“I’m trying to knock some sense into you, you big dummy. Sara loves you and these two little hellions,” I say, pointing at Lily and Gage stealing chocolates off the dessert platter. Adam swipes at them, causing another round of giggles. He grabs a wet washcloth off the counter and bends down to wipe sticky fingers before they stain their new clothes. I smile at the sweet chaos of it all. “Let go of perfect and just be you. She’ll love it.”
Adam stands up and kisses the top of my head. “You’re right. It wouldn’t be us if at least part of dinner didn’t end up on the floor,” he says with a laugh.
Adam enlisted my help last month, determined to give Sara the perfect proposal. I’ve searched high and low for the best food and flowers. He brought Marlo and me ring shopping. Even Marlo’s jaded view of love couldn’t ruin the magic of it all. We may have even made a tiny chip in her armor of steel.
If Adam waits one more day to pop the question, Sara may spontaneously combust. Her patience ran out long ago, and, at this point, I think she’d be happy if he just tossed the ring box in her lap. She’s more interested in starting happily ever after than the production it takes to get there.
A quick knock on the front door makes Adam’s eyes go wide. Sara’s voice fills the house as we all freeze in excitement … anticipation…
“Adam, where are you? What’s with the mysterious note?”
Adam’s lips turn up into a giant smile, and he high-fives Lily and Gage as they jump up and down excitedly.
“Showtime!” he whispers, his voice laced with forever.
I place the decadent cupcake on the crystal plate and dust everything with edible glitter. Marlo thought of everything when given the task of making the perfect dessert for tonight. Lavender cupcakes with candied petals strategically placed on top a mound of honey frosting. I hand the first plate to Lily, and she nods solemnly as she walks slowly into the dining room, the cupcake teetering dangerously. I turn around to hand Gage the other cupcake just as he pops a candied petal into his mouth.
“It’s good,” he mumbles, as he chews his stolen treat, not one ounce of guilt showing on his face.
I giggle as I rustle his perfectly coifed hair. He pulls back, scowling as he molds his faux-hawk back into place. Like father, like son.
“No stealing, little man. Marlo made Sm’oreo cupcakes for you and Lily. You can have them a little later tonight with that plate of chocolates.”
“Yes!” he says with a tiny dude fist pump.
I hand Gage the dessert plate, and he follows after Lily to the dining room. I peek through the door just in time to see Lily placing her tiara on Sara’s bent head. For those of us who know Lily, there is no greater seal of approval. Lily sharing her princess status is huge.
Tiny feet hustle back to the kitchen and grab onto my legs, peeking around into the dining room.
“This is it, right, Aunt Cece?” Lily’s eyes dance with excitement, and Gage squeezes my leg tighter.
“Yes, my sweet girl, this is it. Now shh,” I whisper with a finger to my lips.
The house is filled with electrified silence—the only sound the clanging of metal and crystal. I chance a look, and my heart fills to the brim at the adoration radiating from Adam as he watches Sara. He’s truly found his match.
He inches his chair closer to hers and reaches out. His thumb runs over her ribcage as he whispers, “I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.”
She leans into him. “I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet,” she murmurs against his lips.
I smile at their exchange, knowing E.E. Cummings’s words are tattooed on each of their ribcages. We all swooned as Sara told us the story at one of our girls’ lunches.
His mouth covers hers, and their bodies relax together on a heated sigh. I cover Lily and Gage’s mouths to muffle their snickering.
Adam rests his head on Sara’s, a small smile playing on his lips. “You know, Cummings wrote verses in between those two lines.”
“He did, didn’t he? I forget what they are…”
“’I am never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.’ I’ve rolled those verses over in my head a million times this week. They’re inked on my skin and etched on my heart … because of you.”
“I love you so much.” Her words release on a ragged breath, emotion radiating from her every pore.
Adam’s thumb brushes across her cheek as he lightly kisses her and pulls away. “I’ve had my fair share of dark and hard in my life, but loving you and the kids is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And I want to do it every day, for the rest of my life.”
