“I’m gettin’ mad pussy while we’re here!” Kav announces loudly as we touchdown in Chicago.
“That sane pussy outta your reach?” I snark, climbing to my feet as Tanner, the baby-faced kid that flies us most of the time, lowers the stairs on the jet.
“I prefer crazy pussy. Especially, crazy pussy that I won’t encounter again. A chick that fucks like there’s no tomorrow and can’t stalk me…it’s my dream come true.”
“I’m down for that too,” Cal pipes in.
I’d usually be down for that too, but my dick is experiencing a bout of monogamy with pussy it’s never tasted. It’s a bizarre experience that I’m not giving much thought to. Although, the calluses I’m forming are concerning.
I smile at my friends and descend the stairs to be met with Kieran waiting on the tarmac, looking as imposing as he always does. I’m not surprised to see him. I am shocked as shit to see my two little brothers flanking either side of him with scowls on their faces. Awesome.
“Hey,” I call, trying to sound normal.
“You’re a fuckin’ asshole,” Hugh, the baby of my family, spouts.
“Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”
“I’m gonna beat your motherfuckin’ ass,” Collin chimes in.
“It’s good to see you too,” I drone sarcastically before stopping in front of them.
“You gonna tell us why the fuck you’re here? Kieran had the decency to tell us you were headin’ our way, but he won’t fill us in,” Collin finishes pointedly.
My brothers are only a year apart and Collin’s a year younger than me. We’re close and we look like triplets. They’re cops just like our father. I didn’t think calling them to tell them I was coming to town to partake in illegal activities was a great idea. Kieran’s a dick.
“I’m here to fight,” I answer their query honestly.
The blank faces I find staring back at me let me know I’ve just stunned the shit out of them. Kav claps me on the back a couple times.
“It’s gonna be a good weekend,” he beams.
“Get your asses back on that plane,” Hugh snarls.
“This is why Kieran was the one that called you. I know you don’t understand and I wouldn’t put you in the position to try,” I say, glaring at my cousin who gazes back at me without concern for my irritation.
“Bry, you can’t be serious. You’re here to fight? How can we be down with that shit?” Collin speaks for both my brothers.
“Like I said. I knew you wouldn’t be so I didn’t call. Go home and forget our idiot cousin told you. I’ll fight. I’ll win. I’ll go back to Kansas City. We can see each other again in a few weeks,” I reply nonchalantly, moving away from them to climb in the idling black SUV behind them.
“Brian!” Hugh bellows.
I stop and pivot to face him as he approaches me.
“If you’re fightin’, we’re there. We don’t need to understand this shit. Okay?”
“I’m fightin’, Hugh. You’re not talkin’ me out of it.”
“Then I’m in your corner, brother.”
He finishes with a manly hug before moving away from me. Collin offers me a chin lift in agreement with our brother and they peel off to climb in Hugh’s truck.
Once their headlights fade, I pounce on Kieran.
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me with this shit? You call my brothers to what? Run me off?”
“I called ’em ’cause you didn’t. They’re your brothers, dick. They’ve got your back and you need people at your back right now. Get your ass in the SUV. I’ve got a house full of kids and a hot wife to get home to,” he instructs.
I do what he says. Kav and Cal follow, whispering between each other as they do.
We get comfortable and mostly shoot the shit and joke around all the way to Kieran’s new pad. He had a small house before he met his wife and started pumping out kids.
He had to move into a bigger place to accommodate his family. It wasn’t a sacrifice.
We pull in his garage and pile out. When we walk in, I’m immediately hit in the gut with a flying child.
Jack, Kieran’s oldest son, grips me like iron before I haul him up my chest. He’s almost nine now and getting too big to hold. I don’t give a shit.
I bury my head in his black curls and take a deep breath. Love this kid.
“Hey, Uncle Brian,” he murmurs in my neck.
“Hey, Jacky boy,” I return with a firm squeeze.
