by Debra Kayn
He stepped toward her before she could get away, hooked her neck, and captured her lips. Her mouth open from breathing hard gave him access, and he dipped his tongue and savored her. Going cold turkey after having her to himself was killing him.
Chapter 19
Already exhausted from an extra-long run, Lena sagged against Thad as the pang of arousal from his kiss hit her. Like he'd often done, he took control, and her stupid body folded like a love-starved puppy under a firm hand. She groaned, using the last of her strength, and pushed against his chest.
Her lips throbbed from where he'd pressed against her. "Stop."
He raised his hands in front of his chest. "I stopped."
"What do you want?"
"I need to talk to you."
She fingered her lips, hating how her voice trembled. "That wasn't talking."
He looked wonderful, towering over her, fiercely possessive, and staring at her. She'd seen that look many times. He wanted her.
"Invite me in," he said.
"No."
"Invite me in, Lena," he repeated.
She looked away. There was no way she could deny him anything. Her days had seemed twice as long since she'd sent him away and her nights were miserable. All she'd accomplished was a lot of tossing and turning until finally, she slept on the couch watching some cheesy telenovela she couldn't even understand because it wasn't in English.
It took everything she had inside of her to stay alert at work.
"Five minutes." She walked around him, dug into her pocket for her key, and let him inside the house.
Thad walked halfway into her house before he stopped. She watched him out of her peripheral vision and removed her hoodie, quickly sweeping the stray hairs back into her ponytail. Turning around, she used her sweatshirt to wipe her face. He had her sweating more than her run.
When she turned back around, he was gone. She tilted her head listening. He wouldn't go to her bedroom. Not after she broke up with him. Would he?
The trickling of water came from the other room. She pressed her hand to her nervous stomach. The kitchen was a safe area.
Thad returned before she worked up enough nerve to follow him and she quickly sat down. He handed her a glass of water. She held onto it with both hands to keep from spilling.
"I thought I was clear last Sunday about us not seeing each other anymore," she said.
Thad sat down on the couch. "I have something else I need to talk to you about."
"What?"
His mouth tightened. "Will you sit over here."
"It's better if I sit in the chair."
"Please?"
A flash of concern came in his gaze. She stood and walked over and sat on the couch, keeping space between them. He shifted and moved closer, placing his hand on her thigh. She knew this was a bad idea.
"Notus had a meeting with your brother this morning." He closed his mouth and stroked the inside of her leg with his thumb
If he expected her to show interest, he could wait forever. There was nothing she wanted to know, except if Thad kept his promise about keeping her location a secret.
"Is it over then?" She set the glass on the coffee table, hoping the movement would dislodge his hand, but he kept in contact with her leg.
"Yes." He leaned closer and waited until she looked at him. "Your mother is dying, Lena. She has colon cancer. Your brother said she has less than two weeks to live."
She wanted to laugh at the way Thad waited for her to react with tears, anger, or guilt. Instead, she shrugged. It was the only emotion she could give him.
She felt nothing.
"As long as you never told my brother or her where I live or my new name, we're good," she said.
Thad removed his hand from her leg and leaned against the couch, still half turned toward her. "No, I told you we wouldn't, and we didn't," he whispered.
She moved to stand, and he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down to the couch. A sigh came out of her. She hated confrontations. Even more, she had no idea how to handle a difference of opinion when it had to do with her. Give her an argument over politics, work procedures, or who should marry The Bachelor on television, and she could state her opinion.
But, when that conflict centered on her, she rather take the blame because ninety-nine percent of the time, it was her fault...whatever it was.
"Thanks," she said, ending the conversation.
Thad inhaled deeply. "Lena?"
That one name, her name, the only name that meant something, dripping in male frustration kept her quiet.
"I'm not quitting us." He framed her face with his hands. "Whatever you need to get through, you'll get through with me by your side. I've thought of nothing else all fucking week, and there's no reason for you to stop seeing me. This isn't about me. If you have shit in your life and you don't want my help, then do it on your own, but I'm going to be here in case you need me."
"You don't understand," she said.
"No, I don't." He kissed her softly. "I want to."
"You'll end up hating me, and I—"
He sealed her mouth with his lips. She shuddered at how easy he made it seem without knowing how damaging she was to those in her life.
Thad drew back slowly, kissed her again, and leaned his forehead against hers. "Do you feel it?"
She closed her eyes, desiring him more than she could express. Her need for him petrified her. She'd barely survived the hurt caused by being born into the wrong family, and she came away messed up and dysfunctional. If Thad broke her heart, she'd never survive.
"You feel it, babe," he whispered. "Let me show you how to fucking recognize it."
She nodded, and her head slipped out of his hands, and she buried her face in his neck. "I'm scared," she whispered in his ear.
"Be scared. Be angry. Be whatever you have to be. It's not going to scare me away." He cupped the back of her head, scooped his arm underneath her thighs, and lifted.
With her body airborne, she fully understood that Thad was taking her to her bedroom and they'd have sex. A shudder ran through her, and she held on tighter. "I stink."
