“Is your sister going to come back?” Bashira asked, eyes on the table. She moved to eat something, and then pulled her hand back.
A twinge went through Nakia’s heart. “I’m not sure. I wrote to her, but I haven’t heard back.”
To be fair, it had only been a few days, yet she suspected Saffi wouldn’t return any time soon. Maybe not at all. She was supposed to keep Saffi safe, and she had put Saffi right in harm’s way. Maybe Saffi shouldn’t come back. Thia could keep and care for their sister.
Bashira nodded, a twinkle in her eyes. “I hope she returns. We agreed to see so many shows together.”
Saffi had been quite interested in Bashira’s dancing and entertainment in general. It brought joy, as Bashira tended to do. Hopefully Thia would be able to build on that.
“She’ll be back. She liked it here,” Adira said. Nakia hoped that was true.
Adira had one hand on Saniyah’s back, and the other on her abdomen. Saniyah rested comfortably against Adira like she hadn’t spent months being tormented by Jay. His bruises still marred her delicate neck.
Nakia admired Saniyah’s ability to bounce back, at least in front of them. It was amazing how both Saniyah and Adira accepted her pregnancy. Culture was a powerful thing. There was no way Nakia would’ve been so comfortable or confident in herself. There were times she wanted to hide from servants who knew what happened, yet Saniyah threw her shoulders back and stood strong.
Saniyah put her chin up. “We’ll get back to normal.”
“No, we won’t,” Ashni said, drawing all eyes to her.
It wasn’t something anyone else wanted to say aloud, but there was no way to go back to normal. Normal was done when they engaged the Roshan army. Then again, Jay and Asad had already stolen their normal. Their normal was as dead as Asad. Not that I’m sad he’s gone.
Ashni took a breath and smiled. “We’re at a point where we have to create a new normal. I’ve killed Asad. There’s no getting around that. Naren has led my army against the Roshan army in Roshan territory. And what happened to you.” Ashni’s eyes drifted to Saniyah.
“What’s to be done?” Saniyah asked as she put her hand on her belly, twining her fingers with Adira’s. While tradition dictated that the baby was Adira’s and Saniyah’s, there was always a chance for some idiot who supported Jay would show up and cause more trouble. Of course, that wouldn’t end well for the idiot, but they didn’t need any more issues with the Empire.
Ashni opened her mouth, and nothing came out. Nakia stroked Ashni’s hand with her thumb. Ashni leaned into her. The motion made Nakia feel light inside. She was giving Ashni strength and that helped fortify her.
Nakia picked up the conversation for her beloved. “We’re going to break from the Empire. We’re already in rebellion thanks to the orders I gave. Depending on how Chandra reacts, Asad’s death could be viewed as treason and an act of war.”
“It didn’t help that I cut Jay’s tongue out,” Adira said.
Nakia wanted to applaud the move, yet that wasn’t appropriate. It didn’t help, although it certainly was satisfying. Jay lost his tongue, so he couldn’t spin lies on what happened between him and Saniyah nor about his battle with Adira. He couldn’t pretend to be better than they were anymore. And he got to go back home, unlike his little brother.
Ashni scowled. “He deserved worse.”
Layla nodded. “Much worse.”
He definitely got off lightly, even though humiliation was a punishment worse than death for him. Maybe it was hard to balance the scales here. She wasn’t sure what justice could look like for them, yet Asad’s death and Jay’s destruction didn’t feel like enough.
“No one’s arguing otherwise, but these are the options before us. Build our own nation or wait for Chandra’s judgment with dozens of nobles demanding our blood,” Nakia said. None of them would miss the damn scheming Roshan nobles.
“The nobles can bark all they want, but no one knows how Chandra will take the death and maiming of her sons,” Saniyah said.
“Does it matter that the stupid sons started this?” Bashira folded her arms. It was idiotic that Jay and Asad got to escape blame free, especially when there was evidence of their crime.
“It should matter. They made her think Ashni was dead.” Adira motioned to Ashni.