I set him down and am gifted with a beaming smile causing his ice blue eyes to glimmer. I beam one right back.
Of course, Kav has Ashling wrapped in his python arms. She’s three and has all the men in our extended family wrapped around her little finger. I swipe her tiny body away and grin when her arms clinch around my neck. Before I’m done with her, Cal snatches her away and moves into the house away from us.
We follow the sounds of laughter and jubilation as Ash squeals and Jack frolics. I love this house and all the sounds filling it.
The new house is open and wide as we move through it. It’s not unlike our place in Kansas City, if a little smaller. Most houses are.
When we hit the great room, Quinn climbs off the large leather sectional that faces a huge TV, currently playing Cars. She floats over to Kieran first for a lip brush before approaching us.
She’s a tiny woman, not an inch over five feet tall. She’s got the same black hair as all the kids and the same husky-like blue eyes. A stunner. In her arms is the newest edition to the Delaney family, baby Ricky. Well, it’s actually Patrick after Quinn’s deceased father. But Kieran’s dad’s name is Carrick and goes by Rick, so the nickname is a nod to both men. It suits the chubby baby. The fourth Delaney, Anna Clare, named after Kieran and Quinn’s mothers, is playing with blocks in the middle of the floor. I swoop down and pick her chunky toddler body up to mine. She blows a big wet raspberry on my cheek before I devour hers.
“Hi, Brian,” Quinn greets me with a sad smile on her pretty face.
“Hey.”
I gently wrap her in my arms, careful not to wake the baby or smash Anna Clare.
Quinn welcomes Kav and Cal the same way before returning to the couch. She’s a crime boss’s wife and she’s outstanding at the job. She understands and accepts what this life is and she makes it the best life it can be for everyone in her family. I’m proud to have her in my family.
Their wedding was small and intimate just a few weeks after Anna Clare was born. I stood at my cousin’s side with a smile tattooed on my face the entire time. He deserves the good he has. He deserves his kids and Quinn. He finally believes that too.
“Let’s get you boys settled in,” Kieran says before leading us to a guest area over his garage after we chat and play with the kids. With three bedrooms, a sitting area and a small kitchen, it feels just like our wings back home.
“Dude, I’m christening that bed,” Kav informs Kieran as we follow him back down to the house.
“You think I didn’t christen every surface of this place when we moved in?” Kieran retorts.
“Good man,” Kav compliments.
“Keep your randoms away from my kids,” Kieran says with warning in his voice.
“I’m super stealthy at that shit. You know how I roll.”
“In dirty pussy?” Kieran asks with a raised brow as we hit the kitchen.
“The dirtier the better.”
Kieran snorts as we congregate around a stone-topped breakfast bar. Kieran passes out whiskey and we settle in.
“You’re fightin’ a guy named Giovanni Trevino. He’s a decent fighter,” Kieran informs me.
“What’s decent mean?” I ask over the edge of my tumbler.
“He’s undefeated so far.”
“How many fights is that?”
“Thirty or so.”
“Right,” I mutter and throw back my drink, relishing the burn.
“You can beat him,” Kieran assures me.
“I know.”
“Brian
, I know you’re in a fucked up place, but you gotta fight smart. This isn’t some douche bag off the streets. He’s a fighter.”
“I’m a fighter, Kieran. I’ve got this. You know I’ve got this. I’m not bein’ cocky. I’m good.”
He refills my glass as he studies my face. I allow him to. He needs to get this. My brothers don’t need to, but Kieran does. He needs to know I’m in the right headspace for this. I am. He sees it and nods his approval.
“We’ll work you in the morning a bit. Alex is in town so I’ll have you train with him,” Kieran says throwing his drink back.
Alex Vetrov is Kieran’s fighter. A fighter that started out in the illegal fights Kieran runs and now fights in the UFC. He’s climbing in the ranks and will eventually be a heavy weight champion. It’s only a matter of time for the kid. Getting in a ring with him will be good for me.
“Sounds good.”
