“Girl, I was gonna offer to make you some toast, but you need a damn shower. Pronto. Ugh!” she complained and waved her hand in front of her face as she walked toward me. She grabbed my comforter, pulling it off me and taking my hand, getting me to a sitting position. I groaned and tried to fight her and tell her to leave me here to die, but I just didn’t have the energy.
Becca softly brushed my hair away from my face as I noticed her discreetly slide the trash can as far away as she could with her foot. Her grimace said volumes as she looked me in the eye. “Come on, doll. Let me help you to the shower. I’ll clean up in here and get you some clean clothes,” she offered.
I moaned, “I don’t think I can make it….”
Becca half dragged, half supported me as I stumbled and shuffled to the bathroom. She sat me on the closed toilet, and I leaned back against the cool tank, closing my eyes as she turned on the water and waited for it to get hot before pulling the lever to turn on the shower.
“Come on, Queen Pukey. Let’s get those clothes off and get you in the shower.” She helped me climb in, waiting to be sure I wasn’t going to fall over. As I closed the shower curtain, I saw her plug her nose and toss my favorite red sweats and ratty Five Finger Death Punch shirt in my hamper.
“I’ll be back in a minute. Holler if you need me.” I heard the door click shut as she left.
I stood in the shower letting the warm water wash across my face and body in hundreds of intertwining rivulets. I had to admit, it did make me feel a little better. As the water washed across my nipples, I saw his face in my mind’s eye, just like I had every day since the morning I woke up to an empty bed three weeks ago.
I pictured his slow, easy smile, the flash of dimples and how his lips felt brushing against mine. I closed my eyes, and I could feel his hands instead of the water caressing my body. My hands reached up and cupped my aching breasts, and in my mind, they were his hands. My biggest regret was not getting his number. Shit, I didn’t even know his last name for that matter.
Oh well, some things weren’t meant to be. At least I had some amazing memories to hold close to my heart. Of course, those memories might make every other man who entered my life have a lot to live up to.
I didn’t even have the picture I took because it was on his phone and he was gone, taking the phone with him before I could forward it to myself. At least then I would have had his phone number and a picture to ogle. Obviously, he didn’t want to keep in touch with me after he headed back to Georgia, or he would have at least gotten my number from me.
I sighed to myself. Georgia was a long way away anyway, and who wanted to do a long-distance relationship? I was probably just another notch to him.
The water began to lose its heat, so I hurried to wash my hair and body before it became an icy stream. As soon as I shut the water off, I broke out in goose bumps as the cool air hit my skin. I rapidly toweled myself off and carefully climbed out of the shower, holding the wall to ensure I didn’t fall over. I wiped the steam off the mirror and looked at my reflection in the glass. I had dark circles under my eyes, and I looked sallow and washed out. At least I smelled better and I was clean. That was a plus.
I walked back to my room with my feet pattering on the old hard wood of the hallway. Becca was just smoothing the comforter across my bed as I walked in, nearly stumbling over the pile of dirty sheets in the doorway. I shot her a small smile as she looked up at me from her task.
“Why are you so good to me?” She smiled back and walked over, giving me a hug. She smelled like sunshine and it made me miss sitting outside in the sun to study. I needed to get better and back to studying again. Finals were rapidly approaching.
“What are friends for? Besides, I love you, girl. I feel awful that you’ve been so under the weather lately.” Understatement of the century. “I’m going to go make you some toast. Do you want me to bring it in to you? Or do you want to come out to the table?”
“Give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll come out.” She nodded and walked out to the kitchen.
Dressed in clean sweats and a tee, I shuffled out to the kitchen and sat at the scarred-up wooden table, which was a hand-me-down from her grandparents, just as she carried a plate of perfectly toasted, thick-sliced bread over to me. She set it down in front of me and went to grab a can of ginger ale from the fridge for me. Then she sat at the extra chair, bringing one foot up to the edge of the chair, and rested her chin on her knee as she looked at me, chewing on her bottom lip.
“So… you feeling better, hon?”
