a low voice:
"Suppose it does?"
The girl smiled with a puzzled look:
"Suppose it does? Of course, you're only trying to prove that such animpossible barrier might exist! And for the sake of argument I agree thatit would be real"--she paused and her breath came in a quick gasp. Shesprang to her feet clutching at her throat, trembling from head tofoot--"What do you mean by looking at me like that?"
Norton lowered his head and barely breathed the words:
"That _is_ the barrier between you!"
Helen looked at him dazed. The meaning was too big and stupefying to begrasped at once.
"Why, of course, major," she faltered, "you just say that to crush me inthe argument. But I've given up the point. I've granted that such a barriermay exist and would be real. But you haven't told me the one between us."
The man steeled his heart, turned his face away and spoke in gentle tones:
"I am telling you the pitiful, tragic truth--your mother is a negress----"
With a smothered cry of horror the girl threw herself on him and coveredhis mouth with her hand, half gasping, half screaming her desperate appeal:
"Stop! don't--don't say it!--take it back! Tell me that it's not true--tellme that you only said it to convince me and I'll believe you. If thehideous thing is true--for the love of God deny it now! If it's true--lieto me"--her voice broke and she clung to Norton's arms with cruelgrip--"lie to me! Tell me that you didn't mean it, and I'll believeyou--truth or lie, I'll never question it! I'll never cross your purposeagain--I'll do anything you tell me, major"--she lifted her streaming eyesand began slowly to sink to her knees--"see how humble--how obedient I am!You don't hate me, do you? I'm just a poor, lonely girl, helpless andfriendless now at your feet"--her head sank into her hands until thebeautiful brown hair touched the floor--"have mercy! have mercy on me!"
Norton bent low and fumbled for the trembling hand. He couldn't see and fora moment words were impossible.
He found her hand and pressed it gently:
"I'm sorry, little girl! I'd lie to you if I could--but you know a liedon't last long in this world. I've lied about you before--I'd lie now tosave you this anguish, but it's no use--we all have to face things in theend!"
With a mad cry of pain, the girl sprang to her feet and staggered to thetable:
"Oh, God, how could any man with a soul--any living creature, even a beastof the field--bring me into the world--teach me to think and feel, to laughand cry, and thrust me into such a hell alone! My proud father--I couldkill him!"
Norton extended his hands to her in a gesture of instinctive sympathy:
"Come, you'll see things in a calm light to-morrow, you are young and lifeis all before you!"
"Yes!" she cried fiercely, "a life of shame--a life of insult, of taunts,of humiliation, of horror! The one thing I've always loathed was the touchof a negro----"
She stopped suddenly and lifted her hand, staring with wildly dilated eyesat the nails of her finely shaped fingers to find if the telltale marks ofnegro blood were there which she had seen on Cleo's. Finding none, thehorror in her eyes slowly softened into a look of despairing tenderness asshe went on:
"The one passionate yearning of my soul has been to be a mother--to feelthe breath of a babe on my heart, to hear it lisp my name and know amother's love--the love I've starved for--and now, it can never be!"
She had moved beyond the table in her last desperate cry and Nortonfollowed with a look of tenderness:
"Nonsense," he cried persuasively, "you're but a child yourself. You can goabroad where no such problem of white and black race exists. You can marrythere and be happy in your home and little ones, if God shall give them!"
She turned on him savagely:
"Well, God shall not give them! I'll see to that! I'm young, but I'm not afool. I know something of the laws of life. I know that Tom is not likeyou"--she turned and pointed to the portrait on the wall--"he is like hisgreat-grandfather! Mine may have been----"
Her voice choked with passion. She grasped a chair with one hand and toreat the collar of her dress with the other. She had started to say "mine mayhave been a black cannibal!" and the sheer horror of its possibility hadstrangled her. When she had sufficiently mastered her feelings to speak shesaid in a strange muffled tone:
"I ask nothing of God now--if I could see Him, I'd curse Him to His face!"
"Come, come!" Norton exclaimed, "this is but a passi
ng ugly fancy--suchthings rarely happen----"
"But they do happen!" she retorted slowly. "I've known one such tragedy, ofa white mother's child coming into the world with the thick lips, kinkyhair, flat nose and black skin of a cannibal ancestor! She killed herselfwhen she was strong enough to leap out the window"--her voice dropped to adreamy chant--"yes, blood will tell--there's but one thing for me to do! Iwonder, with the yellow in me, if I'll have the courage."
Norton spoke with persuasive tenderness:
"You mustn't think of such madness! I'll send you abroad at once and youcan begin life over again----"
Helen suddenly snatched the chair to which she had been holding out of herway and faced Norton with flaming eyes:
"I don't want to be an exile! I've been alone all my miserable orphan life!I don't want to go abroad and die among strangers! I've just begun to livesince I came here! I love the South--it's mine--I feel it--I know it! Ilove its blue skies and its fields--I love its people--they are mine! Ithink as you think, feel as you feel----"
She paused and looked at him queerly:
"I've learned to honor, respect and love you because I've grown to feelthat you stand for what I hold highest, noblest and best in life"--thevoice died in a sob and she was silent.
