by Cassie James
“Yeah, let’s do it.” There’s no emotion left in my voice. My whole body feels numb, like the boys of Patience have finally managed to irreparably damage something inside of me. I thought I was tough. It turns out Patience tough is a lot different from Nikon Park tough.
Jake keeps hold of my hand as he leads me back around to the front of the house. “I think Kathy and Doug might have a bed open again. Maybe you could talk to your social worker about it.” I’ve stayed with Kathy and Doug before. There’s a fairly normal couple if you can get past having to sleep three or four to a room sometimes. “You know, I’d let you stay with me if you could…” He trails off, and I get it. Jake and Brandon already nearly eat their parents out of house and home. They can’t afford to have another teenager in the house, even if we could somehow convince Sherry to give that living arrangement her seal of approval. “This is some place here, though, huh? Who the heck even needs a house this big. Didn’t you say your great-aunt lives here alone?”
I hate that he’s trying to fill the silence with chatter. I’m mentally trying to form some combination of words that might actually succeed in me convincing Pearl to let me leave. I’m not stupid. I know the chances are slim to none that my last surviving relative is going to let me just pack up and walk out. She might be hands off with the parenting, but she’s made it very clear that she respects tradition. I’m the only Lexington left to carry that torch. If I leave now, I don’t know what that means for our family legacy.
We’re nearly to the front door before I notice Sadie on the front steps. Her face is ashen white as she sees me coming and leaps to her feet. “Oh my God, Juliet. I’ve been texting and calling you all morning. Last night—” She shakes her head, blonde curls cascading around her shoulders like a waterfall. “Oh, hi.” She notices Jake next to me.
“Hi.” I watch him closely, wondering how he’s going to react to Sadie. She’s hot, stunning really. They don’t make girls like her where we’re from. But he barely glances in her direction, returning his focus right back to me. He’s still holding my hand, too.
I can tell that Sadie’s expecting an introduction, but I have no intention of giving her one. It doesn’t take long for her to remember why she’s here. “What happened last night? Smith said you were doing shots with Jax and then you disappeared.” That’s an awfully tame way of explaining it.
“Can I see your phone again?” Jake hands it over no questions asked. I pull back up the contact page I was looking at before and show it to Sadie. “Is this your brother?” She studies it for a long moment, long enough that I don’t even need her to answer me. Her extended silence is answer enough. She knows something’s up and her first instinct is to protect him, not me. That doesn’t surprise me as much today as it would have before last night. I thought Sadie was my friend. Now I’m second-guessing all those times I felt bad for questioning her motives. “Why is your brother keeping me from talking to my best friend?”
Her eyes skim over Jake, her eyebrows raising just slightly in surprise. I’m not sure who she thought Jake was, but she’s clearly surprised to hear me refer to him as my best friend. We haven’t talked that much about my life before Patience. She was too busy teaching me about fitting in here. Fat lot of good that did me.
“I don’t know.” She scrunches her nose in my direction. “I don’t know anything about that. Is this why you haven’t been answering me?” For someone who normally seems so confident, I’ve really thrown Sadie off her mark. I hate myself a little for thinking it feels good to have the upper-hand. I especially hate the way it makes me feel like the people here have been rubbing off on me.
“What about the pictures? Do you know anything about that?” Her face falls so I know she’s seen them. I don’t have to clarify what pictures I’m talking about. She shakes her head, her perfect curls making me irrationally angry as they bounce prettily around her head in a sort of chaotic dance. I hate how she looks so put together even while I’m falling apart. It’s just another reminder that I don’t belong here.
She’s not that big of a girl to begin with, but she seems to shrink under my gaze. “Juliet, I don’t know anything about that. Everyone is saying—” Her eyes dart over to Jake and she seems to question what she was about to say. I roll my hand, gesturing for her to continue. Jake might as well hear everything, he’s certainly earned that right by showing up here. “Everyone is saying you got with Ace last night. That you took those pictures for him.”