“Let’s hit the bars,” Kav jumps in.
“Good idea,” Cal agrees.
“Take the SUV,” Kieran offers.
“Nah, we’ll cab it. Don’t plan on bein’ able to drive home,” Kav says with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore,” Kieran replies through a smirk, gazing across the room at his family.
“I had a woman like Quinn, I wouldn’t do it anymore either,” Kav lies.
“Right,” Kieran chuckles his response.
“I’m gonna stick around here, guys,” I inform my friends.
They aren’t surprised. I can’t get hammered and fight tomorrow night. That’s a bad idea. Though drowning myself at the bottom of a bottle has happened more than I’d like to admit as of late. Not tonight. I’m good here with Kieran, Quinn and the kids.
“Don’t wait up,” Kav says before slamming his drink and slapping my back.
He and Cal climb the stairs to get ready for a night of drunken debauchery as Kieran and I stroll into the land of cartoons and family. I feel good here. I like that I feel good here. The blackness within me will rear its ugly head tomorrow, but tonight I’ll steal a little light from my cousin and his shiny family.
Natasha
“Good morning,” Roman murmurs into my hair before scooping me to his side.
“Morning,” I mumble in return.
We’re back to normal. Well, as back to normal as we ever were. I sleep at Roman’s side. I wake up in his arms and snooze as he works from bed. I’m with him most of the time unless business calls him away. Then I spend most of my time with a silent Igor.
He saved me when we crashed according to Roman. I’ve tried to thank Igor multiple times, only to be met with chin lifts and dismissive waves. It must not matter to him as much as it matters to me.
I still get headaches and some fatigue, but overall, I’ve recovered from my concussion. Roman rarely left my side as I got my strength back. I still don’t have a memory of what happened. I wish I could remember it because I feel like I’m missing important information. But I can’t find the memory.
I dream of Sully almost every night. It’s always the same when I do. Him hovering above me and pleading with me to take his hand. He calls me Grey every time. I don’t understand the dreams, but I hold onto them dearly as I drag my way through every day with Roman.
I’ve gotten nothing but sweet Roman since the accident. Because of this, I’m struggling to resist him. He’s irresistible when he’s kind. With each day, my resolve fades and my cravings for comfort increase. I can’t make it through the rest of my life like this. I need love. I need kindness. I need what Roman’s offering me even if it’s not real. I need the false reality. It’s the reason I’m clinging so tightly to dreams of a man that I haven’t seen in months.
When I’m not dreaming of Sully, I’m dreaming of my brother. A proud lion regaining his strength and power. I see his blond mane filling out along with his broad shoulders. I see clear grey eyes determined to make his life everything he deserves. I hold those dreams the closest.
“I miss you,” Roman’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
I peer up at him from beneath my lashes to find his midnight gaze warm and concerned.
“I’m right here,” I assure him.
“You haven’t been with me since the accident.”
“I’ve been with you every moment.”
“Natasha, you have not.”
“Where have I been, Roman?” I ask innocently.
“Hiding,” he says pointedly.
“You hurt me,” I whisper before moving my gaze to his winged chest.
“I know. I can’t take that back. I’m trying to show you that I was misguided.”
These types of statements are all I’ve gotten from him. He never apologizes and that makes his behavior that much more hurtful. He’s not sorry for what he did. He just doesn’t want me to hold it against him anymore.
“I know you are.”
We haven’t had sex since the accident. I know that’s bothering him too. There’s part of me that hopes he finds someone else to sleep with and there’s part of me that fears being replaced. I know where I stand when I’m at his side. I don’t know what happens to me when I’m no longer in that position.
“Forgive me,” he requests gently into my forehead before placing a kiss there.
“Apologize,” I demand harsher than I intend.
I’m on my back with Roman looming above me before I have the ability to regret my dangerous action.
His eyes are filled with fury and warning, causing me to cower into the mattress.
“I have apologized,” he snarls.