The man turned away, crying in his soul:
"O God, I'm paying the price now!"
"What can I do!" she went on at last. "What is life worth since I know thisleper's shame? There are millions like me, yes. If I could bend my back andbe a slave there are men and women who need my services. And there are menI might know--yes--but I can't--I can't! I'm not a slave. I'm not bad. Ican't stoop. There's but one thing!"
Norton's face was white with emotion:
"I can't tell you, little girl, how sorry I am"--his voice broke. Heturned, suddenly extended his hand and cried hoarsely: "Tell me what I cando to help you--I'll do anything on this earth that's within reason!"
The girl looked up surprised at his anguish, wondering vaguely if he couldmean what he had said, and then threw herself at him in a burst of sudden,fierce rebellion, her voice, low and quivering at first, rising to thetragic power of a defiant soul in combat with overwhelming odds:
"Then give me back the man I love--he's mine! He's mine, I tell you, bodyand soul! God--gave--him--to--me! He's your son, but I love him! He's mymate! He's of age--he's no longer yours! His time has come to build his ownhome--he's mine--not yours! He's my life--and you're tearing the very heartout of my body!"
The white, trembling figure slowly crumpled at his feet.
He took both of her hands, and lifted her gently:
"Pull yourself together, child. It's hard, I know, but you begin to realizethat you must bear it. You must look things calmly in the face now."
The girl's mouth hardened and she answered with bitterness:
"Yes, of course--I'm nobody! We must consider you"--she staggered to achair and dropped limply into it, her voice a whisper--"we must considerTom--yes--yes--we must, too--I know that----"
Norton pressed eagerly to her side and leaned over the drooping figure:
"You can begin to see now that I was right," he pleaded. "You loveTom--he's worth saving--you'll do as I ask and give him up?"
The sensitive young face was convulsed with an agony words could notexpress and the silence was pitiful. The man bending over her could hearthe throb of his own heart. A quartet of serenaders celebrating the victoryof the election stopped at the gate and the soft strains of the music camethrough the open window. Norton felt that he must scream in a moment if shedid not answer. He bent low and softly repeated:
"You'll do as I ask now, and give him up?"
The tangled mass of brown hair sank lower and her answer was a sigh ofdespair:
"Yes!"
The man couldn't speak at once. His eyes filled. When he had mastered hisvoice he said eagerly:
"There's but one way, you know. You must leave at once without seeing him."
She lifted her face with a pleading look:
"Just a moment--without letting him know what has passed between us--justone last look into his dear face?"
He shook his head kindly:
"It isn't wise----"
"Yes, I know," she sighed. "I'll go at once."
He drew his watch and looked at it hurriedly:
"The first train leaves in thirty minutes. Get your hat, a coat andtravelling bag and go just as you are. I'll send your things----"
"Yes--yes"--she murmured.
"I'll join you in a few days in New York and arrange your future. Leave thehouse immediately. Tom mustn't see you. Avoid him as you cross the lawn.I'll have a carriage at the gate in a few minutes."
The little head sank again:
"I understand."
He looked uncertainly at the white drooping figure. The serenaders wererepeating the chorus of the old song in low, sweet strains that floatedover the lawn and stole through the house in weird ghost-like echoes. Hereturned to her chair and bent over her:
"You won't stop to change your dress, you'll get your hat and coat and gojust as you are--at once?"
The brown head nodded slowly and he gazed at her tenderly:
"You've been a brave little girl to-night"--he lifted his hand to place iton her shoulder in the first expression of love he had ever given. The handpaused, held by the struggle of the feelings of centuries of racial prideand the memories of his own bitter tragedy. But the pathos of her sufferingand the heroism of her beautiful spirit won. The hand was gently loweredand pressed the soft, round shoulder.
A sob broke from the lonely heart, and her head drooped until it layprostrate on the table, the beautiful arms outstretched in helplesssurrender.
Norton staggered blindly to the door, looked back, lifted his hand and in aquivering voice, said:
"I can never forget this!"
His long stride quickly measured the distance to the gate, and a loud cheerfrom the serenaders roused the girl from her stupor of pain.
In a moment they began singing again, a love song, that tore her heart withcruel power.
"Oh, God, will they never stop?" she cried, closing her ears with her handsin sheer desperation.
She rose, crossed slowly to the window and looked out on the beautifulmoonlit lawn at the old rustic seat where her lover was waiting. Shepressed her hand on her throbbing forehead, walked to the center of theroom, looked about her in a helpless way and her eye rested on theminiature portrait of Tom. She picked it up and gazed at it tenderly,pressed it to her heart, and with a low sob felt her way through the doorand up the stairs to her room.
