by Tonya Plank
She looked up at me. Now she was flaming mad. I could see it in her pupils. They pierced my soul. I also saw she had a big dark spot on her cheek. Shit. They’d hit her.
I lightly brushed the darkened spot. “Oh my God, they hit you. This is going to bruise a little. Maybe swell. We’ll get ice. I’m so sorry. So sorry.” I continued caressing her cheek and chin, kissing her forehead.
She closed her eyes. “Well, I’m just glad the right people have finally kidnapped the right girl this time,” she said sarcastically.
I had no idea how to respond, and said nothing.
“Are you going to tell me what the fuck is happening?” It wasn’t often she used profanity. But I couldn’t say I didn’t understand her anger. Her life had been put in jeopardy twice now. By me and my family, all of whom, momentarily at least, disgusted me. Except, of course, my sister.
“Rory,” I said after a few moments, “this is my sister, Tatiana. I had thought she was de…dead. If not, gone from our lives forever. Because of my…my fault. Now that she is here, she is never leaving my sight again. Nor are you. I will never let anyone hurt either of you ever again.” My voice had started to crack but I forced it to be steady, and heavy, like lead. As much as I hated for people to see me cry, I felt tears welling at the backs of my eyes.
***
After we’d all given our statements to the police—at Rory’s very correct insistence—I told Rory the whole story from beginning to end. Well, at least what I knew of it. I well knew it would be some time before I’d get all of the details out of my sister. The more I’d tried to talk to Tatiana, the more I’d realized she was really traumatized. And humiliated by things that had happened to her. She’d tell me in her own time.
We’d moved to the fancier Imperial Hotel, because there was now too much media at our hotel in town and because the Imperial had far better security. The police had caught Tatiana’s husband and were holding him in jail, but we had no idea how much support he had, whether he could send anyone after us. Tatiana knew virtually nothing about the man she’d married. She’d been so desperate to get out of her situation in Tokyo, she didn’t bother to find out a lot about the guy.
Of course poor Valentin had apologized profusely for letting me down.
“It all happened so damn fast, man. We couldn’t figure out who was following who and we just couldn’t keep up with everyone,” he’d said when I first talked to him after we’d gotten back to Blackpool safely.
I’d laughed, and thanked him for trying. “Are you kidding? These are serious thugs. We’re a bunch of professional dancers. You’re a good man, Val. You helped me more than I can ever say.”
The authorities had put us up in a large suite. There was a guard assigned to our room, keeping station 24/7 outside. As much bullshit as my family got into, this was surreal to me, being under surveillance, fearing for my safety and that of those I loved. It killed me to know I’d brought Rory, a do-gooder, law-abiding lawyer, down with them.
Tatiana slept in one of the bedrooms in the suite; Rory and I were in another.
But at the moment I told Rory all I knew about the events leading up to the previous night, we were up, unable to sleep, in the living room talking. We sipped sweet black coffee and gazed through a huge window out onto the sea.
“We grew up poor, very poor, in a small town. In Siberia,” I said, looking away from her and out to the ocean. I was always embarrassed about this, particularly in front of Americans who I felt could never really understand poverty in Russia. “As I told you before, dance was my way out. So when I met Tamara’s aunt and she offered me that, a more promising life in Novosibirsk, in dance, I jumped at it. My dad was pissed as all hell. I don’t know why. He worked on a farm. I don’t know that he ever wanted anything more. Maybe he did and I never got to know him well enough. I was too scared of him and his fists and his broken bottles of vodka…”
“Oh my God, Sasha!” She reached out and placed a hand on my chest, over my heart. I still didn’t look at her. I shook my head.
“He never touched me. With the bottle. I always felt threatened though.”
“Oh my God,” she said again.
“He didn’t want me to leave. I don’t know why. There was no future there. I couldn’t imagine spending long days on that stupid farm or in the factory nearby with your only salvation being a bottle of vodka at night. Maybe he was jealous, or I was showing him up by leaving. He could have left too. He just didn’t.”
