by Lois Richer
“Pretty incredible, huh?” Ben chuckled when she didn’t answer. “I’ve never seen you at a loss for words, Victoria.”
“I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling.” She couldn’t stop smiling or touching her stomach.
“Try. In one word,” he said as they merged onto the freeway.
“Blessed,” she whispered. “So blessed.”
“By God. Now hang on to that when those doubts about your worthiness return,” Ben ordered with a grin. “One thing you learn in peacekeeping is to savor every good moment because you don’t know when the next one will come.”
He was just so nice, which made it doubly hard to crush her growing feelings for him.
“When are we gonna be home, Unca Ben?” Mikey asked.
So he considered The Haven home. Victoria’s happiness grew. Until a new thought dawned.
“I’m so sorry, Ben. I wasn’t thinking. Did you need more time in the city?” She studied his handsome face, still amazed by his reaction when the baby, her baby, appeared on that screen. He hadn’t looked disgusted or repulsed. He’d looked like she felt. Stunned. Victoria shook herself back to reality. “We could stay longer if you need to.”
“Thank you, but I’ve got what I need,” he said in a firm voice.
“I’m guessing that’s why we had to squish our shopping bags around Mikey,” she teased.
“I wanted to bring everything.” Ben’s lips tightened. “Since they promised weeks ago that they’d ship them to me and haven’t, and since we were here, I grabbed the opportunity. I’m sorry I didn’t get back in time to drive you to the doctor’s office, and also that I’ve taken so much room in the car, but I was afraid to leave anything behind.”
“No problem. I guess I never realized they were so important.” It was becoming steadily more difficult to stop daydreaming about Ben. He was like a magnet, drawing her attention even when she wasn’t with him.
“I’m not sure if all of them are important because I haven’t yet gone through everything. I just wanted stuff out of the house so I packed as quickly as I could. I stored most of their things, but there are picture albums and a lot of notebooks in the boxes,” he explained. “Neil began journaling when he was in rehab. I hope to go through every one of his journals before I go back to work.” His gaze slewed from the road to her and back. “What’s in the bags? I didn’t think you had enough time to buy so much.”
“Vic buyed me new shoes, Unca Ben.” Mikey’s eyes sparkled. “They gots lights that flash when you walk.”
“Wow. You’re blessed, too, kiddo.” Ben looked at her apologetically. “I’ve been meaning to get him new shoes—”
“I know, Ben,” she said gently. “There isn’t much selection in kids’ shoes at Chokecherry Hollow. Besides, you needed some personal time. But since we were there and there was a shoe store—” Victoria shrugged. “I seized the moment.”
“You’ve done that a lot for us. Thank you.” That generous smile of his did funny things to her pulse. Funny but nice.
Ben certainly was a man to admire, but Victoria was pretty sure her feelings for him were growing way past admiration. She mulled that over while Mikey listened to music on her phone with her earbuds. He soon fell asleep.
The silence that reigned between her and Ben was comfortable. They didn’t need to keep a conversation going, just a comment here and there, a nod, a chuckle said it all. Ben understood her. As they finally entered the road toward The Haven, Victoria came to just one conclusion.
Aside from her foster sisters, Ben was the best friend she’d ever had.
“Coming back to The Haven like this—it gives me a warm, comfortable feeling inside,” Ben murmured. “I haven’t had that feeling for a long time, if ever.”
That made her sad, but then Mikey wakened.
“We’re home!” he squealed as they stopped in front of the house.
Ben opened his mouth as if to remind his nephew that this wasn’t his home, but stopped. He glanced at her and shrugged, a funny little smile lifting his lips as he climbed out. The kid spoke truth.
“Why don’t you two go inside?” he said. “I’ll unload the car.”
“I’ll help.” Victoria grinned as Mikey raced toward the aunts who were waiting, arms extended. She reached for her suitcase. To her surprise, Ben refused to hand it over.
“You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things,” he said before striding toward the house, arms brimming.