“No, you haven’t. You’ve tiptoed around it. You’ve insinuated you’re sorry for what happened that day or that it was a necessary evil, but you’ve never told me you’re sorry for humiliating me and treating me like trash,” I snap back.
I’m blaming the brain trauma for this monumental fuck up.
“I don’t apologize, Natasha,” he growls, leaning down into my face.
“You did the day of the accident,” I remind him.
“I owed you an apology in that moment.” He continues to move into my space, pressing his chest heavily to mine.
“And I don’t now?” I ask in a pained voice.
“You really don’t remember,” he huffs out.
“Remember what, Roman?”
“The accident or anything about that day.”
“I told you I don’t. What does that have to do with you debasing me at Carmine’s?”
He studies my face for a long time before his features soften. The sweet Roman comes into view and my confusion hits an all time high.
“I’m sorry, Natasha. I’ll never use you to prove another point or teach another lesson. When I almost lost you, I realized I was wrong to do that. I value you. I want you at my side and I want you to want to be at my side. I don’t want you here because you’re saving your brother. I want you, Natasha,” he says lovingly and my heart stops.
Did he just give me an out? If I say I don’t want to be at his side, will he let me leave? I focus intently on his midnight eyes and try to read the emotion bubbling within them. It’s care and appreciation. I wouldn’t call it love. I would call it adoration. It’s nothing compared to what I see in Sully’s eyes in my dreams, but those are just dreams.
Roman won’t let me go. I know he won’t. He wants the woman back that clung to him for comfort and support. If I don’t give him that, he’ll dismiss me. That’s a certainty. I don’t see it in his face, but I know I’m with him for life and if it’s not by his side, it’s on the floor of Carmine’s. This is my chance to crawl off my knees and stand at Roman’s powerful side.
It’s time. I need to make the choice to live again. I can’t wallow in dreams that will never come true. I have to do more than survive. I need his comfort. I need his kindness. He’s offering me what I need in order to carry on.
“I want to be at your side, Roman,” I say tenderly through a tiny smile.
His lips tip
in a relieved grin before he takes my mouth in a passionate kiss. I push Sully from my mind. I don’t want him here for this. I feel guilty bringing him to mind when I’m with Roman now, as though I’m cheating on him. I know I’m not, but it feels that way all the same.
I remove my confused thoughts and allow my body to take over yet again. I don’t have my brother or a man I got a glimpse of in a backyard. I have this. I have a man that desires me and I’ll force myself to be content with that…be content with this.
I thread my fingers into Roman’s soft hair that he’s allowed to grow a little longer since I’ve been here and welcome his tongue’s invasion. His touch is affectionate, full of emotion. My back arches toward him, craving the warmth he’s offering me. The more my mind retreats the more my body urges me forward.
Roman stops the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine. Intimate. My eyes flutter open to find his impassive features lit with feeling. I beam a smile at him and he beams one back, stealing my breath at its beauty.
“I’ll make love to you soon, Natasha. I want Doctor Hassan to clear you first. I’m not willing to take any risks with your health or wellbeing,” he whispers thoughtfully.
“Thank you,” I reply, genuinely thankful for his concern.
“I’ve got business out of town tonight. I think it’s best that you stay here. You’re not completely healed…it’s not worth putting you in jeopardy.”
I’m mind blown right now. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m terrified this is a test, but it feels real. Genuine. I tip my head and kiss the dragon beneath Roman’s chin and the growl of pleasure that bubbles from his chest causes me to shiver.
“Would you like your present?” he murmurs into my cheek before peppering my face with kisses.
“I get a present?” I squeak with surprise.
He chuckles into my skin before nodding and crawling off the bed. I watch his sculpted back stride from the room, the dragon’s wings seemingly flapping with each step Roman takes. I gather the duvet around my chest and arrange the pillows behind my head to sit up better. I’m excited and intrigued, if not a bit nervous.
“Close your eyes,” Roman’s voice requests with a hint of amusement from the other side of the bedroom door.
Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5) Page 21