“That’s horrible to be jealous of your own children,” she said.
I didn’t want her pity. I didn’t want anyone’s pity ever.
“It’s just how a certain generation of Russians are.” I shrugged. “There are a lot of people, especially Eastern Europeans, like that.”
She shook her head. I shouldn’t have expected her to understand. Things were just different, more beautiful, here. She held my hand and rubbed her thumb along my fingers.
“At first it killed my mother for me to leave. Or I thought it did, because that’s what my father and her brother—my Uncle Oleg—told me. But Tamara’s aunt gave my family money every month for my services. I know she was happy with that. I know, because she got very, very mad at me when the money stopped coming in after I left Tamara.”
“But, I mean, that’s like child labor, if your family got paid. You were seven. You weren’t a commodity!”
I continued looking out the window toward the vast ocean. There was so much that separated us. So much life experience. I knew she wasn’t judging me. Or my family. Or my country. She was just speaking her mind, thinking like a lawyer, speaking out for those she cared about.
She nodded, seeming to realize her words were harsh, at least against my mother, but unable to take them back. “So, how does your sister figure into this? Did she want to leave too?”
I shook my head. “Not then. She was a small child when I left.”
“So why do you blame yourself for what happened to her?”
“Because after I realized there were better partners for me and left Tamara for Moscow, there was no more money. I’d cut off my mom’s money supply.”
Rory sighed and shook her head, but said nothing.
“It wasn’t all about the money. She was losing her son for good. And she knew it. Moscow was very far away. It was another world. She realized I wasn’t coming back. I received letter after letter from my mother begging me to come home to her, and very nasty calls from my father telling me I’d never get where I wanted, I’d come running back to them and then I’d be sorry because he’d beat the hell out of me for hurting my mom…” I trailed off, remembering those calls. My father seemed possessed, he was so angry. And he made it all about me hurting my mom, which pissed me off so much I always hung up on his bitter, cursing voice. God forbid he ever take responsibility and admit he was pissed for his own reasons.
Rory remained silent, and lightly ran her fingers up and down my chest.
“I wanted to be free. I wanted my life. I wanted to be a dancer. I wanted…nothing to do with them.” It pained me to think how embarrassed I was of that feeling, of them.
She laid her head in the crook of my neck and transferred the gentle trailing of her fingertips to my arms. “And when Tatiana got older, she became well acquainted with the legend of her older brother. She wanted to be like him,” she said softly.
“She fought with my mom a lot. And my dad. They always blamed it on me, said I put thoughts into her head during our phone calls. It wasn’t entirely true. I always told her to be good, study hard. When she was older she could come abroad, to wherever I was living at the time. But like normal kids, she wanted things too soon.”
“I can’t say I don’t know that feeling,” Rory said with a light laugh. I was thirteen when I got accepted to the School of American Ballet summer intensive and was on my way to New York. If they liked me I was so prepared to stay, forget school, become a ballet dancer forever.”
I remained looking out the win
dow but grabbed her hand and held it tightly. We all had this hunger at a young age.
“But please go on,” she said.
“Right before she turned eighteen, there was some so-called modeling agency in Japan that came to Siberia auditioning girls. It was located in Tokyo but it was run by Americans. Tatiana tried out and they offered her a contract.”
“And it wasn’t legit?”
“I’m still not completely sure. It wasn’t a prostitution ring or anything. But it was a kind of scam. She signed and went to Tokyo later that year. She worked for them for over a year, almost two, got very few jobs. The organization told my mother she wasn’t getting the level of work they expected and now we owed them all this money for her room and board and for acting as her agents. My mom had been so excited that her daughter would be sending money home now. She was expecting to receive money, not be told we had to pay. She didn’t have the money they said we owed.”
“How much was it?”
“Almost twenty thousand dollars.”
