My eyes closed, compelling my arms to stay limp at my sides. He squeezed tighter, then his hands froze. A roar bellowed from him, forcing my lashes open. Ryker’s fingers dropped away, stepping back from me. His face twisted with pain. I inhaled air into my lungs but didn’t move, my gaze burning into him. The fae part quickly healed the pain in my throat.
He leaned over his knees, groaning and pounding his fist into his leg. Then he stilled.
“Fuck!” Ryker raked his hands over his face, standing back up. He kept his face covered, his breaths becoming measured. He dropped his arms, but his eyes would not meet mine. We stood in heavy silence for a long time. Then he finally spoke.
“When this is all over.” He cleared his throat, his arms locked down at his sides. “I’m going away.”
It felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on me. “What?”
“I can’t do this to you. I’m not just hurting you; I’m killing you.” He swallowed, his gaze still not able to meet mine. “I can’t do this to myself either. Do you know how hard it is to be around you? How torturous this is?” He set his jaw.
“Where would you go anyway? The oath will always draw you to me.”
“It eases a bit the farther away I go. I’ll have to live with it. But I can’t be this close to you and not be able to touch you.”
I saw the verdict was settled. He pushed out his chest. “You’ve already decided this. Nothing I can say will change your mind?”
“No.” He shook his head and rolled his shoulders back, his expression cool and firm. “I will stay till we get Annabeth and can find you guys a safe place to lay low for a while.”
“You aren’t going to help with DMG?” I snapped. My defenses bucking up. “They still have your axe.”
He shifted on his feet.
“You’re just going to abandon us when I…we need you.” I was being completely unfair, I understood that, but my pain lashed out.
“Zoey, don’t make this harder. I’ve talked to Croygen. He will stay with you and help with Lexie. I’ll come back and assist when you are ready to fight DMG. Croygen knows how to contact me.”
He was actually leaving! All my past insecurities flamed up in my chest, clogging my air waves. “No.”
“I don’t want to.” He glanced at his boots. “I have to.”
“What about the stone?”
“I’ll be taking it. You don’t need that burden as well.”
“No!” My reaction blurted out with fire. Possessive energy chewed up my throat. “You’re not going to take it from me!”
“Take it from you?” His lips thinned. “Jesus, Zoey. Do you even hear yourself?” He lifted his arms toward me. “Do you even notice what it’s doing to you?”
“What are you talking about? It’s not doing anything.”
He snorted crudely. “You don’t even see it. You’ve lost weight, you get the shakes like a druggie. Headaches, moody. Possessive. It’s slowly destroying you.” He took a step toward me. “I should have never given it to you. It was selfish of me to make you carry the burden. I can’t watch it continue to hurt you. Give it to me.” He held out his hand.
A crazed overprotective feeling fumed up, engulfing me till I couldn’t breathe. I took several steps back.
“No.”
“Hand it over or I will take it.” He regained the space I put between us.
My hand went to the small blade in my boot, tugging it out, my brain not even taking in what I was doing or saying. Only reacting.
“If you dare try.” I held up the knife to his chest, the tip poking into his breastbone. “Don’t fucking touch me or the stone. I will kill you, Ryker. Don’t test me. I will. I swear.” I strained through my teeth, fury lurching down my arm.
“And don’t fucking challenge me, human.” His tattoo and eyes both sparked, his nostrils flaring. “It will end far worse for you.”
“I’m warning you, Viking. The stone stays with me.”
“Oh really?” He licked his lips. “Stop me.”
My body came alive, understanding the moment before someone is about to strike. This was something I knew. I understood. And I wanted it. I wanted his blood.
His hand shot out for my wrist, going for the weapon. My arm blocked it, my leg kicking out for his stomach. He dodged out of the way, giving me more room to spring back and to stab my knife out for him. He dipped to the side, my blade nicking his shirt. I sprang forward, twisting back around, and swiped the back of his leg. The knife cut a line through his jeans; the edge of my blade came back red. Ryker snarled, ramming his elbow into my ribs, his power flinging me to the side.