“A little, I guess. If I can get my ass up and moving, it usually helps me feel a little better, but it’s getting the energy to get up after being sick all morning that kicks my ass.” I took a bite of the toast, realized I was suddenly ravenous, and made quick work of the other piece as well.
“Can I ask you a really personal question?” Becca’s eyes boring into me with bright intensity made me curious about where this was going.
“Ummmm, sure?” I mean, we shared everything, so what could be more personal than everything?
“When was the last time you had your period, Steph?”
“Uhhhh, like a little over a month ago, or so. But I’m not usually very regular, and with all the stress of finals and whatever this bug is I have, I know I’m probably thrown off even more.” I swallowed a mouthful of the cold, bubbly ginger ale.
“Do you think you could be pregnant?” She pursed her lips to the side and looked at me in question.
Ginger ale shot from my mouth and nose and the can slipped from my hand, landing so hard on the table that some of the liquid splashed out of the can onto the table. As I sat coughing and holding my hand over my mouth, I stared at the abstract blob of bubbling pop on the table. I frantically tried to remember exactly when my last period was. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized it may have been well over a month since my last cycle. Okay, maybe almost two….
I thought back to that glorious night with Colton and realized not once did either of us even think to use a condom. Not that I’d had much use for them over the last several years, but crap. What the hell had I been thinking? Not to mention, he could have had an STD or something!
God, I was so stupid.
I looked at Becca with tears filling my eyes and cried, “What am I going to do?”
Becca reached across the table and grasped my hand in hers.
“First, we are going down to the dollar store to get a couple of tests. Maybe you’re right and you just have the flu and lots of stress. I just know it was a few weeks ago that I ran into tall, dark, and sexy coming out of your room in the morning looking like … well, just yum. And now here you are sick as shit, and well, I guess, I just thought….” She trailed off.
“Come on.” I stood up, pulling her up from the chair, causing the chair to scrape across the floor and nearly fall over. I rushed to grab my purse and slid on some flip-flops. I threw my hair in a messy bun as I rushed out the door with Becca hot on my heels.
We both sat there staring at all the plus signs and double lines on the white sticks lined up on the counter in front of us. Neither of us said a word. We just stared. I wanted to cry, but I was in too much shock to do anything but stare and breathe.
Finally, I looked over at Becca and she looked at me. My stomach gave a little lurch and I fought back a small wave of nausea.
“What are you going to do?” she whispered to me with a stricken expression.
“I don’t know. What am I going to tell my family? ‘Oh, so I’m graduating soon, I don’t have a job yet, and oh, did I mention I’m having a baby and I don’t exactly know who the father is? I mean, I know who he is, but I never really got his name.’ Yeah. I’m going to sound like a huge slut, and they’re going to hate me for being a disappointment to all of them!” I buried my face in my hands as sobs racked my body. Tears quickly filled the palms of my hands.
“What was I thinking? I slept with a guy without any protection and didn’t
even get his name or phone number! Jesus, Becca, I feel like such a hoe-bag! Oh my God, my baby isn’t going to have a father, and there is a great guy out there who will never know he has a baby!” I felt like such an idiot. I was a smart girl, but my intelligence had obviously been on vacation that night.
Shit. Damn. Crap.
“Well, you could look into an abortion, Steph. You’re not that far along. I know it kind of sucks, but it’s an option.”
“No! Absolutely not!” I stood up, pacing in the small bathroom as Becca continued to sit on the edge of the tub. I was going to figure this out. I may have been stupid that night, but the result was a tiny, little life growing inside of me. He or she was an innocent byproduct of that stupidity, but that didn’t mean they were a mistake. I held the palm of my hand to my still flat belly as though it was a shield from the horrors of the world. I looked up at Becca with new determination.
“I’m going to figure this out. I have to. Either I wait to put in resumes until after the baby is born or I get them out ASAP and get a job before I start showing. Then I’m just ‘surprised’ when I find out I’m pregnant.” I leaned down and hugged Becca before heading to my room to try to figure out a feasible plan.