Adam drops from his chair and onto one knee as Sara gasps into her hand. Tears well up in my eyes, and the room hums with anticipation. I put a hand on each of the children, physically holding them back from crashing the proposal.
“Let me love you forever, Sara. Say you’ll be my wife.”
He opens his hand to reveal the tiny box, but never has the chance to open it. Sara throws her hands around his neck and lunges forward, tackling him to the ground.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes…” she repeats as she peppers his face with tiny kisses and laughter.
Squeals erupt from Lily and Gage, and it’s getting harder to hold them back. “Careful lovelies,” I whisper as I open the floodgates.
They bound into the dining room, and in a flash of fur and ribbons, jump right on top of the pile.
“I want to wear a white dress, too, Ra Ra,” Lily exclaims in a fit of laughter as Adam tickles her belly.
Lily’s tiara rolls onto the carpet as Sara wraps her arms around the pile of haphazard limbs. “Of course, my sweet.”
I head into the kitchen and wrap the few leftovers in aluminum foil before sneaking out the kitchen door. This is a time for family, and I would never dream of intruding.
I traipse across the dark lawn, careful not to trip on tree knots and children’s toys. I smile to myself as I go over the events of the night in my head. These last few months have been rather solitary for me, so tonight was quite the treat.
Tonight also served as a precursor to this weekend’s activities—a chance to get my feet wet before the big shindig. After spending nearly all of my time with my head down and my thoughts buried in my work, I have to face the music that no longer plays for me. I, along with Cain and Kimberly, will be attending Alex and West’s wedding.
I avoid get-togethers, leave early with concocted excuses, and all together ignore phone calls to avoid watching it happen. I always knew Cain would move on with his life and leave me behind. That doesn’t mean I want a front row seat to the show.
I’m accustomed to living my life looking backward. Memories are what fuel me because my current life threatens to pull me under every day. So I remember Lucas before the illness. I think of Grams and her whimsical nuggets about life and love. I dream of Cain before he gave up on me—before he loved someone else.
Memories keep me breathing and sane, but sometimes the longing it creates is too much. Tonight, I’m overflowing. Tonight, the silence settling in my soul crushes me.
That’s why I dial a familiar phone number and pray for the sound of his voice, even if it’s all I can have.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
The phone connects, and my ear is filled with infectious laughter, but it’s not Cain’s voice I hear.
“Cain’s phone, how can I help you—stop it, Cain, that tickles!”
“Give me the phone, babe, and I’ll stop,” Cain says in the background with a chuckle. The warmth in his voice sends ice through my veins.
A squeal pierces my ear, and I pull the phone away, hitting the END button in a panic. God, I feel like such an idiot. What in the hell was I thinking?
The ringing of my phone startles me, and dread sinks in my bones.
With clenched teeth and a nauseous stomach, I answer the call. No reason to prolong the inevitable embarrassment.
/> “H-hello?”
“Hey, did you just call my phone? Is something wrong at the house?”
I shut my eyes and hold back the words I want to tell him. “Um, yeah, that was me. I just called to see how you were doing.”
I miss you every single day.
“To see how I was doing…” His voice trails off, and his tone gives nothing away.
“Yep, that’s it,” I say, trying my hardest to sound lighthearted and relaxed.
Sometimes, if I close my eyes, I can still feel your lips on mine.
He sighs into the phone, and I hear the television in the background trailing off, as if he’s leaving the room.
“Celia…” He sighs again. “You can’t just call me out of the blue anymore. It’s just … it’s not okay.”
I cover my mouth and nose to muffle the sound of my sobs. I wish for the weight of the memories, if this is the alternative. My heart splinters, slices into unsalvageable pieces.
“I know … I’m sorry,” I whisper, afraid he will hear my sorrow if I raise my voice any louder.
You were my heart, my soul, my laugh. I tried to be your sweet … your sparkle.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he says in a gentle voice, telling me I’m doing a terrible job of hiding my hurt. “Look … take care, all right?”
“Yeah, you too.”
Please save me from this empty life.
“Good night.”
He hangs up before I have a chance to reply.