“Oh, shit. Yeah, that’s a scam to me!”
“Yeah but you don’t know my mother.”
“What do you mean?” she said.
“She can sometimes…embellish things. I mean, that’s what she said the agency said she owed. I doubt she lied outright but she likes to get people riled up. She plays on people’s pity…” I didn’t want to go into it. I was talking too much about my parents anyway. Way too much. “Tatiana had no phone so I was never able to get the story straight from her.”
“Well, I still think some journalist should look into this, possibly do an exposé.”
Rory. Always the do-gooder, trying to right all the world’s wrongs. But she was right. This organization was shady. I nodded. Then I breathed deeply and turned toward Rory, still without looking in her eyes. Time to come clean.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Tatiana had no phone, that’s true. But I could have still found her at that time. When she was still with the agency. My mother asked me to go to Japan and get her. I could have. I had the means to do so. I was already abroad and I had money. But Xenia and I were working so hard at the studio, trying to get established, and training hard for Blackpool. I was so nearsighted. Winning that damn competition was all I could see. We were already having serious issues with our partnership. I just…truthfully, I didn’t try all that hard to contact my sister. I didn’t have time.”
“But…” Rory shook her head. “She wasn’t your responsibility. You were trying to get your own career started. She went to Tokyo of her own volition. How old was she?”
“Eighteen when she left home. About nineteen, twenty when things soured with the agency.”
“So she was legally of age to be making her own decisions. Albeit young,” she noted.
I was a bit taken aback, thinking she’d have more sympathy for a young woman out in the world. But then, I supposed it was Rory’s feminist nature to think of Tanya as an independent being in control of her life.
“What?” she said.
“You’re just not as sympathetic as I would have thought.” I gave her a bemused smile.
She stopped stroking my arm and cocked her head. “I don’t mean to be unsympathetic. I just mean, you had so much on your own plate. A grown woman isn’t your responsibility and you shouldn’t put her troubles on yourself. I totally understand why you care so much about her. I just don’t think you should feel so responsible for anything that went wrong. It wasn’t your fault, Sasha. Not in the least, and you can’t keep beating yourself up over it.”
I looked back out the window for several moments, thinking how vast the world was, how Tatiana had been so lost in it.
“I’m sorry if I offended you,” Rory said, placing her hand back on my chest.
“Please. Do you really think you could do that?” I turned toward her and let out a little laugh.
“Probably not.” She smiled. “So, how did she end up marrying that crazy American, or how did he end up thinking she married him?”
“I’m not sure about that yet. We have to talk more, when she’s ready. I know she got involved with some shady people, trying to pay off her debts. I think she at one point became an…how do you call…exotic dancer…if not a…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t call her a stripper, far less a prostitute. If she ever was. I really hoped not. I didn’t want to think about it. It would probably take a while to find out, if she was as reticent as I to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about.
Rory looked down. “Now I feel bad. I feel like taking back everything I said about her being old enough to take care of herself. Eighteen is certainly not very old. I was in my first year of college then… My tuition and room and board all paid for by my mom, and my dad’s life insurance policy… I, I just don’t know what it would be like to be on the streets…” Now it was her turn to gaze out the window.
But then I sensed her pity. I hated that. Even coming from Rory. I shook my head rapidly as if that would rid me of it without having to speak any words. “Anyway, apparently she found that American guy in one of the clubs. He told her he’d marry her and pay off her debts. She figured it would lead to a better life, in California. She soon realized she’d made a mistake. She didn’t love him, and wanted out. But she couldn’t afford to go home. And she didn’t want to. When the agency told my mother an American had taken her with him to California, she somehow assumed she was with me. Apparently Tanya had told my mother earlier she absolutely wouldn’t go back to Russia. She wanted to find me and stay with me. My mother told my uncle to get her from me, bring her home. Those are the people who kidnapped you. They thought you were her since you look so much alike.” My jaw began to quiver with anger all over again about my mother’s family of fuckers snatching Rory.