“Oh, brother.” She rolled her eyes then grabbed as many shopping bags as she could carry, walked to the front door and paused in the doorway. “I’m pregnant, Ben, not an invalid,” she muttered when they were in the foyer.
“I know.” He ignored her huff of disgust, set down the luggage and helped her off with her coat. After a quick grin at her chagrin, he left to retrieve his boxes.
Victoria wasn’t going to tell him, but she enjoyed the way he cared for her. So it seemed pointless to argue with him, especially when she couldn’t put any heart into it. She turned instead to hug Tillie and Margaret.
“What have you two been up to?” Judging by their excited looks, Victoria wondered if she should be afraid. “What?” she demanded when neither one spoke.
“We have good news for Ben,” Tillie said as she clasped her hands together.
“Very good news,” Margaret added, and shared a grin with her sister.
“Oka-a-y.” Suddenly concerned, Victoria forced herself to remain calm as the aunts suggested Mikey might like to enjoy the milk and fresh chocolate-chip cookies Mrs. Marsh was baking.
Mikey raced toward the kitchen just as Ben returned with the last box.
“That’s it. The car’s empty,” he said as he unzipped his jacket. He paused, arms still inside his sleeves and stared. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything is perfect.” Tillie slid her arm through his. “Dear Ben, we think that we’ve found the perfect family for Mikey, a couple who are everything you’ve asked for.”
“Plus some things you didn’t.” Margaret pulled an envelope from her pocket and held it out. “If you’ll look this over, I think you’ll find we’ve managed to fulfill every one of your requests.”
“Isn’t it wonderful, dear?” Tillie asked grabbing her hand.
“Wonderful,” Victoria agreed quietly. Mikey and Ben would be leaving soon. Her heart sank as Ben perused the document.
“This couple does look good—wait a minute. They’re moving to Africa?” Concern darkened his eyes as he studied the two sisters.
“Not right away. They’re going as missionaries in September,” Margaret explained.
“Which means there will be plenty of time for Mikey to get to know and love them,” Tillie said.
“On top of everything, they’ll be located only a day’s drive from where you’re stationed in Africa. Isn’t it wonderful?” Tillie’s joy filled her face. “God certainly answered our prayers.”
Victoria didn’t believe Ben thought that. In fact, the longer he studied the papers he’d been given, the less thrilled he looked. Actually, he looked decidedly uncomfortable.
“You’ll need time to consider everything.” Margaret nodded. “But when you’re ready, we’ll introduce you. You’ll see that Jared and Willa are the perfect parents for your nephew.”
“Now let’s go have cookies with Mikey. I’ve missed that child something fierce.” Tillie blinked quickly then hurried her sister toward the kitchen.
Ben’s silence worried Victoria. She shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for him to say something. Finally anxiety took over. “What’s wrong?”
“They seem like good people on paper,” he said carefully, lifting the letter. “Energetic, committed, Christians. And they’ll offer a lot of the things I asked for. But—” He paused.
“But?” Victoria saw the inner struggle reflected in his darkening gaze.
“I don’t want Mikey to go to Africa.” Ben folded the paper and slid it into his pocket.
“W
hy not? It could be great. Think of the wildlife he’ll see and the exposure he’ll get to—why not?” she repeated curiously.
“Mikey’s four. He’ll start school next year. Sure, he’ll attend the mission school for the first year or two, but then he’ll have to go to boarding school, like the other missionary kids stationed in that area.”
“How do you know that?” she wondered.
“My friend and I used to volunteer at that mission. We visited often so we got to know a lot of personal details. Especially about their kids. Most of those kids struggled to reconnect with their parents after being away for such long periods.” Ben’s mouth worked for a moment.
“Oh.” That didn’t sound ideal.
“Mikey will barely settle into their home and then he’ll have another big transition to make when he leaves for school. He’ll be separated from his brand-new family and everything will be unfamiliar. That’s the opposite of what I want.”
“Yes, I see what you mean.” Victoria noted the sadness that gripped him and placed a commiserating hand on his arm. “So they’re not right. But you can’t get discouraged, Ben. I’ve prayed and prayed about this. God has a solution. We just have to figure out what it is.”