I laugh out loud, right into her face. “I didn’t do anything with Ace except ask for a ride home last night. I was wasted, Sadie, I had no idea he took those pictures.” I conveniently leave out the part where I vividly remember kissing Ace in his car. He’s not the first person I’ve kissed since I got here. I tell myself it doesn’t mean anything, just like the others. I’m getting pretty good at convincing myself to believe that, too. Three perfect kisses from three imperfect guys, and I wish I could forget all of them. The kisses—and the guys.
Sadie rubs her forehead, smoothing the single wrinkle that forms as she scrunches her nose again. “Why didn’t you come find me? I would have gotten Smith to take us home, especially if I knew you’d been drinking.” I can feel anger seep into my veins, spreading over my whole body.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She flinches. “I tried to come find you. Correction. I did find you. You just happened to be a little busy at the moment.” She tilts her head, not remembering that for obvious reasons. “I saw Kathryn. She must have forgotten to mention it.” Even though I’m seething right now, I’m not about to out her in front of a stranger.
Her face, which was so pale before, goes bright red. “I can explain.” Now she’s the one that sounds like she’s about to be sick. But I don’t want to hear whatever explanation she has. She led me right into what I’m starting to expect was a well-laid trap. She might not have known what was going to happen, but I’m not ready to forgive her for abandoning me in the lion’s den.
I hold my hand up to her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now. Just go home.” She sniffs, and I’m pretty sure she’s about to start crying if I don’t get her out of here fast. “Please. Let’s just talk about it later.” I’m not sure I’ll actually want to talk to her later, but if she starts crying right now, I’m going to lose it. I can’t comfort her right now. I can’t even comfort myself.
“Come on.” Jake nudges me forward, bypassing her completely as we head back into the house. The masochist that I am, I look back as he closes the front door between us. She’s watching me go, so much anguish in her face that I have a sudden gut feeling that I’m making a huge mistake. If I run right now, there’s no coming back.
“Wait.” I dig my heels in, forcing Jake to stop practically dragging me back towards the formal living room. He stops, too, turns and looks me right in the eyes. There’s a resignation there. This is Jake. He knows me, and he knows what I’m about to say.
Chapter 10
Jake stays the rest of the weekend with Pearl’s grudging permission. She makes him sleep in the guest bedroom right next to hers on the first floor, but at least she lets him stay. We spend the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday trying to get my pictures taken down from everywhere they’ve been posted. It’s not so hard once we tell the guys at tech support that I’m only sixteen. Of course for every picture we get taken down three more pop up. Eventually, we at least manage to scrub all the ones that have my address attached.
The one thing I don’t do is leave the house. The farthest we go is walking the garden a few times in the back of the house, and even then we only walk the section closest to the house. I’m not that worried about someone finding me off my address being posted. Strange cars don’t go unnoticed around here. I do worry all weekend that one of Patience’s resident assholes will show up to harass me some more.
Somehow, Monday morning comes without a peep from any of them. I’m fixing coffee before I need to leave for school when Pearl corners me in the kitche
n. “Your guest is still here.” She looks at me expectantly, and for the first time I realize we have the same eyes. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it before, but in the moment it makes me feel the closest I’ve felt to her since I got here. Closer even than when she pulled out the old family photos.
“Jake’s going to take me to school and leave from there. He has to be back home for work tonight.” I try not to take it personally that she looks so relieved by that. “Thank you again for letting him stay. Having him here, it made me not miss home so much.” It’s the most earnest thing I’ve said to her, and for a moment there’s some real emotion on her pinched face. It’s gone just as fast as it appears.
“Yes, well, as long as he didn’t steal anything.” I blink at her, so surprised that I can’t even form a response. I knew she was suspicious of Jake, but insinuating he would steal is a whole new low. And this coming from the woman who let a snake stay alone in my bedroom while I was vulnerable. Not that I’ve dared mention to her what happened.