Saniyah nodded. “That sounds like it should count for something.”
It should. Then again, Chandra was unpredictable when it came to her children. And thinking Ashni was dead wasn’t the same as Asad actually being dead. Nakia wasn’t sure how any parent would react to that.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Ashni said, shrugging. “We don’t want to be around for the maybe not.”
It was easy to think of Chandra as the motherly figure dressed in white, forever mourning her husband. However, she also fought off a horde of nobles to become empress of the mightiest nation on the planet. They should bow out gracefully while they had the chance, if they had the chance.
“She could come for us even if we withdraw, then we lose all the trade we promised Wicus. This could end up as two wars for us on opposite fronts,” Adira said.
“I’m not worried about Wicus. He’s been an honorable ally. He has my respect and trust right now,” Ashni replied. “Is a split the best thing for us? As Samar said, we might lose almost all of our trade once we step away.”
“I think we should. There is no guarantee you would inherit the Empire and we’ve all worked hard for this,” Saniyah replied.
“No, you’re definitely not getting the throne now, so time to start something new,” Layla said, and she nodded toward Nakia. Nakia smiled, returning the nod.
Bashira frowned. “I don’t see why this takes her out of the running with the Empire.”
Nakia could agree with Bashira logically. Ashni hadn’t done anything worse than her older brothers, except she didn’t have the same support as the brothers. It wasn’t Chandra, but the nobles who hated Ashni. And even if they didn’t control the Empress, they still had some power. It wasn’t fair, but politics rarely were.
“You can’t reward me for killing my brother if you’re the empress. I took away my chance as much as Amal did and Jay did,” Ashni replied. She didn’t sound upset about that.
Nakia shook her head. Was this something they had considered before all this happened? It seemed like a forgone conclusion that Ashni wouldn’t inherit the Roshan Empire. It was strange that Ashni didn’t consider she’d get the throne, yet never considered she might have to break her territory away from the Empire. Maybe it didn’t matter. What mattered now was saving what they had built over the years.
***
Ashni sat at her desk, staring at a parchment. She wanted to write to her mother, explaining why her son was dead and Ashni’s decision to break with the Roshan Empire. The words wouldn’t come though, so she went to bed. There might never be words.
“Are you alright?” Nakia asked, already under their blankets and ready for sleep as she hadn’t slept in days. Ashni wasn’t sure how to help that beyond giving her time.
“I am.” Not. She wasn’t sure if she ever would be again. She killed her mother’s son and so she might lose her mother. She was one announcement away from not being Roshan anymore. She lost her father’s dream, her dream. Who the hell was she if she wasn’t Roshan? I thought I knew, but now it’s just a mess.
Nakia cuddled into Ashni, as she did every night, except now Nakia held her as if begging for her to take the pain away. Yet Ashni didn’t know how.
“Don’t lie to me, my love,” Nakia said.
Maybe Nakia could help Ashni figure out who she was now. She was still Nakia’s spouse, even if she wasn’t sure how to help Nakia. That was a start. You’re still Layla’s sister and you’re still a leader. There are pieces of you there.
Ashni sighed. “How do you apologize for killing your brother? I don’t feel sorry for it. I’m sorrier he was her son.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Speak your heart
, your truth, and leave her to decide if that deserves an apology.”
Ashni chewed on her words as she caressed Nakia’s back, wanting to relax her. Nakia fell asleep. She gripped and tugged at Ashni, whimpering and begging in nonsense words. Asad was dead, but alive in Nakia’s mind. Ashni didn’t owe her mother an apology. An explanation maybe, but nothing more, and she did owe the people who protected her when she was down. So, she cuddled Nakia until she calmed and then returned to her desk.
To my mother,
I address this as such because you will always be my mother, even if I can no longer accept you as my empress. Please understand this has nothing to do with your leadership or my conquest. I’ve always been grateful that you allowed me to press on and pursue my dream, Dad’s dream. You always applied the law fairly and evenly, except in one instance. You are the mother of five others and that’s affected us both my entire life.
