by M. Clarke
I waited for her answer with a nervous grin. Any second now, she would blurt out the answer I wanted to hear. But…I began to doubt myself when her eyes told me otherwise. They went from being completely shocked to something else I couldn’t understand. Tears streamed down her face, so maybe I was wrong. That was a good sign, right? Olie cried when she was happy, but they didn’t look like happy tears.
She shook her head. “No,” she whispered so softly that I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her right until she spoke again. “I can’t marry you, Nate.”
I thought I’d heard her wrong—surely I had. But when she turned away and sobbed into the palms of her hands, I understood clearly. Standing up, I placed the box back into my pocket and walked around to face her.
“I don’t mean right now or tomorrow, or next week, or month. We can wait till we’re both ready.” I tried to find a reason behind her actions. Did I say something wrong?
She pulled back and wiped her tears. Her eyes were calculating, judging me. “You did this to keep me, didn’t you?” She was angry, but her tone was calm.
I didn’t know where this was coming from. I furrowed my brows in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“You did this so that I wouldn’t take the modeling job in New York. You were afraid that I would leave you.”
“No, baby.” I took a step and stopped when she backed away from me. “You’ve got it wrong.”
How did tonight get so fucked up? I had planned it all out beforehand in my head: She would say yes. After dinner we would dance with the downtown lights surrounding us. We would go back to my place, and I would make passionate love to her. But….
She folded her arms in front of her chest, bracing herself. Her stance told me she was in charge. “I’ve made my decision. I’m going to take the modeling job. They want me to start on Monday. I’m flying to New York tomorrow. This is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “But we already discussed this. I thought you were going to find a job here in Los Angeles. There are plenty of opportunities for you. We just have to be patient and let fate take its course, just like we talked about.” I continued to speak when she didn’t say a word. “If you’re moving to New York, then….” I looked away. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. With a fistful of my hair wrung between my fingers, I looked up to the sky. The stars and the golden full moon that had provided such a beautiful backdrop to this romantic dinner suddenly became eyesores.
I couldn’t believe she was leaving me. Sure, we had only been together for a year, but that year meant a lot to me. She meant the world to me. I just didn’t throw my heart on the line for anyone, let alone allow it to get broken like that.
“Nate. Please understand. I’ve got nothing.” Her tone was begging me to understand. But how could I? She was fucking leaving me for good.
I turned and bored my eyes into hers. “You’ve got me, baby. Am I not enough?”
She dipped her head low, avoiding my eyes. “I need this job. Please try to understand. This is a great opportunity for me. This job could make me big. I could help out my mom, too.”
I felt like shit. If I’d had a better paying job I could have helped her mom financially, but with my current one I couldn’t. My temporary waiter job allowed me to be in this decent apartment, make the car payment, and save a little for rainy days, but that was about all. It sucked to be struggling to make ends meet. I understood every bit of it—every frustration and the need-to-save-a-penny part of it. But what was killing me inside was that she had just admitted that I wasn’t enough.
“Please, say something, Nate.” Her tone was softer and somber. “I can’t leave knowing you hate me. We can try the long-distance relationship. I—”
I cut her off and glared hard at her. Anger rose inside, and I couldn’t control how much it was taking over me. “That’s the problem. You don’t try a relationship. You’re either all in or not. And you know damn well a long-distance relationship won’t work,” I snapped.
I wouldn’t be able to afford the flights to New York, and she would be busy, possibly traveling too if her career took off. I should have been happy for her, happy that she had this great opportunity to work with the best agencies. But I couldn’t help the way I felt. This fuckin’ hurt too much. How can I let her go? How can I let my first love—the one I thought would be mine forever—go?
I withered and cringed when she touched my arm. “Nate.” I heard her soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t easy for her, but I wasn’t going to make it a piece of cake for her either. Regardless of our conversation last week, she had changed her mind without talking it over with me. It was already set in her head that she was leaving me. What was the point of discussing it with her?
I gave Olie my back, refusing to look at her. “Go. Leave. I wish you the best. Have a great life.” Whether I sounded like a bastard or not, I didn’t care. My heart was broken. Most of all, I couldn’t believe she’d come to this conclusion on her own after discussing our future as a couple with me. Would I have tried to get her to go back on her decision? Yes. Would I have tried to work it out? Yes. Would I have still proposed to her? I wasn’t sure about that anymore.
Perhaps subconsciously, I had known what would happen. Perhaps she was right. I’d only proposed to her to keep her there with me. It didn’t matter anyhow. What was said was said. What was done was done.
When I heard her heels clicking away from me, I thought of running after her and begging her to stay, but I knew this was a great chance for her. Was it right for me to take it away? I was screaming inside, not really knowing what to do. My thoughts were like a ping-pong match in my head. Do I or don’t I?
When I heard the door slam, I knew that was the last time I would ever see her. Letting her go was the right thing to do, yet the hardest thing to do. My heart ripped out of my chest as I hit the floor on my knees. Everything moved at such a fast pace before I could register what was happening, even the loud, agonized moan that escaped from my mouth. And Olie thinks I’m not good enough for her, achingly repeated through my mind. A piece of me died that night. A piece of me I could never get back, ‘cause she took it with her.
Books by M. Clarke (NA) (Sold World Wide)
Something Wonderful - Book 2
Something Forever - Book 3
Something Amazing - Book 4
Something Precious - Book 5
My Clarity (Stand-Alone) Kindle Unlimited
My Serenity (Book 2 of My Clarity) Kindle Unlimited
Books by Mary Ting (YA)
Crossroads Saga: (Kindle Unlimited)
Halo City - Prequel
Crossroads (Book 1)
Between (Book 2)
Beyond (Book 3)
Eternity (Book 4)
From Gods: (Kindle Unlimited)
From Gods (Book 1)
From Deities (Book 2)
From Origins (book 3)
News Update: http://eepurl.com/YMyCn
Join Mary’s Fan Group http://on.fb.me/15zyQXu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorMaryTing
Tweet: @MaryTing https://twitter.com/MaryTing
Instagram: http://instagram.com/authormaryting
Website: http://www.authormaryting.com
Email: [email protected]
Blog: http://www.marytingbooks.blogspot.com/
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/mting888/
http://www.wattpad.com/user/MaryTing