Sarge whistles a tune while we rock in silence, and the beautiful sound softens my mood and feeds my soul. The faint creaking of the rocking chairs, along with his whistling, fills the evening air. His eyes are closed, and he looks as serene as I feel.
“I suggest you start sipping that mint julep, little lady. We take teatime serious in these parts,” he mutters with a cracked eye.
He goes back to rocking and sings an old Frank Sinatra tune. The only thing more captivating than Sarge’s whistling is his singing. His deep baritone flows like a perfectly aged merlot, deep and rich.
“You’d give old blue eyes a run for his money, Sarge. Did you ever think of singing professionally?” I ask as I sip my syrupy drink.
His booming laughter surprises me, and I turn to face him, curling my legs up into the chair.
“Girly, this voice was made for wooing the ladies and church on Sunday. Nothing else.”
I giggle. “Now, why do I think you wooed more ladies than sang hymns?”
He winks at me and nods his head. “Because you know a charmer when you see one. Had to beat ‘em off with a stick, I did. But I only had eyes for my sweet Rose. After fifty years, she still moves me. Some things are just written in the stars.”
“You’re lucky to have found a love like that … to live it all these years.”
“Girly, luck has nothing to do with it. We choose each other, every day. Finding love is the easy part. Living it, working your tail off to keep it? There’s no luck in that. It’s hard work.”
“But worth it, right?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears.” He chuckles and closes his eyes. “Whenever times were tough, when Rose and I didn’t see eye to eye, I always went back to the beginning. There’s an oak tree out on Highway 88. It’s where we first kissed, where I proposed, where we—well, you get the picture…”
I giggle at his comment and the boyish grin playing on his lips.
“Anytime I have doubts, I sit under that tree and remember the good times. And then I always come to the realization that even the bad times are good times, as long as my Rose is by my side.”
I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on top of my knees. “I wish I had a place like that—a place to center me and clear the fog.”
I have no family home to speak of, and I don’t feel Grams at the cemetery. My St. Jude necklace dangles on my neck, and I know it’s the only thing that makes her feel close. Sometimes I hold the pendant tightly in my fist, and whisper all my worries and wants, just like I used to with Grams. But an actual place? I can’t think of one.
“You just haven’t found it yet, but it’s out there.”
“Yeah,” I whisper wistfully, just as the screen door creaks.
“Celia, darling, you dress is hemmed and ready to go. I hung it on the back of the door,” Granny says as she crosses her arms and leans on the doorframe. “Is the old geezer minding his manners, or do I need to withhold his apple pie?”
“Stop your crazy talk, woman. There’s no old geezer out here.” Sarge nudges me and smiles.
I play along and clear my throat. “Nope, I only see a dashing gentleman on this porch.”
Granny walks to Sarge and steals a kiss from her all-too-eager husband. “He is dashing, isn’t he?”
I gather my purse and quickly duck inside to get my dress. Granny helped me out of a pinch, and the dress looks to be the perfect length.
“Thank you so much for your help, Granny. And, as always, thank both of you for the company.”
I give each of them a tight hug. These visits mean the world to me, and I don’t know what I would do if Cain ever asked me to stop seeing his family. It may very well be my breaking point. To a girl with no family, an evening with Granny and Sarge is priceless.
As I walk down the porch steps, Sarge’s rocker begins to creak, and his gentle whistle fills the air. I reach my car and turn to find Granny following closely behind. She crosses her arms and leans against the side of my car.
She gives me a knowing look. “Are you ready for tomorrow night, sweet girl?”
I release a sigh and give her a grim smile. “I guess I have to be, right?”
“Yes, I guess you do,” she says, brushing my hair behind my ear. “When you see my grandson, I want you to remember something.”
“What’s that, Granny?”
She stands and holds me by my shoulders. “You’ve left him with no other choice, my darling. I love you like one of my own, but the truth is the truth. You’ve left him no alternative but to move on with his life. Please remember that.”