I pulled out my laptop and began to update my resume the best I could. I knew finding a job in a good restaurant coming right out of school was going to be difficult, which was why I had worked hard to keep my grades up. I knew if I could put on my resume that I graduated top of my class, it would be a boost when employers looked at my resume. Then I looked online at the websites that posted for restaurant and food preparation type positions. I fired off a few resumes to various restaurants across the state in hopes that one of them may look past my lack of experience and the fact that I hadn’t quite graduated yet and give me a shot. I would be happy with anything at this point. After I finished, I closed my laptop and leaned against the headboard, pulling a small throw pillow over my stomach and clutching it tight. I slipped a hand under it to my belly and whispered, “Mommy is going to take care of you, sweetheart, one way or another. Don’t worry, baby, we got this.” It was said with much more confidence than I actually felt.
June 2013
GRADUATION CAME AND WENT. I, thankfully, passed all my classes with flying colors and did graduate at the top of my culinary class. Go me. At least one thing went according to plan. Becca and I had a tearful goodbye after we both finished packing up the apartment. It was the first of June. We had used the last few weeks to take our time packing and just hanging out together. After all, the rent was paid through this week. I still hadn’t told my family, nor had I heard anything about a job, so I was heading home to stay with my parents until I heard something from one of the five billion resumes I sent out.
“You better keep in touch! We’ll only be about three hours apart, so I expect we’ll be getting together as often as we can, even if we have to meet halfway in Storm Lake for a weekend here or there,” she said with a stern look. I laughed.
“Yes, Mother.”
“Don’t you ‘yes, Mother’ me,” she said as she looked around to see if either of our families were around. Seeing the coast was clear, she whispered, “Have you told them yet?”
“Shhh, please be quiet! No, I haven’t. There hasn’t really been a good time.” I knew I looked guilty, because I felt very guilty. Since Colton had been my only sexual encounter in well… forever, I was a little over eight weeks along. Still early, but I knew I would have to tell them before there was no hiding it. My stomach still seemed as flat as ever, but I knew that wouldn’t last. Thankfully my morning sickness had tapered off after I figured out eating a few saltines in the morning before even getting out of bed helped settle my stomach so I could feel normal.
“Steph, there isn’t going to be a good time. Are you sure you don’t want to go back to CB with me for a while? Maybe you can find a job there and you can just stay with me.” She meant well, but I knew I couldn’t run away and hide from my family forever. Eventually, I had to tell them.
“No, I know I need to tell them, but I think I’ll need to be with my mom for this. I just pray they don’t hate me or disown me.” I felt my face begin to crumble.
Becca reached over and gave me a hug as tears trickled down my cheeks. Her red hair tickled my nose, and I reached up to brush it back, making me think of how Colton had brushed my hair out of my face with such tenderness. I began to cry harder, and she squeezed me tighter.
“None of that now, girls. You’re acting like you won’t be just three hours apart. Becca can come up and stay with us any time.” My dad walked over, hugging us both. He was still handsome even at fifty, with dark brown hair going gray at the temples.
My brothers and my mom came through the door, and my mom walked over and kissed me and Becca each on the cheek. She was still gorgeous, in my opinion, but to me she had always been the most beautiful woman in the world. People told me I looked a lot like her. Tall, lithe, blonde, bright blue eyes. She was a few years younger than Dad, but easily passed for a woman years and years younger. My dad looked over to her with love shining in his hazel eyes. I wondered if I would ever find the love my parents had, even three children and years later, or would it forever be just me and my little one? The thought brought a new wave of tears. The book I bought at the used book store said I would feel more emotional than usual due to fluctuating hormones, but why did I want to cry all the time? Ugh!
“Are you about ready to head out? Your brothers are securing the last of your boxes in the back of the truck, sweetheart. I figured we could grab a bite to eat with Becca and her family and then hit the road.” I kissed my mom on the cheek. She was amazing, and I was so thankful for her intuition in knowing I needed a little more time with Becca, who had become my absolute best friend.
“Yes, that sounds amazing!”
Becca went to tell her parents, and I walked to my room to gather up the last few things I had piled up in the corner. I tucked the pregnancy book in my backpack, thankful that no one had come in and grabbed any of my things I had set aside here. Yikes! That would have been a great way to let everyone know. Oh, look, Stephanie has a pregnancy book and some prenatal vitamins here with her notebook and makeup. Wonder what she has that for?