By now, you know much of what happened here. I’ve sent you Asad’s body for you to properly mourn and bury him. If he were anyone else, I’d have fed his body to stray, dying dogs and then used those dogs to fertilize farmland. What he did to my beloved cannot be put into words. He could not be punished enough, but I dislike that I’ve punished you, my mother, in the process. You don’t deserve that.
Asad committed a trespass against me and mine. I took justice into my own hands and I do not regret it. I also stand by the use of my section of the Roshan army to battle against the troops in Asad’s region. And, if those were the only issues, I would probably beg your forgiveness. I would probably throw myself on your wisdom and mercy, yet there is so much more.
I have to separate from the Roshan Empire because it’s harmful for my family and my people to remain. The Empire gave authority to people who came through and wreaked havoc on those I love and threatened people I’m meant to protect. I will be respectful to your position and make only one request. The Roshan Empire can release the West into my custody. Allow any people in my territory in the East to depart if they wish, and then give my territory to Fahim. I trust he will care for Khenshu with my same affections. Regardless of your decision, for the mental health of my family and the safety of any who follow me, we will not return.
I understand this could lead to dire consequences. You could cut off trade or invade us. Yet I rely on you as the balanced empress you tend to be. I would also like to thank you, both for being my empress and my mother.
I know I couldn’t ask for a better mother even though you didn’t come to grieve my death and comfort my wife. I only hope that I can fulfill the words you once said to me. I hope to be destined for those great things. I wish to carry on your legacy, and Dad’s as well. I want to be the person you both believe me to be. I want to be worthy of being Chosen. I want to be worthy of being the daughter of Khalid and Chandra Akshay.
Once done, Ashni felt like the letter captured the essence of the matter. She went back to bed and gathered Nakia into her arms. Nakia nuzzled her in her sleep. It should’ve made Ashni feel better, that Nakia still sought her out for comfort. But all it made her think about was how she had failed her beloved.
“I promise you nothing like this will ever happen again,” Ashni whispered into her hair.
Ashni would devote all of her energy to maintain her family and their nation. It was time for her to take care of the things she collected. Time to take care of what and who she adored.
***
Dearest daughter,
I write to you as a grieving mother who has to admit her failures at her greatest task. I am fully aware of your brothers’ crimes against you, both past and present. I had hoped as they matured, your brothers would come to understand you were one of them, but perhaps they saw what I missed. You are not one of them, for all the right reasons.
With Amal, I could always write his troubles off as an extension of your childhood relationship, though I never realized how damaged the relationship was. The attempts on your life were always serious, and I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t fathom why my child would want to slay my other child. I still can’t understand why my children wish to hurt each other. I love you all so deeply to the point where my love for you all should have poured into you, and you could feel each other through me. We know that is not what happened, and sorrow has swallowed my heart because of it.
I have to face what Jay and Asad have done as much as anyone else. I will personally write Adira and Saniyah, as Jay had no right to do what he did. Adira punished him accordingly, and the Empire will not seek revenge.
Jay’s behavior hurts more as he was the one to tell me you were dead. There was no proof, yet he still saw fit to tell me I lost my daughter. It ripped me apart, a wound that still aches, even as I know you’re alive. Nothing will assuage this agony I feel for you or for them. I don’t hold what you did to Asad against you, but my heart still aches, for both of you.
Asad’s actions were unforgivable, and I beg Nakia’s forgiveness as well as your own. Asad thought he was seeking justice, but he was obviously out for revenge. Revenge he didn’t deserve. And the path of revenge ended as it often does. The fact that he saw nothing wrong with violating a queen and his sister’s spouse means that he was clearly lost.
I am saddened, but he was dealt justice. I will not seek any actions against you, either. It was a fair match. I deem what happened legal. The same with Jay.
I’m sorry you had to be the one to deal this justice. No one should have to make the decision you made. And you had to do it twice. The first time, I was blind, but my eyes are open now.