I take a deep breath before I assure her, “He didn’t.” The idea of Jake stealing anything is laughable at best. His brother Brandon is the troublemaker; he’s learned from his brother’s mistakes.
Pearl nods, seeming only partially convinced, but I figure that’s as good as I’ll get. She starts to leave, but pauses in the doorway. “Juliet?” She waits until she has my full attention. “I hope in time you’ll come to think of this as home.”
She disappears around the corner, leaving me to mull over her words as I finish putting my coffee in a thermos. I don’t think I’ll ever really think of this place as home. The house is nice, and I do feel a sense of ownership being here, knowing it’s my birthright. But Patience? Everything about it has proven to be toxic so far. When I dreamed of getting away, this wasn’t at all what I imagined. I still have to believe there’s something different out there. Something in between Nikon Park and Patience, where things don’t have to be one extreme or the other.
“You ready?” Jake’s voice makes my jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” He plucks the thermos out of my hand and takes a sip, makes a face. “You’re drinking it black?” I shrug. It’s a habit I’ve picked up since getting here. Drinking it black is the only way it feels like enough to get me through the day. That’s especially true today.
“I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell him, answering his initial question. I’m still tempted to change my mind again, ask Jake to take me with him after all, but then Pearl’s parting words play over in my head.
Guilt, thy name is Jess. Juliet. Whatever the fuck my name is.
I grab my ratty old backpack off the counter. Pearl bought me a nice new messenger bag I’d been using, but today I just want what’s familiar. I’m stuck with the school uniform, but there aren’t any rules about what kind of backpack I’m allowed to carry. I checked the school handbook and everything.
We barely make it out the front door before I’m faced with the Harrington twins. Smith’s car is parked in the driveway, and they’re both leaning against the outside, expectantly waiting as I step outside. I wrap my hand around Jake’s upper arm as we walk down the front steps together. Smith scoffs, pulls a joint out of his pocket and lights it right there in front of us. Sadie side eyes him but doesn’t say anything. She steps forward to greet me while Smith stays back, his eyes flashing with annoyance in Jake’s direction. There’s no mistaking the jealousy written all over his face as I tighten my grip on my best friend.
“Juliet, I’m so sorry. About everything.” She keeps looking at my backpack that I have slung over my shoulder. “You don’t have to leave. Everyone around here will get over themselves eventually, I swear.” It takes me a second to figure out what she’s talking about. She thinks I’m leaving Patience, which makes me feel that much more guilty about how much I’ve considered doing just that.
I clear my throat because I don’t want to stutter or have my voice crack when I say this. “I’m not leaving.” Smith chokes on the mouthful of smoke he was inhaling. I don’t even try to hide the fact that it makes me crack a smile. “Jake’s giving me a ride today. I’ll see you at lunch.” I reach out and squeeze Sadie’s shoulder as we pass by her on the way to Jake’s brother’s truck. It’s the only reassurance I’m willing to offer her right now, but I do plan on talking things out later.
The last couple days left me with plenty of time to regroup and consider how I want to deal with things moving forward. I’m not sure how much I can really trust Sadie, but I won’t survive here without some kind of friend. Of everyone I’ve met, Sadie’s by far the safest choice. She might not have looked out for me the way she said she would, but she hasn’t gone out of her way to hurt me like others have.
I climb into the seat next to Jake in the truck, sipping my coffee as I watch Smith and Sadie pull past us and peel out of the driveway. Smith’s tires squeal as he rounds the curved driveway and takes off like a shot down the court, eventually turning off onto the main road. Jake huffs. He’s not impressed by displays like that, not when back home there’s drag races almost all night long running down the main strip through town and double-time on the nearby highway.
The drive is quiet, neither of us left with much to say after spending most of the weekend together. I can feel a dead weight constricting in my chest as Jake flips his turn signal to pull into The Patience School parking lot. I’m hoping for a quiet entrance with no confrontations. I’m not so naive to think it’ll be a quiet day for me, but if I can just make it through the doors, I might actually survive this mess.