But he seemed quieter than usual for the rest of the afternoon and the evening meal. He didn’t eat much dinner and he didn’t smile or grin during her preposterous and silly bedtime story to Mikey. When the boy was finally sleeping, Ben told Tillie and Margaret his thoughts. Victoria felt sorry for her aunts’ dismay as they explained that the couple couldn’t have children.
“I’m sure they’d be wonderful parents.” Ben’s forced smile said he was trying to soften his words. “I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate it more than I can say, but I don’t believe this couple is the right solution for Mikey,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
Victoria waited until he’d excused himself before commiserating with the aunts. Seeing their disappointment, she sought to cheer them up by showing the ultrasound pictures. And it worked. Tillie and Margaret seemed as thrilled as she was and insisted on praying for her and the baby right there. Their steadfast love and concern warmed her heart. As Victoria reveled in their generous affection, she recalled Ben’s suggestion that she let go of her feelings of unworthiness and enjoy each day.
He always helped her through the difficult parts. Okay, he wouldn’t be leaving right away, but what in the world would she do when Ben was gone?
And more importantly, was there a family out there that Ben would ever approve of? That spurred hope that maybe he wouldn’t send Mikey away. Maybe he’d stay, open his shop, build a new life.
Tomorrow she was going to ask him his plans in the event that her aunts didn’t find a family for Mikey before he had to leave.
*
Even after two months at The Haven, Ben still marveled at Victoria’s efficiency. Thanks to her, the volunteer dinner had gone off without a hitch. In fact, folks at the seniors’ center in Chokecherry Hollow still talked to him about the funny games she’d led and the amusing prizes they’d won.
Midterm break was another of Victoria’s outreaches, which revealed her ease at delving into kids’ hearts. She’d invited the local youth group to hold a party at The Haven and skillfully involved them in several activities she intended to use when future foster kids visited. She’d placed saucers of freshly fallen snow with warm maple syrup drizzled over top on the patio picnic table, and then garnished them with chocolate for the culmination of an outdoor evening filled with laughter and camaraderie.
Today she was seated at the kitchen table with Mikey, planning his fifth birthday party and Ben had been called in to assist.
“What do you think about a snowshoe party?” she asked.
“Uh—” Ben hesitated, not wanting to dampen the eagerness that radiated across her face.
“What’s that?” Mikey frowned.
“We could make snowshoes and then take a walk with them through the woods,” she explained.
“I dunno how to do that.” Mikey looked dubious, and Ben didn’t blame him. A bunch of five-year-olds learning to make snowshoes seemed a little—too ambitious?
“Okay. Not snowshoeing,” Victoria agreed with a sigh. “But you have to give me some idea of what you want, Mikey.”
“I want a fire,” he said firmly.
“I know. You said that four times. I’ve got a wiener roast written down. What else?” she nudged.
“I want Unca Ben to make a snow house that me and Garnet c’n play in.” Mikey’s brown gaze rested on him. “Unca Ben c’n do it. He builds lots of stuff in the army.”
“He’s a good builder, that’s for sure.” Victoria’s grin sent Ben’s insides churning. How he loved that smile. “He and Jake sure built some nice tables for outside.”
“I want a snow house. Not wood,” Mikey clarified.
“Sounds like an igloo,” Ben mumbled and immediately wished he hadn’t.
“Yeah!” Mikey jumped up from his chair. “I want a’ igloo for my birthday. C’n I have that? Me ’n Garnet could have lots of fun in a’ igloo.”
“An igloo,” Victoria corrected automatically. “How about it Ben. Doable?”
“In five days?” Ben swallowed a groan.
He’d applied for an extension to his leave but had received no response, which meant he was due to leave The Haven in three weeks. His to-do list before leaving included repairing four wonky computers and teaching a class in online security at the seniors’ center. Plus he was already working with Jake on making trails in the woods that were supposed to turn into circular hikes for summer guests to enjoy. And he still hadn’t gone through all of Neil’s journals, let alone found Mikey a home.
