by Debra Kayn
She was healthy.
She had a relationship with Thad at the moment.
The muscle spasms in her stomach made her nauseous. Pacing the living room, she hugged her middle. The few sips of beer and the salsa she consumed with the women of Notus seemed like a good idea at the time, she now regretted her choices.
Thad.
He was a choice, too.
She'd decided he was worth seeing and having a relationship with. Sex was fantastic with him. His domineering personality complemented her own independent attitude and forced her to give in to his need for a closer relationship than she'd originally planned. He'd made everything okay. More than okay. She felt physically sick with the idea he'd soon know everything about her if he talked to her brother.
She never wanted anyone to find out what her family thought about her.
The doorbell rang. She jolted and whirled around, staring at the door. Nobody ever came to her house in the evenings. Looking around the room for a weapon, she spotted her phone on the coffee table and picked up her cell. The threat of a member of Tigres coming after her still remained despite Lieutenant Gomez's belief that the markers were placed for territorial reasons and not personal.
"Lena, it's Thad. Open the door."
Her shoulders sagged at the comfort of hearing his voice. She slapped her hand to her forehead and stared at the door. Her relief over it not being a Tigres' member wanting inside her house was short lived. She couldn't open the door and face Thad. He'd know something was wrong, and she had no idea how to handle the problem of Notus searching for her.
He'd take her need to separate herself from her family as guilt. She had nothing to hide, and yet she wanted to protect Thad from knowing about her. Why couldn't things have continued on the way they were?
Her brother hiring Notus pushed her into an uncomfortable corner.
There was nothing to feel guilty about but somewhere deep inside of her, she ached for the shame that filled her. Explaining herself now would only make her look mental. More than mental. More standoffish. More unlovable.
Walking to the door, she swiped her fingers under her eyes, inhaled a big breath, and opened the door.
Thad stepped into the house, dropped his duffel, and turned toward her. "I don't give a shit that you want to be alone. I don't want to be away from you."
She flapped her hand at her side, giving in. Taking care of her was important to him, and she couldn't deny him. "We both have to work tomorrow."
"I can leave from here in the morning." He hooked her neck, bringing her closer. "What the fuck is going on with you?"
She exhaled and leaned against him to escape his concerned gaze. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she wished he'd take her into the bedroom and hold her until she went to sleep. She had a feeling, that would be the only time she could relax and know her mind wasn't going to slip back into the past.
"I'm exhausted." She sighed and squeezed him. "I think the news from Gomez hit me harder than I was expecting. I never realized how much I was stressed about the situation with Tigres."
"You're strong," he mumbled. "Why don't we sit, watch some television, and then go to bed early."
Halfway to the couch, she stopped and looked up at him. "You haven't eaten dinner."
"Ain't going to kill me to go without." He tugged her along, settled on the couch, and patted his thigh. "Lay down."
She picked up the remote control off the end table and handed it to him. Then, she sprawled out on the couch and put her head in his lap. Highly aware that she'd agreed to a lazy Sunday evening of staring at the flat screen to keep Thad from questioning her further.
He picked some cop drama show to watch and slouched on the couch, rubbing her back slowly. She closed her eyes. Her brother would be twenty-four years old now. An adult. A man. If she passed him on the sidewalk, she wouldn't recognize him.
When she'd walked out of her childhood home for the last time, she'd left without any hesitation. Only a desire to make it on her own, and she had. A few minimum wage jobs and dingy apartments, she'd made it from Eugene to St. John's. Almost two and a half hours apart from each other, she'd found a place she could call home.
Thad's hand came off her, and he cupped the back of her head. She swallowed at the onslaught of emotions. The warmth from his palm soothed and comforted her. She opened her eyes.
She was afraid of losing him.
All the boundaries and hoops she'd made for him if he wanted to keep seeing her were placed there selfishly. It was easier on her if Thad only wanted sex from her. She tried to convince herself she was protecting him from falling in love with her, but she was the one who was afraid of getting hurt.
She rolled onto her back and looked up at him from his lap. "Thad?"
"Hm?" He lowered his gaze to her eyes and settled his hand between her breasts.
"What will you be doing tomorrow night?"
"Spending it with you, unless the club gets called out on a missing person case," he said.
She extended her arm and cupped his jaw with her hand. "Thank you," she whispered, knowing that after work she'd need to sit down with him and explain why her brother was looking for her and ask him not to share any information about herself with Jack. She was an adult. It was her choice to stay away from a toxic situation.
"For what?"
She rolled to a sitting position, turned, and kissed him softly. "For showing me that there's something special about me that only you see."
His mouth softened. "Other people can see it."
She sighed with the contentment he brought her. He couldn't be more wrong, but she wouldn't argue with him. She'd never had that feeling, besides sexually, of pleasing someone before, and she was more than satisfied with having Thad in her life.
They could be sitting outside, watching tv, standing beside each other eating out of an ice cream carton in the kitchen, or lying in bed together before dropping off to sleep, and she always found herself more content with him than without. Talking and interacting weren't necessary with him. The moments together were surreal and yet not awkward.