Yeah. Not so much.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder, taking one last look around. No, this place wasn’t much, but it was my first real place. Becca and I had a lot of memories, laughs, and tears here. I took in the worn carpet and the sunlight streaming through the dented blinds highlighting the dust motes floating through the air like tiny snowflakes, and gave a little sigh. It was time to start a new chapter of my life, one that would include a few major changes and alterations to my previous plans and dreams.
January 2014
“OHHHHHHHH MY GAWWWWWWD! ARGHHHHH!” I squeezed my mother’s hand, crushing her fingers in what must have felt like a death grip. She never once complained; she just kept holding a cool cloth to my sweat-drenched forehead and speaking in a soothing tone as she encouraged me to breathe slowly. My hair was soaked with sweat and plastered to my head. I just knew I looked awful as I tucked my head down to my chest, my face turning bright red and screwed up in a painful grimace.
“There you go, keep pushing, Miss Quinn. Your baby’s head is crowning, and with one more push, the head should be out. You’re doing great.” The nurse was encouraging me in her ever-calm voice as she monitored my progress and all the machines beeping around me. Did these bitches take classes in that ridiculously calm voice they used? I wanted to kick her in the face. She wasn’t the one shitting out a watermelon.
As the doctor walked in, taking over the nurse’s spot between my spread knees, all smiles and sunshine, asking how things were going and was I ready to have this baby, I wanted to kick her in the face too. What was coming over me? I felt like a demon was inhabiting my body. I had been in labor for over seven hours. They said things were progressing very well for my first child. Yeah, fuck them. They weren’t th
e ones being split in two.
Very well, my ass!
I fell back in exhaustion as the contraction slowly ebbed. Sweat poured down my face, burning my eyes until my mom caught it with the cool rag. I looked up at her in desperation. “Mom, I can’t do this. I don’t know what I was thinking. Get me the epidural. Or just make it stop. I’m not ready! Please!”
My mom gave me a small smile and kissed my cheek. She squeezed my hand lightly in encouragement and told me I was doing great. “It won’t be long now, sweetheart. Your baby will be in your arms and this will be a distant memory. I still cannot believe you didn’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl, but we’ll know soon enough, now won’t we. I’m here for you, baby.” She smiled at me again, and I felt the next contraction building with a quickness, feeling like a band was tightening from my hips, meeting in the middle of my stomach. I screamed through gritted teeth as I leaned forward, nearly touching my chin to the center of my chest, and pushed.
“There we go! Look at that beautiful head of dark hair and those sweet little cheeks!” I rolled my eyes as the doctor suctioned the baby’s nose and spoke of a baby I couldn’t see over the still ginormous lump of my belly. Asshole, I thought. “Next push should have this little one out, Miss Quinn!”
How were all of these people so damn cheery? Yeah, I was gonna kick them all in the face by the end of it. Stupid fuckers!
One more brief respite and the next contraction hit. I pushed like the doctor told me and felt like I would split in two at my crotch.
Surely this baby isn’t going to fit! There is no way.
I still pushed, praying for a miracle that this giant bowling ball was going to fit through the donut-sized opening without ripping it asunder.
I heard the lusty cry of my precious baby just after I felt the fluid-like slip of the little body from mine and the pain eased. As they told me she was a girl and handed her to me wrapped in a little soft cotton blanket, I peered into her big blue eyes. I took in the full pink cheeks and pursed rosebud mouth, falling more in love with this exquisite little miracle with every breath she took. I barely felt the last of the contractions expelling the placenta that had nourished my little angel. She solemnly blinked her beautiful eyes at me before she smiled, revealing two perfect dimples, which hit me like a punch to the gut. She was her daddy’s little girl for sure, and he would never know. I cried for the memories that would never be and for the gift I had been given. I cried for a little girl who would never know her daddy and for the unexpected level of amazing love I had for this one tiny person.
Colton's Salvation: A Demented Sons MC Novel Page 4