But when he looked up and saw the hopeful expression in Victoria’s eyes he couldn’t refuse.
“Please c’n you make me a-an igloo, Unca Ben?” Mikey wheedled.
“I guess I can try.” Ben held up a hand to silence Mikey’s whoop of joy. “But it will depend on the weather. If these warm temperatures continue, the snow won’t hold together and the igloo won’t stay up. You have to be prepared in case that happens.”
“I’m gonna ask the aunties to help me pray to God to make it real cold,” Mikey declared. “An’ we c’n make paper airplanes for decorations.” He raced from the room.
“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have asked you to make an igloo in front of him,” Victoria murmured. “You’ve got a lot on your plate already.”
“Well, it is his fifth birthday and I do want to do something special for that,” he said. “I just wish I knew what to give him for a gift.”
“You’ll come up with something, but whatever you give him, he’ll love it.”
“I hope so.” Ben suddenly thought of the lovely robe he’d stashed in the back of his closet, the gift he hadn’t yet given Victoria. She’d claimed to love the wooden box he’d made her for Valentine’s, but somehow the robe now seemed too personal. Perhaps it would be best left as a thank-you-and-goodbye gift.
“Still no answer on your request for a leave extension?” she asked as she gathered her notes.
“No.” A sinking feeling took over. “I guess that means they’ll say no.”
“Olivia works for a Colonel in the military. She files those kinds of requests all the time and she told me they usually try to say yes, especially when it’s for compassionate reasons. And—” Victoria winked at him “—the aunts and I have been praying hard so don’t give up just yet.”
“Okay.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and studied the white board lying on the table. “How’s the plan going? Wasn’t there an inspector here yesterday?”
“Health inspector, yes, and he gave the all clear in regard to this kitchen but…” She peered at the board and frowned.
“But?” he prodded. “What else is bothering you?” He sat down across from her, glad to see more color in her cheeks. “Let’s talk it out, Victoria.”
“You’re very good at that, a
ren’t you, Ben? It’s one thing I really appreciate about you.”
“One thing. Huh. Well, I suppose that’s better than nothing.” That got a smile out of her, which was the goal of his comment. “I like you, too,” he added then wondered if he should have said it when her eyes flared wide in surprise.
“Oh. Thank you.” She dipped her head and stared at the table, but she couldn’t do it for long and soon was peeking through those lush dark lashes. “Want to go for a walk?”
He really didn’t. But he could never say no to Victoria, not knowing how much she loved the outdoors.
“Anywhere in particular?” he asked as he dumped his coffee in the sink.
“Yes.” Victoria rose and smoothed a hand over her midriff. “But I’d rather show you than tell you.”
“Okay.” He followed her to the door, held her coat and then donned his own.
“It’s a good day for a walk since it’s so warm.” She giggled when he made a face. “You don’t have to work, I promise. I only want your opinion.”
“Which will probably lead to work,” he said in his drollest tone. Then lest she misunderstand, he quickly added, “Not that I mind a little work. Mikey and I have stayed here far longer than any guest should.”
“Ben!” Victoria paused on the doorstep, her hand on his arm to keep him from moving away. “You’re not guests. You’re our family,” she said in the most natural way as her hand slid into his. “Come on. This way.”
Family. His heart thudding at those simple yet profound words, Ben walked beside her without speaking. The hand-holding had become commonplace between them, especially on her walks. He needed to make sure she had support if she stumbled or slipped, though it didn’t look like that would happen today with the sun beating down on the rocks and melting the snow.
“Stop here,” Victoria ordered after about ten minutes. “Now look.”
Ben looked. The view from this vantage point was gorgeous; an almost circular meadow with a stream to one side seemed to be waiting for someone to enjoy it.
“The Haven has a gorgeous setting. I can never get enough of these mountains. Some days, the peaks are covered by silvery clouds that seem to brood with secrets waiting to be discovered, and sometimes they blaze in the sunlight like proud testaments to God’s power.” He glanced at her, feeling very self-conscious.