Thad captured her lips and patted her hip. His kiss soft and deep, he pulled back and said, "Ready for bed?"
Her nipples peaked at his suggestion. She stood and grabbed his hand, following him down the hallway and into her bedroom. She turned her face and pressed her cheek against his hard bicep as they walked. When she'd left to go to his house on Friday, she'd been ready for bed. So, when she entered the room, she wasn't surprised to find the mess she'd left behind.
Her bedding was in disarray, and there were clothes on every surface—her dresser, her chair, her desk.
She kicked a pair of boots out of her way and glanced at Thad before dashing to the bed to put the sheets and comforter in some semblance of order.
"You're neater than I am," she mumbled, flipping the comforter in the air and letting it fall over the width of the bed.
Thad chuckled. "You're a woman. You have more stuff that I appreciate you wearing."
She looked over her shoulder at him and laughed. He held a bright blue bra with black straps from his index finger. "You like that one?"
He raised his brows and set the bra on her dresser. "Right now, I just want your skin against mine."
She shivered, turned on. He was a simple man, and she warmed knowing even she could please him. She could give him sex for being wonderful to her.
While she undressed, she cleared the books, pens, and lists she'd made off the top of the nightstand and then opened the drawer, found a couple of condoms at the bottom, and placed them on the surface within easy reach. As she closed the drawer, she spotted her packet of birth control pills and grabbed them, slipping into the bathroom attached to her bedroom.
She popped Sunday's pill into her mouth and stuck her head under the faucet, straightening and swallowing. She'd missed two days' worth of pills. Thank God, Thad was a responsible man and always wore a condom. Though it was his fault, she'd fallen off h
er schedule for everything in her life.
He distracted her in the most pleasurable way from her troubles.
She washed her face and dried off with a towel. The more spontaneous living she had with Thad in her life wasn't all bad. She got to spend it with him, which was better than being predictable and alone. And, now that her time with Thad would end after she told him about her past, she definitely wanted one more night with him.
She wanted his arms around her.
She wanted his comfort.
She wanted the security of knowing that right now, he liked her enough to be with her.
"Lena?"
She smiled, always pleased when he sought her out, and opened the bathroom door. "I'm done."
He sat on the bed and flipped back the cover, flashing her a naked Thad. She branded that visual in her head for later. Because her feelings weren't all sexual. They shared comfort with each other, and that was something she had never found anywhere.
That wasn't to say he wasn't watching her walk naked across the room and she wasn't highly aware of how warm his body would be underneath the blanket or how his dick would harden against her when she stretched out beside him. They matched each other perfectly in that way.
She would miss the connection they shared.
Shutting off the bedside light, she slipped into bed and rolled toward him. Even their bodies matched. Her head landed on his upper chest. She bent her knee and placed her leg on him until his lean hip fit at the junction of her thighs. Her breasts pressed against his side.
Thad lowered his arm and rubbed the small of her back. Several minutes passed silently, and she closed her eyes. She should've called Yvonne, Shannon, and Gabi the minute she got home and asked how they were doing after finding a bandana from Tigres. Even as a friend, she let people down.
She wouldn't let Thad down.
Tomorrow night, she'd disappoint him, and she'd let him go while the information she handed over confused him. Days later, when he finally wrapped his head around everything, he'd be glad she let him go. He might not thank her, but he'd feel relief that he hadn't' wasted more time on her.
She rubbed her cheek against his chest. "Make love to me," she whispered.
Reaching down, she wrapped her fingers around his cock as it plumped to hardness.
Thad rolled to his side and kissed her. She parted her lips and welcomed him inside her mouth, brushing her tongue against his. Her nipples ached in pleasure and in pain knowing this could be her last time with Thad.
They'd fallen into a routine. One of them—usually Thad—initiated sex before sleeping and after waking. No matter how many times they had together, she couldn't get enough of him.
Thad shifted and got on his hands and knees above her. She sprawled her hands on his chest. With Thad, sex was easy. It was the emotional impact he left behind that thrilled her beyond anything she could ever imagine. She'd planned to leave her feelings out of their relationship. Instead, her attachment to Thad grew deeper, and she had no way to stop those feelings.
His much warmer body pressed against her. She reached out to the side, blindly tapping her fingertips along the surface of the nightstand looking for a condom. His mouth, hot and determined, lingered against her throat before claiming her lips again. She squirmed underneath him, wanting to touch every part of him. That need to know his desires, fetishes, temptations, and quirks had her studying him when he talked with the Notus members, his friends who called him for help, his parents because she wanted to learn more about him. She wanted the side of himself he gave others. His generosity, his compassion, his friendships.
She hated the thought of sharing him or losing him.
Her greediness was out of control and had to stop. But, not tonight. Tomorrow. She wanted this time with him.
Urged on by the way her body tightened in reaction to him, she slapped her hand down on the table and grabbed a condom. Her breath caught as he cupped her curves. She wanted what she knew would happen, and she wanted to bring him pleasure.
She wanted to please him while pleasing herself. A perfect night they both could hold onto forever as they went their separate ways.