His body quivered in amusement. "Shower?"
"Yes, please." She'd picked the wrong time to go on a run.
In the bathroom, Thad stood her on her feet. She stripped out of her clothes while he adjusted the shower. Her bathroom lacked the large shower-bathtub combo Thad had at his house. She had a standup shower straight out of the eighties. There was no way they'd both fit inside.
Nothing about her compared to Thad. It wasn't physical belongings she worried about, but her lack of emotions she'd lost long ago. Thad had the power to rip away what little humanity that remained in her, and she had no way to stop him from touching that.
She couldn’t go down the same path of self-destruction. Yet, she couldn't deny the pleasure he brought with him.
He straightened from the shower. His blue eyes pierced her soul. He believed forcing her to face their relationship would work, and maybe it would. But, it only took one disappointment to turn him into hating her.
He challenged her, and it was his dedication that had her here, naked, wanting him. Could she be good enough for him, or was she letting her desires rule her heart?
She moved to slip by him and step into the shower, and he palmed her ass, stopping her. Turning, she kissed him. Adrenaline coursed through her body. He took her deep, slow, and gently pulled away. With a husky voice, he said, "Take your shower."
She shut herself in the small enclosure. Aware of him on the other side of the lightly filtered door, she quickly washed and rinsed her hair. Blinking the moisture out of her eyes, she noticed a rugged, broad hand holding a washcloth over the glass door.
She took the offered cloth and pumped liquid soap onto it and lathered her body. Sneaking looks at Thad through the door, the color of his body turned from black—leather jacket, and blue—jeans, to the color of flesh. He'd taken off his clothes.
He stood back from the
door. She couldn't make out the features of his face through the marbled glass. Though she was highly aware that his attention centered on her. She lathered her body from her shoulders down to her toes. Thad went still.
She smiled to herself and continued to rub her breasts, covering them in bubbles. The more she swept the cloth over her skin, the more turned on she got knowing Thad was in the bathroom enjoying the peep show, waiting for her, probably impatient. Her nipples ached for more, and she inhaled a shaky breath feeling a constriction in her pussy.
Wringing out the washcloth, she hung it over the door, rinsed off her body and hesitated. If she shut off the water, her desire to protect herself from becoming more involved with Thad would be over.
At that point, the only way he'd understand her need to protect herself was if he could see what she'd lived through. If others convinced him she wasn't worth loving, she might be able to walk away from him without as much damage and no regret.
She shut off the water, her mind made up.
She'd go visit her mother and brother for Thad's sake because he deserved to understand how very different she was from him. From everyone.
The door came open. Thad held a towel in front of him for her. She walked to him and let him wrap and dry her off. The soft material couldn't hide Thad's rough, impatient movements. Her equilibrium unbalanced, she lost her balance under his rigorous drying and yet he kept her on her feet.
He stopped.
The towel dropped to the floor.
She gazed at his erect cock, over his ripped, rock-hard stomach, across his broad chest, and settled on his blue eyes. With her decision made, she stepped into his embrace, winding her arms around his waist. He refused to leave, and she refused to believe their relationship would work out, so she'd hand over all the information about her to him soon. That way he could make up his own mind.
His cock hardened even more against her stomach. She kissed her way down his neck, his chest, and sank to her knees on the tile floor. She kissed the small indention at the front of his hip and looked up to him for approval. He brushed her wet hair out of her face.
He stroked her cheek. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"
She weighed his balls in her hand and leaned forward to take his cock in her mouth when he pulled her to her feet before she had time to think.
"I want inside of you." He moved her away from the counter.
She grabbed on to the towel rack as she widened her legs. The crinkle of a condom wrapper filled the small area and then his hand landed on her hip, and the large size of his hardness nudged her between the legs. Already wet for him, he slid into her with one thrust, taking her to her toes. The height difference only added pressure, filling her completely.
He wrapped both his arms around her. One hand cupped her breast. The other slipped between her legs. Unable to hold on, she straightened more and leaned her back against his chest.
She reached up and hooked her hand behind his head to keep him close. His slight movement inside of her quickly had her shivering, and she sagged in his arms letting him set the motion.
He wasn't thrusting. He rocked. Back and forth. Side to side. Grinding in her.
His fingers stroked her clit and rolled her nipple simultaneously. Pleasure hit her from all directions. The steam from her shower coated her skin with moisture again. Thad's heavy breathing heightened her arousal. His body fully connected to hers and yet forbidden gave her a sense of safety.
"Fucking missed you, babe." He nipped the lobe of her ear with his teeth. "This feels good and right."
"For now." She closed her eyes pushing out the doubts. "I can’t think when you’re touching me."
He chuckled low in her ear. "Good. Then, I'll keep touching you."
"Harder," she said on a moan.
His hands came away from her and reconnected with her hips. He walked her forward a step without taking his cock from her pussy. She reached out and grabbed the towel rack, leaning over until her back was parallel to the floor and her ass was planted firmly in front of Thad.