He was huge and I was tiny. But I knew how to fight men far bigger than me and still win.
Bring. It. Adrenaline and fury pumped in my veins. The stone rang with energy, salivating at every punch that met its mark.
That’s right, Zoey. Don’t let him take us away from each other, the stone taunted in my head.
I danced in closer, my fist cutting up into his Adam’s apple. Ryker cracked his head forward, knocking into my face. Blood instantly gushed from my nose. I howled, punching directly into his kidney. He gasped, stepping back.
Keeping low, I jabbed the knife into the side of his knee. He snapped his jaw and grabbed the weapon, ripping it from his leg and tossing it on the floor. His eyes blazed with light, his shoulders rolled back, and a snarl curled his lips. He raced for me, grabbing my arms. He yanked me into him, aligning our bodies. Heat, rage, and violence throbbed between us. We both froze, breaths heavy. His grasp on my wrists constricted. He licked his lips, his gaze wild.
Fuck. I was so angry and turned on.
“Give it to me.” His voice thick and rough.
Wrong thing to say.
My knee went up, colliding brutally with his groin. Dropping him to his knees with a groan. I shoved him back and pounced on top of him, leaning in, I grabbed the knife off the floor and held it to his throat. “It’s mine…mmiiinnee,” I growled. Rage I couldn’t contain vibrated my muscles.
The door swung open.
“Holy shit!” I heard Croygen exclaim and bolted into the room. “Stop. Now.” Croygen grabbed me, tearing me off Ryker, dragging me back against the far wall. Ryker sprang up, his pupils dilated, a twisted smile on his face. “Ryker…stay back.” Croygen kept hold of me, but put himself between me and the Wanderer. “Don’t let it control you. Take a moment and realize what you are doing. You too.” He gripped the front of my arm firmer. “What the hell has gotten into you?”
My throat let out a rumble as I wiped the blood from my nose.
“Bhean?” Sprig scrambled into the room, followed by Amara. “What in the honey-fried frog nuggets is going on?”
“Uh-oh, relationship trouble already?” Amara clicked her tongue. I ignored her. Seeing Sprig felt like getting electrocuted. I came hurling out of the cloud I was in, seeing everything in color.
“Oh my god.” I put a hand over my mouth. I was about to stab the man I loved over a rock. Embarrassment and guilt coated my cheeks, turning my head to the ground in shame.
A string of swear words spouted from Ryker. I watched his boots start to pace the room.
“Seriously, you two need a timeout,” Croygen huffed. “Isn’t it enough everyone else is trying to kill us?”
“It’s. The. Syndrome,” Sprig fake whispered to Croygen. “They need food.”
“They need a kick in the ass,” Croygen grumbled. “Ryker, take a walk and cool off.”
“Let us have a moment.” Ryker’s words jerked up my head. His expression a mix of frustration and sorrow.
“Not a good idea.” Croygen shook his head.
“I will stay on my side. I swear.” He planted his feet. “Please. I need a moment alone with Zoey.”
“Shit. If I have to come in and pull you guys off each other…” Croygen folded his arms.
“I’ll be referee!” Sprig raised his hand. “We can play honey-wrestling wars!”
“No,” Ryke
r responded.
“Actually...” Croygen tilted his head in thought.
“Go. All of you,” Ryker demanded, nodding to the door.
Croygen begrudgingly agreed, tugging Amara and Sprig out with him. Amara’s smug expression slipped into one of exasperation and irritation.
Croygen shut the door, leaving only the two of us. The room was crowded with an uncomfortable strain.
Ryker ran his hand over the top of his head, letting out air. “You know I’m right about the stone.” He stared at the floor. “I won’t take it now…but I will. When I go… I won’t let it consume you any more than it already has. I should have never let you have it. It is my burden; I won’t let it be yours.”
When he goes.
“Well, aren’t you the self-sacrificing hero,” I whispered, acid dripping in my tone.
“Don’t.” He ground his teeth. “Right now all I want to be is the villain. Take what I want. Fuck. Fight. Kill. Steal. Do everything I’m good at.”