As for breaking from the Empire, I understand that too, and expected it for a long time. Why wait to inherit an Empire and spend your valuable time fighting snakes for the rest of your life when you could build your own? You have my blessing. You will not lose trade with the Empire while I’m alive. Fahim will care for Khenshu. The twins are old enough, so they can have Asad and Jay’s territories. I hope our nations can be allies for many generations.
Do know I will always be your mother, no matter what happens. I hope we can continue to be in each other’s lives. I love you, now, then, and always. I love Nakia as my own. Any family you claim as your own will also be mine, and I will do my best to protect them. There will be no more blind eyes. I wish you all the best. Please, may you all find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Your mother and ally,
Chandra Akshay
Ashni clutched the letter to her chest and cried, while Nakia held her. This was who she was. Nakia’s spouse. Chandra’s daughter. Layla’s and Adira’s sister. A woman learning to lead people who stood by her as they moved into the unknown. She wouldn’t let them down.
***
Nakia woke up from a fitful sleep, nightmares fading as consciousness took over. She tried to squeeze Ashni but found herself wrapped around a pillow instead. Sitting up, she scanned the bedroom in a panic. No, no, no! Where’s Ashni?
Thoughts of Ashni being dead flooded Nakia’s mind until she noticed someone sitting on their balcony. The puffy hair was unmistakable. She rushed to the balcony and found Ashni tucked into a sitting pillow, staring off into the night sky. She’s okay. She’s alive.
“Come.” Ashni held out her hand for Nakia, who didn’t need to be asked twice.
Nakia eased against Ashni’s side and curled into her. Ashni wrapped her arms around Nakia and Nakia did the same. She laid her head on Ashni’s chest to listen to Ashni’s heartbeat.
“You okay?” Nakia asked.
“Yeah. Sorry I left you. I just…” Ashni shook her head. “I needed air or something. I dunno. Not a fan of being in bed just yet.”
“Understood. Something on your mind?” Even though they got away with rebellion and revolt and Ashni hadn’t lost her mother in the process, there was still so much hanging over them. “We should talk.”
“You’re right. We should.” Ashni ran her fingers through Nakia’s hair. “Layla knew eventually we’d have to split from the Empire, which means Adira defini
tely knew. Why is it that I never saw that?”
Nakia stared into Ashni’s eyes. “Do you feel silly for not seeing it?”
“Maybe a little blind. What did I think would happen? I just thought my mother would live forever, and I should know better.”
“No one faults you for not considering your mother would one day die. No one wants to think about that.”
“It was irresponsible, and I don’t want to be like that anymore. I need to have foresight. Like you.”
Nakia arched an eyebrow. “Like me?”
“Yes, because you saw it, too. And you had the patience to get entire towns to safety without engaging Jay and Asad. I never would’ve been able to do that. Hell, you saw the moment I could get up, I got up. I didn’t wait. I didn’t plan. I moved. I can plan a battle, but I can’t stand a siege. You dug in for a siege.”
Nakia shrugged. “What else could I do? I couldn’t let Layla’s people be slaughtered.”
“And you put them before yourself. You sacrificed yourself.” Ashni’s hand drifted close to Nakia’s abdomen before moving to her hip.
“You taught me to lead from the front.”
Ashni chuckled, but it sounded hollow. “Look at what that got me. Poisoned over land I don’t even care about. Away from you.”
“It’s not your fault.” Nakia kissed her cheek.
“You have to know, you’re a hero. Nothing Asad did changes that. You have everyone’s utmost respect. Hell, I hear you and Layla are even sisters now.” Ashni grinned, though her eyes didn’t shine the way they used to.
“Yeah. But you also have everyone’s utmost respect. No one’s looking down on you because you got hurt. No one’s saying you weren’t there. No one’s blaming you.” Ashni needed to know those things. She was still herself.
Ashni nodded. “It’ll take time.”
Nakia sighed and settled against Ashni again. “For both of us.” There was a long silence. “Although, maybe one day, we could adopt.”
Blood Rain (Warrior Class Book 3) Page 24