I give her a quick nod, knowing she’s speaking the truth. No matter how seeing him with Kimberly makes my gut twist, I have no one to blame but myself. So I square my shoulders and swallow my fate.
So tomorrow, I’ll watch Alex marry the love of her life while seeing Cain happy with the love of his.
“Still” by Matt Nathanson
Present Day
KIMBERLY’S NAILS RUN up and down my sleeved arm as she clutches on to me for dear life. I chalk it up to nerves. She’s out of her comfort zone with my friends. She’s pretty clingy normally, but she’s reminding me of a damn octopus today. For the hundredth time, I regret my decision to invite her.
We sit under a massive oak tree on Alex’s family’s golf course, bathed in twinkle lights and the scent of wildflowers. Adam softly strums the guitar from the front of the makeshift altar as we wait for the bride to arrive. Come to think of it, we’re still waiting for most of the women. No doubt, they’re all crowded together pecking and squawking like a house of hens.
Alex and West have waited what I’m sure feels like a lifetime for this day. I watched them struggle and claw their way through setback after setback to be together. I sat back as they duked it out from the beginning, and it’s been quite a show. What started out as a weekly golf game between Alex and me quickly evolved into a threesome. It’s humbling, to say the least, getting my ass handed to me by a girl and a one-legged man, but the company makes it worth the shame. They are two of the coolest people I know, and I couldn’t be happier they found their way back to each other.
“Psst,” Adam whispers to get my attention. “What if Lily and Gage are holding up the show? Go check and see if they need to wait for the ceremony out here. I don’t want them causing trouble.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. No way do I want to walk into a crowd of women with wedding on the brain. There’s also a certain fairy I haven�
��t seen yet, and I’m feeling the need to postpone the inevitable pain that always comes with that. Lily and Gage are also part of the wedding party, and I’m sure they’ll be just fine staying with the girls. At Adam’s insistent glare, I sigh and roll my eyes, trying to think of another way.
“How much longer?” Kimberly pouts. Her whiny voice brings my attention back to her and gives me an idea at the same time.
“Kimberly, will you please check at the main house for Lily and Gage? I’ve got one set of balls too many to crawl up into that hen house. The kids can wait for the ceremony out here with us.”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
She stands and smooths out her mini dress, and I do mean mini. I’m not up to date on all the fashion shit, but I’m willing to bet her get-up is not appropriate wedding attire. She bends down, giving me a blatant shot of her Grand Canyon cleavage, and kisses me. Just like the dress, the full tongue kiss in the presence of God and everybody seems over the top. She sashays down the aisle, hips swinging too much to be natural, with a smug smile planted on her face.
I catch Adam’s rolling eyes, and I shrug. He hasn’t outwardly expressed a dislike for Kimberly, but it’s not hard to read him. Truth be told, she’s not at the top my list of favorite people, either. It’s funny how after a couple of dates here and there, she and I are right back on opposite sides of the fence. I’m just looking for an occasional date, and she’s ready pick out fucking china patterns.
Honestly, things are even more awkward between Kimberly and me now than they were the first time we dated. She offered up the goods that very first night when she spotted me at the bar, and she’s had her pussy on a platter ever since. The more I say no, the shorter her skirts get. Every time I duck her advances, she puts more cleavage on display. If her dress cuts any lower, there’s gonna be a nip slip. I’m running out of excuses. If I postpone sexy time much longer, she’ll for sure think my dick’s broken.
The old saying, “Love the one you’re with” … Yeah, I’m failing that shit in grand style. Whether or not Celia wants me, deep in my gut, being with Kimberly feels like betrayal. I can push through the hand holding, hugging, and occasional kiss, but anything more than that? I can’t go through with it. I keep waiting for it to get easier, for the edge to dull with time, but … I’m still waiting. I won’t force a relationship with Kimberly if I’m not feeling it, and I don’t feel a damn thing. No woman deserves to be second best when she’s in a man’s bed. That being said, I have a picture in my mind of Kimberly’s impatient vagina with its arms crossed and toe tapping, waiting for me to get my head in the game. The image isn’t helping matters.
Storms Over Secrets Page 22