“Last chance to back out.” Jake says it like it’s a joke, but when he looks over at me, his expression is tight, and I know he’s not really joking at all. He doesn’t need me to confirm it for him, we’ve talked this to death and he knows I’m serious about staying. “Text me in a little while and let me know you’re okay.” He squeezes my knee as he jumps into line with all the students trying to find parking spots in the lot. Jake doesn’t need to park, but he waits in the line anyway to let me out as close to the front of the building as possible. I’m so immensely thankful for him.
We did manage to figure out the phone shit. Jake blocked my number after getting what he thought were tons of telemarketer phone calls from that number. Which was why my calls went straight to voicemail and he didn’t think twice about assuming my number was the one he’d been texted from. It seems Smith went through a lot of trouble to isolate me from Jake. I’m assuming he thought it would make me homesick and send me running back to Nikon Park, since nearly everyone here seems desperate to run me off. Ironically, not having Jake these last couple weeks made me even more determined to make things work here.
Speaking of Smith, I catch sight of him standing with Jax near the sign out front. Well, Smith is standing, Jax is leaning lazily against the sign, looking like he’s only half listening. Smith is trying to talk to him, his hands gesturing furiously as his mouth seems to move at warp speed. He’s mad, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess that probably has something to do with me. So much for making a quiet entrance.
We’re inching forward, nearly at the front, and Jax finally stands up like a normal human being when his eyes lock on the truck. I want to shrink down in the seat and hide, but I force myself to take a deep breath instead. It hasn’t been that long since I decided to never let anyone steal my legacy from me. I make myself focus on that. That’s why I’m still here and still dealing with these assholes. I can do this—because I don’t have any other choice. Jax starts walking our way and I mutter, “Shit,” under my breath. There are cars on either side of us, so it’s not like we can go anywhere.
“Who is that?” Jake puts his hand back on my knee. This time it feels more like he’s staking his claim than trying to comfort me.
I tear my eyes away from Jax’s dark stare. “That’s Jax.” I don’t need to explain more than that because Jake’s heard all about the bullies of Patience by now. He now knows them each by name. I pe
ek over again, and Jax is only a few feet away from us now. He’s left Smith behind, too, watching wearily from his spot near the front sign.
I’m about to ask Jake to roll the window down when Jax reaches us, but I don’t get the chance because Jax grabs the door handle and opens the passenger door right up. I’m so baffled by the nerve of him that I just sit there in stunned silence. Jax shoots a dismissive look at Jake, but Jake doesn’t have any reason to give a shit. “Can I help you?” There’s a clear challenge in Jake’s voice. He doesn’t give a shit who Jax’s daddy is.
“Nope.” He drops his gaze to where Jake’s hand is resting on the bare skin below my uniform skirt. I’m not wearing the optional tights today because it’s so warm out. Jax is close enough that I can see his jaw clench at he stares for a beat too long. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was actually jealous. “Out. Now.” He glares at me when I don’t move. I’m not sure who the hell he thinks he is trying to order me around like that.
Jake slides his hand further up my leg, his fingers caressing the skin under the hem of my skirt, and Jax’s gaze drops again to follow the motion. This feels like it’s quickly turning into a pissing contest that I don’t want to be a part of, but I’m not about to call Jake out for it in front of this monster.
“You’ve got about thirty seconds to get out of this piece of shit or Headmaster Dupont is going to get a call that your friend here is trespassing on school property.” I still don’t move, and I can practically feel the tension radiating off of Jax. I haven’t seen him this high strung since I got here. Is my presence here really such a threat to the status quo that he can’t give me a few minutes of peace before starting in on me again? “Don’t play chicken with me, Juliet. Get your ass out here.” He takes two steps back, but he’s still standing there staring at me through the open door. This is such bullshit. Telling me not to play chicken with him only makes me want to do it more, and based on the way he suddenly smirks, he knows it, too.