His pleasure became hers, and the subtleties that held her back were in the open for him to see. She gave him everything important about her that she wanted him to know. She cared, deeply. She craved, passionately. She hurt, wholeheartedly. The unspoken facts, the ones that ashamed her, were unimportant at the moment.
Desperate and achy from his touch, she strained toward him. Hot skin against skin, she slid her hand between their bodies finding his cock.
"Thad," she whispered against his lips, arching toward him.
Her body screamed for more and yet he continued kissing her. His tongue demanded, possessed and stroked. Teasing, until her insides coiled and she almost lost control.
He growled in her mouth. A deep quiver spread in her belly until she shivered.
At last, Thad pulled back and paused. She rubbed the condom package between her thumb and finger in an attempt to gain his attention. He ignored her and lowered his head, kissing her stomach.
She slid her fingers into his hair and caught her breath in anticipation. Her pussy pulsed with each heartbeat as his lips worked their way down her body.
He licked her skin. She moaned.
He nipped her mound. She lifted.
He swiped his tongue along her slit. She arched, silently pushing him on. A little more. A little deeper. A little—
He sucked and licked, sending ribbons of sensations all through her body. Pressure built inside her, and when he used his finger to fill her as his mouth concentrated on her clitoris, she dug her heels into the bed and grabbed the comforter with her hands to hold on.
She arched until the top of her head pressed into the pillow and her body strained, tight as a bow. He manipulated her like a puppet, knowing exactly what she liked and how much pressure to apply.
Biting down on her lower lip, she muffled a scream of need.
She was so ready, so on edge. So desperate for him.
He moved and suddenly, the heat of his body warmed her again, and he tugged the condom out from her closed fist. "I want more, Lena."
"Yes," she murmured.
He moved slowly. She grabbed at his arms, her blunt fingertips scratched his skin. She moaned and lifted her legs higher, wider, and dug her heels into his lower back, locking him to her. The force of his cock pressed against her.
He slid into her. She gasped and clamped her legs tighter. She wound her arms around his neck. In the dark, she couldn't see him. But, he was there. He was everywhere.
He thrust, withdrew and plunged again in a slow, steady pace.
She liked that. She also liked fast and wild. She liked being on the bottom, on the top, sitting up, and in the shower. Anywhere and in every way, she liked it because it was with Thad.
Her body vibrated. She moaned at the sudden flood of pleasure swelling, rolling, reeling. Thad had magic. He'd walked into her life and had her forgetting about the fear of losing herself when they were together.
Until she lost everything they'd created tonight at the mention of her real name.
Every inch of her constricted as her orgasm assaulted her body, losing herself. Losing him. Losing all the work she'd done to cleanse her life of her family.
His body stiffened as he followed her to completion before he whispered her name and cradled her close. She held her breath wanting to remain safe and free. But, it was too late.
The fires of hell had flamed up to lick her skin, again.
Thad's body hardened and then disappeared off her. The light came on. She curled to her side, letting out the ugly sobs that robbed her body of everything wonderful Thad had given her.
She hid her face behind her hands but not before she'd seen the panic and shock on Thad's face over her drastic change in moods.
Her time with Thad had ended.
Chapter 17
Detective Mooney peeked out of his of
fice, stopping Lena and Yvonne from leaving after their shift. Yvonne gasped, and Lena put her hand on her co-worker's back. For the last twelve hours, she'd witnessed Yvonne's stress level skyrocket, which was odd since the information they'd both received about the threats not being aimed at them was good news.
"I wanted to let you ladies know the new security camera covering the side parking lot where we asked you to park from now on has remained quiet. No sign of anything out of the ordinary." Detective Mooney smiled at them both when they exhaled together. "It looks like you both have escorts waiting in the main parking lot that haven't been informed you're parked on the side of the building."
"Thanks." Yvonne inhaled deeply. "My dad said he was going to be outside waiting for me when my shift ended to follow me home. I'm being a scaredy-cat, but it's dark. I'm not ready—"
"That's smart, Yvonne." Detective Mooney looked at Lena expectantly.
She had no idea who would be outside waiting for her. Thad had told her he was going to meet her at her house and then gave her strict instructions on how to protect herself and if she felt unsure about going outside to have one of the policemen escort her.
"He's on a sweet looking Harley Davidson," said Detective Mooney.
"Ah..." She gave a tight smile, her stomach flip-flopping. "That'll be Thad."
She wasn't going to explain why Thad was here for her. When she'd left the house this morning and Thad went his way, and she went the other, their departure had been awkward and painful. After her crying jag after having sex with him, she'd refused to say what upset her beside it wasn't him or anything he'd done. There wasn't enough time to explain, and she hadn't been ready.
Her non-communication tactic hadn't set well with Thad. At all. For a little while this morning, she wasn't even sure he'd go to work. He was reluctant to leave her, no matter how much she assured him she was okay.
"See you tomorrow, Detective." She pulled Yvonne's arm, urging her co-worker forward.
Outside, she let go of Yvonne. Her body acted as if she was high on speed with the impending talk on her mind all day while dealing with crazy-ass 911 calls.