Heartbreak threatened to crawl from my eyes. I shoved it back, covering my grief with bitterness. “Fine. Go. It’s what you’re good at. Probably wouldn’t have been long before you left me anyway.”
“Fuck, Zoey! What do you want from me?” He held his head between his palms, like he had a pounding headache. “You think this is easy? That I’m fine with leaving you?” Anguish rolled through his eyes. The torment I saw there shut me up, the ire ebbing away. “I am fighting for control every second. We have so many battles outside us, and I can barely keep it together. All of me wants to stay. To be with you. Only one tiny piece of my brain is trying to be logical. To be safe. And I am holding on to that by my fingers. Please don’t push me.”
My shoulders drooped with overwhelming sadness, and I inhaled a trembling breath.
“I will make sure you are settled before I go.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Tomorrow when we go to Vadik’s warehouse, it will be more of a surveillance night to get the lay of the land. We need to understand what we are getting into first. The night after we can go after her.”
I lifted my chin, acknowledging his plan.
He observed me for a few moments before he headed to the door. “At the end of this week, I will be gone.” He left, shutting the door.
I stood for a while, drenched in grief and shame. The stone was turning me into this. Changing me into a monster. How could I let myself attack him? What was worse and disgusting me further, I knew I would do it again. I would fight him when he came to claim the stone again.
Itching to move, I walked to the counter, my finger running over the gouges he had created. The flame of the candle flickered, and I was tempted to touch it so I could match the pain inside. I blew out the ember, enveloping myself in darkness like a shield, giving me freedom to feel. My knees crumpled to the floor. I clutched desperately onto the broken tabletop, my head leaning against the lower cabinets.
I sobbed silently, keeping my pain contained inside my fragmented chest.
ELEVEN
The night was rough. Ryker and Amara kept sentry as Croygen and I took turns with Lexie. When she did sleep it was fitful. Each time we got water in her or a tiny piece of bread, it came back up. We kept a bucket by her head after the second time she rejected the nourishment.
Every time she threw up, I felt a piece of hope go into the bucket with it. I had pushed away Ryker’s future departure the moment I walked out of the room. But I felt cracked. Bleeding. Watching my little sister, someone I loved more than anything, diminish in front of my eyes ripped open my already feeble heart, tearing at the strong façade I tried to keep up. It only made me push firmer against the truth. Deny it even harder.
Finally a Tylenol PM calmed her down and reduced her fever just enough for her to sleep a couple of hours. Croygen forced me to sleep in the breakroom, assuring me he’d stay near her. As I moved I heard Sprig’s snores come from one of the gutted cars. He had passed out in the auto’s glove box wrapped around Pam.
With pads and blankets found around the shop, I assembled a bed in the corner of the breakroom and curled into it like a kitten. It seemed as if my lids closed just for a moment when the door opened, and daylight streamed in. I didn’t have to look. I could feel him like a breeze over my skin. I parted my lashes, glancing over at the entrance. The Wanderer filled the doorway, his body rigid like an iceberg. A blank slate of blue-white eyes watched me.
“I need to get a few hours of sleep if you still want to go tonight. Amara’s agreed to show us the location.”
“Of course I do.” I pushed myself up. “What time is it?”
He stepped into the room, setting his weapons on the table. “I think it’s around two.”
“In the afternoon?” I blurted. It wasn’t really a question, just shock at how long I slept. I rose to my feet, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“You don’t have to leave.” He kept his back to me, leaning over the table as he kicked off his boots. “I’ll sleep over here.” He nodded to the opposite corner.
“No.” Yes. I’ll stay. “I should check on Lexie, and I’m sure Amara also needs some sleep.” I made for the door, pausing close to him. Leave, Zoey. Walk out now.
“She’s passed out in the bed of a truck in the other room. I let her go to sleep hours ago.” He reached over his head and tugged his shirt off.