Apparently Rory wasn’t as overcome by anger as I was. “But, I mean, she’s now an adult. It’s her choice to marry, or to live with you. She’s not a minor. Snatching her is kidnapping, plain and simple.”
I sighed. “Exactly. That’s my family for you. That’s my mother. Tatiana has a heart condition, which I guess makes my mother all the more protective, but still. It’s her life. I couldn’t agree more.”
“Heart condition?”
“Yeah. She had to have surgery as a child for a congenital heart problem. She has to take it easy. She can’t run a marathon or anything but it’s not that big a deal. She’ll definitely survive.”
Rory’s eyes darted around and I could tell she was remembering something. And I knew just what. Those fuckers. That was why her clothes were all ripped when my uncle returned her to me.
“The surgery left a scar over her rib cage. That’s why they were searching under your bra.” I felt my face heat up, my hands ball into fists at the memory.
“Wow, it can’t get more serious than that. What kind of congenital condition?”
“One of her heart valves was…twisted. I forgot the term. But really, she’s fine. Never had any problems after that.”
“Sasha.” Rory’s voice softened. “I was so scared. Why didn’t you tell me then what happened?”
I took a deep breath. “I made a deal with my uncle that he’d bring Tatiana to me once he found her, not force her to go back to Russia. If he agreed, we wouldn’t press charges. If he reneged, I promised him we’d turn him in and I’d hunt him down and he’d be in deep trouble with the American authorities.”
“But why didn’t you tell me?” she repeated. “You could have told me about the deal. I wouldn’t have reported him unless he reneged.”
I smiled, squeezed her hand. “I know, but I was scared that if you knew and he knew it, it would put you in danger. And it would also have caused you great internal conflict. You’re a lawyer, sworn to uphold the law. I couldn’t have put you in that bind. I needed you to trust me. That I’d take care of you, not let him hurt you ever again.”
“Sasha, I’m not that fragile. You could have trusted me.”
I thought about it
. She was right. Maybe, if I was honest with myself, it wasn’t about that at all, about needing her trust and protecting her from her own internal conflict. Maybe it was about humiliation, deep humiliation that my family, my own family, could have done such a thing to the woman I love.
“Rory, maybe…maybe I was just so embarrassed—no, that’s not even a strong enough word. Just so mortified, and so horrendously angry at my family for doing that to you. For doing that to Tatiana. My family of thugs. My mother…I love her, I do. She’s my mom. But sending them after her. I just didn’t know how to tell you that those mobsters, those criminals, were related to me. And I assured them that if they ever touched you again, even if they mistook you for her, that I would kill them. And I meant it.”
She laced her fingers through mine, and I held her hand tightly. “You are not your family, Sasha. You are not responsible for anything they do, for who they are. You are you, and you have so very much to be proud of. You left home as a child and you’ve made your own way ever since. Look at you now. You’re a star. And you did it all on your own. They did nothing but try to stifle you. You owe them nothing.”
I thought long and hard about her words, let them sift through my brain. She was right, of course. I’d spent practically my whole life trying to distance myself from them, from my past. How ironic that to this day they just wouldn’t let me go. But that was partly my fault.
“Rory, I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me to let them go after what they did to you, regardless of whether they were family, regardless of my embarrassment of them, and regardless of my being terrified for my sister’s safety. If you want to press charges against them, and me for being an accomplice, or whatever it’s called, then I will understand. I will. I am so sorry. I deserve it. When they brought you to me and put you in my arms and you were all limp, my heart fell out of my body. It was the most devastating feeling I have ever experienced in my life. When I thought you were d— I just…” My eyes began to pool with tears. I wasn’t a crier. “I reached for my uncle and nearly tore him apart with my bare hands. It is only because they soon told me you were only drugged and unharmed that…” My voice was cracking so, I couldn’t get any more words out.