He gripped her hip bones tighter and pulled out, plunging back in. The momentum beat the worry, the stress, the self-doubts out of her conscious until her body tensed, her insides coiled, and her wishes exploded.
"Yes." She gritted her teeth as pleasure whooshed throughout her middle and left her limbs shaking.
Thad bent over and spooned her back, holding her tight against him as he came. Her trembles multiplied feeling his body shudder. The little stumble as he caught himself from the magnitude of his pleasure penetrated her heart. This felt right.
He held on to her to keep her steady, eventually straightening and refusing to let go. She leaned her head back against his chest and closed her eyes. The stressful and lonely week without him caught up to her. She was too sated to argue, too tired to push him away, too hopeful to listen to the doubts.
Eventually, his cock slipped from her body, and Thad stepped away from her to throw away the condom. She shivered from the loss of his warmth. Dragging her feet out of the bathroom, she fell onto the bed and pulled the covers over her body with a yawn.
Thad carried his clothes out and laid them on the dresser, removing his phone from the pocket of his Notus jacket. She patted the bed, and when he joined her, she snuggled up to his side.
"Beat?" he asked, putting his arm underneath her head.
She nuzzled his chest and yawned again. "I haven't been sleeping all week."
He grunted. She rubbed his stomach. The slight movement of his thumb tapping on his phone jostled the bed.
"I'm just going to close my eyes a few minutes," she mumbled, knowing it was too early to call it a night.
Half aware of him beside her, she dozed. Thankful she had the next three days off work, she planned to spend tomorrow with Thad if he stayed.
She jolted, remembering what she'd decided. Before she could plan for the future, she needed to have Thad meet her mother.
"What's wrong?" He set his phone down on the nightstand and turned toward her.
"I'll go see my mom and brother but only if you go with me," she said.
He raised his brows. "Okay."
"Okay." She pursed her lips and decided to be honest about her intentions. "I want you to see...my family, before you decide you want to be with me."
His brows went in the opposite direction. "Your family has nothing to do with how I feel about you."
"That's easy to say." She sat up in bed, wide awake. "I can tell a lot about you by your motorcycle club and how they interact with you. I can tell what kind of person you are by how many phone calls and texts you receive from your friends. I can tell what kind of man you are by your father and I can tell where your understanding comes from just looking at your mother. You need to see what my family thinks of me and what kind of person I am."
"That doesn't mean a damn thing to me, babe." He sat up. "When do you want me to take you?"
She shrugged, knowing the longer it took, the longer she'd still have Thad with her. "In a couple of weeks."
"Your mom..." His cheek twitched. "Lena, your brother said she doesn't have two weeks."
"I work next weekend. Day shift, so that's out. I don't want to visit there at night."
"We'll go tomorrow." He pulled her off the bed and grabbed his clothes.
"Tomorrow is Sunday." Her chest ached from the added pressure of making plans to go visit her past.
He pulled his jeans up over his hips. "We both have the day off. Less traffic. It's a good time to go see them."
No day was good. She scrambled to her feet, got dressed, and followed him through the house to the kitchen.
He opened the fridge.
"We could order pizza if you're hungry." She hadn't eaten much this week and skipped going to the grocery store.
He pulled out his phone from his pocket. "I'll call."
When he finished, she said, "I want to drive my car to Eugene, so I'll follow you."
"I'll drive yo
ur car. That way you can just deal with shit." He leaned over and kissed her. "Don't sweat it. I'll get you there and bring you back."
She tapped her bare foot. She wasn't worried about going. She was worried about how the ride home would be after Thad witnessed how her family treated her.
One thing was for sure. Her mom never requested her brother to find her, not even on her death bed would she want to see her daughter. Lena wanted to know why Jake would hire Notus Motorcycle Club to find her.
Chapter 20
A little girl rode her bicycle on the sidewalk ahead of her mother, who pushed a stroller with a baby waving happily. Lena turned her head and followed them a few more seconds from the passenger seat of her car. The cool weather had the leaves blowing off the trees and caused redness to paint the child's cheeks.
Letting the scene leave, she looked in front of her at the corner store—a Swift Mart. A van load of young boys spilled out of the side door in blue and white soccer uniforms. Their spirits high, she could practically hear their squeals and yells over the radio playing in the car.
Thad's hand on her thigh squeezed. She glanced at him. For the last hour, he hadn't taken his hand off her. He spent the time either holding her leg, her hand, or leaning over when traffic stopped to kiss her.
The question in his gaze remained the same. How was she?
She'd told him at least twenty times over the last two hours she was fine. The visit to her mother's house couldn't hurt her. It was the ride home alone with Thad that she dreaded.
"We only have a mile until we arrive," said Thad.
She looked away from him and concentrated on the world outside the car. They'd entered the residential area of her youth. Instead of people, she spotted the curb she hit with her skateboard, scraping the skin off both knees. An older woman from the brown house came out and put Band-Aids on her injuries. She had never learned the lady's name, but it was the first time someone had taken care of her when she'd been hurt. She was fourteen years old at the time. That day remained branded in her head.