Oh. Holy. Hell. The sight of his back muscles came with an enormous amount of sadness. I stared at the lines of his tattoo curling down his shoulder blade, and my intimate knowledge of how far down it went on his thigh, what they felt like against my fingertips. My hands had a mind of their own and reached up to lightly trace the black ink. He sucked in a sharp breath, his muscles constricting. I barely made contact, but the electricity sizzled under my palm.
“Zoey.” He breathed out my name, telling me both to stop and to keep going. I went with the latter, causing his chest to move in and out rapidly. “Zoey. Stop.”
The sorrow and hunger I held quickly metamorphosed into fury. My hand jerked away from him, and I stepped back.
He glanced over his shoulder.
“I’ll wake you up when it gets dark.” I looked away from his intrusive gaze. “We need to go over our plan before we head out.”
He nodded as he turned back to the table.
I swallowed the paralyzing scream and walked out the door and shut it behind me. This was why I never let people in. The pain of their loss seemed too much to endure. Was this how normal people felt, or had I been made different? You’d think being created in a lab I’d be less emotional in order to function. Perhaps they stuffed me with extra feelings. The need to fight and love with the same ferocity .
####
Croygen sat on a cushy bench with his head back, mouth open, sound asleep. Lexie’s head used his leg as a pillow. I bent down in front of her to feel her forehead. Her skin seared under my touch. Her fever was back and worse than before.
“How is she doing?” Croygen’s voice whispered. I glanced up at him as he rubbed his face.
“Not good.” I patted the sweat off Lexie’s head. “She feels hotter.”
Croygen watched Lexie, worry flickering over his face.
“Tonight Amara’s going to show me where Annabeth is. We need to check it out and get the layout.”
“And you want me to stay?” he responded. “With Lexie.”
My gaze went up to his. “I know it’s a lot to ask. And it’s probably the last thing you want to do. But there’s no one else and…” I motioned to the sleeping form on his lap. “She clearly feels safe with you. I don’t trust anyone else to watch her.”
His head jolted back, eyes widening in surprise. “You trust me with your sister’s life?”
“Yes.” I didn’t hesitate. “And mine.”
“Wow.” Croygen rubbed his neck, glancing away. “Don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that to me.”
“Well, I do. Unequivocally.”
Sprig jumped on the back of the bench seat. “That mea
ns absolutely, in case you were wondering.”
“Thanks, ass-licker. I got it.” Croygen batted at him, but Sprig leaped out of his grasp.
“Sprig, I want you to stay here too.”
“What?” His mouth fell open. “No way, Bhean. You need me.”
“This is just a scouting mission.” I rubbed Lexie’s leg. “You would be great comfort for her. Please, Sprig.”
His eyes narrowed on me.
Croygen laid his arms on the back of the bench. “Yep, she just played the sick sister card on your ass.”
“I will leave you three packets of honey,” I offered, sweetening the pot.
“Wait, I didn’t know there were bribes being offered.” Croygen jerked to look at me.
“I know what kind of enticements you would want.”
“Same as him.” Croygen winked. “Some sweet honey. Heard your tits offer it freely.”
“Honey chalices of love,” Sprig chirped. “Oh, speaking of that…”
“Thanks.” I glowered at Croygen. “You had to bring up the H-word.”
“I’m starving! No one has fed me all day.” Sprig rubbed his tummy.
“You were sleeping for all of it,” Croygen challenged.
“Not the point!” Sprig waved him off. “Listen. My tummy is angry. It’s so empty. You know what sounds good?”
“Honey?” Croygen and I said together.
“Yes, but why am I suddenly craving kabobs?” He scratched his head, then his eyes widened. “Oh, honey-coated doughnut kabobs wrapped in honey bacon and sugar! And for dessert I want cookies…no, cakes…maybe scones…sweet bread? Corn brea—”
“How about a packet of honey and a granola bar?”
“Okay, but I was thinking more of honey-stuffed croissants... warm. Also, I want one of those cola thingies. Oh, what about a bag of chocolate-covered caramels, wrapped in hon—”
Croygen swiped him from the bench and shoved him inside his jacket pocket. I could hear Sprig muttering words, none nice.
From Burning Ashes (Collector Series #4) Page 13
